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Featured Comment
"I have been married for twenty years to a man who lies, shows no emotion, had no interest in his children etc. I knew something was very wrong with him but could not put my finger on it, or knew there was a name for it. I found out he has been having sex with prostitutes and a lot of them for most if not all of our marriage. He is a Sociopath. He feels nothing for no one, is selfish, and could care less who he hurts.
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
Recommended Books:
Help For People Who Have Survived a Sociopath:
A psychotherapist who works with people surviving sociopaths has groups and individual sessions available most of the time. If her schedule is full, she will put you on a waiting list.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
Support Groups:
Order of Protection Survivor:
A woman shares her story of living through the nightmare of having to file an Order of Protection against her husband while providing helpful resources for other women going through a similar scary situation: Order of Protection Survivor
Domestic Abuse Help:
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, find out what your options are.
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Interview with Martha Stout
" . . . understanding this problem [sociopathy] creates an entire paradigm shift in the way we view human nature." - Dr. Martha Stout
Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
On LivingHero.com is an interview with Dr. Martha Stout, clinical psychologist and bestselling, award-winning author on the subject of sociopathy.
For twenty-six years, she served as a Psychology Instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and also taught at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology, Wellesley College, The New School for Social Research, and the National Institute of Mental Health. Dr. Stout has worked at Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Psychiatric Hospital.
She is author of The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, a National Bestseller and winner of a Books for a Better Life Award.
You may download the mp3 file for free, which will play in iTunes, RealPlayer, Windows Media Player and other media players or you may listen to it right here by clicking on the purple media player below. (The interview is about 30 minutes long.)
You can contact Martha Stout here:Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
Psychopathy Awareness
An informative blog: Psychopathy Awareness.
Post Comments
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And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
| + | What is a Psychopath? | |
| | This link goes to an answer from a psychopath research organization. And the link below goes to a discussion forum by the same organization. | |
| + | Topics include: Psychopath in your life | |
| | Parents - Children | |
| + | Psychopath in the Family | |
| | Parents - Siblings |
Save the World
Martha Stout said if more people knew about sociopaths there would be less war in the world. I think she's right. Consider these facts:
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
WikiHow on Sociopathy
WikiHow has several articles on sociopaths:
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
Scientific American Mind
In the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind is an article entitled, Inside the Mind of a Psychopath. Among other things, the reseachers wrote, "Aided by EEGs and brain scans, scientists have discovered that psychopaths possess significant impairments that affect their ability to feel emotions, read other people's cues and learn from their mistakes.
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
A Clarification on a Common Belief
"Man's inhumanity to man" should be changed to, "Sociopath's inhumanity to normal humans." It doesn't have the same poetic feeling, but it is more accurate.
Contact Me
Email me here: rising.up@gmail.com
2,335 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 2335 Newer› Newest»Someone sent me the following comment:
It has been my observation that many psychologists and therapists are quick to discount Antisocial Personality Disorder as a diagnosis even when it is the correct one simply because the sociopath has sought help. Many books say they don't seek help and this is so wrong. They do — just not for Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Every time they find themselves in a jam (jail or hospital) they will choose the hospital and steer the therapists towards a disorder like Bi-Polar or Depression and boy oh boy, they hit the jackpot on pity and sympathy! They even gain a "partner" in their therapists who they charm (oh my, the only one who could ever help!) in teaming up against their victim. Before they know it therapists are quick to defend "their model patient" who they believe needs sympathy because of that "horrible" wife.
Of course, they get so swept into the world of the sociopath that even a therapist will forget how to do their job and where the lines should be drawn. Out with being able to be objective by examining facts and in with becoming the best "pit bull" ever for the sociopath! What a tool to attack his prey!
So it bothers me every time I see a statement that sociopaths don't seek help — THEY 100% DO only for another illness that solicits pity and protection from the therapist who inadvertently joins his "army" that he typically assembles as tools to manipulate into aiding him in harming his victim.
TRUST ME... once a sociopath knows the value of the POWER he has when he entices and charms a therapist into believing HE is the victim... he'll be seeing the doctor far more often than anyone with any other mental illness.
The danger in printing this statement that sociopaths don't seek therapy is that it actually CAUSES therapists to discount antisocial personality disorder as a diagnosis when that is exactly what is going on.
Yes, this will hurt far less and the shame will fade with time.
This might speed up the process:
Antivirus for Your Mind
I wonder if you could tell me how soon you "knew" that something was wrong (and then you denied it to yourself)? Within days? Months?
Hi, I just stumbled upon this website tonight and am relieved to read posts that pretty much describe my last relationship. I have been divorced from him for 2 years now. We have known each other since our jumior year in high school where we were together for 4 years. He was not like this when we were young. Anyway, I broke up with him right before I turned 21 because he was putting pressure on me to get married and I wasn't ready.
His aunt and I stayed friends who told me when his divorce was final 20 years later and we got back together. He also rushed me to move into his house with him after only 2 months of being back together. I had a very unsettling feeling about how fast everything was going.
Long story short, it was a verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive relationship that I knew in my gut something was very off, both of our families were so happy that we were together again. It took me 4 years living with him before I caught him red handed stealing money from me, and to this day he still tells me that the big fat refund check he got back and was never going to tell me about if I didn't catch him, wasn't a check???? I can't believe that he thought I was so stupid. He was like a deer caught in the headlights, he was so shocked to have been "caught" that he didn't know what to do. I was furious and told him to sign the check over to me and help me load my car because I was leaving him and divorcing this time for good. He did it, in hindsight, I am shocked that he did, and so is everyone else in my life.
No one believed me when I told them I thought he only took me back so that he could get revenge on me for leaving him all those years ago and it took me 4 years to prove it. He tried to make my parents think I was losing my mind, thank God his plan backfired on him. I remember telling him before I ever looked up the word "sociopath", that he immitated human behavior but didn't feel human emotions, I told him he was a fake and I didn't trust him. Needless to say I was shocked when I read the definition on a sociopath!
Then I started talking to his first wife who slipped to me after a few beers that he burned her hand on the burner of their stove, he had a brand new one when I moved into the house.
I was so stupid and let him come over last week after he told me his girlfriend moved up north. I am so happy I found this site because I obviously need help keeping him out of my life.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, thanks for reading.
Kat.
@anonymous August 14, 2010 12:34 PM
Yes, I know all about shame.. But I like you have been conned and hoodwinked into opening our hearts by trusting someone implicitly.
My little bed bug crafted her little scheme on the back of a massive pity play about her personal circumstances (health, relationship & money). Me being a very compassionate person, fell for it hook line and sinker..
When I think about the saga, there are the following states of being:
Denial. Here after suspecting some-things not quite right and in front overwhelming evidence she was a con, liar... I denied it, there had to be a reason why this beautiful charming person did what she did... This loop of denial is like being in purgatory.. it seems to go on and on for ever.. She must have revelled in it.
Realisation something is really wrong. Here in this state, your mind finally accepts that the person you love, is not going to change, however you are still hoping for reconciliation, an understanding of why they did what that did... But nothing is ever forthcoming with an SP!
Satori. Finally, when you realise that this person is an SP, and why forgiveness wasn't or could not be used to end it, its like becoming one with the universe. Her façade melted away, and all the pityplays, manipulations played back through my mind. Nasty false person.
Anger. Here, that latent suppressed anger, is bursting to come out. Confrontation beckons, and so does depression. Its too late at this stage to react, everything that's been done to you, is way down stream now. Your just an empty shell spent of your emotions and the person you once were.
Bitterness. Oh migh, the poison plant of bitterness. At this stage, there is thing growing in you, gradually, wanting to flower, and exact revenge. You better get those garden shears out and trim it back, because I can tell you now, that when you finally find out what a sociopath is, and that you have been manipulated by nasty false person for no good reason, you will be bitter.
Healing. So, this is a rocky road, and I'm on it now, with the garden shears, trimming that bitterness tree back. It does get better, but for me, I've been forever changed. The only way to heal properly is to find someone to love again.
Forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself and be grateful that you finally have escaped from your tormentor. No more reward and punishment, No more lies. No more pity plays. No more insults, put downs, loadings, sophistry. You might at this stage, have a glimmer of pity for your abuser, because they do what they do because of a latent envious anger that they cannot and will never ever be able to feel like a true human being.
I really wish you well on your road to heal.
Best wishes
Zem
My story is much too long to post as I could write a book about what I have been through with my sociopathic/passive-aggressive mother! Right now I just need to know how to get this evil monster to stop writing to me? I no longer write to her but she continues to write to me making snide remarks, jabbing and stabbing me in the heart as subtly as she can widdle down what little self-esteem I have managed to salvage. How do I break free of the grasp/web of this black widow who won't let me heal or break free of her abuse?
My story is defidently dealing with a sociopath. My husband of 4 years now, soon to be ex, is the cleanest, appears well mannered, handsome, wholesome person people see. However, he has the ugliest heart. Since day 1 he has cheated on me, when I 1st started to find out he was remorseful, however, when things wouldnt go his way on something he would bring up how much he enjoyed the other females he was with. Also, he was out of work for 2 years, we were separated at that time, he was on myspace meeting and screwing people left and right while I supported him and seriously went broke. we have a 2 year old now and I am 8 months pregnant, we tried to work it out, but its like he has to mentally keep me down, if i was nt up for sex he would say "well i can just find somebody who will" I constantly saw him looking at porn, craigslist ads, said if I didnt fulfill his fantasies theres others who would. He wants me to do everything an he do nothing. Well about a month ago, he finally started working, I of course am due in 3 weeks with my baby. Well he makes pretty good money, however, with his 1st check he moved out and desserted my, and my son, and unborn child. Me no job, and a baby anytime. Hasnt given me a dime. However, he still harrasses me on a daily basis, hell text saying "I am at the club, got an offer from a girl and im taking it" ok? Or he asks about every other day for me to go to dinner or for sex, I say no, and he gets so enraged saying "just a test, I am living with my girl" I dont understand how to pass this, Im so hurt and scared, yet if he doesnt text me the negativity, I feel empty. HELP!!
After reading your article I believe I am a sociopath, and not really just after reading, I had a therapist talk to me. He never mentioned the word sociopath but rather he said that I have unconnected my self from human emotion. I remember that I was always to myself, my friends were imaginary and I had six of them. I remember when growing up I was always to myself reading books, as doing regular kid things seemed boring. I hated sports, I hated doing anything that was not just me being by myself. It was not until high school that I learned to get anywhere I had to be someone different, so I learned what the guys talk about, what the guys do and acted like it. I learned emotion, to tell you the truth I still am learning as it is difficult to manage. I prefer to be to myself, in my room alone, not that i am in college as there is no need to fake such emotions unless you're in public. I behave as I should when in public, always smiling. My main I guess win is I play with humans. Now yes i realize i am human as well, but who else better to fake emotions around the subjects. I like to either fake a situation or just do something in order to control someone. More or less I am the person behind knocking the domino down, and i like to study how it affects people, they are my test subjects. I have told many people what i do and they never could tell what I was, but your site clarified it for me. It makes me happy to know what I am, I suppose. What to do with the info, i have no idea as if I don't continue, Ill get bored. Although usually my cure for those type of thoughts is to become busy, considering that i am now in college its pretty easy. To this effect, I work myself harder then anything, making sure i do not have time for myself otherwise the thoughts might creep back. I am a sociopath just not a full range one, I am conscious of the decisions I make,; however I do have three friends in which I keep close as kind of blockers in case I fail. I do feel a little compassion, just a tiny aspect and I ask them to guard it or stop me. If i do something wrong they act as my conscience to prevent me. What I am afraid of is after they graduate, I will be alone and I may operate on a larger scale. so if you can please help.
And to answer Aug 7th, 2010 2:31 A.M. Yes, if they may have learned about it, like I did by reading a website or through a book, they may have diagnosed themselves. They could have seen a therapist. Once I read this article, I automatically knew, I know my characteristics and I know my personality, so when I read this website it became clear as to what I am.
Blake C Allen
To the lady @ 5:46 17th,
If your circumstances are real I wish could be there to help you to escape.
You need to take responsibility for your life and get away from this monster. You must!!
For the benefit of you, and your children.
Don't look back and get trapped in the loop of forgiveness or denial.
Escape, and make sure you that you leave no trace.
Your story is one that you have control over, make sure he isn't in it in the end.
Best wishes
Z
(Dee) to the lady who is pregnant! .. ask yourself one question? ... do you want your children growing up around someone like him?
You feel empty because you have allowed him to destroy your self respect! You have become a co-dependent ... It's about control for him and you have given him free reign to do anything he wants to you! He's lied, cheated and manipulated you .. and by not telling him where to get off, you are condoning his behaviour!
If he is indeed of sociopathic disposition, then you can't change him! You need to accept that this is as good as it gets!! Don't put your children through the same mental torment that you are now enduring!
He has left you in an extremely vulnerable situation, one that you will have to face alone whether he is in your life or not! He is selfish and self absorbed, and has already proven that he can hurt you without conscience. Don't subject yourself to a life time of that kind of misery.
I too encountered such an individual quite recently, but I saw the red flags very early on in the relationship and managed to escape pretty unscathed! My ex pestered me after we broke up, nasty texts, nice texts, calling round drunk at 2am, I cut all contact, didn't answer his texts, cut off his calls, even threatened to ring the police. He eventually found himself a new victim and I have heard nothing for three whole days!
You and your children deserve better .. you need to start believing it!! Then start re-building your life piece by piece. You aren't the first person to be duped by one of these creatures, and you surely won't be the last! It happens to the best of us!
I wish you all the best x
i wish i could be nice like you have about the lady that allow her Spath to impregnate her after he WARNED HER HE wasnt good enough to be a HUSBAND let alone a FATHER???? Sounds like a innocent human baby will be raised in a swamp by a crocodile and frog to me, thats all! come on,, WTF???!!
I am the 1 who wrote a posting I am the 1 whom is pregnant (jenny). I really appreciate the positive comments, however to the negative comments, that says my baby will be raised in a swamp by a crocodile and frog, that was very uncalled for, considering you do not know the type of mother I am, he may be a bad father, but I am not. This is supposed to be about supporting others in similar situations, not saying such things, that deep down we all already know, If you werent in a situation in regards to a spath as you call it, you would not be on this site. If you read my post more carefully, I am working on staying away, with troubles and insecurites, OF COURSE! Also its what is called a lesson learned, think I do not feel stupid at times? Think again, however I would appreciate you not referring to me as a frog! I will conquer this, thats why I am here for support to get there. Thank you Dee for your input.
(Dee) Jenny this site is frequented by sociopaths as well as people who have fallen victim to them. The majority of people here will support you because they have had similar experiences, those that can't empathize with your situation are not worth worrying about!
The important thing is that you continue to maintain that distance from your ex ... take back the control that you have so willingly handed over to him and not be so sensitive to his comments and opinions!
Most sociopaths couldn't tell the truth if their life depended on it and so alot of what he says to you is most likely to be manipulative BS anyway! It's time to grow a thicker skin and stop wasting time wondering why this has happened etc ...!
Cut all contact from him if that is possible, and dont read his texts, just delete them! Don't react no matter how upset you may be feeling! Break the destructive cycle and free yourself from this nonesense!
All the best! x
(Dee) These people are parasites!! ... What a pity there isn't a clear cut way of identifying them, then we could ship them all out to a remote island in the middle of nowhere and let them bleed each other dry! The world would be a far better place! x
(Dee) For the person who wishes they could be nice ... allowing someone to impregnate you isn't exactly how it works is it!? It takes two to tango and if you are indeed a sociopath, you probably know more about the tango-ing aspect than most of us here!
There is nothing spineless about trusting someone you think you might be in love with, and even 'normal' men talk a lot of crap at times, a grave misjudgement of character on her part is her only crime in my opinion, coupled with the denial that things will work out okay in the end! We all make mistakes, it's all part of the wonderous thing that makes us human!
What I do think is spineless however, is a man who plays games with peoples lives, his own children's lives, without thought for harm or consequence. A coward that resorts to exploiting weakness for his own personal gain, and who uses a persons vulnerability to his full advantage!
Metaphorically speaking, a crocodile is a creature to be feared and respected, powerful and fearless! I can't see the correlation myself (?) between them and the common everyday sociopath. (grandiose flattery indeed! do feel free to enlighten me on that one!) Some kind of relentless blood sucking invertebrate with wings would be a more fitting analogy I think!
If you haven't got anything constructive to say then maybe you should refrain from saying anything at all! 'It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt!'
In short, Buzz Off! x
(Jenny) I agree, I do not want to be sitting there 20 years from now with my sons wife, trying to figure out how to help him. My husbands mother and I seriously have tried it all, shes cut pretty much all contact because she says she did not raise her son to leave his family in such a manner. However, I am happy to report, I am feeling better, I saw him the other night, and he tried to hug me, and when he tried I seriously just shuddered and pushed him away, he saw that I quit caring, because when he did I felt all anger. He just walked away and I have not heard from him since! I am happy with that, of course there are very hard days, however, I focus on future happiness with the 2 boys, I am so lucky to have a great family and group of friends! So I am determined more than ever, even got in touch with a lawyer for advice on a divorce! However, I know due to the 4 years of mental stress and agony, I will have a long road, but I started! I believe in life after socios! So everybody stay strong!
The most glorious thing that separates US humans from mammals is the ability to CHOOSE when to have a child unlike an animal can not. We as humans MUST know what we are doing before we bring another child into this world we've created for them or we are nothing more than.... She wasn't raped or molested, she had been warned BIG TIME,, no support here from us all but i do see many Enablers thats for sure and PTSD going on bc someone doesn't support a terrible terrible choice you made?? so call that person a Spath?? goodness!
You need to listen to yourself, if you're not a spath, then show a little empathy and compassion. She has a child by this spath and is probably still a child herself. Jenny needs guidance and support.
I think of Spaths of being like vampires. They are pretty much the same, they both suck the life force right out of you, no?
Kat
Whats PTSD? Also, I see the preganant mother is trying to make her situation better, shes clearly saying she took her family out of it. Theres millions out there who never would. Also like she said, apparently either you are a spathy or have been hurt by 1 or you would not be on this website. I hope these people who are just trying to bring negativity into a positive situation do not get you down mama. I believe you are trying to make the right choices or you wouldnt be here
(Dee) How many children brought into this world are actually planned?? ... you should come and spend a year living on the estate I live on ha-ha! You must have lived a very sheltered life!
What makes us human is that we have a choice yes but love is blind .. plenty of people fall prey to this concept! We all make terrible choices in life that we regret ... and when it happens we find support from others who can emphasize with our cause!
Its fine not to support the choices that someone makes in life .. everyone has a right to their own opinion ... but it's another thing entirely to use demeaning metaphors to make that point!
To the person who wrote on Aug 14 at 1:37. Yes I do believe with enough time the pain and shame will fade. I am going thru the same, I would look the other way and take the easy way out and kinda put it on the back burner and ignore what he truly does (ie. infidelity, betrayal)It was so much easier, but theres a time when we all gotta say its enough, and then the money situation, my husband is the same, he would splurge and bills would go unpaid, and its such an immature stress we dont need. I still love my husband soooo much, but like you and i both have to say enough, I am sure like me, you are ashamed to tell family and friends cuz they may say "whats wrong with you" or embarrassed for the countless times of separation. And im sure we ask, umm why do we love this man? I am guessing that is the power of a sociopath and why they are so dangerous. Thats exactly what i try to understand. Good luck and I hope this helps knowing you are not alone at all!
~Jenny~
"It takes two to tango and if you are indeed a sociopath, you probably know more about the tango-ing aspect than most of us here!"
You do have to right to think what you will as i certainly have but i wont call you a Spath but certainly a Enabler suffering PTSD from a Spath!
She did the tango (your great supportive words) for years with a man that may have given her an STD that could kill her and the child she allowed him to rape her to make since we all know Spaths dont make love or care for their partners, use their own children as weapons, etc.....But dont read response since im a Spath too that loves children so much i've take a vow a poverty to work with them for life in a low income job, But since what i see is a very vindictive person im now dealing with, i am sure what you'll do with the little crumb of info i just gave you, poor thing, move on and maybe work preventing more children from being born into a planet fool of low self esteemed females and mentally ill males that cant control what they bring into it like some animal after we've destroyed it for them???
and by the way,, referring to someone as a Spath because they disagree with those looking for Enablers again is like calling a Frog a Frog. I've done it once but you seem to think you need to keep repeating it over and over again looking for a different result???? hmmmmm??
Kat, what you think doesn't matter after the facts as to what this woman has allowed to occur to another innocent being after she had been warned by a Spath for years he was a dangerous man! We are no longer living in The Dark Ages, well not all of us are!
But she did plan these children since she knew what she was dealing with, she continued to have unprotected sex with a man that warned her years before he wasnt someone to have children with. She thought it would change him like most females living in The Dark Ages still think thanks to so called pro life and mind controlling creationist! She is whats called a giving Narcissist that thought giving him a gift would hold him more accountable, an innocent human being as a gift??
SMH!
(Dee) I never called you a Sociopath (?) ... If you infact look again, you will find that I questioned the manner in which you wrote your first message! Full of cynicism and negativity .. I hope you are more cheerful around the children you profess to work with!
I have only had the pleasure of encountering ONE (so far!) and it took me less than a month to realise what I was dealing with! (after a little research). I've questioned what it was about me that he saw as 'vulnerability' because I don't tend to attract such types! And once I realised that he had more than just the usual relationship baggage, I ran for the hills!
Really? People acting like shes the 1st to have a 2nd child with a sociopath, OMG get over it, shes clearly saying shes done! If she decides to go back its on her ok, however shes here saying how she wants to change this pattern, and people to fall victim to these people that is WHY it is a problem. Jenny, just keep doing your thing and stay strong, and yes, every journey begins with 1 step. Also, I must say, it is wrong to keep putting her down saying "she wasnt raped" "two to tango" um yes of course, however, if she didnt care she wouldnt waste her time here, everybody lay off!
We have a 29 year old daughter that I have come to believe is a sociopath. She fits all of the 11 catagories mentioned. We are raising her 11 year old son. I never see any real connection to him. He is disabled but she says awful things to him at times and then will shift gears and be very nice to him. As for me about a year ago I stopped doing for her. She pretends to be helpless and feels we owe her. She says terrible things to me and does other things then tells my husband she didn't do it. He is totally sucked in by her, no matter what she has done to him or me or the grandson. I have finally made a decision today that she is not going to be welcome to my home. My husband needs to see her elsewhere. I was going to write her a letter about what she did the other day, but I think it would be useless. Here is one, my husband got her a job were he works. She was fired within a month for sexual harassment. I decided to say nothing to her about it. She called the other day to say she heard I was very sick and I was sucked in telling her about my pain etc. I asked if she got the job she applied for with another company-daddy paved the way on this one too! She said yes. I said well, I hope things go better on this job. She screamed in the phone. I didn't do anything to get fired, they said I sexually harassed some man. F-?- F-?- slammed phone in my ear. I know this may not sound like much but it is ongoing. One time she was living with us, which happens often as she lives off people for free until they get so sick of her they throw her out. She feels these men should give money to her for no reason and no relationship, they usually are weak seeming folks. At any rate I was in extreme pain in my stomach. She comes to the room and begins laughing as I am moaning I say why are you laughing at me. She says oh I'm not, I'm laughing with you. Now that snapped me into really thinking about this and her. While in jail she said they told her she was anti-social behavior, I think it's more. She regrets no crimes she committed, said she thought they were great fun? They hurt people. She had to see a Psychologist for her parole. They tested her and said she was normal and sane. She is crafty and I think she new how to answer the questions. She is very bright in my book. I could go on for ever but will spare all of you. I have decided to let my husband do what he needs to do for what ever reason, but she can't come here while I am here. Is there a site for parents who's kids are believed to have this?
