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Featured Comment
"I have been married for twenty years to a man who lies, shows no emotion, had no interest in his children etc. I knew something was very wrong with him but could not put my finger on it, or knew there was a name for it. I found out he has been having sex with prostitutes and a lot of them for most if not all of our marriage. He is a Sociopath. He feels nothing for no one, is selfish, and could care less who he hurts.
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
Recommended Books:
Help For People Who Have Survived a Sociopath:
A psychotherapist who works with people surviving sociopaths has groups and individual sessions available most of the time. If her schedule is full, she will put you on a waiting list.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
Support Groups:
Order of Protection Survivor:
A woman shares her story of living through the nightmare of having to file an Order of Protection against her husband while providing helpful resources for other women going through a similar scary situation: Order of Protection Survivor
Domestic Abuse Help:
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, find out what your options are.
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Interview with Martha Stout
" . . . understanding this problem [sociopathy] creates an entire paradigm shift in the way we view human nature." - Dr. Martha Stout
Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
On LivingHero.com is an interview with Dr. Martha Stout, clinical psychologist and bestselling, award-winning author on the subject of sociopathy.
For twenty-six years, she served as a Psychology Instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and also taught at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology, Wellesley College, The New School for Social Research, and the National Institute of Mental Health. Dr. Stout has worked at Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Psychiatric Hospital.
She is author of The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, a National Bestseller and winner of a Books for a Better Life Award.
You may download the mp3 file for free, which will play in iTunes, RealPlayer, Windows Media Player and other media players or you may listen to it right here by clicking on the purple media player below. (The interview is about 30 minutes long.)
You can contact Martha Stout here:Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
Psychopathy Awareness
An informative blog: Psychopathy Awareness.
Post Comments
I suggest you post a comment or ask a question on this comments page. Lots of people who have a lot of experience with sociopaths subscribe to these comments, so you're bound to get some good suggestions. Also, you should read the comments. They are illuminating.
And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
| + | What is a Psychopath? | |
| | This link goes to an answer from a psychopath research organization. And the link below goes to a discussion forum by the same organization. | |
| + | Topics include: Psychopath in your life | |
| | Parents - Children | |
| + | Psychopath in the Family | |
| | Parents - Siblings |
Save the World
Martha Stout said if more people knew about sociopaths there would be less war in the world. I think she's right. Consider these facts:
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
WikiHow on Sociopathy
WikiHow has several articles on sociopaths:
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
Scientific American Mind
In the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind is an article entitled, Inside the Mind of a Psychopath. Among other things, the reseachers wrote, "Aided by EEGs and brain scans, scientists have discovered that psychopaths possess significant impairments that affect their ability to feel emotions, read other people's cues and learn from their mistakes.
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
A Clarification on a Common Belief
"Man's inhumanity to man" should be changed to, "Sociopath's inhumanity to normal humans." It doesn't have the same poetic feeling, but it is more accurate.
Contact Me
Email me here: rising.up@gmail.com
2,335 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1201 – 1400 of 2335 Newer› Newest»I am 23 yrs. old. As soon as i finished reading the article, I could not help but have the greatest feeling of depression come to me, I wanted to cry so hard but at the same time I wanted to scream out loud and tell the whole world that I knew it! I knew it wasn't me and that I am not the crazy one. As I write this I continue to feel the need to cry and just break down. I have lived on snd off my whole life with my sociopathic mother- and it has gotten so bad now that she has driven me to the point of madness. Sometimes I think my 3yr. old thinks I am loosing it: and I am. At times I feel as if I can't end it because I have nowhere else to go so there is no point in going on, she has taken everything from me but I could never do that to my son so I just deal with it and continue to let this evil person mess with my head. It's been affecting me severely for some years now and I don't know what to do. There is no stopping her.
To the 23 yr old who posted about her mother driving her mad. I am curious to know what she does to affect you this way. I started reading this blog because of my mother, but I don't think she is a SP, possibly narcisstic. Absolutely everthing in this world is "about her" and she cannot seem to go beyond that. She does have empathy towards others, but only from the angle that "that could have been me that happened to" and then begins with the poor me. She also suffers bi-polor depression. As I get older, I realize that getting mad at her behaviour does absolutely no good. I try to accept it, though I find myself suffering around her and I am completely drained of energy. When our visit is over, I need a couple days of sleep as I am exhausted. This has been the case all my life with her...I don't know the answers...Is there another family member who understands what your mother is like that you can confide in?
My wife's ex husband is a classic sociopath. He fits every red flag of a sociopath and fits all the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths. My wife has 2 children with him 14 and 10 yrs. old. She has full physical custody. The ex husband doesn't pay child support (owes $47,000 unpaid support) and demands to see kids when he wants. The court system has been useless dealing with him. He gets regular visitation (every other weekend, thursday returned by 8pm, and 1/2 summer). What can we do? How can we as a family (my wife and the kids) deal with him. The ex is destroying our home with continuos harassment and we feel we are living our live under his microscope.
His stated goal to us was we wants enough overnights so the court will mandate he is equally parenting and will require no child support from him.
He takes us to court regularly, reports us falsely to Child Protective Services and actively and tirelessly attempts to guilt and brainwash the kids against us.
The stress is enormous and my wife and I feel sometimes our way out only seems to let him raise the kids full time. To us that is not a "real option", because it would be horrible to abandon them to his torments.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
I have a 16yr old daughter that fits the sociopath profile. She has been diagnosed by a psychologist as displaying PSTD symptoms but as she wouldn't have therapy this could not be confirmed. I believe her father to be a sociopath and have done all I can to get him out of my life. Because we have a daughter this has been difficult. My life has been damaged greatly because of his actions and I always thought that my daughters behaviour was a result of his abuse of her. Whilst I still think this has played a part in her behaviour, particularly in regards to her attitude toward me, I do believe she was born 'different'. She's never been satisfied by anything I have done for her, even as a new born. It has been a tough journey with her and now she is 16 is much more difficult, although at least I can now get time away from her. There are times that I wish I'd never had her, she was not planned and I had made the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy before I knew the extent of her fathers drive to win. I love her with all my heart and to take the advice of getting her out of my life is not something I feel I can do. I don't want her living with me, I am seriously ill and living with her makes me worse. At the same time, she is my daughter and I believe I have a responsibility to do everything I can to help her stand on her own two feet. The problem is that she does stand on her own feet, usually having stolen my shoes, at the cost of others. How do I deal with the pain of watching my own child live this way. She is a drain on anyone who comes in contact with her, just as her father is. I wish he was dead. I wish I'd never met him and I wish most of all that I didn't give life to my daughter only to watch her hurt people. I'm certain she wouldn't be such a sadist if she'd had nothing to do with her father. She appeared distant prior to his contact when she was 6 but not sadistic, that was his trait and I believe he taught her this, particularly toward me. She tells people that I'm mean and they feel sorry for her and hate me. I've had abuse from people I do not know, people stay away from me because of her behaviour and still I love her because she is my daughter. Maybe the day will come when I will have no choice but to get her out of my life permanently, I certainly hope not!
Thanks hugely for your article. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 5 months that just ended. I suspected he might be a sociopath and your article really opened my eyes. I was taking the giant portion of the responsibility for the breakup and he was fostering that belief, but now I have a better understanding of his behavior in the short time I have known him. I can't thank you enough.
Well this article was interesting. Recently, I have been sure there was something wrong with my boyfriend of 2 plus years. That something has always been there, but recent events really brought it to light. He can commonly be heard saying something to the effect of "I don't care" or "It's not my problem" Now recently, it has gotten so out of hand, due to a family illness, that I realized something is truly wrong with this man, but I didn't have a word for it. Now I do. He is a sociopath. I am living with a sociopath. There really is no other explaination or answer.
Hi, I think I may be married to a sociopath, or someone who has sociopathic tendencies. We have split up , then got back together for the sake of the kids and now we are fighting all the time. I don't know how much our separating again will affect the kids. She is a very dedicated loving mother some of the time, but she deliberately provokes huge rows and then plays the victim. She has punched me in front of the children on two different occasions. I beg her not to row in front of the kids, but she always does and then plays the victim. If the kids get upset about something, it is always daddy's fault somehow. So daddy is always the evil bad one in the minds of the kids, friends and family. She turned my own family against me at one stage, but now they are figuring her for what she is. There is almost nothing she won't do to get her way. In addition, her primary concern is almost always being perceived as 'the good one' in other people's eyes - and she will manipulate situations, change truths, and embarrass me , or pretend to be really laid back when she is the opposite, in front of others, all to cast me as 'the bad one'. It's all very draining, when really one wants to just get on with one's life. On a few occasions, when I have had chances of landing adeal or a good job , for example at a party, she has stepped in and ruined the opportunity - as if she doesn't want me to be successful. Are these all SP tendencies?
Another observation. Most people I know like growing things - houseplants , vegetables, keeping a garden, even pets. She always claims to want to move the country, but I have never met anyone who dislikes nature as much as she does.
She is also a sex maniac. She will get off her head all the time and then climb into bed and practically rape me when I am trying to sleep.
She is also a control freak and hates it if he doesn't have total control of everything and everyone. I understand that control freaks are often how they are because they have been violated in earlier life in same way and no longe trust people. But are SPs often control freaks?
I'm concerned that some people here could be attaching the label sociopath to peoples unreasonable behaviour. There are people out there who act in ways that are inconsiderate, even nasty, but are definitely not sociopaths. Please be careful who you label with this term, it could cause more trouble rather than resolve situations. Remember it was mentioned that sociopaths do have a brain that functions different to the norm, it is a very real difference to someone who simply behaves unfavorably.
This comment page has an extremely serious problem: it doesn't let others respond to specific posts. This is the only way the author of the article or other respondents could give certain people a reality check. For instance, one of the very first comments claims that a drug-addicted son is a sociopath when it's quite clear that his behavior is typical of an addict. The only relationship worth sustaining for an addict is with the drug(s), and that's why they will manipulate anyone in any way to get the drug. This doesn't mean they are sociopaths; it does mean they need the help of addiction specialists.
Someone posting just a couple of comments before me says that he thinks his wife has sociopathic tendencies or is a sociopath. Based on her behaviors, I think it would be much more likely that she has problems with men based on the structure of her family life when young and possible sexual abuse. There are certainly other things that could be in play, but I don't think this woman is a sociopath. She sure as hell needs some therapy, though, and possibly meds. (And, then again, she may be a sociopath. I'm no expert.)
So I beg of the owners of this comment blog, please add the ability to respond to specific comments right under those comments. This is the only way to carry on a real conversation and help each other out.
So I beg the owner of the blog
wow...after reading this, now its all clear to me!My ex is a sociopath!He loved to hurt me and watched me cry...im only confused about that he cried when watching movies...he was very sensitive about emotional movies but when i was hurt he loved it enjoyed it and laughed. Is that a sign too??
To the anonymous person who begged me to add a comment-on-comments feature: I'm using Blogger, and it doesn't have that option. I'm not educated enough in web design or HTML to make such a feature. Ideally everyone would leave their name or some moniker so we could answer back specific people, but alas, not everyone is doing that.
What about the poster that said "everything happens for a reason" (that's an egocentric way of thinking for primitive minds when we have nothing factual to say!) after a young soul said his mother has tortured him for years?!!! Then said that somehow this will protect him for being with another Spath, not actually make him more attracted to what he knows now once he begins to date as what happens to children who have been abuse in the past by their parents if they dont seek a therapist first??
"There's a reason for everything. Usually it's a lesson, not a punishment. Jana "
the quote above is whats makes my blood boil! as if there is a lesson to be learned by being tortured by a parent or by anyone, for that is the reason Spaths LOVE to use while abusing their victims! "oh baby, dont worry, you will eventually learn a lesson from my way of loving you, my way of reasoning this way"??
Reading the comment here made me think about what one psycholog once told me. I am a sosiopath, but I dont fit the description here in anyway...well I fit but not totally.
Points that i want to make out: Not every sosiopath wants to hurt people... I wont hurt people intentionally while it wont fit my purposes. I actually feel it rewarding when i am helping people. Earlier also wanted to work as a doctor or nurse to help people. Would probably make really good as i dont have really emotions if people will get hurt.. also if i get hurt I dont really have emotions about that i wont go to shock or scare. I will just calmy deal it to make myself operational again.
Another thing the feeling's (this why i think the doctor might have been wrong). I have feelings the outcomes are alot of times hate but also i love somethings more than life itself, like when i lost my dog i was sad and always when i think about that i will be sad. Showing feelings is something that for me aint easy. Well most of the times because i dont have feelings like others so much i think. But i think i love my girlfriend and my family, but when i dont see them well I forgot them sometimes and i dont feel bad even i havent seen my family soon in 2 years. I live in different country.
What i know about sosiopaths that there is alot of different levels of sosiopathy, I might be in the other side of the line, you would notice that at all and you would be thinking what a cool guy and so. charming and the girls mother would say thats a really treasure to keep. Knows how to act etc... But also I am learning that everyday, how to act in different situations.
Another thing that is not so much here spoken is the intelligency of the sosiopaths the most of what the people are here talking is more psychopathic behaviour. Hurting people is not so sosiopathic than it is psychopathic. Sosiopaths are driven to succeed, thats why there is alot in high positions in companies and its hard to notice... for me that keeps me going, I was studying my opponents , counting what are their weekneses and strengts when we were competing about positions in companies, but I never lied that i see as a narsistic behavior and that can be noticed quite easily with big companies and lies have short tracks as they say. You can color a picture but don't try to make a totally new in every situation.
The problem for me when i am reading this i need to think actually what to say , now i am lecturing others how they should behave and well I am good at that.
I know that i have one of the highest IQ's, last test what i made was 132 in english test in facebook.. wouldnt trust that so much but it gives a clue, you can test it there aswell. and yeah, btw english ain't my native language.I also lose something in connection to other people, i love to stay alone and i sometimes get really upset and might hurt people when everything dont go as I have planned and well that its the sosiopathy in me.
I learn things supricingly fast compared to other people, even compared to young people just learned a new language about 6 months in school better than 16 year old who also wanted to learn the language and he is half of my age.
I lose interest quite fastly and I lose sometimes focus to what i am doing. I have sleeping problems and I dont have any normal rythm.
I have dreams but i don't dream when i sleep that i can remember atleast everynight, when I am sick then i dream.
But now i want to know what do you think about me am I am sosiopath like the people who you are descriping I dont think so but as doctor thought I am or is the determination so hard even to normal doctor, have I played what he would have thought about me.
Arkham asylym .
I was specifically responding to the following Post and thought I made that quite clear.
What happened had already happened, it was the past and I couldn't change it, so I was trying to help that particular poster. I wasn't responding to your post or any other post ...
May 13, 2010 1:08 PM
"Thank you Bee for your insight into this situation. I just wish that my eyes were open to this sooner, I am stuck in a leasing situation until July, and guess who paid the security deposit, YOURS TRULY! Someone should of knocked me over my damn head! I just thank God she isn't physically violent!
May 13, 2010 1:08 PM
As I said, I wasn't responding to any other Post. I was specificaly responding/adding to this one because now she's more aware before she winds up in a worse situation, like myself, co-parenting with a SP or in a business partner relationship with a SP.
Now she knows what to look for. Her SP dealing is with a roommate, a temporary situation that she can get out of and be done with. So, I think compared to myself, and most others who have SP's in their lives, she's lucky. Her future chances of co-parenting or getting involved with another SP is slim, as she now knows the signs and is more aware so she can avoid getting into the same situation again OR a worse situation. So, I consider her luckier than most. She can and is getting out of an awful situation with a crazy roommate. It is unlikely she'll partner up with a SP in the future. I wish I had learned the easy way. I married a SP who destroyed my adulthood and emotionally abused my daughter.
I know all about SP's. My mother and father are both SP's. They tortured and abused me my whole life. This freak show then became my new 'normal' as I knew nothing else and (in the late 1970's) married a SP and had to divorce him a few yrs later with a 2 yr-old and no money and no job. He has tortured both of us to this day. Oh, and my sister is a SP. She enjoys tearing up the family on a regular basis. So, I've been dealing with SP's for 54 yrs now, since I was barely one yr old.
I am not the Blog Administrator so I have no control over the order of the Posts. Perhaps it would have made more sense if it was posted right after the one I indicated that I was specifically responding to. Jana
Adam - I've read most of the comments and I now see that like so many others I have been manipulated for years. He was charming, intelligent, a great sense of humour, kind, considerate, generous and also a conscienceless, lieing, fraudulent,remorseless theif. Good people lost their life savings, his company went bust, he went to prison and yet I completely believed him when he said it wasn't his fault. Later I found he had also forged my signature, sold our property and used my credit cards. Even after that I allowed him to manipulate me into letting him 'buy' my car from me (I'm still waiting to be paid). When I eventually confronted him and asked him how could he do this to someone he loved, he told me that he didn't know what 'love' was and he didn't understand me when I talked about 'emotions'. He said he had never had one!(I didn't believe him - of course he must know what an emotion is!). I was devasted when I found out what he had been doing and how he had been lieing to me for all of our married life. He just looked at me with a 'slack' facial expression : Completely emotionless.His true self was on show but I just could not comprehend it. He showed no response to my distress at all. I have never seen him lose his temper,norhas he been violent towards me or the children.The only time he cried was when he told me he might be faceing a prison sentence. He is still out there, well liked and respected - people trust him. Needless to say I adored him! Once I knew the truth he didn't try to deny anything, he just knew the game was over and left me. But it didn't end there. Being financially dependent on him, he managed to turn two of my 4 children against me. One is now showing Narcissistic PD and the other Paranoid PD. They were completely besotted with him too and he showered them with money and gifts. My son is now in his early 20's(he was 16 when he went to live with his father) and my daughter is in her mid thirties - both treat me with utter contempt. He is now bankrupt again and as the money has dried up the two children he has influenced no longer want to know him. My other 2 adult children are hard working and well adjusted and I have a close and loving relationship with them. Sociopaths destroy families. I live on my own now and I am trying to rebuild my life. It has been a roller-coaster of a journey and I have only recently realised he was a Sociopath (and what this means) when I was trying to find out what was going on with my two estranged children. It is so sad as I have a granddaughter I have never seen and I believe my PPD daughter is also married to a Sociopath. I am so exhausted and emotionally drained by the whole experience that I have accepted that my son, daughter and granddaughter are never going to be a part of my life. I am also scared of them as they have enjoyed humiliating me in front of their partners and other family members. Their father never stopped them from doing this and seemed unaffected by the distress this was causing me. If you are reading this and identifying with any of it then be very afraid - get out as soon as you can. They cannot change and they will never understand real human emotion.I think it is likely there are more than 4% out there - they are very good at playing their games and the financial world is full of them. I haven't dared to tell him that I know he is a Sociopath as I am worried that he will try to turn the other two children against me if I do.