August 20th, 11:51a, You are right at not living in the dark ages. Also, some people don't have experience dealing with spaths, and it seems the younger you are, the easier it is to become a victom of one.
In my experience, I know that this is easier said than done, but you have to realize that the only control ANYONE can have over you what you give to them.
Bottom line: DON'T react to their manipulations and eventually they will move on to someone else.
But the problem is, that if you have a conscience, it's hard to just write people off and turn you feelings on and off.
It's in our nature to look for the best in people, even the ones who aren't deserving of it.
Kat
To Dee from 8/20 at 7:04am:
(Kat)Way to express yourself girl!! Yours is the voice of intelligence, reason, logic, empathy, and compassion.
I like your style, Girl!!! I need someone like you in my corner any time!!
Here's a list of the very people who make the worst parents, OR the worst parents are;
Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, bi-polar and alcoholics and addicts.
Their children do not grow up with fond memories from a happy childhood. They are glad when their childhood is over.
People with addictions and mental disorders should not have children. I admire people who recognize this and don't have kids. Sometimes, somethings are not meant to be. Period.
My ex boyfriend (whom I am 2 months pregnate with) is a soiciopath. After a year and half of hell with him I researched his behaivor and discover that he was one. I mentioned my findings to him 8 months ago.. he called me ealier this week and admitted to me that he believed he was.
I want to believe that he can be helped with therapy because I love him and he is the father of my child.. but after reading the article I feel hopeless... I dont know where to turn or what to do. I dont know how to deal with him.
(Dee) Thank you Kat, and rest assured even those deemed intelligent can fall prey to such types! My encounter was brief but no less painful when I discovered the things he was upto behind my back! The fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease kind of killed the physical side to the relationship for me, even though he constantly begged me to go round to his house because he missed me! He was relentless!
I found him boring, he talked constantly about himself, who he knew of importance, how much money he had earned in the past, even that he had spent £75,000 on watches! He portrayed himself as a tough man, a fighter to be feared, he was so full of shit it was funny! He told one girl that he was a professional poker player even! All of it was one massive ego trip and none of it was actually true! (?)
How do you deal with someone who compulsively lies about everything! I told him he had made himself look stupid because he had been found out, yet he still insisted that it was ME that had got things wrong! .. interpreted things wrong .. taken things out of context etc. In the beginning I questioned my own intuition .. but not for long!
I see so many people on this site that have gotten themselves into a mess courtesy of this kind of manipulation, and I thank my lucky stars that I was able to escape! I could have quite easily have lived in ignorance, not realising what was happening behind my back! He wanted to marry me, have me move into his house, he even talked about selling up and us moving abroad .. all in the space of 6 weeks! Imagine if I had been swept away with the whole idea of the romance and then found out two years down the line that he had duped me!
I found this site because although I knew I had to walk away from the situation, I found myself wondering why he had to resort to telling so many lies! I found the answers here! I have also become friends with one of his 'other' women, who had been lied to in much the same way I was! She too has now told him where to get off and is giving him a wide berth.
I was fortunate in that I had good friends who supported me through this experience (even though he attempted to cut me off from them by saying they were interfering!). He could never completely isolate me, although he did try! .. If I'd moved into his house, I would have been at his mercy!
I firmly believe he feels he made a grave error in pulling me into his messed up world because I exposed him for what he is! The facade that he has built up over the years to convince people that he is a good person has been shattered and everybody now knows the truth about why I dumped him! I haven't heard from him in over a week so fingers crossed he has finally got the message! I would like to hope that maybe he may have learned something from the experience .. but I doubt it! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
My ex is one I have studied it for years now he is very good at acting and most people don't know until they spend several months with him we were together a few years everything he did was something you would see in a movie. He was a violent one though. I pray for him a lot because I know nothing is impossible with God but it is relly difficult because the person I love is gone or never really igsisted. The worst is for our daughter she is 2 1/2 and he has been in and out of her life but he could really care less he wants to care but he just can't she hurts a lot. I know how she feels because how could this person disappear well he wasn't benefiting from his family anymore so he moved on to the next challenge. You either have to be in their world with them or the real world
To the 2 month pregnant woman, I am sorry to hear your story, I am the 8 month pregnant mother whos getting sooo much crap for being pregnant when I knew he wasnt right. Which is true. However, I pretty much tried thinking if he loved me and the kids, we could change him, and yes I am young, only 25. As i got older and looked around at what i constantly felt and my kids, I realized, no, you cant change a sociopath, or anyone, he admitted as well he has an issue, however somehow when it was time to get help, it was always cuz i was crazy or jealous, blah. They really dont have feelings for anyone in the end except their own and wont change. I read somewhere that it dies off with age, Im not sure about you, but i am not prepared to go thru 20-30 years of anguish. I know how you feel, we are no longer together and at times.... I miss him... why? I was confortable to the crazy lifestyle, for a while, I didnt know who I was if I wasnt hurting, NO WAY TO LIVE. I wish you sooo much luck in any decision you make
(Dee) For the lady that is two months pregnant .. I'm glad to read you wrote my 'ex' boyfriend ... although being in love with a sociopath puts you in the most vulnerable position. You need to read back and find the posts by Jenny, she has learned the hard way that things do not change with these types! I think you need to examine what you consider to be 'love' to be honest! How can you be in love with someone who put you through 'a year and a half of hell' (?)
Don't feel hopeless, the fact that you have sought help means you are stronger than you realise. The hard part is accepting that you cannot change this man, he is what he is, and no amount of therapy is going to help him! The only way to deal with a sociopath is take back the control you have given him over your mind! You are a co-dependent, it's time to stop burying your head in the sand!
You have a new baby on the way, your whole life is about to change, looking after a young child is at times a mentally tiring experience (although a rewarding one also!). You need to be conserving your energy for that! ... not focusing on a man who does not deserve your love!
The reality is, if he cheats on you then he runs the risk of infecting you and your unborn child with an STD. If he is physically abusive then that holds its own dangers with you being pregnant! The mental abuse you can also do without at this time in your life when your head will be all over the place anyway due to the hormonal changes occurring in your body! Ask yourself if you really want the added aggro??
Seek support from your friends and family and cut him out of your life! It's the only way forward!
I wish you the best of luck x
Tony- People, please do not believe these morons like "Eric" when they claim to be sociopaths. I don't believe it for a second, it's actually kind of funny. Sociopaths are the new vampires, except they do exist but not on this chat board. Eric and the others are full of shit, do not take advise from them.
I totally agree with Aug 21 Anonymous -
That's what I was thinking ... it's true it IS exactly who bad parents are. When we hear people talk about bad parenting -- she's an awful mom, or he's a deadbeat dad or they are both unfit parents, chances are THEY probably have one of the below disorders or an addiction.
I agree with anonymous that sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, bi-polar, alcoholics and addicts make the absolute worst parents and they are what we are talking about when we say unfit parents -- that is usually who unfit parents are - people with mental disorders or when we turn on the TV news and see a crisis or tragedy due to bad parenting -- always one of the above mental disorders involved.
While they will not be the best friend or co-worker you've ever had you can get away from them and don't have to be their friend or whatever, but when it comes to parenting, obviously the children have nowhere to go as there's no escape for them. Behind closed doors they make their kids lives miserable more so than adults who can get away or defend themselves, and at least reason out what happened like most of the posters on here.
Adults can come to a conclusion and feel validated and get out of the situation and talk it out with others or come on this blog, but a child is stuck -- a child with a parent who suffers from any of the above mental disorders cannot reason this out or escape it so they blame themselves for having a horrible parent and think they are the reason mommy or daddy is angry or whatever. Children tend to blame themselves plus they are a captive audience.
Parents with serious mental problems who do awful stuff in front of others or out in public, imagine what might be going on when they are alone or behind closed doors. Very sad.
When we make decisions, arrive at conclusions or come up with a theory based on supporting information that is (unknowingly) a myth or we do not realize it's a lie or distortion then we are basing our findings and beliefs on lies or distorted facts which means we are reacting to something that is not even true so we will arrive at the wrong conclusions and later pay the price.
With that said, one of the worst things we can believe is that having a child with a S or an N will change them or 'seal the deal' or make the relationship better which is not true and once they see that new, precious little baby bundle of joy looking up at them, they'll melt and change, also not true. Having a child with a S or N is one of the biggest mistakes anyone can make and they will live to regret it, no exceptions.
Experience tells me that it is often quite difficult for young people (late teens into mid 20's) who are on the dating scene to determine if their partner or person they are dating is a SP. Their SP behaviors and entitlement attitudes can mistakenly be attributed to their young age and therefore the SP part gets swept under the rug and overlooked and not taken seriously as it should be.
If I had to do it over again, I would have waited until I was in my late 20's to get seriously involved or in a committed relationship and I would certainly not have had a baby with someone too young, under 30 who had any kind of mental problems and would not be capable of being a good spouse and parent. Co-parenting with a SP (or any mental disorder) is one of the stupidest life decisions we can make.
I believe that it's difficult and therefore risky to determine if a young person is a SP as it can easily be confused or brushed off as their immaturity and age. Hooking up with a SP is a real bad decision that affects our lives forever.
I would have waited and never have had a baby so young at 23 and by a man who was also young, only 25. I thought he would grow up, as I did not understand SP's at that time. I assumed he would mature b/c I matured. It is just too hard to tell if a person is a SP when they are young so most people like to give the benefit of the doubt and shrug it off but that's narrow minded, unrealistic thinking.
Being involved or married to SP is one thing. You can leave, eventually. Having a baby by a SP is a life sentence so it does affects your life and that of your children FOREVER ... or until the SP dies and, even then, the damage control is massive. The grandparents suffer enormously as well. It's a bad situation for everyone. The longer you live, the longer you suffer. Same for the kids. Be careful.
He wasn't only a Spath but also a very disgusting human being. We dont need to have labels to know NOT to have a child with someone, we just need common sense or just plain morals to know not to or we are at fault too, for there are way too many females that have also been allowed to get away with just not having enough morals to know the man they've allowed to be around their child or have one with was simply a lowlife,,, a scumbag?? Dont need a medical term to get it n this day and time now after the last 40 years we dont. These females get their sympathy passes on The so called News all the time, not here with us all,, not with Thinkers they dont.
I have a question, seems rather simple, but in giving public information like this, such a comments of people and your original article, there points of view and etc, aren't you fueling people to cast out a small group of people. I understand that many points of view on mental health issues are harsh, only because people self survival kick's in, such a children, there personal relationships etc
But just because some may be sociopathic, or displace such behaviors doesn't mean they are incapable of love or a form of love. For instance someone with masochistic behaviors, if stated by a sadist can avoid the risk of self harm, suicide and mental self harming. There are many sides to human behavior if one is aware of certain behavior pattern are we not more likely to be able to match ourself with a suitable partner?
It does seem like you have been burned before, or perhaps some close to you. I understand that pain fuels a lot of group ideals, over the net is one of the biggest forms,
It brings a very simple question to mind, if someone is a sociopath does that make them a bad person?
Or just simply that a small group of people ( like a lot of small groups like them) have a different way of viewing the world. And due to that point should they not be informed and ASK how they want to have a partnership, or lifestyle?
Social standards of how we are "Meant" to live are a especially restricting to a lot of people, is there such thing as a healthy Sociopath.
Or do you doom them all based of what you have read from others who have studied the ones that choose to live there lives in a negative manner?
"It brings a very simple question to mind, if someone is a sociopath does that make them a bad person?"
eh???
"it does seem like you have been burned before, or perhaps some close to you."
Sounds like you are attempting to manipulate someone into submitting to your way of thinking by that statement. Being burned gives a sane mind clarity as to what to look for the next time since there is always a next time and to prevent others from it happening to them, Being burn is a good thing if it happens when the mind and body is still healthy.
I request to the parents at my job that they get books on Psychology for their children before they enter into where children began to group together in schools because this is when a child begins to deal with being bullied, manipulated and burned by so called friends. Friends that come from parents that allowed them to be born into a already sick relationship between the 2 of them, so that child takes their disdain and pain out of other more gifted children. I see these gifted children everyday for the past 5 years even before they were born by mothers that selected a person with good morals to procreate the evolution of the society we must all endure today after being manipulated by mind controlling religions, governments and also schools. These parents are so thankful i bring up this subject even say they gets goosebumps after i make such a suggestion bc they never thought of this but it makes sense now since we've all dealt with injured young minds in school if not mates, parents, teachers, friends or our employers. Once a child can identify what they might be dealing with in another child they then wont stop achieving their goals by submitting to the manipulations of other children with low self-esteem that are jealous of them, then this knowledge also helps them when dating etc... Teaching children Psychology and Nutrition at a young age is 2 of the greatest gifts we are responsible Parents and Adults can do for them!
have a Green (Environmental) Day!
@ Grace
Your posting appears to be "Classic" response by someone who has something to hide. This site is dedicated to the numerous people who's lives have been effectively destroyed through the actions of an SP.
This page is here to help people escape from their tormentors by providing factual experiences.
Your attempt to portray SPs as human beings needing compassion is doomed to failure, because it doesn't work. There is a small minority of sociopaths that attempt to fit and control their behaviours, but its a very small percentage.
You only have to visit the site sociopath world to understand the contempt and hatred they have for us "normals" or "empaths".
The style and approach of your post is very reminiscent of my ex, when she was in full flight denial of her actions.
You mention love, an SP's version love is warped,twisted and completely at odds with what it means. Their world is a simple one, one that puts them in the centre of it period. Here is the no 1 top dictionary definition of love, something that the majority of human's feel or have felt in their lifetime...
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
You will notice their is no mention of using it as weapon to gain money, sexual needs, power etc.. all of which is what an SP uses it for.
To those who have a child with an Spath...
Has he/she ever claimed to love the child?
Have they had a few good days and then disapperared from the child's life?
Do they always claim to want to see their child or talk to their child? (i.e let me talk to her, say goodnight, etc)
I'm almost certain my child's father is an Spath, but his genuine-sounding interest in his child throws me off. He also does not like when you speak negatively about his mother...which is odd because I thought they didnt care about no one but themselves.
How have some of you managed to deal woth parenting and visitations with the Spath?
I feel like I would be wrong not to let my child see her father, but at the same time, I'm starting to believe that seeing him jump in and out of her life with broken promises is only hurting her and it makes me feel guilty. But at the same time, he makes me feel guilty when he says I'm keeping his child from him. Advice please....
I am living with a man who I believe is a sociopath. It fits to a T. I also believe he is on the autism spectrum, either autism or aspergers. I am an at home spouse. In the beginning, 18 years ago, he was funny, loving, excessively charming--I thought a dream come true after one failed early marriage at 27. Now he is verbally abusive-particularly to me, and often to our autistic son, that I believe he cannot accept for his differences, but he is a wonderful and loving child none the less. My spouse is deceitful, sneaky, angry, mean, uncontrollable, unloving, tries to control me at every chance, and and has a vengence for anything you do that he dislikes--which is alot. He refuses to socialize, he has basically no communication with me for the last few years, unless it is about him, and does not socialize at all, although he will with his work cohorts. I know he works hard to fit in. I realized this after many years of marriage. Both our children have mild autism. He is unaccepting of anything that has to do with them, and he will go balistic over anything that sets him off at home. He holds a VP position, and I'm sure no one at work knows he is like this at home. He has never shown any emotion other than anger, and he tries to be funny, thinks he is funny, but it is always at the expense of someone else's feelings which he never clues into, and will not accept if I say he is being mean. He has a very bad temper. I have been afraid, but he has contolled my life for so long, he knows I have no where to go with my children if he leaves, which he says he will do--soon. He wants me to suffer. He admits to having a God complex and thinks it is fine--this is not normal. Most people who joke around can rationalize--he can't. To sum it up--I am one who can vouch for being in a living hell. He was a very good actor in the beginning and literally swept me off my feet. Now I believe if he could get away with it, he would kill me, but he is too smart for that unless it is foolproof. I fear for how my kids will grow up, but I am not from this country and have no living relatives to help me leave. He "borrowed" all the financial savings I had made prior to marrying him, and now refuses to repay me. I have not a cent. He cannot wait to see me suffer on the streets he says. I might add, last year he made over 300,000, but I have never gotten any money from him to save for my future. He always has a reason he cannot do this for me. Even at Christmas, he gives me an IOU for money which I never get. He has never given me a gift in over 10 years. How I got into this I don't know, I am not stupid or naive but that is how I feel now--maybe hoping for a better outcome from the first marriage--I waited 10 years before marrying again. A little too much clarity now.Don't feel sorry for me, I did it to myself and must deal with whatever comes my way now.
"I would have waited and never have had a baby so young at 23 and by a man who was also young, only 25. I thought he would grow up, as I did not understand SP's at that time. I assumed he would mature b/c I matured. It is just too hard to tell if a person is a SP when they are young so most people like to give the benefit of the doubt and shrug it off but that's narrow minded, unrealistic thinking."
I think 23 is a perfect time to have a child if you are not about to go into your college career occupation it is or taking a paternity leave after we've gotten ourselves into a good job before we decided to have the child. I had our daughter with my exhubby who was 23 and i 25. Now im 51 this month and she 25, perfect timing to me and im n the best shape ever now having fun after she's moved out, etc.. YAY! With that said, i knew at the age of like 9 when i was around a scumbag, my heart would beat like nuts, my belly would ache, then my asthma would set off too. I have had stupid bfs n the past but with my IRS mom being against babies being born by single teenage girls therefore ending up on welfare and shacking up having children without a commitment?? Just saying... She and my Dad, who she had divorced weren't the best parents not at all, but they'd instilled in me simple morals to follow. Dont have a child until im married and with a good guy (he wasn't perfect nor was i),, how hard is that unless i am at least a weak person (low self esteem is a big issue with females, dont make good parents) thats really easy to follow at any age. Red Flags is a old term that truly shows up quickl to warn us about anyone before we have child with them as responsible human beings, that is. Again, we as Humans have CHOICES unlike an Animal does not. If the parent goes nuts after the child is born, thats another story but if that parent is showing signs of being unfit way before we adults allow them to have a child with us, we are too at fault in this day and time. If a teenager has a child today, that child was raped or ill advised by a unfit parent.
"It brings a very simple question to mind, if someone is a sociopath does that make them a bad person?"
The fact that you are questioning this means either you believe 'deep down everyone is good' which sadly, makes you extremely vulnerable to a S-Path or a Narcissist OR you're a S-Path or have some other mind disorder so you're making some attempt to protect yourself by questioning and doubting something most empaths consider quite serious.
Secondly ... "It brings a very simple question to mind, if someone is a sociopath does that make them a bad person?"
er, um, eh ... I'd say YES! ... Bad is putting it mildly. S-Paths and Narcissists are who runs the country, for the most part. They are the reason for most of the crime and dysfunction. S-Paths stole $$$ millions from the taxpayers, they are Wall Streets greediest of the greedy, they are CEO's who take big bonuses at the expense of others, have no shame and do not care, they rob people of their hard-earned money and retirement funds with Ponzi scams and other mind-boggling extortion schemes and crimes and without a care or thought (cause they won) and they are child abusers/neglecters, they are deadbeats at the taxpayers expense, they clog up the court system (at the taxpayers emotional and financial expense) with their never-ending drama and crime.
S-Paths cost taxpayers hundreds of millions of $$$$$$$. They cause unimaginable stress to families and within the family unit they create an air of fear, hostility and unpredictability, and they are the reason for more than half of all divorces. This is just some of what they do and the harm they cause. So, I'd say, yes, they're a BIG problem. Who do you think commits the crime and caused the country to sink into financial debt? ... Empaths .. no .. S-Paths, that is actually who screws everything up. Did you know that all terrorists and rapists and murderers are either a S-Path and/or Psychopath? Who exactly do you think it is that commits all these sorts of crimes and many times get away with it? ... Empaths having a bad day ... No, I think not.
Not all S-Paths commit murder or steal the life savings from people, but all murders and white collar crime are committed by S-Paths ... or maybe S-Path/Psychopath as there's a fine line between the two, according to whom you ask.
Most people really could have an even higher standard of living and health-care than what they may already have if S-Paths and Narcissists were all taken out to sea and drowned, OR perhaps used as gineau pigs (instead of innocent Primates) by the pharmaceutical companies for experimental drug testing purposes ... heck, I'd support and promote either of these unless someone has a better suggestion.
Important issues like child hunger and lack of health care would not be issues if it were not for S-Paths. In fact, if it were not for S-Paths and Narcissists most people would be living in Paradise, a Golden Age, Utopia. These people actually are the people who screw it up for everyone. Plus, S-Paths and Narcissists alike are dumb ... real dumb, even the educated Ivy Leaguer S-Paths.
I've met lots of S-Paths, worked with a few, endured a crazy S-Path neighbor, relationships, family and so on. I have a lot of experience with them to draw from.
I have yet to meet a S-Path that I, and most others, did not think was a piece of s**t. So, there you have it.
"I did it to myself and must deal with whatever comes my way now."
I'm sorry to read what you are going thru but i feel after dealing with how sick i became (asthma) when inoculations were Kosher n the 60s, i choose not to allow my child to get them in the 80s. She is the only one on my mom's side that doesn't have it today and mine has lesson after becoming a Vegan after fasting for many days every new year before becoming such. With that said, i feel those inoculation is causing a lot of the Disorders we are seeing more each day parents line our children up for them when they really shouldn't have so many shots n the manner they have them now. I feel some Spaths and BPDs stem from those shots, as well~
take care of yourself for you will need your health, your strength for what is to come.
Sociopathic Madmen, Medical Researchers and mainstream Medical Doctors, do not take the vaccines themselves, as they know better. Since most adults and their children have been vaccinated, I think the worst is yet to come and it's simply a matter of time when symptoms will present and we will bear the brunt. So, I agree with you on that but I do not think that there's a connection with vaccines and S-Paths.
I have the Simian 40 Virus probably from the Polio shots given to the unsuspecting public way back in the 1950's when I was a baby/young child. Sometimes the Virus is dormant, sometimes it's active. Anyone "immunized" before 1960 is at a higher risk than someone "immunized" after 1960.
The legal, medical and medical research professions are the three main fields where we will find most of our professional, educated S-Paths. We can easily figure out why many S-Paths would choose these particular fields.
I'm so glad none of the children in my family or extended family are vaccinated. Notice I did not use the word 'immunized'. "Immunized" and "Immunizations" implies 'immune' and sends a mixed message, loaded with deception, to the unsuspecting public, not too mention a false sense of security. "Immunized" my ass. We are not 'immune' to something because of "immunizations" or by taking a vaccine. It's all pure BS.
If I need to "immunize" against something going around or did not feel well, I just drink a 2ounce container of Probiotic liquid (Bio-K Plus) for a few consecutive days ...
although if this Simian Virus is like a ticking time bomb in us 'baby boomers', as it's been argued, it could become a major illness, an epidemic, waiting to happen and where Probiotics might then not be effective. Here's why ... this Virus, like others, can disable the immune system at anytime. Without an immune system, our days are numbered ... and not too far out. S-Paths and Psychopaths are behind it. I believe most mainstream doctors today are business men with medical degrees = S-Path. They cure nothing and would never use dangerous Chemo drugs on themselves to cure cancer but they'll gladly administer it to you or your children. That's why we rarely, if ever, hear of mainstream doctors getting Chemo or Radiation. These two dangerous cancer non-cures were developed by S-Paths, and doctors know all about this.
Also, the very people who abuse animals are S-Paths. Empaths love and adore animals even if they do not have any pets of their own. Not all S-Paths are animal abusers as it may not be their particular choice of destruction and crime BUT all animal abusers are S-Paths, while some are Psychopaths. Only a mentally disordered, disturbed nut case would injure a child or animal, not an Empath.
Like I said in my previous Anonymous Post (8-23 @ 8:47pm) all S-Paths are POS that drain the system, and for the protection of all empaths, they should be taken out to sea and drowned.
We should not be forced to live amongst them. The only people who disagree with all of this are S-Paths or Psychopaths or other sick, entitlement people such as Narcissists.
Laws are made to protect the criminal more than the innocent victim because the laws are designed and approved by lawmakers, most of whom are sociopaths. We live in a sociopathic world.
SOCIOPATHS ARE SATAN'S CHILDREN
Sociopathy is the medicalized term for people who are Evil.
Doctors are not going to use the word Evil, they think in terms of illness. Sociopathy is not an illness -- It is people who instead by the Force of Good are led by the Force of Evil.
Study it, the material that is out there, and decide for yourself what "no conscience", "no remorse", "markedly antisocial" and "incapable of love and friendship" really means.
To put it politically incorrectly -- they are Satan's Spawn, plain and simple.
"Evil prevails when good men and women do nothing"
I just saw that the next issue of Scientific American Mind has a story called, "Inside the Mind of a Psychopath." Here's their description: "Neuroscientists are discovering that some of the most cold-blooded killers aren't bad. They suffer from a brain abnormality that sets them adrift in an emotionless world."
They aren't bad? I had to re-read that. I guess they're only "bad" from their victim's perspective.
Usually Scientific American Mind has some good articles. We'll see.
"It brings a very simple question to mind, if someone is a sociopath does that make them a bad person?"
I agree that this question is useless, like a dog chasing it's tail. I was involved with a sociopath, and to those who ask "is it not cruel to toss them away, can't they experience some form of love?," I answer emphatically NO they cannot, not a RECIPROCAL form of love (which is real love). If you choose to love them, it is a one-way street that is incredibly lonely and will drain you to nothing and leave you completely empty. They won't appreciate it anyway. Yes, I was burned by one; however, after a long time, I realized my feelings, and the search for answers or understanding, are a dead-end path and a waste of effort. I may as well devote my life to turning lead into gold.
It's not possible to teach feelings to someone who doesn't have them. It's a similar analogy to explaining the color blue to a blind person. They don't get it. To a sociopath, YOU are abnormal, and if you want to have compassion for them, realize that if you only knew a world without feelings, you wouldn't be able to understand either.
But once you know, stop wasting time trying to figure out if they are "bad" people. Realize that is the perspective of a person WITH a conscience. A sociopath doesn't see "good" vs. "bad," because morality is concerned with how our actions affect others and human inter-relations.
Sociopaths are extremely dangerous for a myriad of reasons. Just think how often in your life your conscience saved you and people around you from disaster. Is it any wonder then that chaos and carnage follow sociopaths like a slime trail? They never take responsibility, (if there is no "right" and no "wrong," then the very notion of responsibility makes no sense. To a sociopath, things just happen. In a world devoid of feelings and human relations, the logical course of action is self-interest." To a sociopath, they are behaving "rationally," to everyone else, they are behaving "irrationally." They also have an annoying tendency to behave and act superior because they view normal human emotions as a weakness (i.e. they can't understand them, they see us as "broken").
A sociopath may want to kill people, may want to acquire money, sex, or power, or may even genuinely desire love with another person. The trouble is, no matter what they want or who they encounter, the human-interpersonal element is missing, and they must only increase their selfish needs in order to fill that void. Everything to a sociopath revolves around self. Everyone they encounter is only a stepping stone or a roadblock to their goal, but NOT ANOTHER ENTITY they recognize as similar to them and therefore not important. They are easily able to change like a chameleon because there is no sense of "I am similar to other people, we are all the same as human beings." They are like aliens wandering around a strange planet.
It's actually incredibly sad. If anyone deserves compassion, it's a sociopath. They lead the most miserable and lonely existence ever.
HOWEVER...that does not mean take one home as a pet. Here is the best analogy I have come up with to define the relationship between sociopaths and the rest of us (empaths or at least vaguely compassionate people).
You can feel compassion for a lion with a splinter in it's paw. But if you help that lion and try to remove the splinter, the first thing that lion is going to do is eat you.
A sociopath is a bad person? No, a socioopath is a predator, doing what all predators do and the best thing for a normal person to do is avoid them.
Adam - great post, as usual and I agree.
Maybe it struck a nerve with those in charge of approving the final copy of the article before it went to press b/c they know something is wrong with them and suspect that they may be a SP. I think maybe it struck a nerve so they minimized and trivialized this disorder by insinuating "they are not bad people". My 2 cents.
This reminds me of an experience I had. I'll share this story; Two yrs ago I designed and authored a DVD Series about life in Corporate America and Corporate success stories and so on. I'm keenly aware of why some people get hired and promoted while others do not b/c I had a front row seat to the hiring decision-making. Being that there's no shortage of emotional retards and nasty, entitlement people in Corporate America, I dedicated the final section of the DVD Series (last 20 min) to working with SP's, N's and other disturbed, irrational, entitlement people since I had a front row seat, the destruction it causes. BTW, I received some great insights from the posts here (thanks).
Anyway, towards the end of the filming as I started reading this part(that I authored)off the Tele-Prompter - "Corporate Bullies, Sociopaths & Narcissists at Work" - working for or with one, the Executive Director/Producer I'd hired(whom I was never close to but is a long-time friend of some of my most trusted extended family) abruptly stopped the filming and went into a tirade and walked off the Set leaving us sitting there, stunned and stuck. Now, I have a 1/2 completed DVD Series also stuck in post production and I'm out a ton of money. He doesn't care. He later returned to the Set and started yelling at me again. I was already wiped out from the weeks of filming and late night edits, sometimes consecutive days of filming and sitting under the hot bright lights was getting to me and he knew it. He yelled, "CUT" - "What the effing hell does this crap have to do with getting a job in any economy and career success?" The room went silent. Now, up until then he (and his crew) were praising me, telling me this would sell well and the content was powerful, informative and so on. I realized he had not read that part of the script(as agreed)before the scheduled shoot that I had written or he'd have known the topic/content we were shooting that day.
My family and I figured out that apparently I struck a nerve with him regarding this particular topic. I was upset and did not realize what had happened or went wrong until I mentioned this to my family. I was baffled. He went berserko and then left leaving me there with the (stunned) film crew. My family said they had no idea he had a mental disorder or they would never had suggested I use him for the filming of my project. This miserable sociopath Director has screwed me up in many ways. The point is, I did not know he was a Sociopath and/or Narcissist until I started talking about dealing with these people in Corporate America. The very mention of 'entitlement' was especially a trigger. I was shocked b/c up until then, I didn't realize he had entitlement issues b/c I'm not close to him. But mind you, we had already taped 4 full hours of information and instruction on the other topics that he thought was 'great stuff', not related to this 'sensitive' topic. I saved this topic for the end of the Series so the content/information would flow properly and b/c this topic was not at all the main focus of the DVD Series but still important and relevant. Cont'd in next Post.
Cont'd - Part 2
Now, I have reason to believe he sold some of the 'secrets' and the insights I shared in the prior shoots that others would not know about unless they had my job for a few decades. My Copyright Attorney says I don't have a hope in hell of winning if we fought it in Court, even though everything is copyrighted. So, I have no recourse.
Looking back, I can now see why he flipped out when we got to that sensitive part. He's a SP and didn't want to hear about himself. I did not know this until later. I only spent 20 min on this topic as the DVD is not about mental disorders. It's about Corporate USA, how to succeed, get the job you want and deserve and so on as I worked in the very department of companies that all job seekers and career transitioners try to penetrate and employees schmooze up to for internal promotions. So, this is my expertise, but I thought I'd also include a little info on the Corporate Sociopath as after all, they're everywhere and there's no shortage of crazy, entitlement people in the Corporate world, on the job. It was only the final 20 minutes of filming out of 4 hours and it was relevant and needed to be included at the end. I had no idea this would trigger him.
Although we were not close, when I saw him he was always pleasant to me over the years. I think my first clue should have been when I saw him, along with a few family members, on the set of "The Soprano's" and the Set of a popular sitcom yrs ago. He was acting like a crazy man then. But I thought it was b/c things were not going smoothly, he did not like some of the crew people there and I knew he had been up all night filming difficult shoots and was exhausted. I also thought since I was considered 'like family' he'd never abuse me. He had always been polite before. Anyway, I was very wrong.
If someone suspects or knows they're a SP, Psycho or N, because someone confronted them (bad idea) or they read about it and are aware, on some level, that they're all screwed up, bringing up the topic will set them off, as look what happened to me.
Now, I'm out a lot of money, my family is angry at him and I have no income, and an unfinished product that I poured my heart and soul into. I could have been selling the DVD's from my website and other sources and helping people. He does not give a rat's ass. He was paid for the work he did, 1/3 upfront and 1/3 again midway. I didn't pay him the final 1/3 and won't as it's stuck in post-production, plus the last few minutes are not filmed since he stopped the filming when he heard the words -- bully, entitlement, etc., wow ... these words really set him off.
Only someone with issues would have issues with this topic. Any normal person, empath, would have praised my work, completed it as agreed in the contract, and would have been interested and intrigued by all the experiences and information I shared. The film crew agreed that no normal person would have flipped out and acted as he did. He also burned bridges since others, the film crew, witnessed his sudden meltdown and verbal abuse towards me. He should go back and listen to the part about, "Burning bridges can cost us a great job offer without us ever even knowing". He burned a bridge with me and others. He never even apologized. He won't change. Duped by a Sociopath. Another lesson learned.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Especially your advice on how to cope with one and how to pass on the information. A millstone (maybe) taken from around my neck!
WARNING: Living with a SP will take years off of your life. My SP brother-in-law is a major SP. For years, we begged my sister to leave him. The few times she did, she always went back. She seemed to think if she become a better cook, a better wife, a better anything, he would change, or at least improve.
He never physically abused her but he was abusive in every other way and he didn't give a damn about her. It was so sad to watch this, it broke my mothers heart. We could see how the years of damage was destroying her and how she was losing herself, her personality. No one liked him, not that he cared.
Last week, we buried my sister, age 52. He walked away with a $500,000 life insurance policy plus her new car, the house, jewelery and furnishings ... on to his next victim. She died of a broken heart.
I am 41 and have come to the conclusion that I am a sociopath magnet. I am very empathic and have been married to one compulsive liar, one narcissist and the last short marriage to a sociopath. I recently dated a sociopath and dumped him only after a few weeks just because I am finally learning to listen to my gut and listen to the body language I am seeing.
My question is how does someone like me avoid these nut jobs!
One important thing I forgot to mention is that I am a very intelligent person. High IQ, successful career, many friends, great relationship with my kids, so-so relationship with mother who was very abusive and who is a narcissist.
I have left every husband and bad boyfriend and I walk away from people when I discover their evil intentions so to speak.
What I am trying to avoid are these types altogether. I think there are a lot more out there than what the experts say.
Any advice?
My brother has been exhibiting this behavior since the age of 15. He told his principal in high school that he wasn't coming to school because his parents beat him; which is untrue of course in the case of a sociopath. The insensible nature of the lie is what baffles me since he was also telling the principal that he was getting off the bus at school and then walking the six miles back home, where, these purported beatings were taking place. Fast forward to the present and he is still lying on a daily basis, stealing money from customers, family and friends. He "suckered" $5,000 from a guy that just had a terrible house fire and lost the house and his car. He was an easy target I guess. Just this morning asked me for my energy account number, (he used to live in the house)and said that he can't switch the power over to a new address unless he calls them with my account number. Say what? He's been fired from every job he's had, has stolen from everybody, lies in the face of the truth. I don't know how much of this is drug induced as he's had a problem before. I am now in the house that he previously occupied. I'm starting to wonder if I'm safe? Could someone respond?
OMG, this article about sociopath explains everything. The problem for me is that it has been hard to severe my relationships with these sociopaths. One is my daughter's father and the other is my co-worker. They seem very normal so they will make me look bad if I accuse them of sociopaths. They both made my life living hell. The best thing is ignoring or leaving them but how?
It surprises me how so many people do not realize just how dangerous and destructive socio's (and narcissists) really are. It's hard to grasp the depth of pain and destruction they cause when you've never lived or worked with one and spent considerable time with them, as opposed to a surface or casual relationship. Many people mistakenly believe they're just dysfunctional (and they are) and so they have a care-free attitude about it --
Oh well, so what, many people and families are dysfunctional, that's the way it is and everyone has their faults, flaws and weaknesses. So they have a "no one is perfect" attitude about it all and as a result it's not taken seriously and gets swept under the rug.
But these disorders stretch way, way, far beyond this belief. I really feel for the posters here who are dealing with socio's and the aftermath and the one who got ripped over by the socio film producer. What a shame.
Can a person be a sociopath and also have symptoms of OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)? I find my wife's behavior shocking, and after reading about sociopath feel like the 'qualities' of that behavior fit her, but she's also preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order and all that stuff, perfectionism, inflexible, collects everything, etc. like OCPD but now reading both descriptions, i, reluctantly think that maybe this is the case. Is that possible? I'm living a nightmare and am running towards a divorce knowing that there's nothing I can do for her and that my daughter's and my own personal happiness and health are more important, so the idea of staying around her is not an issue. Thanks for any insight you can offer.
Question for Adam and anyone who cares to respond.
I know this will never happen, at least not in our lifetimes, but as a true empath, I sometimes wonder and fantasize about this ..
Do you think if ALL sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists were eliminated/executed (assuming there were no mistakes about their mental condition so that no empaths accidentally lost their lives) that we would then be living in "Utopia", a "Golden Age"?
If they were ALL eliminated based soley on their mental disorder -- regardless of their status -- economic status, race, health, fame and contribution (or lack of) to society wouldn't we then be living in a paradise-like world without crime, poverty, hunger and suffering AND of course wouldn't eliminating ALL of them also put an end to animal abuse and child abuse? Would we all (empaths) then be living in Utopia? I know it's a big fantasy and will not be a reality in our lifetime but I guess I'm .. JustCurious
TO - simple twig
I think this is probably something ADAM can best answer but here's my best shot. BTW, I'm not a therapist or psychologist.
Since you mentioned that your wife does fit many sociopath traits, I think since she's real orderly, etc, maybe she's actually a psychopath. I've read and heard from highly credible sources that psychopaths are the way you described your wife; very much like a sociopath only they're much more detailed, organized, disciplined and orderly. I've also read that's why psychopaths who commit heinous crimes are less likely to get caught than a sociopath committing the same (or worse) crime.
Not all sociopaths and psychopaths are murderers, but all murderers are either a sociopath or psychopath.
From what you wrote it sure sounds like she's a bad influence and also has a very negative influence on your children which can cause emotional damage that you may regret if you do not get them away from her.
Don't want to attach one of my Ids to this but call me Tigress.
I came here as I suspect my Ex is a sociopath and have for awhile. He thinks like the posters here who say they are sociopaths. He enjoys spending time manipulating and hurting people and manipulating them to the point of ruining their relationships etc just for fun and sometimes has for profit. He has pets but never shows empathy for them if they get ill and will just watch them suffer and die at home. Recently admitted to torturing lesser species in the past.
He can be quit charming but then he started to try and manipulate me. He admitted to toying with me but he said it was his attempt to get me to see the world his way, without rules. His parting words to me were that I can't hide from him and an offer to kill me.
I don't know why he shared so much with me but I see his thoughts echoed here by the declared sociopaths posting here.
What was eerie was going over the check list and seeing my that my father fits every point on the list. I don't think he's a sociopath as he lacks some things like he most of the time only manipulates his family like that but maybe it's some form of APD. He will cry over things and will have empathy for me if it's something extreme, like I'm crying over someone dieing.
I suppose then it's like other forms of abuse once you are effected/abused you tend to attract others or be attracted to others like that. As the one poster said, he will target those he sees as weak.
PS I forgot he mentioned being forced into therapy once and I think was diagnosed as APD as the article said he uses the psychology he learned against others rather than to help himself.
Tigress
My father is a sociopath. He has enslaved my family and I. Sometimes I just want to kill myself. My mother has tried twice. My father does everything to torment us and manipulate us, but never goes quite far enough to get arrested. I'm now in my late-twenties and I have post-traumatic stress episodes everyday. At the same time, I'm constantly accumulating more trauma. Sometimes I don't think I can take it anymore. My father has dragged us all so low. Our self-esteems are barely there. He is very rich and always gives us a lot, but then uses it against us and to guilt us. For the last month, I've finally refused my father, but he is torturing me and all my loved ones. He calls and texts constantly and verbally abuses. I really think he might murder one or all of us. There is no evidence for arrest. We all keep waiting for him to do something that we can arrest him for. But he never does. He knows that if he doesn't, he can continue his enslavement of us. I live in constant fear. I don't know what he's capable of. I think he's capable of anything. It IS all about winning to him. I feel like I'm in a prison. All of us just hope for my father to die, because that seems to be the only solution. He's so scary when he doesn't get what he wants. I know it seems like it would be simple, but we all have children and we have nothing really. Nothing but abuse.
thanks anonymous with the TO response on psychopath. Must admit that fits pretty well except the 'holding a job' part. She displays anxiety when she gets home from work but she holds her job which used to be corporate but in the last 3 years as a substitute teacher. It's scary to think she might have something like these disorders. I had a concern thinking it might be OCPD, that i wanted to leave 'gently' so as not to get her into the realm of suicide if she lost custody, but reading this stuff I'm wondering if she'd even care or notice. As far as my child we've come a long way in understanding her mom's behavior as her's alone and to not internalize it. My child is doing pretty well, certainly would do better if she hadn't been exposed to the behavior but i'm doing the best i can without support from anyone and have had my child to see a therapist for the last year, since i first learned about OCPD. I think my next option is divorce court to get them to have my wife see someone who can diagnose her once and for all. Would you agree?
People with mental disorders will quite often try to 'trick' the Therapist. They do not usually think anything is wrong with them. They think the problem is with you and everyone else, not them. They do not take responsibility for the outcome of their actions and they blame-shift. One cannot improve upon or fix something that they do not acknowledge or deny. Psychopaths, Sociopaths, and Narcissists are often quite skilled in the art of deception and can easily have the Therapist fooled. A really good, highly experienced, older, mature Therapist who has been in (successful) practice for a very long time will be able to see through this. A less experienced, younger Therapist might not see through it.
When I left my Sociopath husband many years ago, the only way I could get out of it was to make him think he did the leaving. They need to feel that they won. I'm not sure if your wife is this way but I know that I had to act in a manner consistent with the things that my ex hated ... being late, sloppy, (purposely) acting forgetful and all the behaviors he hated and that I knew were his 'triggers'. Then when he wanted out and finally asked me for a divorce, I acted as if I was torn up and miserable, but I was really happy. I just didn't want him to know b/c he always had to be the one to win and get over. He saw marriage as a game, that one person wins at, which means if one person (him) is winning, then their is a loser. Everything was a big game, including our marriage. But I'm not sure if this is the issue with your wife.
In my case, the legal system failed me and allowed joint custody. That was actually worse than being married to him and living with him. He used our two children as pawns for information, revenge and getting even with me. He kept them out late and didn't call so I'd worry and brought them home all dirty, violated visitation rules, and so on just to upset and control me. Psychopaths, Sociopaths and Narcissists are very controlling. They see people as objects to be used, including their own children. They're detached. They're devoid of emotion, emotionally paralyzed. If the Judge is not mentally impaired (as some are) and is competent, things should work out for the best. But usually with the legal system it's a crap shoot, a roll of the dice. I think maybe if I had selected a few family members to go to court with me, things might have turned out better since power is in numbers. But I didn't think of it. So, be aware and think things out carefully before acting. It's best to avoid making plans and major decisions when you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, depressed, frustrated, or having any negative feelings as it probably won't turn out to be the best decision. Wait until it is the right time. Good luck.
i just wanted to thank use for posting your your findings. My life was practically destroyed by a women who claimed to be a childhood friend of my ex fiance i have had to leave him to save my self against his friend who after reading your article is undoubtedly a sociopath. This person made casuals threats on my life and attempted to kill me in a very sneaky and cowardly way, her and her friend poisoned a gatorade i was drinking i just so happened to be sitting in front of a mirror with my back turned about a month later i started having kidney pains and was crippled over in pain i believe that she has succeeded in another attempt by sneaking in to the house and putting something harmful into the food or water somehow. None of this i can prove not even to him so in fear of my life i left him behind, i don't understand why he doesn't get it she only uses him i get calls from him after being beaten over the head by her with a titanium rod and he still forgives and forgets now i am starting to understand its a very painful thing to come across a morbidly jealous and very manipulative sociopath with nothing else to do but weave their lies in and out of people to get their "win". thanks again for enlightening the idiots like me who fall victim to their schemes.
(tigress) Last time we did a family video chat the fear on my sibling's face was soo obvious even though never sees my father any more and lives soo far away. Of course my father did not see it. He fails to see his families suffering.
He will snap about anything and go on forever about it. He'll say one thing one day then say the opposite the next so you are always doomed to do something that will set him off. But don't dare ever correct him about anything.
After he's done he's all happy and normal again of course he's made us feel like crap and we do not feel all better once he's done, which he doesn't understand or usually notice.
I had hoped to get out of here with my ex-boyfriend's help but now know I need to stop letting my father cripple me and get out of here on my own. Unfortunately that takes time.
I wish my parents had believed in divorce and my mother had not been too crippled by him to leave.
On the plus side so far letting my socio boyfriend think he's won seems to have worked and I've not heard from him. He kept threatening to break up if I don't... So I finally accepted his break up and told him he was right to do so since I wasn't good for him. The last message with the threat was his saying that he hadn't said that, however heard nothing since then. Hope that keeps up.
(Dee)I still haven't managed to shake off my sociopath ex ... even after all this time ... I'm not sure if he will ever completely get the message and go away! He's made idle threats towards my (male) friends lately, called them demeaning names ... and accused me of having sex with them!(?) I think it is all starting to wear me down to be honest!