4:29pm POST "The only time he cried was when he told me he might be facing a prison sentence"
... as always it's all about them. The only reason he became emotional and cried about the prison sentence is because he lost control over his life as well as the ability to control and screw others so he's the one suffering.
Otherwise, he doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself. Typical sociopath. He also sounds like maybe he might be a Narcissist.
If he had set someone else up to be "the fall guy" he wouldn't care that they were taking the blame and going to prison. He only cares because it's affecting him. Boo hoo. Poor him. Jana
I came across some very interesting findings I thought I'd share. Here are some very scary statistics, although unconfirmed, they sure seem accurate.
One in every 22 people over the age of 16 are Sociopathic, of varying degrees, some more extreme than others.
One in every 12 people over the age of 21 are Narcissistic and/or NPD.
On a more personal note, I come from a very large (dysfunctional) family of 43 people. There are 9 of us in my immediate family.
My Sociopathic father has already passed away. My Sociopathic mother will never be done torturing people so she'll never die.
People tend to live longer when they spend their lives doing what they love, usually it's something good, but not with my mother.
So, this 43 includes my extended family as well and my siblings spouses and their children.
Out of the 43, twelve are Sociopaths, plus one is a Sociopath/Psychopath AND a Narcissist, so that's a total of 13. Two of the Sociopaths have since passed away or it would be a total of 15.
Three are Bi-Polar. My ex-husband is a Sociopath with Narcissistic tendencies and his father (my ex father-in-law) was a violent Sociopath.
I think there is both a genetic component and something environmental that sets it off. It might not necessarily be childhood abuse or neglect, it could be other contributing factors. But there seems to always be a genetic component.
A former neighbor of mine (we grew up together) says there is no Sociopathology anywhere in his family background yet he's a classic Sociopath. He was born blind due to a doctor error during the delivery (back in the 50's) and had to undergo 18 eye surgeries from the time he was born until he was only 5 yrs old.
I really think the trauma of the surgeries especially at such a young age, plus not having his eye-sight until he was almost 5 yrs old, caused him to disconnect. He is very detached, sort of emotionally paralyzed ... kind of bizarre. He never married or had children.
I think his disability and feeling different and the surgeries played a big role since his parents were kind and loving people and he grew up in an upscale neighborhood with wonderful and very educated parents. He said they were the best parents any kid could have. He had limited social bonds with other children because he was often recuperating and had to be isolated. The live-in Nurse, although a pleasant, responsible care-taker, was a bit more mechanical than nurturing in her approach.
So, it's not always the parents fault. Sometimes it's a matter or a combination of circumstances that causes one to become a Sociopath. Not all Sociopaths come from abusive families, while some do. In any case, we can choose to walk away from them (I've done so). But everywhere they go, they must take their heads with them. They can't escape, they have to live with themselves 7/24. Jana
This is a message for Eric -
I have found your comments really informative and intelligent - thank you.
My son is 18 and has always been a charmer. From a very early age he seemed to need to "win" and would do anything to get what he wanted. He is extremely intelligent but very lazy and he left school without qualifications. He assumes the behaviour patterns of other people to "blend in" and is a compulsive liar - so good that I get taken in again and again and he lies without any need to do so. He steals from us and sells our belongings without thought and seems to believe that he is justifed. He sounds like a complete sociopath except that very rarely when I look him in the eyes and say that I know he is in pain he breaks down and cries. Would you ever do this or could this mean that in fact he is not a sociopath? I would really appreciate your comments
I am a sociopath. Nothing bad happened to me as a child, I have never really wanted for anything. The only thing my parents may have done wrong was pushing me to be more competitive...I took it to a new level. I don't hurt people unless I stand a direct gain or they have pissed me off. To do otherwise draws unnecessary attention. My weakest point is apparent empathy, I do realize I sometimes just don't get it. I constantly fantasize about slicing open major arteries on animals and people. I've seriously considered eating human flesh, just out of curiosity. But I'm not so stupid to do that shit, at least not yet, when there could be a witness. I feel like all these people who you suspect are sociopaths, are just sloppy and an insult to me. Yeah, they might be, but if you get caught you lose the game.
What I actually felt like writing about was the sheer inadequacy and stupidity of modern psychiatrists and shrinks in general. My parents got in me in there young but they thought I was fucking agoraphobic. I've just recognized from an early age I don't relate to people without effort and faking, and I don't care to unless I have a direct gain or benefit. So I started pushing Xanax when I was 13. Why the fuck not? The only thing that keeps me from acting on my darker impulses is pot in excessive quantity. Thank goodness Daddy is a pothead otherwise things may have progressed differently.
I'm satisfied for the moment, have an excellent cover relationship so people don't ask questions, and I can convince anyone to adore me, even though I don't give back. I just felt the need to point it out. I'm a sociopath, and I don't give a fuck because I always win. Can you "normal" people say the same?
ANON -
I'm not Eric but I do have a lot of first-hand experience with Sociopaths. The pathological lying and also the stealing are two major characteristics of a SP.
I think he breaks down and cries because, on some level, he knows something is very wrong with him, he just doesn't know what.
SP's also shed crocodile tears as a means of manipulation.
He sounds exactly like my daughter, a diagnosed SP. Protect yourself. I know the heartbreak. Anon
Suffice it to say my beloved son, got mixed up with a sociopath, he had everything a man could want before he met socio, she drained him, financially, spiritually, alienated him from all his friends,had him thinking he was crazy, he couldn't think clear, he lost weight, friends,a job of 8 years, he moved in with us after 4 years of abuse, lived at home for 6 months, died from 2 lortabs and .10 alcohol on an empty stomach, he had 6 months with us and we seen his "old smile" back. He had broken his back and re-injured it.Thought he could handle it I guess. I just feel she ruined his life, and he worked till he was skin and bones, night and day trying to keep up with her spending. She had a boyfriend throughout their whole marriage. He couldn't see it till the end. :(
the rooms of aa are filled with all type of emotionally and mentally ill alcoholics. solid or liquid alcohol are only symptons of a spiritual malady. reading erics post - whether he knows it or not or even cares suffers from a soul sickness. i have seen many alcoholics or emotionally ill folks, recover with a spirtual experiance. its calleda psychic change. it has nothing to do with right or wrong, black or white, dark or light. the disease is or mental illness or a spiritual maladjustment that is needed. most addicts and alcoholics use to a point where they only are numb or phsically become so damaged their body can no longer function. before this always is the anger, depression, isolation, numbness. the "fuck its" such and fuck you, fuck them, fuck me. thats where the psychopath operates. if they can not get honest they are like a man without legs that can not walk - or will never walk. and there are men that are born this way. They never walk. Only honesty . . willingness. . and an open mind will allow for a psychic change by a power greater than the psychopath's little plans or designs. sooner or later the psychopath's selfishness, selfcenteredness, KILLS THEM. WHAT EVER FORM THAT TAKES, JAILS, INSTIUTIONS, SUCIDE, DRAMA WITH ANOTHER PSYCHOPATH. get the big picture eric. play your tape all the way through. Sick people never win. the pleasure gained is short lived and not that fulfilling. you become or leaves any of us as walking dead men. so you have been given a gift, and how you use it could give you a life beyond your wildest dreams. you have the ability to tap into the mother load. but it can not be run on self will. this ability has to reconize there is a higher power and its not you. you may profile others, manipulate, be kind, generous,considerate, patient, modest and self sacrificing or dishonet egostical, selfish, and just plain evil--Usually this varies. Really the psychopath must quit playing GOD and decide to use your abilities to do the will of and all powerful creative intelligence, and learn the self control to be God reliant, not self reliant. If not you can look forward to an pitful, lonely, pathetic existence with very limited pleasures. I believe the selfishness displayed is nothing but self destruction. So the Psychopath never wins run on self will - so join the club your not that special my friend. Please take a look in history of some of the most evil men. None of them have a life that anyone would want to trade for - even the boring simple existence of most. So how highly intelligent are ones who can not change who they are. Does a person continue to take the same test and mark all the wrong answers, failing and take it again and pass it again the next time. NO - FAILURE - LONELINESS - POOR HEALTH - A LIFE OF IGNORANCE - WITHOUT ANY TYPE OF LAUGHS, OR GRATITUDE, and we could go on the devastation the actions of pschopathic self will run riot reaps, no one wants what you have. Your no mystery. Your just a sick person.
What does gratitude feel like?? Can a psychopath feel gratitude. Maybe we could start there, I do believe they feel self pity, anger self-delusion, a hundred forms of fear or they would not display selfishness.
Psychopaths are the guy that shoots someone in the back. What value is that to him or anyone else. A cowards existence - do us all a favor if your that ungrateful and miserable. . .fill in the blanks. But after you asked for help, and act your way into good living, NOT THINK OR FEEL YOUR WAY BUT DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO STRAIGHTEN OUT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. Get a mentor and ask them how to direct your energy and see what kind of wonderful world that people would admire you for. I promise you if you give back you will be paid back a 100 fold. You will no longer want or desire anything. No more stealing from your fellow man. You would recieve the admiration you crave. But only you have the choice to use your power and talents. We all need help even PSYCHOPATHS.
In 57 years, personally, I've never seen a S-Path win ... never. I've worked in high-level positions in corporate America as a Consultant, usually resolving Conflict Resolution and Employee Relations issues. I come from a large family and certain close family members are also S-Paths. I'm not a Psychologist but I do have some first-hand experience and insights when it comes to S-Paths.
There have been many occasions where we wanted to promote certain well qualified employees, but could not because they were S-Paths and would create an employee turnover, not too mention lowered productivity. We never told them this was the reason they were not promoted, but the truth is, in many cases it was the only reason. Now, I'm not suggesting to anyone who is reading this and who was not promoted when they felt it was earned and well deserved that they are a S-Path. Sometimes people are passed over for promotions because of other reasons, including 'political' reasons beyond their control. So, not everyone who is passed over for a promotion is a S-Path ... just want to be clear here.
Now, the S-Paths never knew why they were not promoted or exactly what happened because this was confidential information and took place in private meetings, behind closed doors.
WE CAN'T KNOW WHAT GOOD DIDN'T HAPPEN ... WE CAN'T KNOW WHAT WE DIDN'T GET ... WE CAN'T KNOW WHAT GOOD THINGS WE PREVENTED FROM COMING OUR WAY.
Here's another example of how S-Paths (unknowingly) screw themselves and shoot themselves in the foot.
One of my neighbors, who is one of 22 people living on the hilly street I live on, is a classic S-Path. He works for the Town only because his father was a big shot, and of course, got him the job many years ago.
So, Mr S-Path (across the street) neighbor decides to have a row of 12 beautiful, healthy, 50 year old trees at the top of the hilly street cut down for no other reason than to cause flooding in the basement of my home and my next-door neighbors home. The trees were Town property. He knew that his sick scheme had worked because he watched and laughed from his front-yard as the basement professionals were there cleaning up the water damage and removing lots of damaged contents from our basements. He is a coward and an ass and like all S-Paths - STUPID.
Anyway, as a result, my neighbor and I both sold our homes in the past year as we could not live with the water coming in the basements. The newly planted trees will take years to grow and therefore provide protection. We closed at a much lower selling price than we would have if we still had the dry basements and if the trees were still there providing shade and adding to the property value. So, this in turn seriously devalued the S-Paths house and property as it brought down all of the home values considerably and is now considered a 'flood zone'.
These are just a few examples of many, as to how S-Paths screw themselves over and are too stupid to realize it.
S-Paths are too stupid to realize when and how they screwed themselves, but it somehow ALWAYS comes back to bite them. S-Paths are emotionally immature, emotionally retarded people.
Sociopaths/psychopaths are physical bodies that lack a spirit, like a house without any windows.
or Crocodiles that have only evolved enough to walk up on their hind legs.
To 'Conflict Resolution Consultant'
Have you ever come across S-paths in business that seem to take huge risks and yet can persuade the entire Boardroom to go along with it? Is it all just about power, manipulation and control? Are they worse once they become self-aware? Is it better not to tell them that we know they are sociopathic? Can this make a non-violent S-path turn violent or vengeful when they lose control over a person?
"In 57 years, personally, I've never seen a S-Path win ... never."
So in all your years on this planet you've NEVER seen a Spath lived HIGH on or off (whatever) the hog into his or her late 70,80s,90s generation after generation like The Bushes, Rockefellers, Falwells, DuPonts, Catholic Archbishops have been doing????????? wow!!! we should all be so lucky to live on such a world like yours!
I've been reading a lot of comments posted by people claiming to be sociopaths and come to a main conclusion. You people are Idiots. Stop posting off your little ticks and how much you don't want to be helped. We get it, you're heartless. Go get a cookie for your individuality.
Now, *I* am a Sociopath. I'm 25 and have known about it for around ten years now. BUT, I was raised with ONE main ideal in mind that makes it easier to cope and adapt to everyone around me. For those sociopaths reading thing, it may just help. Unless you WANT to live a life of crime and be a social retard.
Just do this, it works about eighty percent of the time and its just a simple saying to say to yourself: "Treat others the way you want to be treated."
It sounds retarded, trust me, I know. BUT, since I cannot truly know how someone will feel about the things I do without even knowing, If i think about how *I* want to be treated when i'm doing things to people or simply iteracting, my actions can be shifted accordingly.
When I finally figured out exactly what was wrong with me, I was so angry I wanted to burn the world down. I didn't want to be emotionally crippled; I wanted to be like everyone else and know what it meant to feel love, affection, etc. Its what makes people human.
Ten years later, I'll admit, I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated person that I'll never get to know what it feels like to look at a girl and truly care about her rather than just want to have sex and leave. I try to tell myself that someday they'll find a miracle drug that will suddenly bring color to my grey little world.
But when I look inside myself and feel that black hole, I know there can never be any drug in the world to bring light inside. It makes me so unbelieveably angry to know I'll never be like the rest of you people, that i'm literally, damned.
I'm simply tired of acting. I do it because I'm not stupid, I know killing is wrong, hurting others is wrong, but inside, it truly wouldn't affect me emotionally at all. BUT of course prison would blow so I don't do it. Just because I'm a sociopath doesn't mean I'm gonna go running down the streets, kicking babies in the head.
The article this blog spawned from made me generally angry as hell. Thanks for telling everyone in our lives to run away an abandon us. That was real nice of you. Maybe we don't want to be alone? It's not fun, that's for sure. What do you think would happen when a sociopath found out that everyone around him knew what he was and they didn't care about him anymore? Sounds to me like he'd feel like all his work and effort came out to nothing. Like he had nothing left to lose. THAT is a recipe for disaster. People would get hurt, that much is for sure.
You tell them to cut us off from your lives, but we MAKE life for you interesting. We are the ones who you flock to for entertainment, amusement. Who's using who? Sounds like a beneficial parasitic relationship to me.
Maybe you should write an article FOR sociopaths instead of AGAINST them. Maybe not all of us and THRILLED to be emotional cripples.
I'll be glad to give info for anyone wanting to know about sociopaths if any of you have questions,
EMAIL me at gravensoul1@live.com or just IM me on AIM Gravensoul1
As for the writer of that article, don't be one-sided. I'm not your enemy.
Gravensoul1,
You are unusual. YOU should write articles FOR sociopaths.
In the meantime, my mission is to help protect the victims of sociopaths — the sociopaths who have (in the vast majority of cases) caused unbelievable destruction and heartache in peoples' lives.
I might just do that someday. One broken person telling other broken people how to fake being fixed. Nice..
Kinda in a lot of trouble at the moment though. Army life is NOT conducive to sociopathic behavior, no matter what they tell you, trust me on this one.
Rule are already hard enough to obey, let alone care about. The Army has lots of those.
Anyway, not here to talk about my life. But yeah, one last time, for those of you with ANY questions, whether you ARE a sociopath or want to know if someone is, or just questions in general, ask me. You might as well ask someone who has an open mind and HAS the disorder. That'd be your best bet.
Email: Gravensoul1@live.com
AIM: Gravensoul1
PLEASE EXCUSE MY UPPER CASE,AS I HAVE EYE PROBLEMS.
I'M HERE FOR SOME GUIDANCE AND ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GRATEFULLY APPRECIATED. THANK-YOU.
I AM A 60 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH MANY HEALTH ISSUES. MY HUSBAND IS A PSYCHOLOGIST AND HAS WORKED IN THE MENTAL HEALTH FIELD FOR OVER 34 YEARS. HE IS NOT IN PRIVATE PRACTICE,HE WORKS THROUGH OUR LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT.
WE HAVE BEEN RAISING OUR GRANDSON SINCE THE DAY HE WAS BORN AND ADOPTED HIM. AT 2 YEARS OLD HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM. HE IS AMAZING.