From another anonymous sociopath:
I was labeled sociopath years ago, without ever realizing what one was.
I read all the symptoms of this disease and I was appalled ! I should have read these long ago.
I'm an alcoholic. I started drinking when I was a young teenager and didn't quit until I got in a near fatal motorcycle accident. My mental state got worse, rather than better. All those pent up feelings inside came to the surface.
I tried going to therapy and only learned a lot about anxiety and it's effects, I never really understood where it came from. My doctors put me on Prozac to fight the mental pain, but the drug only led me to unimaginable fear, depression, anger and finally an attempted suicide.
I've been a dry drunk now for 20 years, with all the emotional baggage still attached. 3 years ago, I found AA. Now, I haven't achieved perfection with the program yet, nor do I expect to, but I do feel I'm on a pathway to peace, performing the steps every day and being good to people that deserve it.
I think one of my problems is that I give people my power and I give myself to them...maybe too much. At some point or another, those people spit in my face. I hold terrible resentments to them, resentments that I still hold onto today from my childhood. I think, somehow, that these people owe me, because I have been so good to them, (typical sociopath). This is the step I'm working on right now, to forgive and let go.
I have a lot of step work left, but I'm doing much better and I haven't taken a mind altering drug in almost 4 years.
The summary of this reading I have been reviewing. I find most of them I have addressed, but I still need to work on others; making people feel worried or afraid, giving others the impression that they owe me, take and not give, easily bored and need constant stimulation.
Boy, this is me in a nut shell ! I'm on a good path though, and I'm glad I read this article. It will keep me focused on doing the right thing for others.
I'm disturbed by the fact that this disease is genetic... I don't know what family member I picked this disease up from, but it really makes me focus on who I am and what I can do in a positive way, for my 2 children.
It's good to know there are other people affected by this weird ass disease.
Thank you
"thanks again for enlightening the idiots like me who fall victim to their schemes"
You are NOT an idiot, but rather the people you are talking about are mentally ill. The fact that they are 'sick' doesn't make you an idiot.
Think of all the famous celebrities husbands and the politicians wives who have been fooled by psychopaths, sociopaths and/or narcissists, just to name a few. I'm referring to decent, compassionate, highly educated, intelligent, hard-working people who are not stupid, even on their worst day. Remember one of NJ former Governors? His wife is a lawyer - educated, smart, beautiful, and her former Governor husband was leading a secret double life for 10 years. It was all over the news for months. He humiliated and tormented her. And then there's a more recent (sociopath/narcissist) politician who cheated on his wife while she was being treated for a deadly cancer, and he even got his mistress pregnant. They had no remorse whatsoever. The only thing they were disturbed or upset about was that they got caught. I'm sure you know who I am referring to. It was all over the news. Think about all the decent, educated, intelligent, hardworking people who were conned by sociopath, Bernie Madoff.
Somewhere, right now, or at any given moment, someone is being conned and abused by one of these emotional cripples. If the only people who were their victims were all idiots, getting conned or abused by one of them would not be nearly as common as it actually is. Never blame yourself. Learn from the experience so you are more aware and in tune with 'who' these people are and so you can identify/recognize their behaviors, sooner than later. You do not want to go on hyper-alert and become cynical, doubtful or mistrustful though. Don't give them that power over you. You stand to gain and benefit more by looking at this experience as an eye-opening lesson, instead of a cruel punishment, which is at first what it feels like. Learn and let go.
IMO, a piece of their brain is missing. They actually have to rely on memorizing AND mimicking the (human) behaviors, statements and responses of 'normal' people so that they can fool their victims. That's not an easy way for anyone to live their lives. They're more miserable deep inside than you can ever be b/c they lack compassion, normal feelings and emotions, and then there's this thing called 'Karma'.
In the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind is an article entitled, Inside the Mind of a Psychopath. Among other things, the reseachers wrote, "Aided by EEGs and brain scans, scientists have discovered that psychopaths possess significant impairments that affect their ability to feel emotions, read other people's cues and learn from their mistakes.
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
In the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind is an article entitled, Inside the Mind of a Psychopath. Among other things, the reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
"So I finally accepted his break up and told him he was right to do so since I wasn't good for him. The last message with the threat was his saying that he hadn't said that, however heard nothing since then. Hope that keeps up"
Here's my 2 cents worth;
You are certainly on the right path, but I'd be careful saying 'you are not good enough for him'. I don't claim to be an expert on this topic but I do believe putting yourself down to disentangle yourself from his web of lies and deceit or to free yourself from a toxic person/relationship can be risky, and especially risky if you overdo it.
A sociopath will sense if it's out of character for you to put yourself down and to say such things. A sociopath or narcissist might think you've met someone else and so you're really trying to dump him/her (through manipulation) to be with the other person. Therefore, that's really why you are putting yourself down. So, be careful as they might interpret the 'put downs' as manipulation b/c you are taking all of the blame if they know that's not your usual style. They might figure out that you are just putting yourself down b/c you really want them to leave as it then frees you to be with someone else. A sociopath will not have that b/c that's not his/her idea of winning. They need to be 100% convinced (not 99%) that they dumped you and hurt you and that they won and you lost. Even the slightest 1% of doubt can backfire.
I'd stick with his/her 'triggers', ie., whatever you know that they despise/hate, lateness, weird outfits, loud embarrassing behavior, crazy looking hair, farting in public (LOL) or whatever it is they intensely dislike in a partner. They need to arrive at the conclusion that you are not "the one" b/c they are finally seeing 'the real you' and 'the real you' is not what they truly desire. They also need to believe that you are devastated by the break-up so that they believe they inflicted heartbreak and pain and so they 'won', meaning you lost. In reality, you won.
With sociopaths, there has to be a winner and a loser. And you can guess who MUST win. They see the world as either/or and black & white, not gray. Everything is a game ... people are just pawns, objects to be used ... not humans with emotions, feelings and thoughts.
ADAM - Thank you so much for sharing these articles and for your very helpful insights.
"When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year"
I am stunned. I knew the costs of Psychopaths was huge, but this is staggering and outrageous. Between Corporate greed, Wall Street Execs AND Psychopaths it's no wonder the country is in debt.
"that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S."
Correction: It's actually 250,002 if you were to include my mother and ex-husband.
1/2 I would be interested to receive anyone's thoughts on the following (I have split it into two posts due to the length:
Today, as each day, I wrote in the book inside my head with the opening sigh, allowed only till I get my clothes and mask on for the day.
Pillows left behind, not like I don’t already know of the sigh to come as I reconnect later with the blankets, differing only by the physical aching as well as spirit.
The veil gets fitted after a shower to coat me in the day’s mission, then it’s into the groove and off the table, out the door to go and get some more........action. Actions don’t speak louder than words, they don’t speak at all they just carve effects into whatever they are near. The seclusion of the other person is rustled out of the corner pocket and placed behind the wheel as the repetition of the day’s excitement is metronomically exposed so as to furnish nothing more than the cold comfort of the predictability, such a zone of familiarity exists that itself even what would be the most taxing of challenges to less exposed eyes are simply more predictable issues of the day, bring me Pope and President and the other one of me is all but bored, for to see them at all is to see their shallow transparency.
Honest, it’s the eyes of the children that are fixed into my soul, they are the single source of fision to power the generator of hopeful future salvation, they are code breakers and more.
To see the x-ray vision of what is behind the eyes of the people that I see, is to see through glass, a cold frame, growing..........well whatever each owner of eyes planted there, but I see all of it, I calculate to fit the shoes that each will have me wear, even to the very end of each shoe lace I calculate how to tie each knot. Some have worn souls.
I have the future fixed on a star chart made by, well not me, I am custodian of something, it carries no value, it is priceless, this is the story of my first minutes, second minutes and for the time that I am able to collide molecules, it is neither black nor heavy, white nor light......right nor.......other.
I approach each distraction with immediate contempt, a private feeling, one that makes me insane with calm assured stone built confident sanity, that lasts for a half of a millionth of a micron in the timescale of the nanosecond, but it’s a long read, then I feel the swell of breast and the opening syntax of speech, then I listen to the speaking inside, inside me, coming from the lips that kiss so many frogs just to entertain smaller milliseconds of time for microbes of moments that never ,ever deliver anything other than a translatorised passing moment, I have no thrill, just a programmed sense to do, just like all of the other DNA mitred expeditions initiated in thought like the first sigh of the day.
As earthly minutes pass, the clock ticks and the voice inside is busy working mouth, hand and eye, the events come and go and seem to masquerade as progress, I tend to tolerate that, however sometimes I don’t, doesn’t matter either way as I feel perpetually detached from any feelings that effect the general dynamics of what is already there, it has always been there.
2/2
I have so much inside that I feel now like a vessel carrying a cargo, it’s so big a cargo that waves of discontent or distraction just lap against the side, I was broken, I hit the end of a line, a life path that I now know was engineered to fail, I have moved forwards, sideways and around so fast that start points, catalogues, timelines and record seems so beyond even the distraction of thinking of them.
I seek power from the self, it’s inside of the inside and then there is a vast uncharted void, the quest is not to chart it, the quest isn’t even the well trodden living the moment, the story is already written, it’s in the can, down the alley and the dumper truck’s coming for it soon, just to move it there to some other there, I ask, do, look, see, feel..........be according to these chronicled realities, I let the distraction of human “distraction” lap against the bow of that vessel, it just makes things wet.
I love so dearly, just don’t know a human word for what it is in amongst us all that I love, but I am certain of the fact of nature that I know what is and what is not, that is an assured statute.
When that first sigh addresses the day, the day hasn’t begun, it’s been there all along already, where signalling the start of the use of the body, it’s been refuge for those without spirit or life to call life so as never to have to go beyond. I went on a short semester there when I was weak and beyond strength, I started to become strong and I looked to the religion of the self to build upon the thin veneered platform, a mission that my soul will continue to reflect so that souls beyond reasoned solace might have a touched moment, so that the true pain of a child’s heart can be touched and loved, so that the seed might be planted before the mannequin pretence of ungodly prospective programming isn’t rubbed in under the auspices of best regard or interest, intent on pulling their youngness into old age and darkness.
The light of the new day isn’t the deliverer of light, the soul of the self is, I write in that book as much as I can, I will live there.
I believe my ex husband is somewhat of a sociopath. He was never diagnosed as such just with a long winded term for men who can't connect. Either way he would constantly thrive on creating worry with finances, every day life. He would create this mood of everything is great lets look toward the future then when I wasn't on guard he would be a complete hypocrite and contradict what ever he said before. Take it all back and try to antagonize you and be paranoid. I could write a book on this guy. Every day was a nightmare of stories. Married for 18 years I finally said no more and filed for divorce. He would pretend he wanted help but then turn everything around on me or my children. He started to attacked my children verbally more and more once I stood up to him. He has a drinking problem. He cannot tolerate any amount of alcohol. Makes him even nuttier. He would go back and forth with his behavior. Even though we aren't married now for two years we still are in business together for financial reasons. Its still a huge struggle. I am slowly starting to heal from the years of abuse. That is the sad traumatic part, the mental/emotional and spiritual abuse on those around the sociopath. His own parents are in denial and co-enable the behavior. I wish I could find recovery therapy for this disorder for myself and my teenager children. For now we go to church and draw strength from our faith. He still creates havoc on those around him. We try not to interact with him little as possible. He has different personalities for different people he is around. Those who can tolerate him from a far don't seem to have the same experience. The closer you are to him the worse it is. He blames everyone around him for whatever goes on. He doesn't seem to be concerned about winning anything. Its more like once he makes you so upset and frustrated then he gets some sort of rush of energy that sustains him. Constantly complains about everything, then claims he is seeking God. He wants constant sympathy but has no conscience. Very very scarey and sad. I had to leave for my own peace of mind and my children.
(tigress)Oh interesting. Didn't think about that. I don't think it's fully out of character for me but would only come out when he pushed me. I think putting one's self down is one of those things he dislikes.
I can see in hind site it could also be seen as a weakness to target. He's even gotten others to harm themselves to show their love for him if he knew the buttons were there to push.
I think I was a challenge for him. I did not fall for him as quickly as others then when I finally acknowledged a more serious relationship was when the games seemed to start, though sure he was playing all along. His chief complaint was always about me being guarded with my emotions and not being passive enough of him, both things he's admitted to using against others.
Though he's physically at a distance right now I am concerned he may decide to show up or mess with me on some other way, as he's capable.
Still hear nothing. Maybe he is waiting. Expecting me to break and want him back. Or maybe parting words were emotional enough he thinks he won.
As to the article excerpt he fits that too with risky behaviors, stealing just because he knows he can get away with it for example, which was a recent revelation.
---
reaction to the 1/2 requester, creepy. You write similarly to my ex-B however if he had written that it would have been even disjointed and hard to understand. Unless you are wanting a creative writing critique it would be better to plainly state what you are trying to get at.
ive been involved with a woman i now suspect is a sociopath for over 3 years. At first i didnt want a girlfriend, (just got out of a 10 year relationship with a female narcissist) but she bought me so many gifts, and done so much for me. (bringing grocerys in and cooking elaborate meals, and wining and dining in fancy restaurants.) Until her sister which she worked for, fired her. All she ever got out of me was sex. About 2 months ago, i went to her house to see her, and it was vacant. I found out she had moved in with another man, she had been seeing for over 2 years. Quite a shocking surprise!When I confronted her, which had to be done thru text messaging, (she would never answer the phone) she told me i needed to move on, which i am trying to do. I am the winner here all the way around. but i do love her now. But she continues to contact me, and now says she wants to be friends. Will she ever quit contacting me and go away?
Re 1/2 posting comment, I should have added that this was written to me by an ex partner a couple of years ago before I realised he is a sociopath and I think this was his attempt to try and tell me and I was interested to hear if anyone could relate to what he tries to explain?
(John) part 2 about suspected female sociopath gift giver/cook. i should add that she told a lot of lies to me. Some not even necessary. From everything from her age, where she went to school, where her parent lived, to not beeing the natural Mother of her child. For some reason she never wanted me to meet some imediate family members, and still dont. This is the craziest thing i ever seen!
Last Night I ran across this article and it has helped me soooo much. I have been dating a guy for 2 yrs. He was such a charmer, really good looking, out going, funny, etc and I fell for him. I was going thru a hard time at that point in my life so maybe I was a little desperate. Anyways, he was great the first couple of months. He was really into me and did nice things for me. Even then though I was catching him in a few lies and he was doing things behind my back. He would send me roses and I would forgive him. Then after 5 mths I found out I was pregnant. After that it all went down hill. This is his first and only child. When I told him, he had no emotion at all. It was really strange. He wasn't happy, mad, sad, stressed, or nothing. The whole time I was pregnant I was so sick throwing up all the time. He never once gave me any sympathy. Then when she was born the same thing. He showed no emotion and gave me no aprreciation or sympathy after having a c-section. The whole time I was pregnant too he grew distant. He started disappearing for hours at a time, turning his phone off, etc. I would usually always find out what he was doing and be so upset and he could care less. He never cares when I am mad or sad. He just goes on like normal and never apologizes or feels guilty. He has no conscience. He lies, steals, cheats, does drugs, drinks, very promiscuous (transexuals), etc. I have caught him so many times trying to hook up with these people by craigslist or chat rooms. He gets a thrill out of the sneaking around I guess. Anyways, now he is in jail bc he got caught with drugs in his car. This is the second time he has got a felony. He does not care. He hasn't worked in 2 1/2 yrs and he thought it was perfectly fine to live off unemloyment. He is lazy but yet he does get bored easily. He is always doing stuff in the yard, or driving around, or going to friends houses. I tried my best to work it out bc I wanted us to be a family. I thought maybe he would one day realize that I was good for him and loved him and he would love me back. He always said he loved me but his actions were totally not showing it. He showed no affection at all. I was the one that always had to initiate it and when I did he always felt uncomfortable. Every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie. He is the most sneaky, shady person I have ever met in my life. I talked to an ex of his and she told me basically all the same stuff I just mentioned. He did the same to her. I always thought it was weird too bc if I ever brought up an ex of his, he never showed any emotion. It was like he never cared at all. He just moves on to the next person. I do not want him alone with our daughter. What I don't understand is why in the world do I love and care about him when he treats me this way? I guess I kept hoping he would change and love me. I have finally realized he is sick and is never ever going to change. Thank you all so much for your words. It has helped me so much.
I want to add a few more things. The only people he has in his family is his mom and brother. He even lies to them and never ever feels guilty about it. His mom is really naive. He has hurt her so many times and he doesn't care. He just keeps doing over and over. He is very intelligent. He is like a mastermind at stuff. The other thing is most people would never know he is a sociopath bc he is so friendly and funny and the life of the party but the whole time he is lying and doing bad things they don't know about. It just blows my mind the stuff he does and how he doesn't even feel guilty about it. I can't comprehend how someone can be like that.
To Jenny re: post on Aug 20th. I wonder the same thing bc I really do love my ex. It is so hard not wanting to talk to him, hug him when I see him, etc. We have a 1 yr old together so we still have to communicate somewhat. I have told my family all the stuff he has done over the last 2 yrs and they wonder why in the world I would ever be with someone like that. I can't believe it myself. I still don't understand it. I guess like you said they can "put a spell" on us or something. I was embarrassed all those times we broke up and I said I'm never going back again and I'm tired of all this then a few days would go by and we were back together and he got away with it again. He doesn't respect me at all. He is the most selfish self-centered person I have ever met.
(John) part 3 I should add that she was extremely jealuos. To the point of attempting to be violent 1 night with another woman. I know no one in their right mind would want a woman like this, but she fools ya so easily, and its so easy for a normal person to relapse and think she is capable of being normal, or changing. So what do ya think? Is she a sociopath? Am I rid of her? Or will she continue to keep attempting to contact me?
i'm married to a sociopath and i knew it when i married him. To summarize our relationship, I met him 3 years ago soon after a divorce after a 23 year marriage and 3 grown children. I can't explain it but I love this man more than anything. I know that one day I will be a statistic and he will dump me but everyday I hold on to that one nice thing he said three days ago. It's crazy, I have lost my children, they have no respect for me anymore. They can't understand why I don't leave him. He has beat me repeatedly and never shows any remorse. The last time he got angry at me because I had a black eye and I had to go to work "looking like that" If somebody could just explain to me what hold this man has over my life. I am intelligent, I have a good job, but I am an idiot when it comes to him. When I say I lost everything I mean it, he has moved me to another state, away from friends and family. My phone never rings, everyone is disguisted with me for staying with him. And here i am waiting for him to come home from work, knowing that if I call him he will have a fit because I bothered him. I know I'm throwing out random thoughts but I don't know what to do. I feel so ugly when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to go out in public because I feel so ugly. He has stripped me of any self worth that I have ever had and I'll say it again. Here I am waiting for him to come home from work, knowing that the weekend will be horrible because the house isn't clean enough. Oh and did I mention he's a crack addict and has spent all of our money. He does it when I'm at work and thinks that I don't know it. I know more than he can ever imagine. But will I say anything......no.......he won't stop and he'll just get mad. Will I ever find the inner strength to leave this man and get my children back? When I think about leaving him it's almost like I panic inside, wondering what I would do without him, thinking what if he does love me. He has been married 3 times already and has no remorse or any feelings for anyone in his past. Why do I think I am any different? If somebody told me my story, I'd tell them to run for the hills, but I hang on to that thread of hope every day that he might really care, and you know what, I know he doesn't. I know it's impossible, I know he can't love like I do. Can anyone understand what I am saying. I need help
I live with a sociopath husband for almost 9 years and it is hell! We have a 6 year old daughter and I have been through hell with him in this fake of a marriage. I am recently just feeling so much pull to leave and get out like i am with a murderer or someone freaky and violent and fear for my child's future and mine. He does not hurt our child physically and claims to love her but I know his game. He is dangerous mentally and emotionally for sure and I am depleted and know exactly how one can get caught up in this and almost fear to leave. I am so sick of his sickness and crap and only recently because I am physically and mentally feeling at the lowest I have ever felt, I really am embracing constant thoughts of being FREE from this sociopath. The pull they have on you for so long is like being in a cult and they really work on their game to completely try and destroy and dominate a person and break any spirit they may have had! It's B.S. ! I am on my way out and am mustering up the time and strength as well as getting a place to live with my child which is in progress with subsidized housing. He can have the house and anything I cannot take with me!! Thanks for the info and I cannot wait to feel free again and start a new life with my daughter!
GOOGLE ... Dr Harville Hendrix - "Emotional Blueprint" and also "The Imago"
He explains why we are attracted to people who are not right for us and why we stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships. Dr Hendrix also talks about healing after a divorce or a break-up and why 'Imago' is so powerful. In essence what he is saying is that we try to fix what we endured as a child as no one has the perfect childhood, even if your parents were great parents they still had flaws and faults and stuff happens ... traumas, death in the family and so on. We're attracted to the familiar, the theme of what we lived as a child. As adults, we try to re-create 'the theme'. So, for example, if a parent was an alcoholic it does not necessarily mean we will marry an alcoholic, although quite possibly we might since it is 'the familiar' or we will marry or choose a partner who acts like they are crazy drunk, 'alcoholic-like' or a dry drunk. Then we try to rewrite the script and fix what we could not fix as a child and can't seem to free ourselves from the relationship until we're convinced we "fixed" it. This is just one example. I learned that the reason I married a narcissist is probably because my mother is a classic narcissist and a sociopath as well. After I divorced him I got entangled in a relationship with a sociopath. That's when I sought (Imago Therapy) help so I could stop repeating this crazy-making pattern.
I had the privilege of meeting Dr Hendrix in person. I believe he is retired now but his website information and self-help books are still available if you like to read. Check out his website. I was in Imago Therapy after my divorce and it was the best therapy ever. I met with 3 different local Imago Therapists, all trained under Dr H and I selected the one I was most comfortable with. Some people get lucky and the first Imago Therapist they meet with is the right one for them. They also offer 'couples counseling' and have a very high success rate IF your partner is not a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist -- truth be told, there's not much hope for a relationship IF your partner is a sociopath, psychopath or narcissist.
It is a bit pricey but it does work, if you open up and let it work.