OUR SON,HIS FATHER,WAS DIAGNOSED AS BI-POLAR WITH RAGES,AND PATHALOGICAL LYING AT AGE 16. HE IS NOW 32. FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS WE HAVE NOTICED THAT OUR SON HAS BEEN SHOWING DIFFERENT PROBLEMS. HE MEETS ALL THE CRITERIA FOR SOCIPATHY. HE HAS AN APPOINTMENT IN THE MORNING WITH HIS PSYCHIATRIST TO BE PUT INTO THE LOCAL CRISIS STABILIZATION PROGRAM(HOSPITAL). THIS WILL BE HIS 4TH TIME SINCE DEC.23,2009.. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE BRAIN FUNCTION OF SOCIOPATHY. IS IT BRAIN DAMAGE OR IS IT CHEMICAL IMBALANCE LIKE BI-POLAR? OUR SON WAS BROUGHT UP IN A VERY LOVING,SAFE,CHRISTIAN HOME. OUR HOUSE WAS THE HOUSE THAT ALL THE KIDS HUNG OUT. SINCE OUR SON WAS AN ONLY CHILD WE OPENED OUR HOME TO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS AND HAD MANY,MANY OF HIS FRIENDS STAY OVERNITE. WE DID NOT SPOIL OUR SON. WE GAVE HIM EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO SEEK OUT HIS INTEREST AND THEN WE WOULD SUPPORT HIM IN EACH ONE WEATHER IT BE MUSICAL, OR KARATE, OR ART,ETC. HE WAS GIFTED. AT 16 HE WAS HOSPITALIZED AND PUT ON SUICIDE WATCH. HE SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION. THROUGH TESTING HE WAS LABELED AS BI-POLAR AND PUT ON MEDS. AS MOST BI-POLARS,HE WOULD TAKE THE MEDS AND THEN FEEL SO WELL THAT HE THOUGHT HE DIDN'T NEED THEM ANYMORE SO HE WOULD STOP TAKING THEM. THUS BEGAN OUR ROLLER COATERS RIDE WITH BI-POLAR. HIS RAGES BEGAN WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 17. HE WOULD GET SO ANGRY THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY FORGET WHAT HE HAD DONE WHILE IN THE RAGE. ALL OF THIS CAME ON SO UNEXPECTEDLY. WE TRACED IT TO MY HUSBANDS GREAT AUNT WHO WAS A MANIC/DEPRESSIVE AS THEY WERE CALLED WAY BACK THEN.. MY SON HAS DEVELOPED ALL THE CRITERIA FOR SOCIOPATHY. HE IS SO VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO HIS SON,HIS FATHER AND ME. WE NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS,NEVER. HE IS EXTREMELY SELF CENTERED AND IS ALWAYS OUT TO GET SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE. HE IS EVEN JEALOUS OF HIS OWN SON,BECAUSE THE ATTENTION HIS SON NEEDS INTERFERES WITH WHAT HE WANTS. OUR SON HAS EVEN PHYSICAL ABUSED ME TO THE POINT I HAD TO GO TO THE DR. FOR AN EXRAY. THE DR. TOLD ME I CAME WITHIN A HAIRLINE OF HAVING MY SPINAL CORD SEVERED. WE LOVE OUR SON VERY MUCH,WE GET ANY AND ALL MENTAL HELP WE CAN FOR HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. HE IS OUR ONLY CHILD. BUT NOW I AM BECOMMING MORE CONCERNED FOR OUR GRANDSONS PHYSICAL HEALTH DUE TO THE JEALOUSY TOWARD HIM. OUR HOME IS SO STRESSFUL 24/7 AND WE SLEEP WITH THE BEDROOM DOORS LOCKED AT NITE. WE NEVER LEAVE OUR SON ALONE WITH OUR GRANDSON. WE LOVE HIM BUT WE ARE AFRAID OF HIM. I READ THESE COMMENTS POSTED HERE AND THEY SAY MORE OR LESS TO GET THE SOCIOPATHS OUT OF YOUR LIVES. AND THE ILL ONES SAY DON'T GET RID OF US,MORE OR LESS. I KNOW THERE IS NO CURE FOR THIS ILLNESS. I WANT TO HEAR FROM THOSE THAT HAVE THIS ILLNESS,IF I WERE YOUR MOM, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT ME TO DO,HOW CAN I HELP YOU. IT IS SO VERY HARD FOR A PARENT TO LET GO OF AN ILL CHILD,NO MATTER WHAT THEIR AGE. THEY DID NOT ASK FOR THIS,ARE WE TO DESERT THEM? DOES ANY MEDICATION EFFECT THIS ILLNESS? AM I BEATING A DEAD HORSE? SHOULD I THROW MY SON OUT AND SAY "SINK OR SWIM?".. MY HEART SAYS "ABSOLUTELY NOT". MY BRAIN KNOWS I AM IN DANGER. I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING PULLED IN TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AND AT ANY SECOND I AM GOING TO COME APART..ALL FEEDBACK WILL BE GRAETLY APPRECIATED. THANK-YOU SO MUCH.
Okay, I know in a previous post of mine I said that it was wrong to simply get us out of your lives. But in the case of your son, I know what he's feeling.
About two months ago I was diagnosed as bi-polar AND i'm a sociopath. At first, I didn't think that was even possible to be. Kinda like a double-whammy I guess. Anyway, being BOTH bi-polar and a Sociopath can be dangerous.
You get in moods of such anger and depression you simply don't care about anything, at all. No one matters and you do whatever it takes to make you stop feeling those emotions of anger and sadness at no costs.
Your son sounds like he's already given up even trying to fit in with normal people. If that's the case, he's too far gone to even help at this point. So yes, you need to sever him from your life somehow. How you'd do that, I have no idea. It'll send him into a rage you've never even seen before when you do that. It can be a dangerous thing to sever ties with someone who has nothing to lose.
You wanted my opinion. Thats it. Do you think he's at the point where he doesn't even want to try anymore? That's the big question.
Because once a sociopath stops trying to fit into normal society, he can become a monster.
I'm not a Psychiatrist/MD here but I've heard that some Mental/Brain Disorders are caused by the Borna Virus. It's either a Parasite or a Virus (not 100% sure) that somehow winds up in the brains of some people. Perhaps it happens during fetal development/pregnancy, and then the Virus lays dormant and surfaces at some point in early childhood or later on in life. Again, not 100% sure. It's just my thought based on theories that 2 Researchers and 1 Biologist in my family have told me and it's a theory that they stand by. Since I am not in that particular profession I really do not know for sure but I do think it's something worth looking into for those who have family members, especially children, with Bi-Polar or Manic Depressive/Sociopathic or Schizo or any kind of Brain Disorder/Mental Illness.
I've heard there are Parasticides that kill this Virus, but do not always work as it is most difficult to destroy a Virus or Parasite in the brain, as opposed to say, the lungs, stomach or colon, for example. Again I am not trained in the medical field but I also do believe, based on what I was told, that Parasites and Viruses are more active during the 2 days preceding the Full Moon AND/OR the New Moon. This is supposedly when they are more active and therefore a person is more likely to have 'an episode'. Several Law Enforcement and Officials have told me that the crime rate does increase during the New Moon and it skyrockets during the Full Moon. Again, I am not in that field either, so I do not know for sure, but why would they lie? They also told me they dread the evening shift on Full Moon because it is so overwhelming and stressful. Anyway, I am just trying to reach out and be helpful. I do not know if any of this info is accurate, it is what I heard and I do think for anyone who wants to help someone with one of these disorders, that the 'Borna Virus theory' and Parasticides are at least worth looking into. Best of luck to you.
eric, how can we trust what you are saying if you are a deceieving sociopath?
hey Eric, ok dont take offense to this, which im assuming you wont, because you know how you are and you are ok with it, but how can i tell the difference between a sociopath and a boy who is just a complete douche??
uhh? why is anyone asking this person who says they are a Spath anything, someone who LOVES playing games off of Human Beings weaknesses??? for if he is truly one? wouldn't he just make you ask him more questions, meaning he's at least won in getting your attention by doing such?????
I'm concerned about my situation. Not all sociopaths are as obvious in later life. The more intelligent ones learn as they go along - from an early age. After many years of marriage (now ex) to a non-violent, very manipulative and successful, Sociopath, I need to know if once he becomes 'self-aware' (he thinks he is just an entrepreneur - investors beware!) could he self harm - possibly fatally? What happens when the whole 'pack of cards' falls down and there is nowhere to hide from the family's awareness? I don't believe all sociopaths know they are sociopaths and some may think they are just 'the risk-takers' and 'leaders' in this world. They see our 'conscience' and empathy as weakness and immaturity. If they are intelligent enough to accept they have a real 'disorder' and that everything they believe is 'abnormal' and the family then view them from this perspective - what might happen?
Having been manipulated for years by someone who is described as 'charismatic' by Banks and a 'whizz Kid' by investors - what chance will I have when I try to warn the children? I will end up ostracised and alienated by the people I love the most and he will have 'won' again. I have no extended family to turn to - I don't need the guilt of him self-harming - he has done quite enough already. ??
if anything, why not use this Crocodile as a cyber-punching?? Its a lot cheaper and satisfying than going back to your therapist, no??
cyber-punching bag,, that is??
Can sociopaths also be alchoholics? Are AA meetings likely to have more than a high level of them?
Yes, sociopaths can be alcoholics. I don't know about AA meetings having a higher percentage than the general population. It might be lower because I don't know if a sociopath would be likely to go to AA because much of the motivation to quit drinking is because you are ruining someone else's life -- a motivation that a sociopath isn't likely to have.
Are you guys calling me Eric or is there someone else you're talking to?
You can tell if someone's just a douche if you hurt his feelings. Duh.
My exhusband is a sociopath. He targeted me from the beginning. 20 years of mental anguish, and now 5 years of hell since I left him. Because we have children together, I believed we had to get on for the sake of our kids. WRONG. Your advice to get them out of your life completely is absolutely correct. Any contact is just an opportunity for them to hurt you, or take advantage of you. My 12 year old son now refuses to see his father. My 9 year old daughter has no choice. Sadly I will have to pick up the pieces when she is older. I do want to thank you for your website. I believed I was crazy at one stage, I was certainly a complete emotional wreck. When I read your website, I saw my husband, and whilst I didn't want to admit it, I knew I had to get him out of my life. Your site offers simple, practical information on how to recognise and deal with sociopaths. It took years to get over the immediate effects of his "games". And even now I find myself wondering, reflecting, and questioning what the hell happened. Happily, each day this lessens, and one day I hope to rid myself of the effects of him for good. It is chilling and reassuring to know that I am not alone. For those of you who write on here pondering what to do. But I love them, but they are my children, but but but. Stop making excuses, stop letting yourself be abused, and move on and make your own life for yourself. It's slow, but worth it. Once you've made the decision, you grow stronger and wiser every day.
K in the UK said...
Can sociopaths also be alcoholics? Are AA meetings likely to have more than a high level of them?
Adam really summed it up best, but I'd like to add my 2 cents.
I dated an alcoholic for 5 yrs. I met him at my 40th Birthday Bash. Our birthdays are the same day. He was so much fun to be with and we had a lot in common. He was very good looking and I could tell he was very attracted to me. At the time, I was very lonely as I had been out of a previous relationship over a yr. So, I was ready. I was feeling a bit depressed until I met him. Then everything changed. He told me after a few dates that the reason he did not drink when we went out together in public was because he's an alcoholic and gets carried away with the drinking. I didn't have much experience with alcoholics, and I myself do not drink, but I certainly had a lot of (unfortunate) encounters with sociopaths, and narcissists as well. I married very young, to a sociopath and then after my divorce I dated a narcissist for a year until I realized he had NPD. I also worked with a few. I'm highly intuitive and educated but did not know very much about alcoholics and alcoholism. I kept expecting sociopathic (or narcissistic) behavior to surface, but it never did. He was always kind and compassionate but he was also quite selfish. Unlike sociopaths, he had empathy. His problem was, out of control drinking. The rule was, he was not allowed to call me or come to my home (we lived a half-hour apart)if he had even one drink. The one time he did drink in my home was the last. I called the police and they arrived within minutes. They took him away and locked him up for 24 hours. I did not care. I went out with my friends for the weekend and had a good time. Anyway, he begged me back. I said it has to be on my terms and they are-NO contact while you're on one of your drinking binges-No phone calls and don't come over or near my house and NO drinking in my house. He only drank every few weeks, but when he drank, it was excessively. Every few weeks, all of a sudden, he'd get drunk, and he was a nasty drunk. He'd get rip-roaring drunk every few weeks or so, and for 3-4 consecutive days he was out cold - somewhere. I didn't care where he was as long as long as he wasn't near me. I'd just use that free time to catch up with friends or host a dinner party at my home or whatever I felt like doing without him around. The rule was that we could only be together and have fun if he was sober and there was no alcohol. Otherwise, I'd call the police if he came over or if he started to drink at my house. He knew I meant it.
After a yr of dating, he asked me to go with him to a local AA meeting. I went partly to be supportive of him, but also to learn, out of curiosity. I became acquainted with a few people there. I determined there's no correlation between alcoholism and sociopathic disorder. Some sociopaths are also alcoholics, but it isn't all that common. And not all alcoholics are also sociopaths. Sociopaths prefer to be in total control and many may have made the connection somewhere along the line that drinking might put them in a position where they will lack control. I learned that alcoholics are incredibly selfish, as are drug addicts. I guess they have to be selfish and self-centered in order to support their habit.
I also learned at these meetings and through a Therapist friend, that the ONLY sociopaths that attended these AA meetings were court-ordered to do so or there would be severe consequences. If they failed to attend court-ordered AA meetings, they would serve significant jail time, plus pay hefty fines. As Adam said, a sociopath would not likely go to an AA meeting on their own. Sociopaths do not think there is anything wrong with them and do not think they need to fix anything. They think the problem is YOU, NOT THEM. We can't fix something we aren't aware of.
Thanks to everyone for their input - I'm processing the information and I'm now ready to 'move on'. I think I have at long last come to terms with the fact that I can't change what can't be changed. Good luck to all of you in similar situations - life can only improve from here on ...
My name is Kevin. I have a two part question.
For the SP's who post here. I am trying to figure out what is going on in the head of my nephew, who at 25 lost his mom to suicide a couple of months ago. They always seemed to have a close relationship. My sister always protected and bailed my nephew out of trouble. She has been the only parent and provider her son has ever had. Until her death they spent a lot of time together.
How are sociopaths affected by the death of a parent? As a sociopath would one feel grief or cry over the loss of an only parent?
Part two: I believe my dad was a sociopath, my nephew as well. Is there any genetic link in sociopaths having sociopath offspring?
y name is Kevin. I have a two part question.
For the SP's who post here. I am trying to figure out what is going on in the head of my nephew, who at 25 lost his mom to suicide a couple of months ago. They always seemed to have a close relationship. My sister always protected and bailed my nephew out of trouble. She has been the only parent and provider her son has ever had. Until her death they spent a lot of time together.
How are sociopaths affected by the death of a parent? As a sociopath would one feel grief or cry over the loss of an only parent?
Part two: I believe my dad was a sociopath, my nephew as well. Is there any genetic link in sociopaths having sociopath offspring?
That's a great question: Is there a genetic component? If you have sociopaths in your family, are you more likely than the general population to have sociopaths as children? My guess is yes. But I have seen no study done on this. If anyone has any information related to this, please post it here.
I am replying about AA and sociopaths. I am a sober member of AA and have been going to meetings for over 20 years. Typically people come into AA because their life is falling apart, not because they are causing pain to others. Speaking for myself, I was in danger of loosing everyone and everything. I knew for years that I was causing pain and hurting others, but it wasn't until I was in enough pain and my life became too unbearable that I went to AA. There seems to be a lot of comparison to alcoholic drinking and sociopathic behavior. However when non sociopaths give up the drink and work the steps, the sociopathic behavior stops and sanity returns. When the sociopath gives up the drink they learn to work the steps as a way to fit in to the group.
I believe there is probably about the same percentage of sociopaths in AA as the rest of society. I think they start going for the same reason as every one else. They come to a point where they learn they have to give up the drink or face the same end all alcoholics face, jails, institutions or death. Those that know how to fit into society find AA to be fertile ground. New members are often desperate for help and vulnerable to the antics of a charming sociopath. AA provides them a very large playing field and a constant source of new willing victims.
Kevin..
RE GENETICS:I was married to a sociopath. I have 3 sons. 2 are great guys - hardworking, honest, intelligent and caring. They have long term loving relationships. I am very proud of them. Although brought up in the same environment my youngest son is showing a very narcissistic personality and has many of his father's cynical attitudes and egotistical traits. He is impulsive, grandiose, 'superior' and arrogant and believes he is 'entitled'. He has no empathy and cannot sustain a long term relationship tho he is capable of attracting intelligent and accomplished young women - I also wonder if this will develop into full-blown pyschcopathy? He has cut me off for no reason other than he seems to think I am of no use to him. Is ADHD, childhood 'rages' and lying an indicater of possible future psychopathy/sociopathy? Adam what do you think?
Re the AA: Thank you for your insight. I have found your comment very useful and enlightening.I can see now how sociopaths would take advantage of AA to pursue their own agenda especially amongst vulnerable people. It is something that all those in AA should be made aware of.
Kevin,
Cutting you off for no reason, having no empathy, and lying are possible indicators of sociopathy, but certainly not enough. I don't know for sure, but I don't think ADHD or childhood rages are associated with sociopathy.
Speaking of no empathy, I just got this little news item not fifteen minutes ago:
A Change of Heart for College Students
Here's a quote: The research finds that college students today show 40% less empathy vs. students in the 1980s and 1990s. The students are less likely to agree with statements such as "I often have tender, concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me" and "I sometimes try to understand my friends better by imagining how things look from their perspective."
Is it wise not to allow a sociopath talk or see her two children, ages 7 and 9? She lives in a different state now and I have had custody of them since they were babies even though she has been in and out of their lives.
I read the paragraph on how to deal with a sociopath and it clearly states to get this person out of your life. I've done a lot of research and I am without a doubt my son's father is a sociopath. The problems he has caused me has been unbearable. The things he has done is so outrageous I began to write a book about it. Now, my son is 16. I let him live with his dad 3 years ago hoping all the pain he has caused us would stop. I haven't seen my son in 2 years and his father tells me he doesn't want to talk to me. I have a court date coming up, but I'm afraid it's a loosing battle because my son is now 16. My family has struggled for years why he does the things he does. This article has helped me realize he just wants to win. He has. As long as I have a son with him, how on earth and I going to get him out of my life??
one must remmeber the disease of alcohloism tells you there is nothing wrong with you, just like a s/p. also there are alcoholics drink and and use until they have lost everything family, jobs, marriages, become homeless, and its not because of the alcohol. Its their behavior when they do drink. There are sober alcholics still suffer from rage, depression, control issues, and do not feel bad about their wrong behavior, most roll around in self pity. Its a spiritual soul sickness. The bottle is just a sympton. This is usually the self pity card the p,s uses to get someone sucked into to helping them. There is a saying you sober up a horsethief you still have a horsetheif. Alcholics, are liars, cheaters,theives, conartist. Everything a P,S are. Alcholics do not have to be drunk to demonstrate bad behavior or fall back into their character defects. Thats why step 6 and 7 is done before they can begin to make ammends. God is the only one that can heal this type of soul sickness.
Thats why a continuous regimen of meetings must be attended so there can be a change over a period of decades. I will say it again, Sober alcholics can not change their character defects, God does. Alcoholics also do not have a sane view of sex, many have had endless affairs, incest, use sex to medicate with, and use sex to control others in their lives. Many are very charming, the life of the party, above average intelligence, and have better than average looks. They are ego maniacs, the ego must be smashed in these people. Sounds just like a P,S to me. (cont)
cont-
Alcohol or the bottle is just a sympton of the disease. So it is a disease of the mind, a mental obsession or a spirtual malady. And Alcholics,P,and S do not want to usually talk about God. Alcholics when they first get to the rooms of AA, normally are pissed at God, agnostic or atheist, once again feeling self pity.
This is why Bill Wilson promoted a God of their understanding, many use the group for their Higher Power. P,S think they are more intelligent or superior than others, and figure out how to control others. So do alcholics.
Once alcoholics quit drinking they are still very much sick, using all sorts of manipulation. Most alcoholics are numb,just feel nothing,most dont feel guilt but are justified, some feel guilt during the hangover after a spree. Most are angry, experiencing much depression. The mental obsession is beyond human aid, only a spiritual experience can change this. Alcoholics still have huge problems with relationships. I notice Adam gives advice from Alanon. My question would be when a drunk feels guilty after a spree, this is the best time to talk to an alcholic. Could a person identify a period of time when the P,S has a time they are vunerable. Maybe it would be at the time when they are getting delight out of hurting others. Alcholics love to be right and punish others. They beat their animals too and people. Talking to another alcholic in recovery in the 1st person, is what shows the alcholic compassion, and there is hope to change. These are people that changed their behavior that help the alcoholic reconize their denial, or their part of the problem. Remember many alcoholics do not think they are selfish, fearful, controlling, and carry resentments for decades. They will for many years do whatever it takes to continue to drink. So thats why usually one alcholic has to work with another alcoholic to straighten out their thinking. So its not a moral issue at first, it really just the alcoholic must take the right action and ask God of thier understanding to just get willing, honest and be open minded. Remember alcholics do not think they are sick. Usually they have rippped through peoples lives for many years before the physical adddiction or damage sets in. Think about it alcholics that dont quit drinking or reconize how sick they are, end up in jails, mental instituions, or dead. I think S,P,N are very spiritual ill, they suffer from a spirtual malady. And really Psychopaths in the rooms of AA could get well. Not all people that need AA get sober, but some that dont want to go to meetings but actually get sober and their lives change and relationships are restored, but initially and a long time after the Alcholic just takes the right actions. The mental aspect is very twisted when someone has drank for years. Most people that live with active alcoholism walk on eggshells, because they are blamed for causing the alcholic to drink or tie on a bender. The family dynamcis gets very sick too. Or dysfunctional.
graven soul write the book, work with other psychopaths when your in deep depression. I do not agree with giving up on you. if you read the doctors opinion in the big book of AA, the doctors had no hope for the alcholic before 1935. They thought they were a loss cause, doctors did not have the answer. Lack of Power was their dilema. So you will see yourself in that Docs Opinion, its in the first part of the big book of alcholics anonymous. Look at those steps closely, and try to apply them to you first, and see if your life changes. Then come back here and post, I want to know, my heart goes out to you, and i do believe in an unconditional love. You think you only want women for short term sexual gratification. Work the steps and see if that does not change you and your thinking. Those step are powerful. But you must work them.
just to let you know anyone would become hurt, angry and devastated if society gives up on them. thats a given, but you CAN NOT get stuck there. You will get sicker. You must be hard on yourself, NO SELF PITY. NO SELF PITY. Remember AA is a selflish program, you must take care of yourself before you can help others, your sick. God is or is not. YOU could be at the cross roads to make a diffence in your life and others just like you. I heard you say I understand that womens son. You see, you get it. Where others can not help the P,S. Just remember to make it closed meeting so the P,S that want help can. and possibly get well can. Surely if you want to get well so do others. I dont believe everything a doctor tells me, they have been wrong many times. Peace my fellow man.
To the woman with the 16 year old son: How will you get your ex out of your life? You will have to reach your son. Your son will have to understand what a sociopath is. When he does, you can both reject your ex and remove him from your lives.
Question: Is it wise not to allow a sociopath talk or see her two children, ages 7 and 9?
Answer: Yes, it is wise.
After being brainwashed and manipulated by a parasite, the only way to address your pain is to either escape and let things be, because there is no way your sociopath will ever change.
However, in dealing with my own resident sociopath, there are some things you can do. They are not pleasant and basically mean you have to stain yourself with their behaviours, i.e. fight fire with fire, if you can't beat them join them. You see, your average SP is so cocksure that they are in control of everybody and everything, that they expose a weakness for the counter manipulation. So..
Firstly, Go along with the pity play, let them think that you're falling for it.. it may mean you have to lie you heart out, an unpalatable thing I know, but don't worry about this as these parasites will sh$t on you from a great height at every opportunity
Secondly, record everything... and I mean everything... text, calls, letters. They love recanting previous lies, stories and pity plays... so get them to replay their lies.
Thirdly, ... this is important. When you've accrued your evidence, written in stone, duplicate it, share it privately with close friends and family, and make them see and understand the monster that is in your life... This is your key to escape
Finally, this bit is not nice, as most people stuck with sociopaths, are compassionate, empathic and non-confrontational human beings. This is why we are chosen. You have to confront your sociopath with the truth and make them understand that they can be exposed and destroyed with their own crop of lies... This is an intense and emotionally stressful thing to do I know, but you see a sociopath's biggest fear is EXPOSURE, and when their glib, superficial, false ego is likely to blown over like a house of cards, they run to the hills. Believe me, this is how I made my parasite return a very large amount of money she defrauded from me.
I wish you well my friend. BTW, get some friends to share this with you, it will give you more confidence to address the anti-human in your life.
Best Wishes
Read the article and found it very interesting and helpful. I was in a 17 year relationship with a sociopath. I tried everything to make the marriage work. THEY CANNOT BE FIXED. No amount of marriage counselling, pastorial care, etc can change these people. It is all about "the game" and the end result of "winning" at all costs. I have been emotionally, mentally, physically and financially destroyed by this person who claimed to love me. I was nothing more than an object in his game. Control is the object. Now several years post divorce, he is still controllng the situation thru money. THEY NEVER GIVE UP. They feel like they own you. GET OUT.
I finally found some good information to help me understand my marriage and help me put my life back in order. Thank you writer on June 4, 2010 regarding her ex-husband. I, too, was married for a long-time, have two children and finally left my husband. Many years of emotional, physcially, mental abuse and "games". I thought I was going crazy and am grateful for wonderful friends, family and a great counselor to continue to let me know that I am not crazy -- but his behavior is crazymakiing. These people can fool even the very best doctors, lawyers, etc. They are masterminds at manipulation, deception and control. I have been destroyed and am now recovering. I was threatened that if he can't have me nobody will, and that if I ever left him, he would leave me homeless, penniless and I would never see my children again. Well, guess that, he managed to do it all. I am grateful for friends and family who graciously supported me emotionally and financially. Someday soon I will be able to be on my own again.
I only wish I had the insight to have left him sooner. His behavior is so bizzare that only the other survivors of this sociopathic tendancies can possibly understand. My health has suffered tremendously because of all of the abuse.
These people are charming, successful and manipulative. All they see in life is a game -- a game of control and they must win, all the time at any cost. They are very dangerous. Be careful and get out.
To the mother who wrote on June 11, 2010 at 9:05am. I, too, am a mother of two children ages 15 and 17. They live with their father. I have done everything in my power to get my children back and have a relationship with me. Their father has had them for 2 years, and has poisoned their minds. So many people have spoken to them about the truth in our very ugly divorce, yet he plays the "poor parent" and they feel so sorry for their dad. My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain and worry about your child.... just like I do about mine.
I hope that at some point in time, maybe when they are older they will understand all of what happened to me and them. The lies, manipulation, deceit and venegeful behavior. You may want to read The Sociopath Next Door, it certainly helped me realize i was not crazy.
Best wishes
Is it possible for someone who fills all of the criteria for a sociopath to still desperatley want a signifgant other and when he does he over indulges her and pampers her. This seems the polar opposite to a sociopath who wouldn't want to establish a relationship at all. Just curious
Yes, it is possible, especially if he can get something out of it. An inheritance, perhaps? A connection to a powerful person? An advantage of some sort? Protection?
My ex fiancee always denied any memory of his throwing me around and choking me to the point of unconsciousness. yet i would see him looking over his shoulder to make sure no-one had heard my screams for help. even in court he gave a 'consent without admission' plea for the dvo. the bastard is a coward. pretends he is perfect and speaks nothing but shit. needs a bib to wipe his chin. I am so angry, because now I have to appear in court if he does not plead guilty to the charges brought against him. He is a sociopath no doubt. and i dont care if i offend anyone out there. ALL Sociopaths are cowards and gutless. they hide behind their lies and bullshit. they should all be locked up!
I am reading this blog and it is scaring the crap outta me. I was bent back over the bed and my ex was is threatening to kill me for the second time in less than an hour and so i react by ripping his jewellery off and throwing it away. His reaction is to cry and say no no i love you!?! Please help me figure this crap out of me. Am I still in danger? even with the police involved? he refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and his mother is part to blame for this as well. her little boy would never do such a thing. i still had a bruised/busted lip on my bday amongst other injuries because of him.
I am a sociopath and I hate it. I do not want to be and can't even say the words to anyone but people have certainly said them about me. From everything I read on this site there seems to be no reason for a person who is this way to continue living. I even feel as though someone here will say that by making that statement I am looking for pity. I do not want to be this way!!! I am very painfully aware of it late in my life and just feel like giving up. What are we to do? Simply accept that we are hopeless even though we want love, friends, joy, accomplishment, etc and all just kill ourselves to rid socioty of us? I am one that is aware, I hurt over being one, I hate it! I have tried every way that I know to medicate it, change it, deny it, act my way out of it and at my age I am so tired and feel as though I am standing in the cold driving rain with a hole in the middle of me. Your comments say that even therapy makes us worse, I understand that statement but I also understand FEELING HOPELESS, when one is really really in that spot and can see the damage that they have done for years and have just worn even themselves out trying to change it then one truly knows lonliness. It also seem that all of the advise and comments point in the direction of making sure that I; who did not ask to be this way; should be locked in a tomb until my lifesourse is gone. anyone who wants to respond to me please do so by just calling me: HE WHO NOW KNOWS WHAT I DON'T WANT TO KNOW>".
HE WHO KNOWS WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW:
There is only one thing you can do with your life: Use what you get. You have unique and unusual abilities. You could use them to do something good with your life.
That's all any of us can do. Everybody has problems and disadvantages. But the way to deal with it is to make the most of what you are in the best way you can.
Thank you Adam,
I really thought that I would get more responses but I see that you are very active on this site. I have noticed that most people do not want to enguage with me lately because I have gone through a pretty long period of being what I now call being: "SOCIOPATHICALLY OUT OF CONTROLE". This has caused more difficulty and trouble than I have had in over 15 years. I think I know the reasons for this total relapse into the abyss of sociopathy, I would like to comment further in the near future but have take care of some things right now. Thanks again and please enguage with me people even though I understand that you feel that you must keep your distance but who knows; as badly as I want to at least make things better for my wife and myself as much as possible, you all may really save a life that does not like being a sociopath.
HE WHO KNOWS WHAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO KNOW.
@Anonymous
Ok so your bereft of emotions. So, why not use this particular property of your character to help mankind? Why not be positive about this, by controlling this by directing for good causes?
There are many thing, jobs and tasks that require a heart of steel, all of which are for the benefit of society. So, here's my challenge to you.
Instead of directing your internal rage, anger at easy targets, re-focus it at things that need addressing in society, morally good things, things that most normal people don't want to do.
HE WHO KNOWS WHAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO KNOW is looking for comments. I have often thought that a SP with some degree of control would make a good ambulance attendant or firefighter, perhaps. Most people could not stand the gore of an auto accident for example. True? By your descriptions, you sound as though you have a hint of remorse, which is a form of empathy. Are you sure you really are a SP?
(Bell) He Who Knows - I know a man in your exact predicament. He is in his 60's. He looks back over a life of multiple wives who left him as soon as he stopped his initial pretense and of many children who will have nothing to do with him. So many jobs lost due to inability to get along. Basically, he led a life that was negative in every way, both for him and everyone around him. He, too, wants love now (finally, after scoffing at it his whole life), but I think he wants love only for its advantages (i.e., someone who won't leave him). I've known this man since 1965. I watched him delight in being a bastard. Now, he's remorseful because of the way his life has turned out. He has resolved to do no more harm and so he lives alone, away from other people. He desperately wants companionship but knows he will destroy that person. I am his only friend, and it took decades for him to learn to trust me. I would like your advice on what more I can do for him.
Hello! You can address me as beanie.
I had a friend two years ago that I would consider him a sociopath (let's call him the Scarlet Letter since his first name began with an A, no reference to the novel). He dropped out of school his senior year in 2008, and would visit the school often in 2009. When I first met him, he was charming, funny, sweet, cute, fun to be around, comfortable in his own skin, I even developed a little crush on him, as so all my other friends. I figured he sensed the crush, hence the flirting, and therefore used me and my best friend (let's call him Jordan) to help him break up a relationship between my former good friend and his bf, who became one of my new best friends later on. Jordan and I would lie to our friend face about what the Scarlet Letter was up to, we made him trust us with information, and such, and we used what we were told and report back to the Scarlet Letter. He then got my former friend to have sex with him on Valentine's day, which in turn hurt my future bestie so much and suffered heartbreak because of it. This event caused other events to happen, such as friends going against each other, mistrust, other heartbreaks. I felt manipulated. I felt used. I almost lost some friendships because of the things he had me do. I began thinking that he never liked me as a friend, but more so his paun to get the things he want. The Scarlet Letter also knew that he has exes (both male and female) that were still in love with him that would be deeply saddened by what he done, plus his promiscuity (he claims to be a male prostitute). Later on Jordan and I apologized to our friend for trying to break him and his boyfriend up, because the Scarlet Letter made us believe that our friend was against us but he wasn't. But did the Scarlet Letter ever cared about all the pain and the chain reactions he caused? No.
He has done terrible things to his exes. One male ex he has, who is also a good friend of mine, started dating a girl. When the Scarlet Letter found out, he told his mother that her son is secretly gay, knowing that his whole family is homophobic. The Scarlet Letter almost tore him from his family, and almost ruined yet another relationship, but does he care? No.
He also has a female ex that is currently still in love with him, for three years now. I truly feel sorry for her. She knew that he sleeps with other men, she knew that he is very promiscuous, she knew that it was him that, when they first broke up, had sex with another woman in his car in front of HER house and left the condom right in front of her lawn, but throughout everything, she is still in love with him and still wants to be with him for the rest of their lives. She convinced herself that the Scarlet Letter is her one and only love and that she will never be happy with her, otherwise good, boyfriends. Of course he knew this. He would try to ruin her other relationships. He would flirt with her to get money from her, even teasing her humorously that she still has these feelings. I am truly sorry for her. Not only is this man, in my strongest opinion, gay, but he doesn't even care for her in the slightest bit. He gets a kick out of people suffering because of him.
His other former friends described him as manipulative, cunning, narcissistic, and callous. However, those same friends got back into his good graces again. Go figure. These people despised him and now they hang out ever so often. How can I tell his friends, who are mutual friends of mine as well, including his female ex, that he is potentially dangerous? Would they even believe me?
By the way, I do have gay male friends and I am myself a female. The Scarlet Letter and I are currently not talking and haven't been friends since last year. He blocked me on facebook because he thought we were stalking him, and he failed an exam that would get him into the Air Force, therefore he will be back for another 6 months.
Oh, and if there are other questions for me, or need clarification, please free to ask!
Sociopaths, Psychopaths and Narcissists are Satan's children.
They are here to teach all of us a lesson.
We can learn and move on ... OR ... we can ignore the writing on the wall. We do have choices and "He" is watching. It's not always about what comes our way, but how we handle what comes our way.
I find it quite amazing (and a bit amusing) that some of God's 'children' are still, after so many obvious signals, numerous lessons, and repeated warnings, so mesmerized and drawn, like magnets, to Satan, disguised in one of his human forms.
There's nothing meek about S-Paths or Narcissists. 'Meek and S-Paths' in the same sentence are an oxymoron.
Remember ..."The meek shall inherit the Earth". Good Luck and God Bless
As a man who has just coming to the end of ten years of hell, the profile was spot on. The conclusion of the artical say's, you can not help them so get away and stay away.
I have, and this artical has given me a better understanding of what it was that I was experiencing. I never thought a woman could behave like that, we are led to believe it is men who behave in such a manner.
The problem for me is that there is a six year old boy that needs me. This is proving to be the means for my ex partner to play her games and create mayhem.
I mow have a clearer understanding how to protect myself from further actions of this persons behaviour. She has been rumbled.
Many thanks.
Good evening. I read through the first 200 comments on this blog before came to the conclusion that I might be able to get some worthy help here. I hope Eric is still subscribed however if anyone could offer some insght, it would be greatly appreiciated. I am having trouble understanding my father. I am 23 years old and have not had any substantial contact with him in over a year. My biggest fear is to be ANYTHING like him. Based on my own research and completing an undergrad in sociology and now a masters in education, I cannot decide if I think he is a sociopath or a narcissist but he seems to fit both to a T.
In a nutshell- he seemed to be a pretty normal, caring father throughout my childhood. He was a stay at home father who dressed, fed, took us to sports, etc. He would sometimes drink but I never remember seeing him "drunk." He defnitely smoked pot recreationally. He cheated on my mother when I was 10 and then everything changed drastically. When she divorced him, I didn't talk to him for over a year. One day, I thought it'd be better to have him in my life so I resumed our relationship. Shortly thereafter he married his mistress who eventually left him in dire financial issues. He subsequently went thru 2 bankruptcies and almost lost his house even though he is a successful electrician who owns a business. First point, he could NEVER work for anyone else in a million years. He NEEDS this control of being the boss. He has no long term friends but rather since he has become an alcoholic, he uses his employees to be his drinking buddies. None of them ever last more than 9-12 months before he fires them for some bullshit. His home is a 3 family, where he is the landlord, another position of control where he often judges and scolds his tenants for any of the various things they might do. He is the utmost control freak. During my childhood he often said things like "ths is russia and i am the tzar" or "you dont have to like me but you will respect me" he goes on and on about loyalty and respect but has never expressed ANY to ANYONE on his own part. He has also bascally told me his love for me is conditional= respect and basically submission being the condition, i've concluded. Now that he is an alcoholic, he has been in ALOT of trouble ranging from DUI to domestic violence including beating his 3rd wife (C) while she was pregnant with my half brother (black eyes, broken fingers, teeth knocked out). (...)