Wow, this site has sure opened my eyes about something that happened to me 3 years ago. After being in an abusive marriage for 18 years I finally found the courage to leave my husband. About a year later I met a guy through my then roommate. He was with his girlfriend, and her and I really hit it off and found out we both liked playing pool so decided to go out the next week for a game. I phoned her on the day we were supposed to go out only to have her boyfriend answer the phone and he told me they had broken up. He asked me what I was doing that evening and I responded with a laugh “Well nothing now I guess”. To make a long story short, he and I became best friends and eventually started a romantic relationship and moved in together. I was never so happy in my life, we were deeply in love and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have a second chance at love. Sadly, after 14 years of being together he passed away, 3 years ago at the age of 47. Needless to say it messed me up rather badly. A female that he and I both had known over the years kindly offered to have a Wake at her residence and I was thankful that someone was looking after that part of things, I wasn’t thinking too clearly. He and I were never that close to her but living in a rather small city we would run into her and mutual friends once in awhile. We always knew there was something a little “off” about her but never gave it much thought. On the day of the Wake she started crying and screaming because someone showed up that she didn’t want there. She started screaming “This is MY day! This is MY day.” I didn’t know what to do or say, I was totally horrified. I ended up apologizing to people and I left, as did everyone. The next day I phoned her to thank her for all she had done but I also told her that what she did was completely inappropriate and the day wasn’t about her. Boy, what a mistake that was! For months after that she phoned me and threatened me, I quit answering the phone and let it go to voicemail. She e-mailed me until I quit using that e-mail address. I finally had to go to the police, as I was scared for my life. I had the voice messages and e-mails all saved. The police went and talked to her and told her to stay away from my home and me. She started crying and they felt sorry for her so that was as far as it went until one day I was out with a couple of friends at a neighborhood pub and she walked in the door and threatened me. The bartender heard everything, as did everyone in the pub, and called the police. I was then able to get a restraining order against her. Since then I have heard numerous stories of things that she has done to people. I really think she will kill someone one of these days. Anyways, sorry for rambling but now I know what’s wrong with her.
(Tigress) RE 1/2 in that case yeah. My boyfriend would write weird simi poetic stuff to me all the time. Like I said his tended to be disjointed and he didn't use a many big words. I guess his no rules philosophy applied to language too. He was attempting to show his feelings for me. Being a sociopath explains his failure to do so. They just weren't things I could relate to and often couldn't fully make sense of.
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Someone early on(I didn't read all comments but a few before skipping to newest) said they heard it gets better with age. I gets worse for sure. You know he may say one thing at one point then change it to mess with you later. Once older he forget he said one thing so gets mad you didn't do X but then later gets mad that you did do X not remembering he said the opposite before. Or he forgets where he put something so gets mad at my mom or me for moving it or loosing it. He'll got on for ever about some small infraction like that but if he's shown to have made a mistake it's no big deal, and you really shouldn't dare point it out to him. I shudder to think how bad it will eventually get and leave my mom with that, but she made her choice long ago and each day since and for her children who had to grow up this way and I know there is no convincing her to leave. I think he may fit Narcissist a bit better. I mean he seems to have decent morals and will help others to feel better about him self, though often talks bad behind their backs and doesn't put on as nice a front for his family.
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Re the urge to go back to the ex I feel that. I is the good there used to be but when I look at all the pieces of the puzzle and if it were someone else I'd sure tell them to run and never look back.
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RE: the crack addict husband, one day call in an anonymous tip saying you are in the area and smell someone smoking crack at the house. If he gets arrested you will then be able to return to your real family. (My problem being my family started this cycle means I have only me and my father hasn't crossed the line and hit anyone since I was old enough to know getting him arrested might help).
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To everyone with kids, GET OUT. Think of your kids first. I feel like a shell of a person and have since a child, always afraid, and a failure for never trying anything. Don't even think about you, save your kids.
I find it amazing that so many people who have never experienced a sociopath or a narcissist close up and never had a 'front-row seat', so to speak, don't get it at all. That's what made me feel like I was the one who was crazy. I was telling my story to the wrong audience and I do hope at least someone here can learn from my big mistake. These people (some were even family) invalidated me and I hated it but I was actually creating this issue by telling clueless people in the first place. It was destructive and hindered my healing. That's what happens when we are invalidated, instead of validated and supported. Insensitive replies and comments such as, "Oh no, he's such a nice guy when he's around me" AND "Well, he's a good father, he loves his daughter" kind of bs crap -- after I just told them the horror show my sociopath ex had put me through and what he was emotionally doing to me and my young daughter.
This was actually more hurtful then the abuse that my sociopath ex dished out on a regular basis. So, for everyone out there who is suffering at the hands of these monsters or is in the healing process (and it is a process -- healing doesn't happen overnight) be real careful who you confide in and who you lean on for support. Talking to someone who is clueless and makes stupid, insensitive comments such as, "You're claiming he's a sociopath ... what are you talking about! he never killed anyone".
Stupid is stupid, it won't change and no one can't fix it. These people, although they're not a sociopath, if they are socially inept, selfish, insensitive, clueless or just plain stupid, DON'T tell them, even if they are not a sociopath. If for some really good, valid reason you must mention the situation to someone who is not a sociopath but nevertheless is clueless, just keep it simple and vague. Don't over-explain or go on and on. There are some people who if you confide in them and explain something until you are blue in the face, they still won't get it. These insensitive, clueless, dumbells can set you back big time, instead of helping you to heal and move forward. I learned the hard way.
I have a 10 year old son with a raging sociopath, thankfully he and I were never married, and up until last year he had minimal contact with my son-suited his lifestyle. Once his friends started getting divorces and he saw that he did not have as much time with his child as they had with theirs he took me to court and now sees my son quite often. I am seeing changes in my sons behavior that are quite upsetting, and I just got a letter from his lawyer last week that we will be going back to court as I had the audacity to say no to him about something. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should proceed in dealing with him, I cannot cut him out of my life as the courts here give all parents the same thing good or not. Is there any way to get him to show who he is in court, or get him to become bored with his new game?
"Once his friends started getting divorces and he saw that he did not have as much time with his child as they had with theirs"
I'm assuming here that he's a sociopath.
Here is my take -- I seriously doubt that's what really happened and doubt that was his train of thought.
Here's what I think really happened inside that screwed up mind. He was observing his (divorced) friends interacting with their kids and a light bulb went off in his head. He then came up with a 'game plan'. He got an idea, an idea that he's now executing, at your expense and that of your child. He came to the realization that he could use the child (that you two have together) as a means to get even with you. I'm not suggesting he would physically abuse your child if as you say he is not physically abusive. I am saying that he will use the child to cause drama -- violating visitation -- not returning the child on time and so on. Whatever he knows will piss you off is what he'll do, but most likely it will not be something that is legally actionable in a court of law. That's how sociopaths operate. They really have no interest in children whatsoever. I think he has a hidden agenda of some sort. I wish I could advise you on how to prevent this visitation but I am far from a legal expert. I do know a lot about sociopaths though. I know sociopaths + children = disaster. Maybe you can bring family and friends with you to court (not sure if allowed) since power is in numbers. If so, the more, the better. Also, it would catch him off guard. Hopefully, the judge will see through his demeanor and character and question why he wasn't around and interested and now suddenly he is interested and might also wonder why would you have all this family and friends supporting you if you weren't concerned about the visitation. I hope this helps. I'm not trying to scare you, but knowledge is power. I think you should know he's up to something and as time goes on he'll use the child to make you feel angry and frustrated and to try to control your emotions. Because that's what sociopaths do. Everything in life is a big game that they have to win.
I totally agree with Anonymous who said that people who have not experienced being taken by a sociopath just don't get it. I have had the same thing happen to me. I have been so scarred, but my friends just don't get it. They don't understand what the constant roller coaster can do to you. Even when I have tried to get away, he will contact me and then it's hard to stay away because he is extremely charming. This man will make plans with me and then just not call or show up. He was separated and went back to his wife and didn't even tell me. He uses all type of flattery to make me think he really cares, but it's always physical. None of the flattery is ever about me as a person or my mind; it's always about my body and how great I look, etc. It's been six months since I have slept with him. I told him I could never go there again; too painful to do that and then be shut out.
This is for "I find it amazing that so many people who have never experienced a sociopath or a narcissist close up and never had a 'front-row seat'".
I too have dealt with sociopaths and unimaginable horrors from an ex-husband and while I empathize with you, I think you need to stop calling people insensitive and clueless just because they don't see what you see or have dealt with what you have dealt with.
The best thing you can do is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and better your life.
The best revenge is to be happy.
You don't need people feeling sorry for you and no they most likely are not going to see what you have seen in this person.
Not everyone has dealt with sociopaths or narcissists the way we have and if you are really a normal person and not a sociopath yourself you wouldn't need attention and validation.
I see a big red flag with you calling names.
Maybe you are the sociopath....
"You're claiming he's a sociopath ... what are you talking about! he never killed anyone".
I know what that feels like!!! Ive heard that same line myself. After being victimized by a s-path and then you tell people you trust and are supposed to be there for you and they look the other way and they make up excuses for someone who is mentally sick and disturbed instead of providing a little support. It feels like being victimized all over again. Its very sad, when there is a lack of compassion. I think the problem is many people really arent educated on the topic. They tend think all s-paths are Serial killers when most of them are not. It doesnt become important or worthy of discussion until it happens to them.
i just got out of a bad relationship. after reading the posts here i am convinced it was with a sociopath.i consider myself a decent loyal well educated guy who never hurt anyone.i was caught off guard by a female sociopath.from what i understand IMO empaths unable to recognize or identify emotionally ill people for whatever reason or label you want to give them and see the world through rose colored glasses are the same people who are most vulnerable to the sociopath.IMO at times street smarts can be more useful than book knowledge. my2cents
(Tigress) Looks like I'm really free. I found photos of him posted by/with some other girl. They were posted literally just days after I "Excepted his break up with me" So he's obviously had her on the line for awhile, which explains all the recent stuff from him "I'll break up with you if you don't.." crap.
I should be sad or mad or... but I'm giddy and LMBO. He has no interest in me now so I can stop worrying I'm really free. I'm also free of all those emotions of missing what we had and if onlys, because you can fix what was broken but not fix what was never real to start with.
Oh and to top it off he's let himself go to pot in the time he's been away and looks like an old fat scruffy dog(And he's younger than me). Ew, I wouldn't want to be with that anyway, lol.(honestly looks hardly matter to me but that's just like a cherry topper).
I should seriously find some way to celebrate tonight. One down one to go, need to move to distance the father socio will take a bit more time but I can do it.
(Tigress) oops got the dates mixed up the first photos were posted/taken a month before break up. *of course*
I remember about a month or so after finally ending a long-term relationship with a sociopath, everyone started telling me how attractive I looked. At first I was puzzled because I did not do anything cosmetic or change my hair or my diet or general routine, so I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly getting so many compliments from so many people. At first I didn't notice any changes but then I did start to notice a difference and I noticed that I actually did look much better. Soon afterwards a woman I met at a social gathering told me her husband had died the year before. She said her husband was a sociopath and that he had died in a car accident that he had caused. We became friends and a few months later she was showing me pictures of her and her late husband during the time they were married. I was stunned. I was amazed at the difference. Even though she was older, she still looked so much better than any of the photos. It was then that I realized how ugly these people can make you feel AND look.
I never got so many compliments in my life until he was out of my life.
An EMPATH is an ... Incarnated soul living out of the heart or 4th Chakra.
EMPATHY is ... a quality and ability to be aware, have sympathy -- to feel the pain of the other.
Only one-third of the population are true Empaths. 1/3 are somewhere in-between -- in a transitional stage, and 1/3 are either a sociopath/psychopath/entitlement narcissist, or a combo of any of these.
This helps to explain the rise in crime and divorce rates over the past few decades and the lack of overall compassion this country suffers.
Sociopaths and narcissists (and psychopaths) are draining to be around. You constantly have to be on a sort of hyper-alert, trying to stay a step ahead, instead of just living and enjoying life in the moment. These UNevolved souls, or soul-less people literally suck the life force and energy out of Empaths. That's why you will always feel drained whenever you are dealing with one -- whether at home or at work, or attending family, business, or social events. At the end of the day -- you're spent.
I have two teen girls (15 & 18) and this is what these two do to me. I was like this as a teen myself and I can remember my mother was always distraught. I couldn't figure out what her problem was ... now I know. They are polite and good students and do not drink or use drugs. I do realize this selfishness and inconsideration is temporary, hopefully. Most teenagers are self-absorbed, self-serving, narcissists. They (hopefully) grow out of this by the time they reach their mid-20's. The problem is, if they don't.
If you are an Empath, it's impossible to have a relationship, one that is healthy, uplifting and enjoyable, with UNevolved people and remain sane at the same time, even if they are your own children or spouse. I've seen mothers, and fathers as well, of adult kids (now in their 20's-30's) and it's not hard to see how the parents lost themselves, they lost their personalities, to name one loss, b/c the kids didn't outgrow this 'stage or phase' as the parents had hoped.
An Empath and a sociopath/narcissist together is like a snake and a hummingbird in the same cage. They just eat you alive until they decide to toss what's left of you aside, like a bag of trash, and then they are ready to move on to the next 'victim'. To them, people are merely objects, not humans, with thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Sociopaths have confused their ability to manipulate, brown-nose and extort others with actual wisdom.
Twisting others words, putting others down that will always be better than you and more intelligent than you to make it LOOK like you're worth something more than your capacity to analyze and manipulate is beyond pathetic, and you know it.
All you are is appearances, a different mask covering your black hole to better suit the moment according to how you analyzed it. You are nothing. You just look intelligent, but in most cases, you are not and either way intelligence is relative and always depends on a given definition.
I don't care what your life story is, how hard you think you had it, because someone out there had it harder than you and they're not behaving in such a manner.
You are a disease that has been allowed to infect others because most are weak, naive sheep that you feed off, like an energy vampire. A predator of the minds of others.
Anonymous - I agree with both of your Sept 18th Posts @ 7:56am & 8:28am. YES - they sure do treat people like objects and they are like a disease. You are spot on with that. Plus, they are master manipulators. That is, at least to me, the worst. They're sick people that need to be avoided.
(Limbo) I'm using limbo because that's how I feel right now. I am seeking a therapist. My sister has hurt me emotionally more often recently than ever before. I read "the sociopath next door" and it brought me some comfort. I think she has some of the traits in her personality. She has disowned me and apologized (fake, I knew) and disowned me again, now she attempted to contact me again recently. My kids are affected as well as her own. Once she left me a threatening voicemail full of swears and you could hear her 3 year old in the background. I could have gotten a restraining order or pressed charges for attempted destruction of property. I chose not to. My other family members(except my husband) think I should just go on knowing how she is and "walk on eggshells". I don't want to allow myself to be manipulated anymore. I also don't want to be the bad guy in the eyes of my family. Keeping things peaceful is important to me. I want to be a good example to my kids and family. I am forgiving, generous, thoughtful, kind, loving and mild. My temperment is passive. My sister is aggressive. My mother suggests I should be more like my sister and set her straight. I don't want to encourage my sister in a negative way. I try not to respond to her when she is being overly negative. I don't argue with anyone hardly. I really do let things go. But this I am so stuck on. Family members are tired of hearing about my feelings and concerns. I really feel it is making me crazy. I try not to dwell on any one thing, but this is bugging me. I need to know how to respond or not respond appropriately to benefit all involved. Sooner or later I will see her or have to talk to her. I am sure my Mom will intervine as usual. It breaks her heart when we don't get along. But I told her. I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm 36 and my sis is 28. The counselors office has been slow at returning my calls. It has been almost 3wks since I asked for an appointment. I haven't been to counseling since I was 17. I have yet to read through all these post, only some. I can sympathize. Any thoughts about my situation is welcome. Thank you for reading.
(Limbo) I posted earlier today, before reading the article. I found this blog by googling "support for sociopath siblings". The article was very enlightening. I feel better knowing its ok to not keep associating with my sister. I love her but I don't like her. I hope the best for her. Maybe she will accept counseling someday. As far as other family members go...it will have to be on "as needed to address" situation. In other words, I will cross that bridge when I have to. Its important to me that they know I am not holding a grudge with my sister. I am just treating her like she's contageous....staying away so I don't catch her ....um...illness? I was forced to spend and inordinary amount of time with her in August and her mannerisms were rubbing off on me. Needless to say...our friendship has changed indefinitely. I can't imagine the amount of energy it takes to manage such a personality.
Thank you so much for the insight of this article. Thanks also for your time and this blog. My day has been brighter because of it. :)
To the sociopaths whom it may concern;
How do I get away from a sociopath? Does the whole "it's me, not you" thing work, if you have no empathy? I don't want to hurt the person I am involved with, I just don't want to be involved any more. He does not want help. He will not admit to anything being wrong, but he is screwing me up and I just want him out of my life. How do I do this?
(Dee) I am not a sociopath myself but to rid yourself of such an individual means cutting all contact with him! Be prepared to endure a torrid of emotional abuse though ... guilt trips, aggression, emotional blackmail, gas lighting, verbal threats etc etc ... If he is not ready to let you go then he will make it as difficult for you as possible! You will have to become immune to all of this and it can be tough!! ... but if you want to escape then there is no other way!
You cannot hurt him if he is infact a sociopath, he doesn't think and feel in the same way that you do! And the longer you stay, the more screwed up you will become, because there really is nothing you can do to change who he is! The lies will never stop! .. no matter how many times he says he will change! He will tell you what he wants you to hear, which is why the only way to deal with him is to cut him off completely (delete his texts/emails without reading them ... refuse to answer his calls etc). As ruthless as it sounds .. they are master manipulators .. so the slightest sign that you might weaken will only prolong the abuse! The 'brick wall' approach is definitely the best! (in my opinion)
A relationship without trust is a soul destroying experience! And he will not think twice about abruptly discarding you once he has bled you dry ... believe me! Spare yourself the misery and act now! Simply tell him that you don't think things are working out and run for the hills! You will see his true colours for sure!! Do not engage in any kind of verbal combat and trust that the majority of his words will be nothing short of bullshit! He will merely be seeking to regain control!
Good Luck x
You would be honest with him if you told him you were "going crazy" right now and wanted time away from him. Even if he doesn't know he is the one making you crazy. Try it. Just don't change your mind. If you are convinced he has this problem, get and stay away. He can only want to help himself.
Anonymous Sept 20th @ 8:11pm post --
You may want to check out my September 7th Post. It was a response to a previous Post from early Sept. Scroll and read through some of early September Posts. There are a few that apply directly to your situation ...
especially the Sept 7th (my Post) @ 3:35pm. Hope that helps. Anon
To January 25, 2009 10:41 PM
I am glad the 'sociopaths' here are letting it all hang out. It must feel like some small little victory. I developed similar senses to "mean people"
aka ASPD when I was about 4 as well. Call me hypersensitive but it wasn't until recently, working out in the field with a small group of people that you get a concentrated dose of what sociopaths are capable of: And it's FUN to them.
Too bad for you guys, I can now spot you from 20 miles away. It is a 'seventh sense' and all you have to do is trust yourself.
The most insulting part was that these two sociopaths I worked with actually thought they were smarter and more clever than the rest of the crew. Thank goodness I have an even smarter boss that lisened to me and we both found valid excuses to "let them go" with out any drama or excessive upset. I heard later one wanted to sue for wrongful firing but she broke a rule and there was a witness.
Not the smartness sociopaths in the world but they were both obsessed with causing drama and trying to get people fired, lying etc....
They LOST their game and are now blacklisted in a relatively small peaceful community.
What makes them a sociopath and me not one? Though satisfied at the results of my efforts to get rid of them, there was still a part of me that felt bad for them and slightly guilty. And I know for a fact neither of them give a rats ass about me (except for a trophy friend in a tight-knit community).
So beware sociopaths-we are not as dumb as you think. Sorry for the suckers that fall for your long cons....
The majority of people on this blog are not sociopaths. In fact, very few are on here and when they are, they're not on here that often. In other words, they're not "regulars". They think the problem is with everyone else -- NOT them, so they're not interested in a Blog such as this. Most of the people that visit here are looking for support -- safely getting out of a relationship with a sociopath and moving forward in their life .. if they are already out they are looking for support through the aftermath and healing process. Also, general information about sociopaths is always available -- it's very helpful, interesting and informative. As we all know, knowledge is power. This a safe place to let it out anonymously. But it is more geared for the victims and so I am quite sure that most of the visitors here are not really sociopaths.
I recently ended a relationship with a sociopath. It has been the hardest relationship I have ever had to break from. He was abusive to me and the children. Mine from a previous marriage and his own. I got pregnant while we were together. The pregnancy only aggravated his tendencies to fight and create tension in the home.He would look at me and smile when I would be crying and pleading for him to stop arguing and yelling. As if he enjoyed the pain it was causing. He loved for me to be wrong. It fed his sickness. He was a neat freak and could not tolerate any crumbs on the floor or tables. It would send him into a rage. He did have numerous affairs I found out later about. Plus all his so called friends he had when we met slowly began disappearing. He would have no remorse over anything. His hurtful words could cut you like a sword. Yet he had the ability to turn on and off tears.He did not work so he stayed home all day while I worked. I assume this is when he had his affairs.He was a very aggressive person. I left before my son was born. He burned my things but kept what would be of use to him and threw away the rest. I have absolutely no communication with this man. However my fears are that my son will inherit his behavior. My son will truly be a test of nature versus nurture. This man managed to ruin any possible trust in men for me. He sleeps well at night I'm sure. Any advise for me regarding my child?
Interesting possibility of rehabilitating a persons brain using stem cells to correct non functioning areas (could be the solution to many types of brain problems.)
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2006/10/26/stem-cells-may-help-treat-mental-illness/
To September 22, 2010 8:09 AM
I know that there are just awful stories here of true victims that have married sociopaths or have children that are turning out to look like it might be the case. I do not mean to be insensitive to those folks here trying to get help! My prayers go out to those dealing with them and can't easily be rid of them (b/c of familial connections).
It is just SO SCARY to me to finally have been able to put a label to the gut feeling and hairs that stand up on the back of my neck (metaphorically speaking) every time I have run into one of these folks. And I always try to tell myself "They seem so nice, why should I be thinking poorly of them or judging them, I don't even know them that well"...
In the last seven years in the field, I began researching and educating myself on personality disorders, mostly as a hobby but partly because people are so unique and there was always one bad apple in every crew. I got to the bottom of it. I may even write a book on it: Or a field Manual.
And yes, "Lord of the Flies" we all had to read has come to mind several times.
It is rediculous how much upset/drama/chaos these folks like to cause that it is imperitive in the field Biology world that we spot these guys BEFORE sending them out with a bunch of normal folks out in the middle of nowhere for weeks or months at a time...
That was the point I was trying to make: They cannot be helped (yet) so they do not belong out in the field making otherwise pleasant work a living hell.
I agree with anonymous Sept 22 @ 7:57pm ...
They cannot be helped and they do not belong in the Field BUT they do NOT belong anywhere except locked-up or thrown overboard. Actually, we'd all be living in a very different and incredible world if they were all done away with.
Good Post ... Thanks!
(E). This is for Eric. I think I am dating an SP. The relationship is at the start up but I want to back out. I'd like that we can remain friends but he insisted on me to be his girlfriend. Is there a way to back out and not make him pissed? How did you and your exes break up? Who started first? Should I just tell him straight up that I want to be friends?
There are a few Sept 7th Posts that (all combined) answer your question in detail.
Bu the reality is, I do not know how anyone can be 'friends' with a sociopath b/c they do not know what friendship is. They are detached. They pretend, they act. They are not real.
They see people as objects to be used, not humans with emotions. They don't know emotions.
The more entangled you get in their web, the harder it will be to get out. The charm and fun and all that good stuff will eventually be replaced with abuse, fear and drama ... you'll regret it. Plus, at some point later on, you'll start attracting more sociopaths and other emotional cripples into your life. That's how it works. I'm sure you don't want that. Why would you want that when you don't need to? There are significantly more good, decent, kind (empaths) people out there than their are emotionally disturbed.
There's a Sept 7th Post that addresses most of your concerns. Hope that helps.
So im a Socipath and im good with that. i am 27 i have been diagnosed by the only 2 psychologists that actually have the long term experience with me and those who have known me for most of my life where as the other ones i go to say i have any range of disorders depending on the mood im in on a given day. im not here because i need you people to help me i just wanted to make it clear that i am yet another sociopath that is fully aware of my condition. i refuse to hold menial jobs because i feel they are beneath me i manipulate anyone and everyone around me i hurt people emotionally more out of curiosity than pleasure. i will most often push people as far as i can to the point of them wanting me out of there lives and then manipulate them into letting me back in just to see how good i am at it. i have never felt love however i do feel i use percieved emotions as a way of intimidating and manipulating others. i tried college the military college again then worked as a corrections officer. at this point manipulating others and getting what i want out of them has become very boring and i can not find anything to fill the gap of idle time. i am bored mostly because the average person is too easy to manipulate and i need to find a more challenging focus for my time and currently i cant really think of anything to fit my needs. my mother is alot like me and may herself be a sociopath she has been diagnosed as every different depression disorder i have ever heard of yet when i talk to her about it she claims to be just like me with no emotions etc. one last thing the first psychologist to tell me i am a sociopath was my girlfriend and it took her over a year to see through me so only a session a month with a shrink isnt going to give them what they need for a diagnosis and to think they will is stupidity.
My supervisor is a Sociopath. It has taken me two years, a great deal of stress, frustration, confusion and shock to come to this conclusion. I have been manipulated, lied to, stabbed in the back, thrown under the bus, falsely accused before peers, flat out lied on and in the same breath received Outstanding Performance Appraisals and Cash Awards for my work. It has taken this article, to open my eyes and accept what she really is.
For those commenters who are claiming they are sociopaths. A sociopath has no conscience, therefore, if you are aware of your behavior, more than likely sociopathy is not your issue. Reassess what's really going on in your life, it maybe something totally different. Better yet, get a clinical diagnosis. You might be surprised.
I was wondering if anyone might know where I could find information as to what (U.S.) States have the highest percentage of sociopaths. I realize most sociopaths (unfortunately) are not incarcerated, so I can't rely crime statistics OR the number of prisoners per capita, etc. to determine this.
I've lived in four different States in my 56 yrs, although I'm originally from the NYC/NJ Metropolitan area. I relocated back to NJ a few years ago and live 20 miles outside of NYC (in NJ) not far from where I grew up and attended college. It seems to me that NYC/NJ Metro area, particularly NJ, might just be high on the list of States with the highest number of sociopaths. NJ is the most densely populated State in the country, so maybe that could have something to do with it. I realize every single State has their fair share of crime, criminals and psychos, but it is seeming more and more evident to me that NJ would probably be in the "Top 5", but I can't be sure. It might just be my own personal experience, but then NJ does get a lot of bad rap. Maybe it is justified. It seems that I run into a lot of people here that clearly lack a conscience. Even though they are not people I need to deal with everyday, they are caustic, uncaring, unhelpful and flat out rude. I find it quite unbelievable. They won't help you unless there's something in it for them and only if they stand to gain and benefit considerably more than anyone. I did not experience this nearly as often, or on a regular basis, in the other three States I lived in. Does anyone have any thoughts on where I can get these statistics -- States with most sociopaths?
I will not be offended if you trash NJ. I won't take it personal as I already know I'm not a sociopath. I just reside here, I don't own the State, so please be as honest as you can. What's the word, or the general reputation? Thanks -- JayCee
jaycee i live 1000 miles away and have never been there but i can say this that there is a lot on the news about awful stuff happening in new jersey. it seems to be notorious for horrible crimes and corruption. crime is everywhere but that whole area is on the news very often. its always something. i also heard and read illinois but mostly only chicago area is full of s-paths. maybe where you live too but it does have a rep for being trashy and way overpriced.
if eric is still around i have a question: i have a neighbour that is a sociopath with violent tendencies towards animals. i really like where i live, should i worry that he may hurt me some day? is there a certain way i should treat him so he will leave me alone as a target?
i was married to a socio had 3 sons and lived a nightmare. twenty-four years later i now take great pleasure making his life a nightmare. sure i feel bad about it but he deserves it. i have incarcerated him 4 times totaling 12 years of boredom for him. he keeps coming back!! he is determined to win. i used to move everytime he would find us, i got tired of that so i started fighting back. he is now on parole(2 months) and keeps calling me, so i suppose its time for him to do a 90 violation stint. i need a vacation from him.the idiot will test positive for meth on monday via his parole officer.he is so weak contrary to his grandious opinion of "HIS HIGHNESS".another piece of shit looser off the streets.normies youre safe for awhile.you are welcome
i was raised by a sociopath,needless to say in my adult years i have had many problems. years later much therapy alot of forgiveness and i have found myself back in that house.seems my siblings refuse to help our parent,either physically or financially.i suppose being here taking care of her in her last days gives me the affirmation that im ok.the abuse,neglect scandalous behavior from her, didnt teach me to hate.she looks at me sometimes weird.i feel for her she has no idea what LOVE is.sure she is still SPD but now its funny,this magnificent god-queen cant change her own diaper.she will never say sorry even in her last breath,as my NPD father didnt.thats ok too because there is a GOD and i know the fear in thier eyes as i describe HADES to them in the final hours.dantes inferno works too.dont get me wrong i read the gospel to them,but in their egos they are god,so oh-well.see there is hope but only for their victims.
Help. I am in a custody battle with a sociopath who also happens to be an attorney. We had an evaluation that turned everything against me; he made it look like my police reports and journals and even him being arrested for battery were just me trying to destroy him; and he turned everything against me making me look like I would alienate my son from him because I hate him so much and went to such great lenths to destroy him. He sent his family in who told lies about me, which I can prove; but I was not aware of these lies or anything else he did until the evaluation was over. Not one thing was said about me being a bad mother; it was him saying my hatred of him and my apparent need to destroy him would effect his relationship with our son. He fooled the evaluator!!!! And he manipulated his family and friends to lie for him by making them beleive I was a terrible mother even though they know that was not true. And to make matters more interesting; right after the evaluators recommendations to give him full custody; now he wants me back. I don't think he really thought he would get custody of our son because there was no evidence that I was a bad mother. He won on the alienation case he fraudulently portrayed of me and now that he was granted custody; I don't think he really wanted it; he doesn't want the responsibility of raising a two year old and he doesn't even have a job to support our son; he hasn't worked in the last three years. How could this have happened and does anyone have any advice on how I can handle this legally now?
I've met many a sociopath in my life and can recognise them so steer well clear. I guess I was primed to put up with them as my mother I think has a touch of Aspergers Syndrome so I didn't learn to read emotions until I was older and also had deep emotional needs.
Sociopaths hassle as many people as possible because they move on quickly so almost everybody has encountered one and the lucky ones recognise them for who they are and steer clear or they have been warned in advance.
We all have weaknesses and vulnerabilities and sociopaths are good at finding out what they are. Also we all go through bad patches now and then and sociopaths wend their way through society looking for people going through a bad patch to prey on.
They actually think somebody who is vulnerable because they are going through a bad patch is a loser and weak willed and are surprised when they get through it wondering where their victim or potential victim got their confidence from. Then they start to take the credit for the 'new' confidence in their victim which was there all along but just dormant for a while.
Many sociopaths go to church to look for easy victims especially women as they have been trained not to disagree with anybody or to be themselves and stand out.
Since there is no cure for sociopathy I suggest they decide stay clear of other people and become loners if they are that aware of it.
Better still put them all on an island so they will get a taste of their own medicine.
Sociopaths can make you feel that you are the one who's being manipulative and controlling when you won't do as they tell you after a period of allowing them to control you.
Everybody has their limits and eventually the sociopath finds it and then has to up his or her game in order to get the victim to do their bidding. That's when they start on blackmail or may get violent.
I believe my boyfriend fits the discription of a sociopath & obsessive disorder almost to a tea. For most of our relationship, I've felt there's something not right about him. And recently with some research, I realized I'm right. As I reveiwed some information about sociopathic tendencies. I found that he has all the characteristics, but 1. Because it says they tend to not hold grudges, because the lack of emotions. Well this one, hold extreme grudges and seeks to be cruel and/ or vengeful. He also seems to be extremely obsessed with his son, to the point that he has lost relationships, marriages over the subject. He has the role of a child and parent/adult very confused.And when confronted, he becomes very angry and/or "cut off" emotionally. when I came into the picture, his son basically was his partner. From sleeping with him, cooking, cleaning, laundry, decorating, decision making etc.... When I began living there. It's seems as my boyfriend, has resented me. Because he feels like i'm invading their space and relationship. Because it can't carry on as prior to me. And he lies, can't keep his word, he schemes, he's secrative, emotionally hot & cold, he's abusive (verbally & physically) etc.I'm just in a tough spot, lost my job and unable to care for myself. Unfortunately I'm dependant on him and he takes total advantage of my situation. Because he knows, I have no where to run or anyone to run too. To get out of the relationship would leave me homeless, hungry and alone. Its difficult also, because I'm in love with him. Yet I know he can be dangerous and has threatened me in all ways....I want to help him, yet I know from all that I've read. Sociopaths are in curable.
All of the symptoms describe my sister :-( She has been that way since she was very small. There is no connection between cause and effect in her head. She blames everything that she has done on other who have actually tried to help her. She is the youngest of four and also the shortest, so when I read about the "winning" it made sense. She wants to hurt the people who are older and taller than her. Its her way of having some sort of control or pleasure to make the people who are older than her and are doing better in life feel frustrated. She likes the power of controlling others emotions.
My wife informed me I was a sociopath and read off all the signs to me. While I agree with most some just don't fit me. While she is angry with me I believe sign or symptom she reads off she will no doubt believe I fit into. My real issues are lying and emotional detachments. I have lied to her for years for the sole purpose of not facing the truths of my life and not wanting her to know my problems. My lying and avoidance of financial problems have put us (I wish just me) in ruin. I regret this and wish that I could take everything to the grave with me and that she would not be burdened with my problems.
The emotional detachments have been since childhood. I have never felt love from my parents. At some point in my childhood they decided to detach themselves from their children and focus on their own lives. This left me to fend for myself and basically create a persona and life that I would present to people. I outwardly show confidence but am incredibly insecure. I have continually pursued relationships not so much for affection but to see if I could "win the game". I like the affection and long for it but as soon as I feel like I have won someone over I become bored and no longer find the relationship meaningful in anyway. At that point I begin to sabotage the relationship. Funny thing is at some point I often try to rekindle the relationship, mostly for physical purposes.
I consider myself an observer of human behavior. I love to sit in public places and just observe. I also love to talk to anyone for any reason. I'm not sure what any of this means but after reading the article and some of the comments I'm guessing I am just learning mimicking traits.
Some of the signs of a sociopath that my wife thinks I have I really disagree with. I love my children and despite detached relationships with everyone I know I have and will always help anyone I know, even enemies if there is ever anything I can do for them. I have been bitched at for my willingness to help people who my wife believes doesn't deserve to be helped.
I do want to get help. And I really want to save my marriage and have a healthy life moving forward but I'm not sure this will be possible.
"I found that he has all the characteristics, but 1. Because it says they tend to not hold grudges, because the lack of emotions. Well this one, hold extreme grudges and seeks to be cruel and/or vengeful"
IMO -- There's a difference between holding a grudge and revenge. He probably does not really hold grudges, although I understand that's your perception. BTW, that's not a compliment to him it's just that sociopaths lack emotions, so it is hard for them to hold a grudge. I know sociopaths who were wronged by others and did not hold a grudge, but they did seek revenge b/c they MUST win and get over. All the time.
I'd suggest you take care of yourself and also work on getting a job. If necessary, use him w/o him suspecting, if need be, for advancing your job skills so you are more marketable and valuable to employers. The sooner you get away from him, the better. But of course, if it leaves you homeless that could be worse as it's impossible to get a good job if you are homeless. So, plan well and play your cards right. I know where I live, a homeless woman would be victimized and a rape waiting to happen. Use him while you can and then get out. He isn't good for anything else. He can't love you back. He lacks the ability. Don't waste precious years on him. You will live to regret it. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and get out. But let him think he won. If he thinks that you dumped him, he will seek revenge and you don't want that to happen.
Eric, what is it you get out of answering questions on here? I'd like to meet a sociopath and maybe that's weird but I don't think that there's anything they could do to me. I don't feel sorry for people, I don't care how much they hurt because of me, and I don't get manipulated. Once I thought I was a sociopath but I realized I wasn't.
(MDC) I have recently ended a relationship with a guy whom I believe is a sociopath! We have only been together for 5 months but in that time we have encountered one drama after another!
He is a compulsive liar and constantly contradicts himself! He is always in a rush to try and move me into his house! Talks about marrying me and living happily ever after!
But the reality is that he is also cheating on me, although I only found that out recently, but the warning signs were always there! I have confronted him but he says it's all in my head!! Numerous times we have split up and got back together again but we go round in circles!
I don't want to see this guy anymore but each time I am drawn back into his bullshit! I've tried telling him that I don't love him .. and I definitely don't! He never listens .. the very thought of marrying him scares me to death and I could never live with him and be at his complete mercy! There are many things about his personality that I find abhorrent to the point of cringing!
In the past I have tried to break up with him and have been bombarded with texts, sometimes as many as 300 in one day!! These range from aggressive name calling to borderline emotional blackmail, I have heard every line a million times!
I always seem to end up being manipulated back into his life! Even though I don't want to be in his company any more!! Being around him is draining my energy and the mistrust is eroding away my self respect!
This blog has been such an eye opener for me. I was in a 3-year relationship with a sociopath until a month ago. After three years of "why can't we move in together? why don't you want to get married?", I couldn't take the pressure and ended it. After telling him he needed to "go away," he tried to reel me back in with a kidney cancer diagnosis. Long story short - this led to my discovery of his pregnant, 20-year old girlfriend of almost a year and tons of lies confirmed. I contacted the girl and she ended it too. Next, we found out he was in the hospital over a suicide attempt.
Am I right in figuring him as a sociopath? Three things don't fit - first, he was extremely good to me for three years - working hard at my house, giving me long backrubs without asking, gifts, etc. He never got anything from me but lots of love, compassion, and great dinners. Second, no one has mentioned suicide attempts by sociopaths. and finally, he talked often of his grandfather who'd passed and how much he missed him - it sure sounded like love. Am I misdiagnosing? Maybe I'm grasping at straws and wishing that there was real love for me in there somewhere. I guess that would make me feel less a fool for falling for such a person.
I am a trusting, loving person who recently learned that I was in a relationship with a sociopath. Learning about the length and breadth of the lies and betrayal has shaken my faith in others and I'm afraid I will never love again. I'm afraid to trust myself to know a good man and that I would just be used again.
If you don't think you can trust or love again, you should start trying to learn how you would tell the difference between a trustworthy person and an untrustworthy person. Some people have learned to make that distinction and therefore they are free to trust and love again. Some people haven't yet learned to make that distinction and so they are locked in a prison of their own ignorance or unawareness.
Don't make that mistake. Learn to tell the difference. It CAN be done, and you CAN do it.
I think a lot of sociopaths are highly intelligent people and that is one reason they feel no remorse when they hurt others--you're just an idiot to them and they don't think idiots are worth thinking about.
My daughter is a sociopath. I didn't pick up on it until about a year ago. She lies about EVERYTHING--even stupid things that can be proven false in a second. As an example, around Easter time, she told me that her and a number of her friends were exchanging baskets. I saw the basket she was going to give to a friend in her room and the following day I asked her if she gave it to the friend and she told me yes. Later on that day, I was throwing a bag of trash in our trashcan and saw the basket with all the things she bought thrown inside the trashcan. I was like, WTF? She knows I'm the one who deals with all the trash and would see that and STILL she lied about it. Her lies are mostly stupid. She insults my intelligence with most of them. All this lying used to really bother me but not anymore. I remember saying to my husband that it's as if she doesn't care about us or love us at all---and THAT'S THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER--she doesn't. She only cares about herself and her agenda. She takes no responsibility for anything that she does--it's always someone else's fault. She is always the victim. If you try to have a discussion about something that deals with HER, she immediately turns the conversation around off that subject and onto something we've supposedly done to her. One time after doing something particularly insensitive, I said to her, "It's like you don't even love us," and she replied, "What an awful thing to say about me!" Again, she diverted the conversation away from HER bad behavior back to US--the big bad parents.
This is how I deal with her now: I don't believe anything that she says. Anything. I don't get sucked up into her drama (and let me tell you that of my three children, she is the oldest and she causes ALL THE DRAMA in our home). She is in her twenties by the way and still causes all the problems. I just walk away when she pulls her routines. I refuse to feel guilty about anything because that's what she likes to use most as her weapon--guilt trips. I listen to her if she wants to talk to me, but I keep my emotions in check and unengaged because she's burnt me one too many times and I'm done with it. I still love her but she doesn't hurt me because I stay on the outside of her life to protect myself. She's a great pretender and I can vouch for the fact that sociopaths attempt to mimic normal behavior because I can see her doing this on a daily basis. It's very distressing having a child like this because there's nothing that helps. Loving people like this is masochistic. They constantly wound you. When you love normal people, they respond with love. Sociopaths take your love and then use your love to hurt you and they don't think twice about breaking your heart. After breaking your heart they tell you that you MADE them do it. In other words, you can't win.
(Rose)Okay, if someone can help me I'd really appreciate it. I'm the same person who wants to meet a sociopath from a few days ago. Either way, I know I'm not a sociopath but I don't know what I am. I don't care if the people I know get hurt, nor do I care whether or not it's my fault. Also I've never felt much love for anyone I know and if someone does something wrong to me I'll go to some pretty extreme measures to get back at them. So if anyone can tell me what I am that would be helpful.
Oct 9th 8:12 pm ...
I have the same experiences as you. My daughter would lie to me even about things she didn't need to lie about. She's hateful towards me, for no reason. She mimics the behaviors of normal, rational people perfectly. SP's lives are based around lies. It's pathetic and highly disturbing. I think maybe your daughter threw the basket away b/c of some negative situation going on with the recipient of the basket so she decided not to give it to them. SP's really get off on 'punishing'. Most other people notice the insanity of SP's as well and just b/c you don't hear their sad stories, doesn't mean the craziness isn't happening to them as well. SP's never target just one person or only a few people.
SP's are 'soul suckers'. They suck the life right out of you b/c that's what SP's do. Otherwise they wouldn't be a SP. It's one of the main characteristics. They also tear families apart. I noticed when my SP daughter was away at college many years ago, her younger sister, who was in high school and (even though she was a teenager) she was much calmer and much easier to get along with. I think it was b/c her older (soul-sucking) sister was away and she was calmer b/c she was in peace. They just suck the life right out of everyone b/c that's what soul suckers do. Well, now my 20 something yr old daughter is 30 something and she's married (to a clueless man) and has a baby. I am only 'allowed' or, I should say, 'permitted' to see my adorable, wonderful grandbaby when she decides it's ok. She often denies me the right to see the baby for no reason whatsoever. He loves when I go visit him. His eyes light up and he reaches out for me to pick him up and to hold him. I have a special bond with him that I am starting to think she is jealous of. I find this ridiculous jealousy to be disgusting. It is also strange b/c she also has a close bond with him, even though it's the only bond she really has. So, she has no reason to be jealous. I now realize SP's cannot be happy about anything that creates happiness for another person, including their own mother, which has become torture for me. With-holding him from me is as heartbreaking as having a SP for a daughter, if not worse. I have real good reason to believe that this with holding and not wanting me around her or my grandson contributed to the breast cancer I struggled with last year when he was an infant.
I would have been thrilled if my daughters grandparents had this special bond with her when she was a baby, but they didn't. I know your pain. It is awful. I have done so much for her. If it weren't for my grandbaby, I would not have anything to do with her. She literally makes me sick.
ALL sociopaths blame-shift. Don't expect them to take responsibility or to react appropriately with understanding, thought and kindness. It won't happen unless they want or need something from you. If so, they will pretend. It won't be genuine. They also lack the ability to love. They can never love you back regardless of the type of relationship --- friends, parent/child, spouses, partners, and so on. Expecting any of this will create lots of disappointment and leads to extreme sadness, to say the very least. Don't even think of expecting something you will never get. There is no other way to deal with sociopaths and narcissists. We can't change them.
BTW, I have experienced narcissists in much the same way as sociopaths. Narcissists are just slightly maybe a little bit easier to deal with, but not really that much easier or much difference IMO ... although they at least have a conscience, unlike sociopaths who clearly lack a conscience. IMO, and my personal experiences with both, it seems that narcissists (cerebral & somatic) are just as maddening to be around as sociopaths.
In a nutshell - Sociopaths are secretive, entitlement, game-playing, jealous, passive-aggressive, immature, manipulative lying, character-attacking, blame-shifting soul-less, empty beings in a physical human body.
They never really know 'who' you are, and you never really know 'who' they are. They do not know 'who' you are as a person, and you do not know 'who' they are, as they do not expose their real and true selves. That's why sometimes you'll hear someone ask a person whom they've lived with ...'Who are you"? ... for all of the above reasons, but especially because they are secretive liars unable to form close relationships.
They may or may not be intellectually intelligent and they may or may not have a high IQ. Some have an average IQ. But socially and emotionally they are all as dumb and stupid as can be. And they are morally bankrupt, to some extent.
Their strength is being able to hone in on another person's weaknesses (as everyone has at least one weakness) and use it against them and to also accuse you of doing or saying things that would be totally out of character for you. Because they don't ever really learn 'who' a person is. They are disconnected and detached.
I have been telling my husband that I think he's a sociopath a verbal abuser, etc. It frankly is all i could do grab hold of reality because the reality of my marriage was held hostage by my husband. My marriage rarely made any sense. Today I am researching the term sociopath. think my husband is a bona fide sociopath He's typically attractive with blond hair blue eyes, even teeth and everyone is charmed by his european accent. He always has justification for his acts but I still insist that he could talk to them to express himself rather than stealing. he actually brags about being a childhood bully. Then a devious teenager peeing in hallways of homes of friends and acquaintances that were more expensive than his own. He will blame me/others for anything. He is an amazing liar and will deny committing acts he's just committed and will sympathize or apologize long enough to stop you from trying to control him. He prefers anger over finding solution and claims that after being enraged he feels better. He will lie for no reason. He shows no remorse. He's crazily using aliases in forums and as a public face. He actually will leave the room or go outside should i ever happen to cry. He says, its too easy, to cry. I am usually shocked at his behavior. He's said that shocking or flooring me excites him. I don't know if that's a boy-girl dynamic but it made me concerned. He sits and laughs at the Cheaters show then cheats on me! the list of his questionable symptoms goes on and on. Then I read that I shouldn't tell my husband I think of him in this way. Please explain why not. What could happen? Will do research in meantime.