He has always been VERY verbally abusive as well. That is why I have cut him off once and for all. He told my mother (who I adore) that she was a fat lazy bitch. When I confronted him for this, he told me to mind my business. She is a very normal parent and woman - a school teacher - and he called DCF on my mother bc he thought my 16 yr old sister had alcohol on her when HE was bringing her to a party. He also accused me of buying it for her. My brother, who is now 7 and showing signs of PTSD possibly from my fathers abuse while he was in utero and newborn "is only allowed to see me if it is thru him" in other words, I am to have contact with his 3rd (now ex) wife (C). I refuse to let him control me in this way and he missed my college graduation and will miss my wedding because she will be invited. Thankfully, I still see my brother regularly. He also made up a story about (c's) mother (70 yrs old) who my brother and C live with that she pushed him to the floor in a domineering manner and had her arrested!!! it was a complete lie. he refused to sign a passport for my brother demanding that he must have a copy of a license for any person my brother is in the presence of. he has been very vulgar and inappropriate as far as talking about sexuality with women. It's disgusting. It was his birthday 4 days ago and i texted him a simple "happy birthday" he lashed back with a respect and loyalty comment that made no sense. I will not answer it. It hurts me bc i want to have a relationship with my father but know he will NEVER change. he views any emotion as over sesitivity "turning on the water works" and has told me that my efforts at therapy were weak and that he would never see a therapist. he does not acknowledge his alcohol problem either. I just dont know how to come to terms with who he is in an effort to stop carrying this around with me. As I read over this I wouldn't believe this all if someone else wrote it. He is truly one of a kind. It is so sick and I am so over it
OMG, thats it. He is definately a sociopath. Its the father of my grandson. He has every personality trait, and symptom. Even the drinking and gambling. He is making my daughters life and grandson a living hell. I swear he has no feelings for what the baby is going through. Because she will not go back to him for obvious reasons, he is doing everything in his power to try to get the little boy away from her as much as possible. He works about 7 days a week and travels because of his coaching job, and wants to take the baby with him and leave him with a babysitter on his days just so she doesn't have him. And the stupid court system is allowing it. He wants more time, but doesn't take his days as it is because he is traveling and busy coaching. Does anyone know what we can do to prove he is a sociopath and get the courts to see his intentions and not to the benefit of the child. Help!!!
To Eric...Please answer if you see this post. I have two questions. 1. If by a slim chance you did start having feelings for someone, would you push them away? 2. Because you try to find the vulnerabilities and weaknesses in people, if you found someone who was independent and strong, would you push them away? Thank you.
The father of my children fits the sociopath profile completely. I was with him for 8 years, and now we have nothing to do with him. We have attempted to keep in touch, but he has ruined that already with his evil ways. In order to leave him after 8 years, I had to file an order for protection through the sheriff. It was really hard to get him out of my life and home. It was one of the best things I could have done-I should have got rid of him sooner. Before he left, I cut up his clothes to pay him back for all of the abuse he put me and the children through. He can burn in hell for all I care! Good riddance you sack of shit!
Eric, I have a question about a sociopath. You say that they mimic emotion although they feel none. you also said that you would never break down crying or get emotional, but instead you would sweet talk your way into forgivness. Another time you said that a sociopath will resort to anything to get what he/she wants. Wouldn't they resort to am emotional break down if they thought it would get them what they wanted, or get a person to feel a certain way in order to control the situation? I believe my sister is a sociopath, however she will have an emotional breakdown of tears to get someone to feel bad for her. Espicially if she feels that is the only way to win back their trust is to make the feel sorry for her. She can turn the tears off and on in a second flat if she needs to.
Evoking pity is the most effective way of disarming non-sociopaths.
hi all,
i am the one who left the 2 part post on june 20th, please refer to me as LAM- i know it is a long post but can someone please offer some insight. I am anxious to have some closure
But when you realize that it's all a facade, a web of serial lies, you become immune to the pity play, but by this time, its all far too late, you've been changed forever.. Bitterness and distrust beckons..
(Devastated) It is the father of my child. He is out to destroy me. My only chance is to leave my child with him. Because he wants to win. But I cannot leave my baby. The legal system is a joke. The so-called psych evaluator fell for the pity-trap. What can I do? Please help ....
I'm not sure I agree that all these people are sociopaths. I think a lot of them are just downright, mean, selfish, alcoholic people. True sociopaths are much more cunning and clever...like the one I became involved with. They are charming and nice and take you before you even know what happened. They really have no emotion, but they feign it to make you think they do have emotion. I was so taken and this man just dropped me with no explanantion and if I did try to contact him he ignored me. I served his purpose and he was done with me (he used me to make another woman jealous). I still see him every once and awhile at work and he will look me dead in the eyes. No guilt. If he was guilty, he wouldn't be able to look at me. But he's a textbook sociopath. He knows what he did yet he can still look me directly in the eyes with no guilt.
I agree that some people are merely dealing with mean people. But I disagree that all sociopaths are clever. It seems likely that sociopaths would have intelligence levels as various as the normal population. Some would be very intelligent, most would be about average, and some would be not so intelligent.
Devastated, what a horrible situation! I don't know what you can do. Sometimes the legal system can't help you. There are some very experienced people subscribing to these comments, and I'm hoping one of them has a brilliant idea for you. I'm at a loss. The only thing I can think of after you have exhausted all legal means is to take your child and run. Move to England or something. But I probably can't legally recommend such a thing. I was just thinking about what I would do in your situation. When it comes to your child, I'm sure you feel some things are more important that the rule of law.
Anyway, hopefully someone else has a less drastic idea you could pursue. Help me out, good people. Are there legal channels Devastated could try?
N0
The only way way to beat a sociopath... is to become one....
The counter manipulations your escape
Sociopath=Narc*10 yes its that bad...
It's not going to be easy.. I know from my own experience
I did it, and it meant recording everything. It won't mean closure, probably pain, but it is the right thing to do.
Remember, DO NOT FEEL SYMPATHY.. THEY ARE EMPTY VESSELS!!!!!
Wow I have been reading the comments and Im so glad that i found this site.It has given me a new out look on dealing with our every day Spaths.My son has just married one so looks like I have no choice but to have a fake relationship with her.My plans are simple,I will never trust her,I pretend I do.I hate her guts,I tell her i love her.Every thing that she says I first consider a Lie until its clear to me that its gods truth.Since she had drugged my coffee and it took me weeks to figure out what was happening to me,I no longer eat or drink any thing that she makes me or has had access to.I stay alert and always have my defences up.And when she is bored and starts her new adventure of chaos and havoc I will play along.Like i have read on here before her weakness is her arrogance in thinking she has us all under her complete control.She has no clue that we are all aware of what she is.My son believes she has Spath tendencies but she can feel and love so she is not a SP just a little mental. He loves her so we have to support him in his madness and when the time comes and he realizes she cant love and wants out.Shes going to spin like a top and then she will not even know what hit her.I just hope it doesnt take years of suffering this little wacadoo before he has had enough.
drugged my coffe and it took me weeks to figure out what was happening to me i no longer eat or drink any thing she makes me or has access to.my defenses is always on high alert. we as a family all know what she is.My son loves her and is sure she is able to love him back although he admits she has Sp tendecies.So its just one big Fake relationship.As i have read her weakness is her arrogance in thinking that she has us all under her control as she does my son and when he gets it and wants out she will spin like a top and thats when she wont know what hit her.Fire with Fire.
(Devastated), I was in your position a few months back. I hope what I have to say helps give you hope and some ideas. I was about to give up, about to run, and just down right depressed. I could not imagine having to live like this for the rest of my life and more importantly having my daughter in such a horrible situation. My friend begged me to see a lawyer friend of hers before I ran and I am so glad I did. I went in there and told him I want mine and my daughters life back.I had visited so many lawyers and none would take the case. This lawyer had said yes he would take the case and has a much different approach. He told me to get out of my mind that the only way to get away from him is to prove he is a sociopath in court. He said even though he believes me the only person that is going to look crazy is me. His suggestion was to carry a camera and a tape recorder everywhere and get solid proof of the neglect and abuse he is inflicting on our child. Keep in mind in my state it is legal to have a hidden tape recorder. He said focus on proving he is not following the court order of custody/visitation and if he is a sociopoath this should not be hard to do seeing they make their own rules and have no regard for laws or court orders. So a few months later after doing this we have him on 8 serious counts of contempt from our court order. He was served the court paperwork and is trying to get out of it and lying like crazy but now we are establishing he is a not a truthful person because the tape recordings and pictures are telling a different story. When confronted about their lying sociopaths display rage and lie more on the stand and it is very transparent so the judge will also see that part of them without ever having to say he is a sociopath. So now he is going to be responsible for paying my court fees and jail time. He wants to make a deal with me because he hates the idea of having to give me money and sociopaths hate being found out. So in return for me dropping all charges, not telling anyone he is a sociopath, and eating the lawyers fees he will need to terminate parental rights. This was at the advice of the lawyer of course. We are currently waiting to hear back from him so I can not say if it worked yet. The lawyer said it should take 2-3 times of catching him in the lies and filing contempt of court claims before he agrees to sign away rights. He said sociopaths hate losing and being found out and will move on to easier targets and I will become very boring and a pain in his side. So far it is working and I was a bit scared for our safety in doing this but knock on wood so far so good. We do all our exchanging at the police station though. So my advice is find a lawyer that has experience dealing with a sociopath and try going this route. I wish you all the luck and please know you are not the only one going through this and there is hope.
Bill said:
I believe we can divide SP and just MEAN somewhat. The recent research points to the probability that a true SP should be defined as one who has the birth defect of the lack of oxytocin receptors. This makes a true SP a physical problem of nature and not nurture.
My experience with my SP is that whether they are overt or covert depends upon the environment they are in. They are very good at playing both parts in triangles they have separated. Mine changed from overt to covert because of changes in our lives.
To quote Prof. Nash: Only in the mysterious equations of love can any logical reasons be found.
Since a true SP can no more know what love is than a blind person can know what color is, no matter how analytical they try to be, they will be illogical and it will hurt.
stop making excuses... parasites are normal biological organisms, we just don't realise that this is case for us... now we know there are human ones too... simple as that.. they act and behave exactly like all parasites.. its a strong word I know, but it is truly representative of what they are.
The thing to remember is the damage that they do to you, their family, friends, everyone one they touch. Help these people, by exposing the actions of their SP... It might hurt them in the short term, but in the long run, them coming to terms with the facade and the manipulation will give them release...
Show no mercy to your SP, as they do not understand what it means and they give none back...
Forget about trust... they may use the word, but only to con you..
WAKE UP
Zee:
Thank you so much for your points on how to deal with a sociopath. I think they are right on and I will now put into use myself. Wish me luck.
When it comes to SP's there's no satisfying them. No matter what you do, it just isn't right. Never good enough ... never. You can't win.
My ex-SP husband wanted me to grow my hair real long. So I did. Then he complained I took too much time in the shower. I was washing my loooong hair that he liked so much. So, I cut it medium length so that it didn't take as long to care for, but then he didn't like the way it looked. The endless crazy-making stories go on and on and on. I had to divorce him b/c there's no happiness or satisfying a SP. They are the most miserable creatures on Earth. I made him think and believe I had a mental breakdown and that he could do so much better than me. If he knew I left him, he'd seek revenge. If he knew how happy I really am without him, he'd probably kill me.
My mother is a SP. Same thing with her. She said dozens of times 'get a good education so I don't have to help you pay your bills later on and so you have no reason to come back home to live'. So I did. I even graduated with Honors. Then she complained and ridiculed me for being in student debt. Can't win.
My cousin got pregnant in the midst of planning her big wedding. She started planning for her wedding almost one year in advance. Halfway through the planning, she (unexpectedly) became pregnant. So, she walked down the aisle 4 months pregnant ... so what, big deal. My SP Aunt (her SP mom) complained and complained, but I shut her up real fast when I said, 'She (your daughter)could have terminated the pregnancy and no one (except me and her fiance) would have ever known' ... AND then I thought ... 'the pregnancy may have been unplanned, but not unwelcome' ... beeetch. If her daughter had terminated the pregnancy, and therefore didn't walk down the aisle 4 months pregnant (hardly showing) and her SP mom (my Aunt) later found out about the pregnancy, she would have said that her daughter killed her unborn grandchild. Can't win.
Never can win with a SP, both male and female SP's. Nothing is ever good enough. They even subtly chip away at the self-esteem and self- confidence of their own children until there is nothing left, the exact opposite of what God intended for parents to do - to instill high self-esteem and confidence in their children. Then they wonder why their kids are all screwed up.
SP's break hearts. They delight in tearing families and relationships apart, and even communities apart. They are useless. They destroy.
What they are good for is ... NOTHING.
Question for Adam
Do you know if any physiological differences show up in the brain scans of sociopaths vs normal empath people?
In other words, if a psychiatrist, brain scientist or similarly highly trained professional expert in this area were to conduct brain scans on both -- adult sociopaths AND adult non-sociopaths, would there be a marked difference in the brain scans?
Also, what kind of specific tests would prove or identify these differences other than a "Brain Scan". What are the tests called, if they even exist. Thank You -- JustCurious
JustCurious,
I think this will be the next stage in sociopathic research. As far as I know, nothing like this has been done. But it seems likely that some difference would show up. Researchers could show photographs that would normally elicit empathy -- pictures of people experiencing strong emotions, for example -- and it would seem certain areas of the brain would light up in non-sociopaths that would not light up in sociopaths.
Good question.
@anonymous June 24, 2010 9:30 PM
My heart goes out to you my friend and all on here who have or are suffering at the hands of these heartless people.
Denial is our enemy here, we do not want to believe or accept that the person who or whom we loved so deeply is a fraud who revells in our discomfort and manipulation.
This is the hard accepting that this view will never change, nor they.
By this time, emotionally, mentally and more important as a person you will have been changed forever, your trusting, compassionate nate destroyed.
To escape you will have to stain yourself with their behaviours, become one temporarily to end it. Do not give in, change by escaping, getting as far away from them as possible and by making your SP see that their exposure beckons if they hurt you with any vindictive actions.
Kind wishes, and I hope you heal soon.
Zee
JustCurious here ...
I ran and left the State with my daughter when she was very young. I carefully planned and saved $$$ and then moved as far away as I could, 2,500 miles away. I shudder to think if I hadn't left. The law isn't very helpful since some of the people making major decisions about your life, and that of your child's life, are also SP's. The legal decision-makers who are not SP's, are either too incompetent, stupid or just plain clueless to make things right. The legal system does not always realize the dangers of a SP. They figure as long as they never killed anyone or robbed a Bank, oh well, they can't be all that bad ... WRONG. Sometimes it's the SP who actually gets custody. Once that happens, everyone is majorly screwed, especially the child(ren). It turns into a horror show very quickly with no end in sight.
My ex-husband didn't come after me when I fled the State as it would've cost him a fortune in legal fees and I was well aware of that ahead of time. So, lucky for me, he just moved on to a new victim. I sort of paid the price in other ways though. Having a child with a SP is like a cancer that keeps returning. But it still turned out better that I left.
By the way, as an FYI - ALL SP's and Narcissists keep you in a constant state of 'high alert'. One has to be on 'high alert' in order to survive them, and to keep one step ahead ... and keep one step ahead you had better.
As a result of this 'high alert' or "Hyper-Arousal Syndrome", your Adrenalin and Cortisol levels start to skyrocket and become way too high, eventually, over the years, causing a wide variety of awful health problems. For women, it also messes up our menstrual cycles big time and can even cause excessive bleeding, miscarriages, and so on. Having anything to do with, or living with these people can cause insomnia and other serious life-long sleep disturbances. It takes a year, to sometimes as long as several years, depending, to 'come down' to normal hormone levels from the dangerously high, excess Cortisol and Adrenalin that is released every single day just by being in a relationship with a SP and/or Narcissist. Adrenalin and Cortisol are NOT the two hormones you want coursing through your veins all day, everyday. They wreak havoc on the body, mind and soul for both children and adults, especially pregnant women.
JustCurious -
To the women who believes her DIL is putting drugs in her coffee. God help you if your son and DIL have a baby together. Instead of your new role as a grandparent being joyous, it will be a train wreck. SP's have children for one reason ... and it isn't good. They use the children as a means of control. When the kids get older, they use them as a 'pawn' for information or whatever it is they need. SP's see kids as a nuisance but they 'act' all maternal/paternal in front of others. Then they screw the kids up when there are no witnesses.
When an SP decides to mess with your head and terrorize you (and they will) an SP will do subtle things to the baby/child right in front of you, and only you, so no one else believes your stories and fears. So you wind up in a constant state of fearing for your children or grandchildren. I'm not trying to scare you, but if I were you, I'd talk my son out of the relationship before she gets pregnant. Based on my experiences with SP's, if I had to, I'd offer him money, my house, ANYTHING even if I had to bribe him to get out of the relationship and for good ... no going back. The reason is, as time goes on, it will get much, much worse, not better. There will always be a crisis, SP's love, love, love drama. Once there are children involved, that tie is always present and very hard to sever. It's a horribly devastating, heartbreaking experience that you'll certainly want to avoid. Don't count on the legal system to help you. They might be helpful and fair, and then they might not. It's a roll of the dice. Having a child or grandchild with a SP is a life sentence that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I hope he gets rid of her now before it's way too late. SP's have children so they can control everyone around them and make their lives even more miserable. SP's are terrorists.
As far as court ... always bring lots of family, friends and neighbors for support whenever going into a court battle with a SP. Never go to court alone or with only one person. Power is in numbers. The more people who show up on your side, the better. It would be much harder, not impossible, but certainly much harder, for a Judge to award custody to a SP parent when a lot of people are present and against it and in total support of the non-SP parent. Again, if having others present in the court room is allowed ... power is in numbers.