There are many comments that mention the lack of empathy and I am compelled to think it is trauma associated w/being denied meaningful empathy when it was needed. One thing that goes on in our communications is the actual message but also how that message is conveyed. Imagine a child needing empathy from a grandpa, say, from a strict domineering generation. There may be no value placed on empathy towards children in grandpa's day/age. With this formula, it's too easy to communicate apathetic messages and behaviors to a child. Especially if the adult were a relative. It reminds me of a rather typical non-abusive parent-child exchange: the child requests to ask for tv and the parent says "go to bed, there is no tv." the child is simply, directly forced to accept there is no empathy for television. it's too easy to go wrong. as parents and adults we need more love discipline towards our children. the loss of a good child is too great.. I am also inclined to believe that rage exhibited in children who become adults, deep rage comes directly from severe physical abuse or sexual demoralizing or shame. Another adult vice involving children.
"we need more love discipline towards our children. the loss of a good child is too great.. I am also inclined to believe that rage exhibited in children who become adults, deep rage comes directly from severe physical abuse or sexual demoralizing or shame. Another adult vice involving children"
I totally agree with your post.
IMO, this is a real big part of what's wrong with our society today, in general. Violence and abuse needs to be replaced with love discipline.
I couldn't agree more.
I'm still looking for someone to confirm my ex as a sociopath. He has some, but not most, of the traits. No direction in life, pathologically lied about every aspect of his past and present, including a (seemingly) intense relationship w/ another woman for almost a year (which I had no idea about), poor family relationships - father ignored him, poverty, mother confirmed she doesn't know what's wrong with him and that he stole from many women and family members. But - he's far from lazy and spent three years catering to me. He never was abusive. He often spoke with great affection about his grandfather, which sounded like real love to me. Can you be a sociopath and have these characteristics? Or is it something else? Narcissism? I have to admit, I'm hoping not a socio as it destroys the three years of love I thought I had.
Hi Chris,
Many researchers believe sociopathy isn't on or off, but that there are varying degrees of it.
He has an interesting combination of characteristics, but I don't think he's a sociopath. But these things are notoriously difficult to diagnose, even for people who do it for a living.
Adam,
Thanks so much for the post and clearing things up for me - it did seem very much black and white here - a sociopath = no feeling, no love. Glad to hear there is a middle, too. Socio or not, this man shattered my heart, my trust, and my self esteem. Now I need to move on - but like a moth to a flame, I keep thinking that if only I could reach him, he could get help and be a better person, able to appreciate and experience real love. Dumb idea? I guess I need to work on me, first.
Dumb? No. You're human. You have a sense of hope, caring, and loyalty that will be a great asset when it is given to someone who returns it. If you're going to work on something, work first on being able to tell the difference between a truly good person and someone who will only take advantage of you.
In the book, Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Feel Powerless Again, the author David J. Lieberman has some helpful distinctions in Section 2, which is entitled, "Never be fooled, tricked, manipulated, used, lied to, or taken advantage of again.
I am happy thet there is a post to comment. My step- daughter is 15. She has all the signs posted about a sociopath. She has stolen from everyone in her family. No one will keep her for me and my husband when we need time alone. She has stolen just about everything from me money my engagement ring and even toys and game from my children. She lies about everything her grades are no good. When she is on her monthy she hides her used pads in the pantry.She takes money from us and gives it to kids at school. We took her to therpy and the doctors say how nice she is, shes even playing the doctors.She turn into a five year old when she get into trouble but it is never her fault and she blame it on the other children. She doesnt have any friend because she has stolen from them and they do not want to be her friend anymore. My husband thought she would have grown out of this because she has been like this every snice she was younger. She make me go crazy and I have to second guess myself when every she lies.She went to school stating that she was raped by 10 boys so the police got involved and they said that her stories were not true. We are going through a lot as a family.I just dont know how to fix this problem. She is going to ruin my life and my childrens life.
I've skimmed this blog so as not to ask a redundant question however I havent seen anything addressing an issue I'd like some insight on. I believe I was recently involved with either a sociopath or a narcissist. The behaviour I find unique to this guy was his strange need to come to my home at night and vandalize my car ~ of course I have no proof but it started at the exact time this guy came to town. He relentlessly let the air out of my tires night after night for months, poked darts in them, threw a brick at the rear window and keyed the drivers side door. Now to understand I must give some brief backstory ~ this was an affair, I was married at the time and originally thought the guy had major anger managment issues and in some sick way was trying to "excelerate" my divorce. He also relentlessly sent (and this is the creepy part) the most foul and demeaning texts to my husbands cell phone from all different crazy go phones, internet phone lines and from a computer at the library so as to remain anonymous. The information in the texts was always personal info regarding our time spent together and then embellished and turned ugly. He insulted me, my body parts and my intelligence as well as the same insults to my husband. When confronted he was incredulous ~ so my question is...are these narcissistic or sociopathic traits?? Because I dont see many posts addressing this strange malingnant behavior. Thanks to anyone with insight but would very much to like Eric's input if he still checks in.
For some of you who may have dealt with someone with characteristics of a sociopath, I would like to give you a couple of my experiences, in the work place. I work in radio and have been for almost 25 years. I worked at one particular radio station twice, once in 1990 and again in 1999. Talk about your run of misfortune, the first supervisor seemed at first to be a nice guy until one month into working for him he snipped at me over an innocent question, he had no life outside the radio station but seemed to single me out as an easy target for his harrassment, always commenting on how he had the power to hire and fire people. Always calling the station during my shift only, I asked the other employees if they had similar incidents...they didn't. It came to a head when i asked him a question about a write up and he went ballistic, after that the calls became more frequent. The situation there was that the General Manager who had authority over him was in another city, so he had the advantage to tell employees anything he wanted to intimidate them, sociopaths tend to look for situations in the work place where you can't go over their head to work things out and you allow them that power and control. The second time i worked for this radio station in 1999 a general manager was stationed on sight and had an operatons manager. Understand this is 9 years and two radio stations later, the immediate
supervisor, like before seemed like a nice guy, he offered me wonderful opportunities until I was tweeking some things on a program I hosted, then I noticed something weird, I felt that same feeling one night as 9 years earlier that I was being watched, my instincts were right. Come to find out he was watching me from different places across the street from the radio station as well as noticing a parked truck in the parking lot...which was his. Also come to find out he hid in his office while I was on duty but hid whatever vehicle he was driving at the time, then made two unexpected stops by the station. This doesn't happen just in radio, it happens EVERYWHERE, sociopaths generally feel threatened by someone who they thing is doing a better job than they are which I never realised at the time. They also do not take suggestions well, I made a suggestion to him one time and his response was very hostile, his answer was and I quote "There is nothing you can say that I haven't done or though of and you're suggestions are starting to bother me" as if he was primarily responsible for all the technology in radio today. Bottom line, look for claims they make that have no solid proof to back them up. Normal people know what they have or haven't done and know what they are capable and not capable of doing. The above mentioned people exist unfortunately in our society. If you work for someone that behaves in this similar fashion, your best move is to get out of there after you've found a better job before he turns you into an approval addict
My brother exhibits sociopathic symptoms towards myself and his children...
He is so enmeshed with my parents that they refuse to acknowledge his behavior towards me...and constantly blame me for the way his treats me because he manipulates them into thinking that my reaction towards him is my doing not his...
If I was to completely get him out of my life i would lose my relationship with my parents and my niece and nephew...
What should I do?
All these comments hit so close to home, especially the grandmother watching her daughter and two grandchildren deal with after 7 years of divorce. I have been divorced over 10 years and my ex is a master of this game. Does anyone know where to go for legal help in dealing with these kinds of people.
Wow! After reading the descriptions of the sociopathic person I believe I was married to one. So many of the characteristics are spot on and the feelings I have had are here as well. I guess I am feeling vindicated in some way, but very sad at the same time. The more I research, in an attempt to try and make sense of my past and present life, I am being forced to admit and accept that the one I loved (still do) is a very sick man. Although, at this point he is no longer in my life as my husband, but, he is still in my community and I have and will cross paths with him in the future.
The lack of remorse, lying with ease, totally into image, has no memory (he claims) from age 6 to age 10, would break his own toys as a child and place them outside his door for attention (sad), pornography addiction, gets restless easy, extreme outbursts of anger resulting in breaking of things (I knew if he ever crossed over into physically attacking me during one of these episodes he would kill me because he was so out of control), his answer to these outbursts was to get rid of the "cause" which was, in his mind, me... Of course I was devastated and would try to fix it, but as a result over time I began to avoid, if at all possible, any subject that could potentially trigger on outburst...then I was accused of "never talking"...there is so much more (I was with this person for close to 13 years) I really just need to sit down and write this nightmarish experience out...the flow of thought will likely be easier to follow if I do that. I am just feeling comforted that I am not alone and there are others who can understand what I have been living with.
One more little bit about his personality...very charismatic, smart, funny, appears to care about others, sounds totally logical and understanding and has sucked in so many (for awhile anyway)...
He was a pastor (stepped down just before actively pursuing a parishoner), then became a teacher for awhile (only as a stepping stone...his goal was to be in a leadership role), he then became a vice principal and then after doing the minimal time in that role he began pursuing a principalship which finally he succeeded in doing...after just one year in that role he began an affair with a married teacher in his building...and of course he is angry with me to this day...go figure!!
I still struggle with the mean, evil spirit I saw in him...I still hear him say to me..."I didn't leave you for someone else I left you because of you...and it doesn't matter what you try and do you are still you" those words still haunt me. All of the guilt he tried to heap on me, the crazy making behaviors displayed, the cruel things he did and said have left me with much to recover from, but I am, one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time, doing that today...I do have, in spite of all that I went through with him, much to be thankful for...one of those things is that I am still alive today and maybe I will be of some help to someone else in the same situation. Thanks for letting me ramble....
Ihave a son who for 35 years has confused me but I think I'm finally closing in on some answers. When he was 8 yrs old he could look daggers through me, to the extent I would often lay awake at night worried he might do something evil. I hired a psychiatrist to test him for learning disabilities and other problems but they couldn't come up with anything. that was 30 years ago. He is intelligent and very athletic. we supported him throughout his school years in sports and hoped he would go to college and excel in something he loved. Instead he joined the military and seemed to do ok. But our relationship was always distant. I would show affection and he would rebuff it. I asked him a hundred times what was wrong with our relationship and he would ignore the question. He married and all hell broke loose. He cheated on his wife, became addicted to pornography, stole from us and others occasionally. He would con us out of stuff like our nice refrigerator then he sold it. Stuff like that. He joined the army and seemed to be ok there but when he later joined a police department, he was soon fired from his . We don't know why. He never said. He can be very charming to outsiders and people who don't know him but when we come around he acts like we aren't even there. We never see him unless we contact him and make arrangements to go to his home for a visit. He lets me kiss his cheek if I insist but he doesn't show any affection for me. Forget birthdays, mother's day, fathers day or any of that. He has several siblings and has nothing to do with any of them. He tells people including his own kids and wife that we abused him all his life and that's why his life is so miserable. He has found religion, gone to divinity college and will soon be pastoring in his own church. He tries to convert me to his religion but I resist because that's not for me. He detests me for this. I always knew he had something going on, be it depression or a personality disorder or whatever but since I've read the questions regarding diagnosing a sociopath, I think this is a distinct possibility. We went to visit him one last time a few months ago. He was in the house for 3 days we were there but would have nothing to do with us. I decided I had enough. Does any of this sound like a sociopath to you?
(Call me "NotSureWheretoGo")
My sister is a sociopath. She is 5 1/2 years older but she acts like a 5-year-old. She has caused so much anguish to our family. Even when she was small,she was "extremely difficult to handle". She abuses, lies, breaks promises, manipulates, has shallow emotions, steals from my parents and me, violates my privacy (& brags about it), pays me/my dad very little to no money for baby-sitting her 2 sons (we were/are taking care of them every day for HOURS & get paid $20 every two weeks -- if that), throws fits like she's a 5-year-old, places blame on everyone (it's NEVER her fault), acts like an angel & a charmer around other people -- but we know how she really is. She has caused so much trauma for us & now she treats her 2 sons the same way (the main reason my parents & I watch them so much...the other being she doesn't care about them). We had a grandfather & have an aunt who acts the same way. My sister can't stand them, yet fails to comprehend that she is just like them.
Just 2 days ago, my parents asked me to baby-sit the boys & I agreed. After a little while, I noticed it was WAY too quiet so I went to check up on them. They were gone. I had a panic attack & searched everywhere. The front & back doors were both locked so I figured they had to be inside the house, but they were nowhere to be found. It was like they'd vanished into thin air. It turned out that my sister had taken the boys & failed to inform me. My nephew told me that he'd wanted to tell me they were leaving but my sister snapped, "Hurry up!" Later, when she found out why I was so upset, she walked off. She still hasn't talked to me.
Just today my dad told me that she stole clothes that he and my mom are selling.
UGH. This is so difficult & draining! Now that she has her own place it's "easier" to deal with her, but based on what my dad's told me today, now we're afraid she'll move back in & wreak MORE havoc.
NotSureWhereToGo ... I had a sister exactly like what you've described. She passed away recently after a brief illness. While everyone still grieved for her after her passing, the peace and harmony that's been restored to my family is wonderful. Sometimes all it takes is one dysfunctional family member to create a lot of chaos and drama, just one.
After the funeral, my cousins asked me why I was so upset and crying at my sisters funeral because everyone knew my sister was abusive to me and others, and she was out of control most of the time ... irrational, childish temper tantrums, you name it. She was definitely a Sociopath, without a doubt. The way you described your sister fits the description of my late sister. We never wished her to die as we always hoped she would change for the better. My response to my cousins was that I, or maybe I should say 'we', my family and I, were all really grieving for what we had always longed for and wished for from her, (kindness, empathy, normalcy and so on) but never once got.
I can tell you this ... it does NOT get better with age, it gets worse. The last few months of her life she was completely bed-ridden and drugged up on an IV of Oxycodone or Oxycontin, some kind of really strong pain-killer. While drugged up during her illness in the final months before she passed away, she was the nicest, calmest person ever. She was (finally) the daughter my mom had always wanted, the sister I had always wanted, and the mother my niece and nephew always wanted. So, I do wonder if there is a medication that might help your sister. As I said, it doesn't get better with age. If she is abusing her children in any way, they will be too scared to tell you, regardless of how you approach the situation. Sometimes the abuse doesn't show up in the form of physical bruises. Emotional torment and unpredictability is no way for anyone (especially young dependent children) to live. It's a daily living hell with no escape. All forms of abuse and the unpredictability of her mood swings often causes PTSD. Living in an unpredictable environment destroys children.
Sociopaths never make good parents. Since power is in numbers can you and your family get custody? I know that's easier said than done but she is slowly destroying two innocent children who deserve better.
It seems that most of the comments on here from 'sociopaths' are most likely from people with disorders that involve wanting to be sick and to have something wrong with them, most likely for the attention. What made me curious enough to comment was the claim that there are different levels of sociopathy. So far I match all of the behaviors and symptoms, except for the part about having no emotions. Most are faked, yes, but there are times when I think that I do feel something genuine. There are a handful of close relationships (only one from my family, my brother) that do mean quite a bit to me. It may not be what everyone else interprets as love but to me I think that's what it is. I think of them as belonging to me. I care about their emotional status because it contributes to their overall condition, which I want to be the best possible because they're mine. It's similar to the sensation you have as a child about your toys. It's just more developed now, more complex. I wouldn't miss them or regret losing them due to my actions, but I still feel a powerful need to protect them while they're mine. I've only just turned 21, and spent the last couple years learning to control myself. I'm no longer drinking, smoking, taking pills and am currently not having sex. I've also progressed to the point where I'm no longer drawn to people to satiate my boredom. Studying Philosophy has done wonders because I can "win" as much as I want but the game never ends because there's no way to determine 'true answers'. Video games also help satisfy my entertainment needs a little. By all accounts I fit your criteria as a sociopath, but I have put a lot of time and effort into getting off of the radar. Mainly I'm commenting because I feel a lot of people need to comprehend that we're not all "out to get you". I'm not saying this because I care about your opinion of me; I'm saying it because I want to be left alone, and maybe by educating some of you there will be less of a chance that some fool will try to diagnose me. I don't want that kind of attention. I'm sure that I'm not the only sociopath out there who has found a hiding place and prefers to remain a wolf in sheep's clothing.
(MDC) Looking back over many of the posts left here on the forum, I have found one thing truly shocking! We have all been stung by the sociopathic lies and manipulation (which is why we are here) yet so many are desperate enough to avidly seek advice from the likes of Eric et el.
He is the very thing that you are trying to escape from and I find it most bizarre to see so many people asking questions and then expecting an honest answer. Honesty is not a word I'd associate with the average sociopath!
These people are compulsive liars, skilled in the manipulation of the half truth, master 'gas lighters' apt at twisting and changing the truth to suit their own means! Why anybody would want to gain insight from them is completely over my head!(?)
The facts are right in front of your eyes, in each genuine post on this forum. There are hundreds and hundreds of detailed accounts of the havoc, and even devastation, that these souless individuals have caused to other people's lives!! (people they professed to love - in alot of cases).
Doesn't that kind of spell things out loud and clear?????
As harsh as it sounds, the only way to deal with a sociopath is not to deal with them at all! Asking for advice and insight from a manipulative liar is complete craziness, in my opinion. I'm despairing at the naiveté of humanity at times (and THEY thrive on it!).
I do not lie compulsively. I do however lie to manipulate and get what I want. To lie compulsively is to sacrifice control, which I will not do. I lie where necessary to make people think what I want, and do what I want. As I mentioned in my previous post however, my boredom has been extended to people in general and I've found other sources of entertainment. Everyone's arrogance here is amusing though. Do you honestly believe that I find you so important? You're pawns. And as for the people that I "profess to love" that is exactly it. How I feel for those people is my equivalent to your 'love'. They may also be pawns but they are MY pawns. I do not actively try to cause them pain because, as I said before, their emotions affect the condition that they're in. And I want them in good condition. They supply me with what I crave. I keep the bees and they keep me. Just because I don't mourn their loss doesn't mean I didn't recognize the individuals usefulness. Also, if you are a regular user here expect us to be reading a lot of each other's posts. I look forward to it. I'm happy to answer any questions you have truthfully. After all the reason I'm here is to observe how people react when they know how my mind works. And the anonymity allows me to be honest. Obviously I wont tell you all my real name so you can call me.. Arthur.
i have been widowed now for 18 years and was married for 38 years before that to the same person.i am heart broken after reading all these articles as i can now realize that my husband was a true sociopath. just to mention one thing that bothered me is that during the 38 years that we were married he never once told me that he loved me and i used to ask him at times because it would have meant so much to me. but his answer always was 'don't be silly' he also had a habit of hurting me with his tongue and make me cry buckets and each time he would have a good sexual do (he used to do his own thing) i noticed that this happened periodically every 3 to 4 months.when i finally realized what was happening i stopped showing him how miserable he was making me and that made him even more furious, by the way, he kept me very short of money but he used to drink and gamble to his heart's content. i do not wish to say more as it is upsetting me in no small way but do you think that i should go to some kind f psychologist to get rid of my sadness as this seems to be festering under my skin all the time.
so... aside from the sadistic nature and substance abuse it doesn't seem that bad. if you were a sociopath and had neither of those problems you'd basically just be an incredibly intelligent person without emotional complications. one of those "capable of great or terrible things" kind of deals sounds like.
wow, I am fascinated by social-paths and always have been, I am only 18 and began wondering why and how these incredible beings are possible when I was 12 or so. I recently started dating one actually and its very ironic to me that I have met one and am aware of it. hes charming, outgoing, smart, always right, not violent (yet) he knows I would kill him, literally I would cut his balls off... but Last night he was drinking and said he knows how to respond to certain things... I'm very observant and I noticed and said okay you social-path it led to a conversation and him getting very angry, but I wouldn't let it go.. now it wasn't the smartest thing to do, call him out but I have had the thought once before, I noticed when he isn't focusing on an emotion something seems off.. anyway Eric has lots of good insight, I think its amusing that he thinks he can break anyone, I cannot be broken and I'm empathetic I know my limits, I know my flaws, my parental issues, everything about me I have myself figured just as Eric has himself figured. My point is now knowing that hes a social-path there is no balance, everything he has said and will say I will write off as lies, I want to believe being born or becoming a social-path at some point in life does not mean that you are a horrid human being incapable of partnership, honesty, ect ect...but reading all of Eric's post I don't see it as a possibility.. yes social-path = lack of empathy, love, remorse, all morals, I get that I even appreciate it for what it is as I stated it has always fascinated me deeply... now being aware of it to my face bothers me deeply, Eric if you were doing one of your hunts dating someone strong, independent, intellectual and she somehow noticed you were a social-path before you fucked her over, how would you respond? what would happen next... I ask out of mere curiosity I know that I am leaving him, there will be no drama no nothing just goodbye.. I wish I didn't notice Where ignorance is bliss, 'Tis folly to be wise
Here is a link to a recently-started blog from a chap (me) who appears to be in an abusive relationship with a path of some kind ... http://anabusedhusband.blogspot.com/ ... I have no readers/followers so far, so would be glad of some ...
I'd just like to say that I believe that my mother is a sociopath after reading these comments and reading "the sociopath next door" and "without conscience". I thought at first that she had bi-polar as two siblings have been hospitalized with this disorder. Likewise, she has another brother (my uncle) that preyed on his father's social security benefits for years and can't hold a job. FYI, if you plan on having a sociopath as a child... don't name him after you. He would also go as far as raiding their freezer for meat (they are in their 90's) and chopping down their poplars in the front yard for his wood stove. My grandparents adopted four children... three of which ran away because of horrendous living conditions.
Enough about my mother's roots... basically from age 0 to age 12 I was the object of her rage. Some of the awesome things she would do to me is the following:
Called me the devil or being possessed by the devil
Threw me out of the house and order all of my siblings (5) to lock the doors and windows behind me. I would walk up to the mountains and contemplate suicide by cliff jumping at age 11.
three to five minute stare downs with her blank cold menacing eyes
All sorts of other psychological war-games. Who needs Guantanamo Bay when you have home sweet home?
At around age 12 I wised up and found a job. During school I played sports and did my homework... I stayed out of the house as much as possible. However; soon after one of my younger sister's became the object of her games. She would deny basic necessities, force her to make her own food while the other kids ate from her nasty meals. She would go weeks at a time without talking or being in the same room with her. She would turn her back with a disgusted putrid face. If my sister was sick and my father was trying to comfort her, she would accuse him of being incestuous. Sadly I did nothing to help. The other siblings were caught in her web, she made them believe that myself and my sister were demons.
Sometimes in the middle of a battle, she could answer the phone as if nothing had happened and talk in her innocent ten year old voice.
My sister went back home after her first marriage fell apart. The mother began to mistreat her again, but this time I came back home to help her one Thanksgiving break. One morning the mother was acting very agitated. I told her that I wanted to set a meeting with her and my father... my sister came into the same room and the mother told her that she wished her ex killed her with the gun he owned. That was the flash-point... her voice, gaze, and hateful words caused a flood of pain in the whole house. The family dynamic reverted to the past... the demons were demonic again and all of her protecting cherubs (her favorite kids) came to the mother's rescue. My sister and I left that day, feeling expelled once again. This happened 9 years ago. Nothing has been the same since. I only have conversations with my sister... my other brothers and sisters hold me responsible for the blow-up. They claim that I cornered her... that I put too much pressure on her.