I have been in love with and completely entranced by a man that has no conscience, shows no emotion or remorse, he lies and cheats and takes NO responsbility for his actions. If he is caught doing something or in a lie, even if it has just happened within the past 5 minutes, he says, "why are you still bringing it up, it is in the past"!!! He is a great "friend" but a horrible, horrible boyfriend. The amazing part for me personally is that I have NEVER been "had" by anyone and have never allowed any man to do even a fraction of the things that this man has done, but I keep taking him back or go back to him. I have been trying to find the perfect explanation for him and I believe I have found it... Finally, his attempts to make me think I am, "a psycho", will no longer make me question myself. Thank you!!!
Why are you still bringing it up, it is in the past"!!!
These comments and other similar comments, such as, "It's water under the bridge" and "Let's not re-hash" are all designed to make you think there's something wrong with you for bringing up the past. It's a form of manipulation that works well for sociopaths whenever they're dealing with empaths. It doesn't usually work on other sociopaths because it's empaths that fall for it. It's also designed to make some empaths feel embarrassed or awkward so they can't think straight and instead drop the subject. The sociopath, as usual, is off the hook. Don't buy into these manipulative statements.
There are few occasions in healthy relationships where bringing up the past really is not appropriate or healthy, but with empaths it's just another form of manipulation.
It falls into the same (manipulation) category as, "If you love me, you'll do it". I taught my teen daughter's that anytime a boy ever says this to them, run -- don't walk away -- RUN.
June 28 - 1:36am POST -
One of many things a boyfriend is supposed to be is a friend. If the only way the two of you get along well is if you are a bit distant and are 'just friends' and not romantically involved, that can be risky. A sociopath is a sociopath. Period. Also, you'll prevent other nice, decent guys from coming into your life if you're seen with him or allow him to take up your time. Other guys may misinterpret the situation and avoid you since you're 'taken' plus he'll eventually start trouble, guaranteed. That's what sociopaths do best, they start trouble, cause heartache and create drama. You really can't be 'friends' with a psycho. It's just not possible.
Make him think you are whatever he hates so he walks away from you, not the other way around. For example, if hates cursing, start cursing a little every now and then. If he hates too much make-up, then pack it on. Do whatever you know that he hates and doesn't want in a girlfriend so he'll leave you. Then act upset so he's happy about the situation and feels in control and that he won. This tactic gets rid of them in a safe manner and avoids embarrassment and drama.
@sheila
It's the charm, articulation and smile....
It's all a con, a facade, an illusion...
Escape before he destroys the real you!
this was way amazing to read. i was just about to tell the sociopath of my life that he is one and then. no. haha!
in life we are always trying to explain things that we find hard to accept because we dont know the reasoning behind it. even if there is something else going on, this is a big issue. because ive been depressed, but only because of a sociopath!!!! this stuff can go all sorts of ways and circles, life is like that! the goal in life is to respect life and others but in order to respect life,, you have to understand the deeper meaning in life, becuz there is deeper meaning. you cant live with pain brought upon by yourself or others. and there are all sorts of reasons why we get hurt and why others hurt us. whatever the problem, we cant over analyze anything we are trying to figure out or we just completely miss the point of the concept for the explanation. this has helped me very much, thank you adam khan!! :P someday i hope to write as good as you, cause what you have here is unbias, true, and very informative! and i leave with a quote from Buddha!
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
Buddha
It's frustrating trying to convince family members my oldest Brother is a sociopath. I know we are not supposed to do that by what I have read. Believe me If my elderly mother wasn't one of his "Targets" I would walk just away. I Learned to recognize Sociopaths after my ex-best friend used me and I was having a hard time dealing with her online harrassment. I looked up sites and recognized her right away as a sociopath. Now I see the same traits in my eldest brother. He has managed to finnagle his way through life without working. Uses others, Takes no responsibilty for problems he has caused with the family. Thinks he is "owed" and entitled. Quick to blame others etc...all the symptoms. Very Errie reading what other sociopaths think. I really feel sorry for them and couldn't imagine a life witout emotions.
As I read I realize the brother I am trying to convince may also possibly be a a SP. By a message above that says, (It's all in the past.) (Water under the bridge) He keeps saying that and just laughs when I tell him what my oldest brother is capable of doing and what he has already done. He keeps believing our oldest brothers excuses and just brushes everything off. They have always been close since childhood so I don't know if that's the reason and he just wants to stick up for him, or if he actually is one too. My mother tells me what she thinks but is afraid to tell him the truth and will not stand up for herself. She's always been taught to be submissive when my father was alive. He was a heavy drinker and belittled and yelled at her all the time. He was 10 years older than her and always let her know it, no doubt a SP. She wasn't allowed an opinion. Still doesn't think she is. To men anyway. I told people in the nursing home last year when my brother put her there with congestive heart failure last March 09 but since moms afraid to say anything it just looked like a sibling thing going on with me and him. When my dad was alive and lived with my oldest brother because mom could no longer care for him SP oldest brother dictated dads every move, was not allowed to phone any other family member, nor answer the door or go anywhere without him. Would not show dad his own bank statments, retirement or SS checks when they came in the mail. Did the same thing he did to my mother. Just kept them totally in the dark and under control while he used dads Social security money and pension for himself. He got my dad and himself kicked out a lovely RV park in AZ. Dad loved the place more than anywhere in the world because SP Brother didn't want to follow the rules. Moved dad to town into a cheaper, run down druggie infested dive of an RV park.
The erriest part of reading above posts is the SP's that put something in victims drinks. Because a few years back another brother who is younger who SP has hated since birth was admitted to the hospital and not expected to live with suspected antifreeze poisoning. It was brought to my attention by a person a year or two later that SP was heard threatening his life two weeks prior to being admitted to the hospitals ICU. I didn't want to believe it, in fact I still had a very hard time accepting that he would actually go that far until reading the above messages. Now I realize that it is very possible and was most likely the case. And like I said in my first message. I would just walk away if my elderly mom wasn't envolved. She just recieved a letter frm a bank addressed to my dad an overdrawn account wth my SP brothers name on and my dad. So now she has to worry about that. She owns some property and doesn't want Leins put on it. I used to think it was the property he wanted not so much the turmoil he can cause all of us. But now I realize that is his goal. He just wants to win and keep all of us at each others throats.
Adam. My father and HIS father was a Sociopath, so is my oldest brother and my own oldest son. I'm no expert. But four generations in my family are SP's. Would this draw a conclusion that it runs in families?
I have been in a relationship with my now husband for 8 years. We heve been married for 4 years. We are in counseling because the same problems keep rising. I have suspected for many years that something was "off" with him. Catching him in lies, constant need to be entertained and so forth. I was watching a show that dealt with sociopathy. The person started listing signs and I almost fell off the couch. I did some research and he fits every single sign. At our next session after the show the pyschologist and I were alone for a couple of minutes. He asked if I had any concerns, since he knows I am scared most of the time to say anything negative in front of my hub. I said I had a big concern. Next thing I know the counselor got it out from me since he can read me well. I told my husband I thought he was a sociopath. I think I shocked the heck out the counselor. The counselor agreed that my husband fits many of the characteristics, especially since he had an abusive childhood and he hates his mother. I have 2 children and I am more in fear now that I have revealed my "hand". Should I be afraid? I would leave but he doesn't let me work therefore I have no money saved. I guess the next thing for me to do is try to see if our counselor will talk to me for free about this. Please feel free to email me at melissamorreale@gmail.com
Four generations of sociopaths? Wow. That doesn't prove it runs in families, but it sure isn't inconsistent with it. I believe there is at least a strong element of genetics, if not entirely caused genetically.
SP INHERITED?
My mother and her mother (my grandmother) and five of my mothers eleven sisters are all SP's. None of my 28 cousins are SP's even though five of my Aunt's are. My sister is an SP.
My brother and other sister are not SP's.
Also, my ex-husband and his dad and Uncle (dad's brother) are major SP's.
But my ex-husbands mother and his two brothers and one sister are not SP's. Neither of my two children, both college-aged daughters, are SP's even though their father (my ex) and my mom (their grandmother) both are. My daughters can be aggravating at times, but they are not SP's.
I think SP is inherited BUT only presents IF 'the switch is flipped'. So, maybe either in-utero OR at some point during early childhood, during this time if the switch is turned on with an individual who also inherited the SP tendency, then they become a SP. If they did not inherit the gene/tendency there is no switch to flip on. So, they can't become a SP. There are many people who were abused as children (me for one) who are not SP's.
I'm not 100% sure about this theory, but that's my honest opinion.
Adam, what do you think?
(Jon)
If someone is depressed and isolated, but admits they have problems dealing with other people (relationships) and wants to change their ways, and attempt to make a genuine effort towards it.. are they a sociopath or not?
Is the reason you suggest ditching them out of you life for good, the fact that it is physically impossible for them to admit their way of life is wrong?
To Meiammykidsmom: Your story sounds alot like someone else I know. The counselor will probably not do you much good. I think you will be looking to him (or her)to "help" or "change" your husband. It's not going to happen. Start saving what money you can, begin looking at options for where you can live and work. If you don't have a college degree, consider starting on-line classes if possible. Maybe you can talk your husband into letting you go back to school. Just make it sound like it is his idea. It will take you awhile to get out of the house since there is a lot of planning and preparation that has to be done. But start planning now. I can assure you, it will not get better but worse down the road.
Jon, if you have no empathy for other people, then manipulating them isn't really "wrong" in the way you and I mean it.
I think you should read as many of these comments as you can. Begin at the beginning. You will read about lives destroyed, and you will read comments by sociopaths themselves, describing how they see the world.
Eric,
I find all of this very fascinating because three months ago I was very involved with a sociopath. I was that girl who had the perfect boyfriends, never dealt with any shit from a guy, and was particularly strong and confident. He was my friend for two years and when we dated he never failed to lie and hurt me over and over. I thought I was the one person to change him, but obviously that was stupid. However, even though every characteristic fits him as a sociopath, there is one that I am unsure of. To me, he would always continuously beg or become really submissive when he got scared he would lose me. But I know for a fact he never did this with the other girls he was cheating on me with...he was really dominant and overbearing with them. He still lied to me over and over, and could never be faithful. To me, he seems like the weakest person I have ever met. This need to control others, to see others hurt, to cause pain for another human being...couldn't you say this is a huge insecurity in itself that ends up making someone a sociopath? Or is it just pure evil?
Reading about sociopaths is the saddest thing I have ever read...
I'm pretty sure I was married to a sociopath. Military background (spent time in military jail), would seem to get great satisfaction out of terrifying me-example: speeding and tailgating wildly while screaming and hitting my leg on major freeways then seeming very calm after.
-Hiding household items for amusement, lying. -Threatening but not perpetrating violence (told him I would press charges if it ever came to that).
-Very successful at work (major computer company). Other employees complain he was "hurtful".
-controlling every dime I earned while hiding his own finances and spending wildly.
-I became very ill with arrhythmia/tachycardia and had near breakdown (had the "crazy" thought he might be giving me something). Had major insurance policy on me.
-He separated from me due to his having an affair with a 21 year old.
-He moved 45 minutes away but would randomly appear at the house at very late hours to scream and verbally abuse me. Threatened to destroy the house if I did not submit to this. I could see there was some kind of enjoyment/release for him so much so it was worth driving 45 minutes to get it. He also:
-stole ~1,000 from my bank account (to "make me see where he was coming from") while I was out of town with my ailing father who was having cardiac catheterization done.
-conveniently threatened to commit suicide after eavesdropping on me while I was on the phone with a lawyer discussing the separation.
-very grandiose bragging re:IQ, overly sensitive to any criticism. Unpredictably prone to rage.
Frightening cold man-I now see the characteristics of the sociopath. I completely cut this person out of my life and strongly recommend to ANYONE who suspects their partner is a sociopath to get out and never look back. As my father reminded me of the story of the lady who took in the snake from the cold. the snake bit her and as she dies, she says "why did you bite me after all I've done for you? the snake replies "you knew I was a snake when you took me in".
I met this man online. He was honest enough to admit that his life isn't worth much. He was unemployed for 2 years, deserted by his wife who took his 2 small sons with her. I pitied him and I tried to make him see that he could rise above his situation now. I found some endearing qualities in him and I fell in love with him. We have met twice and we made plans for our future together. He has already filed for divorce as he is determined to marry me and live in my country. The problem is that we always fight and have arguments over his jealousy and lack of trust. During these times, he verbally abuses me and threatens to ruin me through the various social networks we belong to. I have been too trusting enough to give him my passwords and he had posted nasty things about me many times. He asks for forgiveness each time we make up but still it bothers me. He reasons that he is only like that because he can't stand being in an online relationship with me. He wants to be with me sooner so he asks for my help so he could join me in my country.
I have asked myself the 13 questions and I answered yes to most of them. Honestly, there is a nagging feeling that he is a sociopath. I see him as controlling, impatient, jealous, disrespectful, untrusting, sarcastic, domineering, and dictatorial... but these negative traits only surface when we fight. He is so sweet and loving and caring. I also know him to be honest about all his activities and I tend to believe him about when he says that there is no other woman in his life.
I might add that he does not have a good relationship even with his family; his parents and his siblings. Of course, I only hear one side of the story, his, as I do not really know any member of his family. I could have no way of knowing if what he is telling me is the truth about his relationship with his family and with his wife.
We have made plans about our future, but reading your article and all the comments here made me afraid. Am I about to ruin my life if I pursue with our plans?
@anonymous July 5, 2010 1:56 AM
Read and digest!
Absolutely!
Escape from this person now, move house, area, change your number, whatever it takes move on, do not be fooled by the 'Pity Play'
Under no circumstances let him know your plans... where you are... nothing
Disappear..
I left my husband 8 years ago, he is undoubtedly a sociopath but I have only just realised after excusing his behaviour with all manner of things, I have a 10 year old son with him and my big concern now is, after watching him bully his new partner and her 2 kids, how do I get him out of my son and my life altogether, he is not abusive to our son but uses him in games of guilt about poor daddy, how badly people treat me...I actually wish him dead, I have never wished that or even thought that before...sociopaths, non sociopaths...your opinions on this please, he does not abuse his son or his new daughter yet but he exposes them to the worst anger and evil that he shows to his current partner, her kids and me, and in turn the kids are becoming extremely stressed and torn
Your entire life might not be ruined if you settle with this man, but be prepared to spend a long time getting away from him and undoing the damage he has caused. Come on, think with your brain and leave your emotions out of it. Do you honestly think someone who cares about you would post nasty things about you? How big and how many red flags do you need? He doesn't get along with his family and his wife left with their 2 sons! That woman must have had a real good reason for leaving if she was willing to raise 2 sons by herself.
You say he shows his negative traits only when you fight. Well, you had better not ever disagree or do something he doesn't like. (Which he will eventually find new things he doesn't like) It's all about control. Don't ever forget that. You have no way of knowing if he is telling the truth about his family or wife. You have no way of knowing if he is telling the truth period. How much money have you sent him? How many times has he hinted he needs money for this emergency or that? Is he using you to get to your country? If he really wants to be with you, and you want to see it thru...make sure he pays his own way to where you are, and make sure he has a job and his own apartment. If he truly loves you, he will do this. I am dealing with the aftermath of someone involved with an SP. Separated from him for over a year. She is still being stalked by him. I cannot tell you the fallout from all the damage he did. She cannot even get a bank account due to all the hot checks he wrote. No way for direct deposit and she has to ask others to cash her paycheck. No Credit, no self esteem, no confidence, no security. Don't end up like her.
to justcurious Thanks for your advice and I have thought long and hard and I have told my son if they have children it will rip his heart out of his chest.I know my son and no amount of money on earth will change his heart.He loves his new wife.All we can do is give him the information and the truth as we know it and wait until he can see.I know our little SP will use children in any way that suits her cause and I am prepared.Im not fooling myself I know this is going to be hell for my family but I have no choice but to wait until our son opens his eyes. Toxiccoffe
my brother is a socialpath. He crashed his corvette with me in the passenger's seat..I suffered a TBI that I have to live with. He could care less...never offered to help, finacially or whatever, it was all his fault for showing off for the family...I paid for it. I continue to pay for it every day. He lives "scot-free".
Not a lot of current activity on this site, but still thought I would post. I am the mother of a 17 year old absolutely beautiful girl whom I suspect my be a victim of this condition. I have suspected since she was a VERY young age that she did not function like the rest of us. She would say things out of context that were hurtful and did not seem to have any "filtering" ability to decide what should and should not be said. She started acting out at 13 when she let a couple of boys crawl through her window and take her virginity. She has been busted for sex and lying so many times it is flat ridiculus. I would punish her taking away privileges and having her earn them back for years. ALWAYS at the first test of independence she would fall down and we would have to start over. The only time she seems to show any emotions is when whatever is being discussed affects her life directly. If it is not what she wants, tears start. Almost a year ago the final straw was finding out that she had slept with her sister's husband at least twice. Since she was underage and he was in the military he killed himself. She sticks to the story that it was not consentual, but my point is how did it happen TWICE then? After my son-in-laws death, I brought her sister home and my 16 year old then decided she wanted to try living with my ex-husband. He consented and though I tried to warn him what he would be facing, he now is coming to me because she is out of control. Sneaking out with 3 boys and once again, no remorse or attempt to change her actions. She has been going to counseling there and the therapist has recommended a psychological examination to see what is going on. My guess, I have found the correct forum. However, the advise in this article is to disconnect from the sociopath. Someone please tell me how are you supposed to separate from your 17 year old daughter?????
To the 17 yr. old mom: I don't think any mom can separate from their child. Understandably, moms just can't do that. What you can do is make sure your daughter gets the psych evaluation. Listen to the Dr. and explore his advice. I would also have drug tests run on her for drug abuse. If she is in school, consider sending her off to a school that specializes in behavior modification, drug rehab (if applicable) and any specific mental illness. Your daughter may be bi-polar. There are facilities and medications that can deal with what ever illness your daughter may have. It is your duty as a parent to get your daughter help so do not feel guilty if you have to send her away. Just remember you love her enough to get the help she needs. Too often I see parents who refuse to seek help for their children because they feel they will be seen as "non-caring." Good, caring parents admit when they are in over their heads and will put their feelings aside and concentrate on what will help their child to adapt to this world.
Please realize this, if your child does not receive the help she needs, it will be her doing the separating from you. She has probably already separated from you to a depth you do not realize. Her interaction with you is probably only the length of time it gets her to get something out of you. It's okay to not play her game. That needs to be the disconnect you have with her. Good luck. If you feel comfortable, let us know how the evaluation turns out. If she has something other than SP personality then it might be beneficial to other parents on this site to understand how important a psych evaluation can be.
After reading this article, my jaw dropped. I always accused the sociopath in my life with having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is the poster child for Anti-Social Personality Disorder.There are too many examples to mention to show how he fits the bill. Highlights are having no remorse, no capacity to show love, a feeling of boredom and needing to live on the edge. He has been promiscuous and changes women like underwear. People are not his friends, they are a means to an end. Our relationship deteriorated when I started calling him on his behavior. The problem is that thie sociopath is my child's father. I am frightened for my son. I can't avoid contact with him for that reason.
O my Good the articul that I'd just read has a name,'my manager'SHE IS A MONSTER NO ONE CAN WORK WITH HER MORE THAN A YEAR SHE LOVES TO WIN,LIE,AND MAKE YOU FELL GILTY. I HAVE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTUFULL JOBS AND AT THIS POINT OF MY LIFE SOME TIMES I PREFER TO BE CLEANING DIRTY BAHTROOMS. BUT DUE TO HOW HARD IS TO LEAVE MY JOB BECAUSE OF SUCH OF BAD ECONOMY IN THE UNITED STATE.I WILL LIKE TO FIND A SOLUCION ON HOW TO NOT LET HER GET AWAY WITH "MURDER" AND OVER POWER. THANK YOU
I am the most powerful Sociopath I have ever known,and yet I DO have a concience I only destroy and exploit the corrupt! and I ALSO have feelings...SADLY people describe ONLY our bad qualities...you Normals ruling the world are the ones with issues...control freaks...
sincerly MIASISS {my-a-sis}
Your article is biased. Not all Sociopaths actually want to hurt people. They don't feel emotions, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have a desire to ruin everyone's lives. Some may want to hurt people, yes, but did you ever think that some of them don't want to? Instead of inflicting pain upon other people, they might take it out on themselves. Study your facts more, and have a more open mind.
My article was not written for sociopaths. It was written for people who have been harmed, and in some cases, devastated by a sociopath.
If you would like help or support in your sociopath-ness, this site is not the place for you. However, I'm glad you don't want to hurt people. Please start your own site and help other sociopaths find a way not to inflict pain on others.
@anonymous July 10, 2010 8:44 PM
"I am the most powerful Sociopath I have ever known"
Is that so? So how do know that? Powerful in what respect? Manipulation, deceit, lying, conning, being false, glib, superficial ad infinitum....
Maybe, if you're not found out and not exposed, that might be the case in your warped little world.
But try and do it to someone who has become stronger through the actions of the likes of you, and I think you'll find that is not the case at all is it?
Like all parasites, once exposed their weakness is plain to see.
Your exposure will come one day, and hopefully no-one will shed a tear Mr.Empty Vessel. Just wish it was me.
I am going through a divorce from a sociopath.
i'm happy/relieved to learn that the only way to deal w/a sociopath is to get them completely out of one's life.
He is a master manipulator and has kept me in this relationship by making me think i was in the wrong, that i was a quitter, that the things he did were my fault, that i make him a better person, that he adores me and needs me, that we are better than everyone else. I feel like i've been given permission to leave him, guilt free! I now know that i can't "love him well".
He matches almost every criteria for a sociopath that i read on another website.
He is charming, successful, requires alot of stimulation, and strong sex drive.
He is a flatterer, is boastful, has no control over his temper if the right buttons are pushed.
He can blow up like a nuclear bomb (never physical abuse, just verbal and emotional)then moments later be ok and start the process of blaming and twisting the truth to suit him. He expects you to be the same and forgive and forget. He can seem reasonable and logical, but when you get close and know what you're dealing with, you recongnize it's actually calculating and manipulation that is turning the mechanisms.
I loved him with all my might and never understood why it always went so wrong. Why he was so draining on me. Why I was always confused. Why he never saw my contributions. Why he could be so mean and cold, as well as, appear to be loving and charming. He was alot of fun, but on his schedule, his way, and full tilt every time. almost to the point of danger and embarrassment. He did often seem to be on stage. Trust your gut! Don't get sucked in to begin with and if you do, don't hesitate to walk away from the turmoil, helter skelter, manipulation, drama. Love yourself more than you love them. You can't "love them to wellness".
I have been doing a lot of research online, books to find an answer! I came across your article and it speaks loud & clear.
My situation is this...I have a son with a person I believe to be a sociopath. We were freinds, then the typical we fell in love. I moved into his home, he was going through a divorce and custody battle. Which I only heard one side to his story! I quickly realized there were issues....he wasn't the same person. We became pregnant quickly, unplanned, but truly a medical miracle. Throughout our relationship there has been constant turmoil. Deciet, lies, manipulation, emotional abuse, twisting of almost anything. I left him in 07, and WE are still battling! We are in the midst of a custody battle...he doesn't want to pay support or take responsibility for our now 5 yr old son. He has tried very hard to manipulate the mediators, counselors, attorney, judge. I am fighting a battle...AND it's brutal.
I didn't know the symptoms...OR that I had picked a true sociopath to spend my life with! I am learning the hard way...every story has his own personal twist/version. Nothing is reality, the lies are constant, the deciet & manipulations are never ending.
My fear is for our son...he is 5, and when he leaves I'm a mess! He lets him do anything & everything!! He has no "normal" guage...horrible judgement. Support from good friends & family is the only way I'm surviving.
Hmm, interesting how sociopaths think they are fooling, deceiving and charming everyone but never consider that some if not many people, see right through you.
They may humour you and allow you to think that you have fooled them, because they don't want to get into conflict with you, well aware of the wrath that will provoke in you and the pain you are likely to to inflict on them as a result.
Others may simply feel sorry for you and continue a relationship because they love and care for you, as I did with one of my sisters, until she went too far and in her ignorance, believed that I was never aware of her deceit and abuse of my caring, at which point I completely cut her out of my life. Sadly she died a very lonely and bitter death and although I would have liked to be by her side throughout her pain, I could not risk being abused and conned one more time.
Never underestimate the people you are trying to deceive, they too are often more intelligent than you realise, but through compassion and respect, don't call you on your obvious nasty behaviour.
I have a 51 yr old sister who has driven me crazy since she was a teenager. Thankfully I have had no contact with her for about 20 years, but I've also spent those 20 years trying to figure her out. One day I wrote down all the things she did, then went to the library (before internet), looked up all her symptoms and was astounded to realize she is a full blown sociopath. She has caused nothing but pain and heartache in our family and after anyone has contact with her she leaves a trail of pain behind her - and enjoys the heck out of it. My siblings however refuse to believe my diagnosis, though they do realize she is definitely not normal. She leads a semi-normal life. Has been married to the same "woose" for 25 years who has allowed (is afraid of) her behavior to go unchecked. Now to read there is no treatment makes me very sad. I had hoped as she grew older she would mellow and grow a conscience but it looks like that will never genuinely happen. She eventually graduated from college but has never held a job for very long and thankfully has no children. The only people who find this sad though is her family. She is oblivious. What happens when these people become old and infirm, have no children and a family that wants nothing to do with them?
Hi, very sad to hear about your sister. She sounds very similar to a woman I met a few years ago. Basically, at this time I knew nothing of sociopaths, and fell in love with her. Unfortunately for me I was sitting duck and would probably be still at her beak and call if I hadn't of discovered her nefarious behaviours.
Needless to say on the back of the lies. That she had a tumor, was in a violent relationship, was in serious debt she defrauded me of a substantial amount of money.
Anyway, what she hadn't catered for was my deep hatred of being controlled in any form, especially being manipulated. Added to the fact that through my stubbornness I dug deep and found the truth about her false ego. I was devastated. Its taken time, but through principle and perseverance I made her return the majority of the money. I expect at some point she will want her revenge, but I.ll be waiting ready to expose her.
I really feel for her family though as can imagine the serial twisted lies she is telling.
Best wishes z
Today I begin the process of taking back my life. I always knew he wasn't 'right', but until today, I didn't know just how wrong he was. This is very emotional for me. How did I let so many years of my life slip away? I've lost 12 years to this man. I must learn more and get away soon. Thank you to all the strong people who have come before me and have shared your stories.
~Newly Aware
Just recently found out my ex is a SP and I feel very scared....it was hard to believe it and accepted because i truly care for him but now i have to think of me and my 5yr old son. I don't know what to do, I have full custody of my son and he never cared for him but now he shows signs of interest after I didn't let him see his son for 6 month but today i learned that they don't care for anyone. I don't know how or if i should get my son away from him??
Hi I was involved with a sociopath but managed to get away. Or rather once he realised that I had nothing more to offer him as he'd got everything I had to give, he simply made my existence with him so unbearable that I was under no illusions that he meant me no good and couldn't be helped.
However I learn that he is now training to be a counsellor. I don't believe that he has really changed, because as a sociopath he can't but what's his game plan? Why is he pretending to help others this time when I know he can only really be helping himself?
ANON - "I don't know how or if i should get my son away from him?
I say YES ... get away. Make him think he left you and that he 'won'. Sociopaths 'play' with everyone, including the minds of innocent children. Children and sociopaths are a very dangerous mix. No exceptions.
I am a Sociopath; I have been to counseling since childhood and am now afraid that the emotions I feel are fake and only manifest themselves when I need to manipulate people or situations. I do not work, only take, I do not love, only feeling apathy for people; I want to burn this world to ashes. I am questioning whether or not to kill Myself before I hurt more people.
Habitual User, I wonder if you would stick around and answer some questions? People who have been hurt by sociopaths wvould be ery curious about how you view the world, how it feels to you, what goes through your mind.
(Nina)I’ve been been glued to this site for hours trying to find out whether the girl I dated for the past three years is a sociopath and even though she fits the profile accurately, there are some characteristics that she has but they are contradictory to what is said on this site. I’d appreciate feedback from Eric, PSP or any sociopath visiting this site. I have to apologize before hand for my writing. I have been going through this site for the past 6 hours and it’s almost 2 am here and I am extremely tired so I may be rambling a bit. But I appreciate any feedback as to if you think she is a sociopath or bipolar or just a user and crazy.
We dated twice, ten years ago and then for the past three years. She is the only woman I’ve ever dated and the only one I ever loved ten years ago and now.
Ten years ago, she was extremely charming and charismatic and didn’t exhibit any psychotic behavior. We went our separate ways and she was deployed to Germany, then Iraq and Afghanestan. Ten years passed and she came back to my life. She was extremely nice at the beginning, said her dreams were always to get back with me one day. The relationship started with her war stories, mortar attack stories while she was in Iraq and Afghanestan. She said she was diagnosed with PTDS and had a lot of issues she was working on. She was depressed and I was worried about her state of mind, being suicidal. Soon after she became verbally abusive, very belligerent, fighting all the time, over everything, whether it was a doctor appointment she was nervous about, or any physical pain she was going through, she would go off on me calling me the worst names. Soon I realized she had a major drinking problem. She was very obsessive, calling constantly but I noticed that once in a while she’d disappear for a short time and that was when she had friends or distraction. Of course she’d never tell me she was having a good time. This would go against her behavior of making herself look sad and lonely and making me feel sad and worried for her . We had long distance relationship for the first 1.5 year so she blamed all the arguments on the distance. She moved to my city about 8 months ago and ever since she moved, god forbid! She’s made my life miserable. There has been one reason after another to go off on me, cuss at me and at times be physically violent. She often made me stay up cussing and yelling all night long. It was so draining. We never even had time to discuss anything else like news, she just wanted to fight, put me down, complain and feel sorry for herself. She started bullying me, threatening my life and it got really scary. She would leave me scary messages always threatening me or threatening to kill herself. But these were all in the name of love, loving me. She even suggested that we commit suicide together. That’s the part I am confused about. I know sociopaths don’t feel love but that’s all she talked about, that she’d never loved anyone as much as she loved me. And this was all my fault. Even though she never demonstrated that love. It became really confusing because her take on what happened each time was very skewed and different than mine. To the point that even the order of how things would happen between us was different, of course turning everything around as to release her of any responsibility and blaming me for all the fights she started. I blamed all this on her memory loss and mortar attacks but her recollections were amazingly self serving and self empathied. The other thing that Eric mentioned in his blogs was that sociopaths do not show emotion, she cried all the time but the cries were for herself. It always amazed me the amount of sorrow and empathy she felt for herself and non for others especially when she was the cause of it. To be continued....
(Nina) Like the typical sociopaths, she caused pain to her family ever since she was a kid and then to closed ones. Her mother told me that her past girlfriends have been amazed at how mean she was to them. She would push and push for hours to get a reaction and to make me finally lose it and I started realizing that she’d make a fight, not to resolve and learn but to just fight. She wasn’t looking for a resolution, no matter how I tried to work it or reacted in different ways to see which reaction worked better whether by talking back, cussing same way back or trying to stay calm, or walk away, none of it worked. She also mentioned that she’d get turned on while fighting. It kept getting worst and worst. The nicer I got, the meaner she got, any nice things I would buy for her and she’d ask for more. So the more I would do, restaurants, gifts, she’d forget them the next day and she’d start all over again yelling at me for never doing anything for her, never buying anything for her! It became exhausting! She said few times that nothing I do sticks with her! She was always in rage, If you’d listen to Mel Gibson’s tape, you were listening to her ranting at me, exactly the same way! I also feel that she kept double life. On one hand she’d always complain about how sad & lonely she was, She’d cry & tell me she was sad and needed sleep but then if I’d stop by her place, she had some drunk woman I knew nothing about over! And through conversations with the drunk woman, I would find out she was out all weekend! While telling me she was depressed sleeping, while I was depressed, frustrated and dying from all her rage! Since she moved here, she threatened to destroy me and my career. She made my life miserable with her constant fighting, belittling, and using my money. I was amazed at how carelessly she threw the money I work so hard for away, as if it was so worthless. To be continued...
(Nina)Towards the end, I felt she’d forget I was a human being. It seems that she saw me as a prey or a tool and if I did remotely anything that she didn’t like (even if I wanted to go to the bathroom) she’d make my life miserable and would start cussing and yelling and belittling me even in public. The eye opening moment was when she turned to me one day and suddenly said: I don’t know how you’ve stuck around after what I’ve put you through! I then realized that she knew exactly what she is doing to me! Till then her stories were so convincing, even though I knew they were different than what had happened, but I thought in her heart she believed what she was experiencing. I was so confused by her stories but I still felt sorry for her because I thought it was because her mental condition that made her see or remember things differently and that she didn’t know what she was doing and how she was destroying my morals.
I am sorry I rambled on. I just wanted to ask if the symptoms I described are symptoms of a sociopath, bipolar, borderline or simply crazy and a con artist. I still care for her deeply. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year and half but I spent the entire therapy time trying to figure her out. I ve just been amazed by her behavior and lack or morals. She has not limits when it comes to hurting me. She doesn’t stop and she goes as far as she can. I haven’t talked to her for three weeks now and I hope that she doesn’t find her way back to my life. She’s brought so much heartache and I doubt if she has any clue. One of the last things she said to me was that she’s done everything she could do to work this relationship and she didn’t what else to do! I am not sure what she was referring to. Is she really convinced in her mind that she’s done everything she could? She doesn’t realize she’s lied the entire time? she didn’t do absolutly nothing constructive but creating a whole lot of terror and violence in my life. Is she aware of what she’s done? She did say that she can walk away and she can live with everything she has done so far. How do I spot these type of people next time? Of course she didn’t start being evil from the get go! She was nice and thoughtful and generous at the beginning. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
My name is Monica...I wrote on July 20th about not knowing if i should get my son away from my ex who i beleive is a SP... Thank you for those of you who took the time to respond, beleive me i do want to get my son away i just don't know how.
I feel very confused, I do strongly beleive he is one because he fits the whole profile..but its just hard to beleive, you know, when you care for someone for so long and suddenly you are hit with this topic.. and coming to realize that anything that you had was just an illusion, not real, that they don't care or feel, and that he is the father of your child... I would really want to know how they think and if they really have NO FEELINGS at all???
I have known a sociopath since high school.We have been "friends" for over 20 years.He constantly lies to get his way and tries to manipulate my life. But I have an interesting problem in that we have been playing in the same band for over 20 years. He plays drums, I play Bass and sing. He always lies to us when he doesn't feel like playing. One instance, three years ago he said he was sick and we had to cancel a gig. I didn't believe him and we kicked him out of the band. Then after auditioning a few drummers the other band members said we should ask him back. I refused but reluctantly gave in and now he is trying to con his way back into my life by saying we should go on a trip like in the old days. I feel his lying has gotten worse as he called me the other day saying he was in San Diego with his family and was driving in his car but I didn't hear any car sounds on the freeway in fact he could be calling from his home.
I have decided to break off all ties with him and to find a new drummer but I don't think my other band-mates realize that I want him completely out of my life. I am going to get caller ID. and now I just delete his messages but I feel there will come a time when I need to tell him he is out of the band again but more importantly I want him out of my life. How should I approach this situation? I feel so angry about his manipulative ways but previous posts say I shouldn't confront him but ignore him. I have confronted him on his lying when we kicked him out 3
years ago but it obviously had no effect on his behavior. Also do sociopaths believe their own lies or is it just a facade to get what they want-control? I feel his behavior has gotten worse to the point where he will try anything to get me back in his life.
Nina, Your therapy time needs to be about you. Work on why you allow her (or anyone) to treat you this way. Do not use your therapy time as a way to figure out her behavior. In my opinion you have been in a relationship for so long that you do not know what a "normal" relationship is. Talk to someone who seems to have a good relationship with a significant other. I have been married for 30 years. My husband and I have never had fights like you have. Yes, we've had fights but never physical or to the extreme as yours. It's not always about the caliber of the fights but more so the compromises made, the learning to not make the same mistakes and the willingness to make the relationship stronger. AND most importantly, never to repeat the behavior that resulted in a fight. I do believe couples need to learn how not to fight but how to air their disagreements and come to a suitable conclusion. I always say "When we feel like we've both lost, then we have been successful in working out the problem." If one walks away feeling like "Aha! I won that fight!" then that same fight will occur again. I would never want my spouse to feel defeated. It's all very simple, couples must respect the other's feelings. When we are faced with an issue, I always ask myself, "How important is this to me? How important is this to him?" Date around, get to know a woman that suits your needs and personality. Don't jump into a relationship right away. You've got a lot of catching up to do. There are some great women out there looking for someone like you. Just give them a chance.