You might ask where my father was in all of this... he wasn't there. He ignored it all. His favorite son called and told him the day of the blow-up that his family was falling apart. He told him that he was going to finish out his workday... that he wasn't coming home. The most confusing thing of all is that he is a social worker for the department of human welfare and social services. When I was young he could see the effects... he told me he was going to leave her soon and take me with him. He never did. He will now defend her until the end...
I no longer talk to my parents.
(Angela) It was suggested to me that my husband may be a sociopath so I have been trying to find information to help me decide on the correct course of action. I split with him 4 years ago and we have 3 children. He is still trying to win me back and rather than time making things better it has made it worse, he is obsessed with getting me back and texts me constantly sometimes nice then nasty then nice again, he send flowers and uses the children to try and make me go along on trips with him. I have begged him to stop and told him that he is making me ill and he says he is so sorry and them starts again. I am worried about him having the children because they have already started coming home asking why I don't love him and I don't think he will stop until he wins, and that's all it is, whilst we were together he cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me. he treats his parents with contempt and his mum sticks up for him, only last night she told me I couldn't have been perfect or he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. I don't want him back and I keep telling him but then he sends presents and when he sees how tired I am he says"have me back and you can give up work" He's supposed to support us anyway. I would be here all day telling you of the things he did but my reason for suspecting he is a sociopath is that he does awful things without feeling guilty. When we met he was engaged to someone else, I obviously did not know this, he allowed her to search for wedding dresses, she bought him a van because he couldn't get work without one and he asked me to sell my house and move in with him and have a baby, he said that his ex had aborted his baby and that left him devastated, he said that he had savings we could use as a deposit for a house together. Turns out he was thousands in debt and that his girlfriend aborted the baby because he was cheating on her with at least three other women, one of whom turned up claiming she was also pregnant, so I am still renting and will never get back on the property ladder and I honestly think he saw a single parent with a good job and a nice house and wanted to take it away from me, he even swapped my sporty car with an heap of a thing cos he said I needed a bigger car for the baby. His mum was helping the other girlfriend with wedding plans so he couldn't tell her about me, so he told me his parents lived abroad and his mum missed out on the birth of her first grandchild. When it finally all came out, I asked him why he had led the other girl on and let me sell my house, give up my job and have another child and he said it was a game. I won't go on, you get the gist. My question is I haven't filed for divorce because I am worried it will make him worse but I cannot go on like this. Shall I toughen up and do it or for an easy life try not to piss him off till her gets bored and divorces me? And what about the kids, I hate the thought of him trying to use them against me and of them suffering his games as they get older. Help Please x
I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with a sociopath for about 20 years. Married him, had two kids, divorced now for 11 yrs. Kids are now 16 and 14, both boys. Now that my son is 16 the X is using him. Constantly telling him your mom's a bitch and you don't have to listen to her. My son is now at his house and has been there for three weeks. My son is getting his way constantly now with no consequences. I'm seeing my X influence his behavior. My son and I have seen a councilor twice so far. I really haven't cared over the years what my X does. They’re his actions not mine. But it seems the less I care the more he pushes and manipulates and wants to pull me back in. He's very verbally abusive as well. Now the X pushed to the point where he’s using my son. Now I am involved again because I care about my son. It’s very depressing that they never stop and continue to widen their circle of abuse. It’s awful to use your own child in this way. I don’t want the kids to grow up like him. Since sociopaths never get better is there any advice on how to get out of this situation with my kids intact. Legal action? Or will this just ramp up the sociopathic behavior?It never seems to end.
I dont know if my mother is a sociopath or a narcissist. i just know that she only thinks about herself. She lies very easily and doesnt care for her children or grandchildren. She loves to socialize. But she only talks about hrself. She is always talking about herself!! If you dont know her well you would think that she is nice, but after a while her friends stop talking to her. When my daughter was one year old she came to visit me from P.R but yet could not watch her while I worked. I had to take my baby in 20 degrees outside to the babysitter and not even offered. She is the same way with all of us (5 children). I ve seen her steel from stores(silly things like a scotch tape) She lies so easily and just think about money and looking pretty. I could go on and on. What do you think? Is she a sociopath?
I just can't seem to understand:
If a sociopath is so exceptional at manipulation and deceit, then how is it that (judging by the article comments) they are even noticed? Isn't there a chance that an individual may be so talented at fooling others that they can go about for their entire lives without ever being discovered?
And another question for Adam please:
Can a person be a sociopath and not know it? Although their are universal definitions for happy, sad, angry, etc., could a person with the disorder possibly believe that he or she feels emotions just the same as everyone else because that's all they know?
Many times, sociopaths are NOT identified as such for YEARS by their own spouses! You'll see comments by people who were married to one for 20 years and are only just now realizing what's going on.
Part of the problem is that it doesn't seem possible. It's not something most of us can even imagine: Someone apparently normal who has no empathy for others.
In answer to your second question, I don't know. I think they would know they are different from the people around them. I think they would find others' empathy as baffling as we find their lack of empathy, but I don't know if ALL sociopaths have that experience.
Where to start. That's the point that I allowed myself to get to because I loved her and choose to ignore or believe that her hurt would mend. Sadly, between her selfishness and Xanax abuse, things will never change. She broke my heart. It hurts to give everything of yourself, unconditional love, and be so brutally tossed aside.
My daughter is dating a sociopath. I feel horrible because he was a friend of mine and I brought him into her life. He comes and he goes, she lies when she is seeing him because she knows how everyone who loves her feels about him. But we always know when she is back with him. There are lies and missing times, she's upbeat and happy. Then a month or so in, she becomes extremely depressed and sad. Although I hate to see her depressed, I'm relieved because I know this means he has dumped her again, or she caught him with another woman, again. Than we have a month where we pick up the pieces and begin to build something positive, till the next time he comes in and destroys it all yet again.
My Gradson Is a socialpath. Everyone in the family has tried to help him, but he ends up stealing from them. He uses strong drugs and drinks. He not only took my SSI check, but my 7 year old dog that was "my Baby" I will suffer the rest of my life because of him. Why can't there be a place for people like this that can't be helped To keep them from hurting others?
To the Anonymous poster who regurgitated a past posting and just added "Finally" to the end, I have a few questions for you.
1. "I think these people have other disorders that show symptoms of sociopathic tendencies such as post traumatic stress disorder. and also if you believe sociopaths are so hard to identify its because they are, so most of you people are pushing away people with treatable problems" How are you able to make an assessment without witnessing the experiences these posters are divulging? What makes you think that the persons suspected of having sociopathic tendencies ever showed an ounce of genuine affection to the posters? Like you said, sociopaths are hard to identify, this forum allows for the education of the masses as to what to be aware of. Sociopath or not, it's not healthy to remain in a toxic relationship for years and years. Once happiness is found after ingesting venom for years, you will realize just how screwed up that relationship was. You might just add a few years onto your life expectancy as well.
2."if your being abused by anyone why bother reading up on if they fit a socipathic description... just leave. do you really need some type of personality disorder confirmation to leave this person?" What's wrong educating yourself with what a sociopath's tendencies are? I think that the "sociopath next door" and "without conscience" are real eye openers. Why leave blood in the water for sharks to come and ravage us? The more educated you are... the less likely you will find yourself in danger with a sociopath. If you do leave after educating yourself wouldn't you agree that you won't find yourself in that situation again? For myself, I couldn't sleep for three days after reading the accounts of real living breathing chameleons. I would appreciate not being discouraged to do research or follow my gut feelings as I navigate through this process. More often than not, your premonitions will keep you out of trouble... if you have them that is.
3. "Real sociopaths fake love and guilt so the people you think are sociopaths are either the worst sociopaths ever or... NOT REAL SOCIOPATHS..." So... are you saying that a sociopath has never been caught? Are you saying that the 20% of our prison population diagnosed with psychopathy or 2% to 4% of the general population suspected of being sociopaths are not what we say they are? Do you think that it is therefore impossible to correctly identify a sociopath if they are so good at what they do? Are sociopathic personalities perfect at what they do 100% of the time?
My son is a sociopath and is blackmailing me. I wish I could just disappear off the face of the earth.
I work with a woman that is so manipulative. The truth couldn't possibly find its way out of her mouth. She lied about her newborn granddaughter said she had major medical issues and that the child had MS and was mentally retarded. She is covert and destructive. Fake tears, pity, stabbing someone in the back that mistaken gets close to her is all part of her day. Then when her cunning doesn't give her the satisfaction - she has turned violent, but makes sure she covers her tail and sure enough it all appears to be someone else but not her fault. She has everyone duped; but she is really good because even when we've come to believe we know all this about her, she will pull us back in with some new fabrication, then flush us down the drain again while she stands back. She seems to use her time wisely to think up more clever lies, avoidance of work plus petty annoyances. She is quite clever at getting out of work and if she is ever cornered into having to do work, she deliberately screws it up.
After 5 years of marriage and a child between us, I have just discovered that my husband is indeed a sociopath. Its quite unbelieveable since all the signs and red flags were waving in the air right from the beginning but the desire to hope, to believe that the person is genuinely good and just hopelessly misunderstood blinded me. As our marriage deteriorated over the years starting ironically just after we got married, I tried everything to make it work. I accepted his lies and his cheating- his verbal and eventual physical abuse all in the mindset that in fact, perhaps I was the one with the problem. Sadly after all these years, I've gathered the courage to end my marriage with him but my greatest fear is that he will not let me go. He has insinuated that either one of us will die if we break up and although I now understand him enough (he's too selfish to think of killing himself)- I know without a shadow of a doubt that he would definitely try and harm me if I left.- I've been secretly planning to steal our child (he's now 2 years old) to relocate to somewhere where I'm hoping he'll never find us. For my own peace of mind, and to build up my own self esteem which has steadily been eroded over the years I need a new life without him in it. The biggest problem is my family and friends (except my closest friend) everyone sees him as being a very kind, charming, caring husband and in fact I'm the one with the problem since his deception is so extreme. I don't want to lose touch with my family (my parents) but I know without a doubt that if I do cut off contact with him and move away, he'll manipulate them to track me down. I'm emotionally drained and feel really confused. I'm determined to go but does that mean that I have to hide even from my parents(yet I love them so dearly)? Is there really no way he can ever be cured?
I was manager of a division and I made a mistake of hiring a bonafied sociopath/psychopath when I first became manager.
I have never managed before so I was unaware of being perceptive to signs of unusual behavior.
For example when I was interviewing him for the position and the interview was going fairly well he asked me towered the tail end of the interview if he could invite his wife to the interview since she was waiting for him in the parking lot. Now I know what an idiot I was to hire this guy.
After I started to see a pattern I began to push back and that was my downfall. I was not equipped to handle him and plus I did not have any support from upper management. I know now it’s like trying to reason with the likes of David Koresh, Jim Jones and David Mascavige etc, etc, you know what I mean.
Welcome to the world of a sociopath/psychopath.
Here is the laundry list…..
While attending a regional meeting in a classy hotel he interrupted me while I was talking and insulted me in a conversation among our peers in a casual group meeting. At the same meeting while we were waiting for him to come down to the lobby of the hotel he appeared with a baseball T-shirt that was completely wrinkled and old.
Came to work with the hair on the back of his head standing straight up in the air.
Came to work wearing these old grass stained white sneakers that emitted a stench so foul that it engulfed the whole working area. He wore those sneakers twice and on the second time I entered his office and looked at him without saying a word and looked down at his sneakers repeatedly until he got the message. He understood what I was trying to tell him and he moved his feet ever so slightly trying to hide his sneakers.
Came to work on multiple days with white flakes peeling off his mustache and around his mouth something like dandruff but the flakes were larger.
Couldn’t get close to him for any amount of time while he was sitting in his chair because the top of his head emitted this pungent disgusting smell that made me pull back immediately and made me teary eyed.
His office is always filthy and one time left a half eaten pizza on his desk for five days. When he is not sitting in his chair you can literally see the outline of his body because it is that soiled and it has an unpleasant odor.
Farted in my face twice and then when we had a written reprimand meeting with my boss he said the reason why he farted is because he has a medical condition. He is a quick on formulating lies at the drop of a dime.
Entered reimbursement for hotel parking twice on different line items (hotel total and miscellaneous) on his travel reimbursement form.
Gave him projects to work on and or manage projects of some other employees and on occasions didn’t follow my instructions. He decided if he was going to do it or not. This is his MO- and he used this method all the time: I didn’t understand what you said, you misunderstood me, that’s not what you said, that’s not what you showed me, that’s not what I said, that’s not how I interpreted what you said, I’m sorry, I didn’t know… on and on
Perpetual liar. Other than his personal hygiene this is his MO.
While I was attempting to cross the street he made me stop in the middle of the street because he would not stop his vehicle and he looked at me as he passed me up with this weird stare. He also did this to another employee at work but the person would not turn him in.
He would attack anyone if he knew or felt they were against him. He would do anything to destroy them.
After getting off from work at five PM he road ragged me on the highway cutting me off repeadiatly. The very next day his front wheel dislodged completely off his vehicle.
Highly intelligent, his verbal abilities is outstanding – can persuade almost anyone.
When to jail for family violence one Thanksgiving Holiday. This is the story he told me: in 2004 they allowed a homeless guy to stay with them in their house. A homeless alcoholic with two stray dogs and missing teeth. Because according to what he told me they do things to help people out. I also want to mention that at the same time his common law wife of ten years is home indefinitely because she has lime disease. Anyway, he tells me things went critical and he was trying to get his common law wife to agree with him to get rid of this homeless guy but according to him she would not agree. He told me the stray dogs were real aggressive and he couldn’t enter to room were the homeless person was staying in. Things escalated and he ended up going to jail, he moved out and went to live with his mother and now is remarried.
Comes to work with two guitars. His new wife is a musician and now he started to bring guitars to work.
We were at an exotic lumber store because he needed to buy some lumber for a picture frame and I was going around the store looking at all the different species of lumber not knowing anything. Well he came to where I was and started reading the name plate associated with the different lumber species and commenting as if he was an expert in lumber saying “OH yes that’s what that is”, on and on. It was totally bizarre and I mean this guy is really disturbed.
Wow I cant believe what I'm reading!!!!
everything you said in that artilcle was so true.
I think I have a cousin like that me nd her been close for the longest but I'm just now realizing that she didnt really like me!
like she love seeing me hurt...and its like she always wants what I have!!! People say she is jealous of me but I'm asking myself a question! Why she jealous of me? I have nothin...I always have to work hard for everythingggggggggggggg! but not her....
OMG!! I'm sorry because having to deal with this segment of society is anything but funny but I found myself laughing out loud at the comment above regarding how "He" had moved on from the lime diseased common law wife to remarry a musician and now brings guitars to work!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! this is hysterical and an absolute and undeniable trait ~ they are chameleons and become whomever they think their victim either wants them to be, feels most comfortable around or will impress them the most ~ I know one of these "subhumans" who circles around FB and literally has changed his persona from philospher/poet, to lyricist/musician, political commentator, to the most benevolent human being posting links to wonderful human "causes" multiple times a day!
Anonymous - October 27th & the October 28th POSTS.
I can't help but wonder if perhaps he's schizophrenic and not a sociopath, although both types are equally as disturbing to be around.
Secondly, there are millions of unemployed (and under-employed) highly talented, skilled, normal, wonderful people, and yet this jerk has a job ... go figure. Unbelievable! What an ass.
There's an interesting article in the Globe and Mail on psychopaths entitled How a Psychopath is Made. Here's an excerpt:
The brain deficits that neuroscientists have documented affect the ability of psychopaths to feel emotions and learn from their mistakes – as if they have a learning disability that impairs their emotional development, says Kent Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico. The differences have been seen in the brain images of children as young as 5.
Dr. Kiehl has been amassing the brain scans of convicted criminals, at least 15 per cent of whom are estimated to be psychopaths. He and other researchers are now turning their attention to the study of children, searching for the triggers and types of experience that shape the brain of a child or adolescent at risk of becoming a psychopath.
So far he has imaged the brains of 200 young offenders in the American criminal justice system, including many in maximum security, he says. They are assessed for psychopathy using the standard checklist for juveniles, developed by Canadian psychologist Robert Hare and his colleagues.
He is not ready to report his results, but Dr. Kiehl says his hypothesis is that their brains will share many of the same features he has documented in adult psychopaths in U.S. prisons, although the impairment will not be as severe, and thus perhaps more easily corrected.
The brains of psychopaths seem to be stunted in the machinery involved in humanity's ability to feel empathy and kindness, even love. In adult psychopaths, the almond-shaped structure called the amygdala that generates emotions like fear and is also involved in learning, is significantly smaller. They appear to have weaker connections in the inner recesses of the brain that make up the paralimbic system, which involves emotions and self-control. (Psychopathic traits have also been seen in patients with damage to this area.)
There also appear to be differences in the corpus callosum, which joins the right and left hemispheres of the brain – which has been linked to their impressive ability to lie and cheat and manipulate people, an evolutionary advantage in a world that rewards those who get the upper hand, says Yu Gao, a researcher in New York who studies the neurobiology of psychopathy. Think of serial killer Ted Bundy, who sexually assaulted and murdered at least 30 women in the 1970s, and yet earned glowing letters of reference from his boss, the Governor of Washington.
That's because his boss, the (former) Governor of Washington, is a Sociopath.
My family and I are dealing with my former son-in-law who appears to be a sociopath. Before the divorce he was cruel to my granddaughter and my daughter. But to the whole world, he seemed and still seems like the nicest guy you'd ever hope to meet.
Now their lives are a living hell. He's been stalking my daughter and doing things to my granddaughter since my daughter filed for and was granted a divorce and primary custody.
Twice during visits with my granddaughter he has injured her. Twice we have called the police and CPS. Recently he burned my 4 year old granddaughter's back with a cigarette during a visit with her. She told us daddy said it was "fair" I asked her why and she said she didn't know why, because she hadn't done anything to him. But, she said "I forgave him." Naturally we called the police within a half hour of getting her home (that's when she told us what happened) and they came out and took pictures and a report. They interviewed my granddaughter and my daughter. They know my daughter and I both have orders of protection against him.
However, when they brought him in for questioning, he cried, he was so concerned, he denied everything. They let him go. 2 days later, he picked up my granddaughter for his court ordered parenting time and when she came home that evening, she told us daddy said if she kept telling the truth, he would make mommy, grandma, and great-grandma disappear and he would kill her too. She is terrified of him.
This man is a very convincing liar. He'll cry and seem so sincere, then turn around and be parked at the abandoned house two doors down from my daughter's house watching until she goes to bed, then sneaking into the yard. By the time we call the police, he's gone.
Last night was the scariest incident. The lights in the backyard of my daughter's house went out, then on, then the house lights went off, then on. She ran to the back to get a picture and all she got was a blur as he ran. She called me and I went over. We took a flashlight to the backyard and looked at the main electrical box. It was obvious it had been opened. I have no idea what he is thinking he is going to do now, but we live in fear every day.
We're told we don't have enough evidence to get an order of protection for my granddaughter. There's a pool at the house where he lives and she's told us daddy has held her head underwater. This man hates my daughter so much and he knows the only way to really hurt her is to use my granddaughter and obviously he hates his own child enough to burn her and leave a permanent scar.
How do we stop him? We can't afford a security system. The police are starting to think we're the crazy ones. Can anybody help us? What do we do? Please help.
IMO, and based on my personal experiences as an empath, many sociopaths are bi-sexual. Most do a good job keeping their sexuality a secret as all sociopaths are highly secretive. Since they lack a conscience, most sociopaths are predators who will have sex with anyone.
Many sociopaths will even engage in sexual activity with a predator who is a known pedophile, even if they themselves aren't a pedophile. Although, I do believe that all sociopaths are predators who will have sex with most anyone (male or female) not every single sociopath is also a pedophile. But I do think all pedophiles are sociopaths.
If a sociopath will engage in sex with anyone, with the only exception being children, I doubt it has anything to do with morals -- I think it's b/c they simply have no interest engaging in sexual activity with children ... not b/c of morals ... ALL sociopaths are morally bankrupt.
My last opinion is that sociopaths (as well as narcissists) all tend to support each other and they stick together. Since power is in numbers, guess who is taking over? At this point, I believe there are certainly more sociopaths in law enforcement, politics, high ranking positions and in government and 'town officials' positions of power then there are empaths who hold these types of positions.
November 2nd @ 8:21 .. I think maybe this is a question for Adam.
But I sure know what you are going through. I once was in your place with a sociopath ex-husband. I do not have all of the answers but I can tell you that I packed up what little I could and only what was necessary and moved far away ... just left town ... disappeared with no trace or forwarding address. We changed our last names. It was a struggle. After getting settled, I even took a job as a receptionist for just slightly above the minimum-wage even though I have a Masters degree. Now this was 20 years ago before we had the technology to trace people.
I can say this -- it won't get better. In fact, it will escalate. The police do not scare sociopaths as they think they are above the law. Maybe you can contact Donna Anderson of "Love Fraud" for suggestions. She lists her phone number/email on her website. She lives somewhere in NJ.
A little girl's life is in danger. Some sciopaths have been known to kill their own children in order to get even. Sadly, the courts and legal system are a real crap-shoot -- sometimes they are helpful and justice is served, but sometimes they are part of the problem. Some police officers, although charming and polite, are also sociopaths, so be careful who you tell what.
I'd do anything and everything to protect this child and keep him away from a child he's abusing. Burning a cigarette on her is horrific abuse. She is traumatized and scared. She probably isn't telling you everything as she is too afraid. Plus, she thinks if she tells everything he will kill her mother amongst other horrid repercussions. Get her school involved and maybe have her tell her teacher and the school's Principal about the abuse so he directs his anger towards them instead of you. This man is a terrorist. I seriously doubt that you know everything. Sociopaths instill fear in all of their victims.
If it were me, I'd go to the Mayor, the Town Attorney, the Chief of Police and anyone everyone to get my voice heard. A little girl's life is at stake. I wish you the best.
Does anyone else here have any suggestions?
(Bell) One sociopath explained to me that he is not attracted to women. He is attracted to sex itself. Gender does not matter. Even species does not matter. He has had sex with sheep, dogs, and a horse (don't ask me how).
To Anonymous:
my stepdaughter (only 16) seems to have all the sociopath tendencies. My husband and I came across Dr. Hare's checklist while researching her crazy behavior about 18 months ago. We sat reading his book- astonished at how he was describing our child! We made the painful decision to drop her off at social services. They put her in foster care. She ran away from that in May- but they just picked her up at the end of October and put her in juvinile detention. She wrote a letter asking her daddy to please take her back- she has been living on the streets and she is only a child- the things she has had to do to survive....etc..., I want to think she has changed- but I know in my head that this is all just a ploy. She wants to get back into our house so she can keep stealing, breaking and hurting us and her brothers. It is the most heartbreaking thing I will ever have to do. I know that if we get involved- the nightmare will go on. Life without her the past 18 months has been a dream of family dinners, talks around the fireplace, silly fun in the kitchen, before she left we all shut our selves into our bedrooms to stay away from her or just didn't come home.
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