Hello from North East Florida here!
I know my mom is a sociopath. She has 6 kids who all hate her, because she is comepletely insane. Im an Adult now and ever since I can remember as a little kid I always felt an evilness inside her. No compassion, love or anything, just cold darkness, she even has dark eyes like a shark. When I became 9 I realized she didnt care for my safety or education. She never cared if I slacked off only when it reflected poorly on her. SHe would always be sweet if she wanted something, and would instantly turn that smile into an evil scowl at a moments notice. She was always getting caught in lies mainly white ones but from time to time big ones like forgetting to pick up a kid after school, or packing a lunch. And when u proved her wrong may God help you! It seemed as if dark clouds would swarm overhead and lightning and thunder would roar, I mean she is a huge biatch! She is such a problem for our family that a few of us dont even bother anymore with her. She lies about EVERYTHING! And looooves to cause drama with any and everything. What makes matters worse is she isnt "close" (I use that term loosely) with anyone besides those in the fam who can still deal with her, and she is so nice and endearing to any newcomers so people that I havve wanred of her antics see me as nutz but they eventually find out the hard way. Well Hopefully someday soon she will drop dead and poor Frank can breathe a sigh of relief.
I know someone who has sociopathic tendencies! I'm sorry but before I go on, let me just say that I am always on the lookout for these types, and they are SCARY. ANYWAY, the person I know is very manipulative. She admitted to me that she never was in love with her husband, and was laughing at him behind his back while he continued to do everything for her. She told her son that she used and was never in love with his father...giggling to him about how she was going to leave, taking all of his money and he wouldn't know until she was gone. She also asked her son to keep it a secret from his father. Her husband is finally divorcing her, but continues to be manipulated and financially raped by her. The reason they are getting a divorce is because her son did break down and tell the husband...After she found this out she said to her son, "I thought that you were a man, strong enough to keep a secret." Now her M.O. is to make little negative comments about the son to the husband, she's trying to manipulate her almost ex into thinking that the son is the "bad guy." You think that these heartless folks would be concerned about KARMA!
So called Humans governed more by their Reptilian Limbic didn't evolve a conscience but are more cold blooded like that of a frog or crocodile that gives births but never really looks back to care for their young or mates if only to use them as bait! Evolutions isn't always a pretty thing thats why Religion helps those that cant deal with it like Critical THINKERS CAN
yeah, many of these people also may have BPD Borderline Personality Disorder, its best to just remove yourself from contact with them until its time to bury them but first maybe hug them goodbye~
This may seem like a weird question...but do SP's ever have pets or like animals in any way? Or do they all kill animals when they where kids and see them as useless and too dependent?
The sociopath I know does not have pets. He said he is too selfish for pets. Probably sees them as useless...he thinks everyone is useless.
(Nina) My freind who's a socio has had a dog for 7 years. It always amazed me how little she cared for the dog like normal people pet and play with their dogs, she never did,barely touched her, and even walking a dog was a drag to her. Initially I tought it was because of her cold military background, be rough and formal even with the poor dog. When she raised her voice or got violent, the dog who was a big dog got really scared of her, and he would stand next to me or run into my car and wouldnt come out. It was only till the end that I realized may be she was also torturing the dog. Who knows. I would never know. There was never a physical sign. I know she was always overly strict with the dog, puniched him and never touched him but I don't knwo what went on behind the scene when no one was watching.
(Herb) Dogs are useful. They bark and wake you up when people come. And not all sociopaths kill and torture animals as children simply because not everyone has access to both animals and a private place as a kid.
I got this note yesterday via email:
Hi Adam,
I'm recovering from having the rug pulled completely out from under me by a sociopath of the worst kind -- a federal agent/former sheriff/Army reservist who has had me fearing for my life. I've picked up just about every book out there on sociopaths over the past few months in my quest to understand what has happened to me, and I have to tell you that your blog post is the best that I've read on sociopaths.
I've recently started a blog where I not only share my own experience, but I also offer resources and information regarding restraining orders, domestic violence and sociopaths.
http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com
I hope to develop it into more of an advocacy piece as I get further into it. I just posted about your blog and I hope you're okay with that. I just want to share your information because I think it's so helpful.
Warm regards,
Kristin
I asked her if I could have permission to post her comment here, and she wrote me back with this:
Yes, feel free to post my comment and link wherever. I really appreciate it.
A couple of days ago I had lunch with the Exec Director of the Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence (I'm in Phoenix), and I've decided to serve on one of their policy committees to try to effect change on domestic violence issues on a legislative level. I'm very excited about it.
In the meantime, I'm trying to educate women by word of mouth and my blog about sociopaths. I'm a communications executive in healthcare and I'm amazed at how many people think sociopaths are merely serial killers. I absolutely love what you are doing and admire your writing.
Thanks so much for your time and your response!!
Kristin
my step dughter is a sociapath,there is no need to list what she does and is you have read it all before,her mother agrees as i have shown her all that i have read about the condition,but at the end of the day its her daughter,i guess if she was my natural daughter then i would feel the same. as it is i detest her,she knows i am on to her and doees not bother with me as she cant USE or TAKE from me.buts she is ruining my life none the less.
(Lisa) I have been seeing a man on and off for about 6 months. Today someone came into my business and told one of my employees she had dated him and he was a sociopath. She described different situations with him and some of them certainly followed the pattern in our relationship. On again, off again - would break things off for 2 - 3 weeks and then come back and patch things up.
What do I know about him? He is a successful business man and has worked very hard. He is a multi-millionaire at 55. He has had his own business for over 30 years. He has been divorced for 15 years and has been involved in a few long term relationships. Both of his sons live out of the country, but he has regular contact with them. He lives on a large piece of land outside the city and rarely allows people to come there. He says he is a private person and that is his own little place and he only wants certain people there.
He treats me good - no abusive behaviour. Sex life is normal. I have never "caught" him in a lie - in fact, sometimes he is brutally honest. We have fun when we are together. He seems to have real emotions, not fake. He says he enjoys being with me. He is sometimes tearful about things I do for him...ie. Father's Day. He laughs about things, sometimes he is down, and sometimes he is in a bad mood.
This woman referred to him as a sociopath. I started reading about this and I wonder about things like he sometimes seems emotionally unavailable, he could possibly be manipulative in our relationship if I let him. He will break things off with us and then 2 hours later change his mind. To me it seems that if he feels we are getting closer in our relationship he pulls away until he gets more control of his feelings. Sometimes he tries to control our relationship by being available or unavailable.
He is a well liked and well respected business person. He has a circle of friends he sees regularly.
Can a person be sociopathic in a relationship and not exhibit these tendencies to the general public and to their friends? I always thought his "quirks" were because he has been on his own for a long time and used to doing as he wanted.
Sounds like BPD/Borderline Personality Disorder not a Sociopath, please read up on the criteria of a BPD more than what you think he might be~
I was married to a sociopath. Even though I left him long ago he still wreaks havoc on my life. He is destroying our children and I have been powerless to stop it. I have dedided to leave and leave the teens. This may sound cold but if you have ever had dealings with a true evil sociopath you would know why I have to go. This creature has used clever manipulation to convince my teenage sons he was kept from their lives all these years. The truth is he couldnt stand them and refused to be part of them until they became old enough to use in his plan to abuse me. Our family was happy and thriving until he reappeared in our lives back in Sept.
Now all of my sons are in trouble and they act like I am to blame for all of it. It is heartbreaking to see what this sick twisted thing has done to them. I have tried to tell them but it falls on the deaf ears of teens and their desire for freedom.
I believe they should lock all sociopaths up for life. It's unfair to the rest of the people in the world.
Being married to a spath for 18 yrs, this is the best site I could have stumbled onto at this time in my life.I'm now divorced (2yrs.yay)and see so much of what I went through with this guy on here. I thought I was one of a few people to truly experience how truly cold and cruel these people are.Frankly...kind of scarey to know there are so many spaths out there.I have been interested in 'Eric's' insights,although having a hard time believing he's only 18.I don't trust you but I find you amusing and you hit the nail on the head several times with my ex.Anyway,I'm getting stronger everyday and am on the path to healing and raising my 15 yr old son to be a kind human being.He doesn't show the same tendacies as his father and doesn't want anything to do with him. Good luck to all you surviors out there!
(Bell) I visited Kristin's new web site and think it is excellent. Thank you, Kristin. Mel Gibson's rants are painfully familiar to me.
This is for Eric, I have a big heart, people tell me all the time. I feel the man I have been with for 3 years is a sociopath. I'll give you some insite and if you can, please give me some back. I started dating him a few weeks after him and his ex had broken things off, he made her sound crazy and would not ever let me have contact with her even if she tried to contact me. I thought he was cute, he was 2 years older than I was and I guess I was pretty nieve, from what i understand now. I was 16 he was 18. I am now 19 and he is 22. When we began dating he continued to have contact with his ex but only because he owed her money and she was supposidly pregnant, I lost my virginty to him and two months after that he admitted to having sex with his ex and that he felt horrible about it... he says first that it was to see if there were any feelings left between him but the more i ask about it he finally says its a hate fuck or some dumb thing like that... and that she means nothing to him.......later on i come to find He had a horrible child hood, beaten by woman his whole life (mother and grandmother). He has told me many stories that you cantimage would ever happen to a child. He is extremly good with words, he can make you feel lower than a door mat...say thinks and laugh in your face when you cry and in the end when the fight is over and done with he feels or supposidly feels horrible and continues to say he is sorry, while it slowly turns into, "well if you wouldnt have done this or said this, I wouldnt have done or said what I did." LOL BUT he also continues to make sure I always know he tries to take responsibility for my actions and that I never do...? Hes really good at turning things around to the point where I dont understand where he is even comming from. He smokes weed, loves weed, and I hate that he does it, it messes with is mood swings or so I think, i ma not even sure because I love him unconditionally, Even after he hurts me i continue to do things for him, I feel horrible for the life he had to start out with but from some of the things hes done he caused it on him self (besides his childhood). This comment continues on in teh next space (ran out of room)..
ERIC this is my continued comment.........Hes had jobs but his bosses were alwasy "stupid" or "idiots" and he alwasy managed to get fired, form money owed or accidnets that happend. He currently has a job that is going quite well, he likes his boss alot from what he tells me and they even play that stupid xbox together. I love games dont get me wrong but not when you want me to sit there for an hour and watch you play. He is a great liar and I know it, ive actually learned quite a few things from him and we are quite the team at times, I know that sounds liek im falling right into his plans but most of the people we lie to are my family and friends who dislike derek and cant stand the fact that im with a manipulating jerk... He seems so insecure well actually he is insecure, major! but i always find something good in him when everyone else is beating him down. I have loaned him a lot of money ..about 1600 dollars, including jail bonds, fines, ect.. He always lets me know how greatful he is but recently hes all about hiding from me how much money he gets paid so that he has to give me less...? thats low... and he always says things only to provoke me..things he knows I would never do, like cheat on him, I waved at a guy who we both know has a girlfrind and lives in his same apartment building and he freaked out ...came up with some lame story like maybe his girlfrind dumped him and u waving at him gave him encouragment to try and get with you... gosh it was soo lame, we ended up getting in an argument and i tol dhim again hes insecure and his response was that I dont help.. I am seriously in love with this guy and he says things sometimes that make absolutly no sense! things that make you go wtf! are you really my boyfriend? When we got in this argument the other day i aske him to give me a good reason to come back and he said "dont, I have my game, tv and weed, what do I need you for?" UH! it really hurt me I was crying for most of the night, he had just had sex with me the night before, and then now all the sudden he treats me like crap....then he stays up late to play the i feel so sorry please talk to me i cant sleep.....but I am his ride around town, his only other person that hangs out with him and somewhat understands him besides his brother and siter ...who are also ok with weed... I dont know where I am going with all this complaining because he still makes me belive that he loves me, cares about me...but how can someone care about someone and still say thoose horrible things? right? he had a pretty bad relationship with the girl before me ..pretty much the same thing thats going on now but he states.. that hes nver been this way forevr , he still could be friends and talk to a few of his ex's if i trusted him more but i obviously dont because hes such a good liar... He has pushed me around but made me feel like my fault and I belive him..maybe if I wouldnt have stuck up for myself he wouldnt hav gotten so mad.. idk but again he says hes nvr hit another girl .,...maybe bcuz im a lil mor coniving and im alwasy trying to figure out his lies, ....whats your conclusion so far??
Please and thanks :) ... P.S. He is really good with kids, patient, kind, and even babysits my blind and deaf niece...
I believe my 17 year old son is a SP. He was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome very young, has been in therapy on and off through his life. He's always been emotionally flat. About 8 months ago he started taking Lexapro. His rage seems to be worsening so we're taking him off of it. He's grown up in a loving home with both parents, a sister two years older and a twin brother.
As he has grown up he has become more and more verbally/emotionally abusive toward me(mom). He has told me on more than one occasion over the last year he wishes he could cause me great physical pain before he kills me. More and more he threatens suicide as a solution. During the last episode he stated the only thing that kept him from violence is the threat of jail. He often talks about winning and won't stop until he feels he has won. When asked why I'm the one he picks on (his sister isn't at home any more) he said because his brother and dad are stronger than he is and he would be afaid of them. So he's a bully...Most of the time we don't even know what set him off or it's something so ridiculous it makes us just shake our heads.
He has one more year of high school and will be 18 in 6 months. I've pretty much given up on him and just want to get him through school so I can justify sending him out the door. He does want to go to college and major in music. I've read that music for people with Tourette's is soothing to the brain, electrical connections etc....
Any advise would be helpful. Mostly I just feel incredible sadness at the situation. However I do feel like we've given everything we could to raise him to be able to function normally in society so i don't feel any guilt about giving up, just sad. I have to believe his choices are his own from this point on and let it go. He has run our household long enough. For the next year his rules will be very black and white and some therapy for my husband and I may help us cope.
Is there a support group for parents of young SP?
I'm 26 and I think I'm in a relationship with a SP, I love this guy and I don't know why. He doesn't do anything for me at all. He recently lost his job, AGAIN...because he NEVER gets to work on time.Get this he blamed his boss for letting him go and called one of his co-workers to give his boss a message that if he see's him anywhere he's going to punch him in the face.
I've listened to lie after lie after lie, and I always let him get his way, and it's because he makes me feel sooo sorry for him. He blames everything on his mom, he blames his family, and his grandmother dying, he's 26 years old,I SAY TO MYSELF GET OVER IT,BE A MAN. This guy also has 2 son's and spends ALL of his money on HIM. When he lost his job the first thing he said was, I'm not going to be able to buy myself anything for a long time....I'm thinking to myself did you forget you have children, what about them???
I tell him all the time that he's selfish and I'm leaving him, and that I don't wanna be with him, and all he can say is that I'm not going anywhere and If he ever sees me anywhere with someone he's going to embarrass me and hurt me.
All I feel is HURT, this guy had me thinking he was doing GREAT in college, loved his children, and had a great heart. When really He's a drop-out that smokes weed everyday, blames the mother of his children for destroying his life because he didn't want kids, and blames everybody for HIS PROBLEMS....
I was reading someones post about if SP's like animals and from my experience the only reason my soon to be ex has a dog is because he wants to breed him to make money off the puppies, It's so sad that NOW I see that everything in his life is to benefit him, he doesn't do anything for anyone unless it will help him.
THank-You so much for this SITE, I've been reading other people's comments and I see that I'm not ALONE. But, still HURT.
SAD MOM,
I wish there were some good resources for parents of a sociopath. It must be a brutally painful realization for a parent.
I've started to collect resources, but right now it's not much. But here's the start:
The Question of Kids
I need to know from you guys if I should have not told my co-worker I've figured out he's a sociopath. I have been doing research on his personality traits (due to EXTREMELY intimate interactions I've had with him these past 5 months) and have VERY SUCCESSFULLY concluded he is. The next day (today) I rushed into work with print-outs about sociopathic behaviour and told him this is what he has. I was so excited to "enlighten" him. I asked him if I could interview him and he very flatly said -- NO. I was SO disappointed. I thought he would be flattered that I found him intriguing. But I read that they don't like to be figured out and will never consent to be interviewed for fear that you may tell someone whom they are currently trying to manipulate (which he is doing 24 hrs/day, 7 days/wk). I was his victim for awhile and now have the painful job of watching him move on to co-worker after co-worker. There have to be at least 5 of us there who have fallen victim. Yet no one will speak about it because we are so ashamed. I only know this because another male co-worker told me what he's doing and the magnitude. He even told this co-worker that he will never get caught because we (us women) won't ever talk to each other about him. It's alarming and I was ashamed almost to the point of suicide. But now I'm just fascinated by how his mind works with no remorse that I want to talk to him about it all day! But I don't want to put myself in danger because of my enthusiastic curiosity. How should I now deal with him at work? We work very closely together in the same department.
Lynzi, Please understand that putting up a facade means everything to a SP. They can only operate by presenting themselves according to other people's needs and weaknesses. He is not concerned with what he is, his only concern is what he wants. I am amazed at the number of those who want to "interview" SP's especially "Eric" who is on this site. They are not going to give you the answers you seek. How can they be honest when they don't know what honesty is? Confront and they will turn the tables on you and what is wrong with you. Or they will run away until they can regroup. A person with no remorse cannot explain why he has no remorse. He doesn't know what that is so how can he explain it. Your dealing with a brain abnormality, not a choice so keep that in mind. I would speak to the other women he has hurt. Please let them know that this is not their fault. I have seen the damage a SP does to his victims. Many blame themselves. As you said, his maniputlation almost drove you to suicide. The others have probably felt that same way. You need to talk with them, there is strength in numbers. I have a feeling if you guys would talk, word would get around about his sickness. I would ignore him except for business interactions. He knows that you know now so be sure and document everything. Watch what you say and do around him so he can't put your job in jeopardy. He will try so be careful and alert.
As noble as Bell’s suggestions are in dealing with SP children if they can not control you they will kill you. Only because I have had more lives than nine cats can I say IMHO you are just being fooled. To bad my spouse did not see it that way.
This message is for Eric and other sociopaths out there...
They say that ASPD goes into remission after age 30.
Are any of you old enough to comment on this?
Do any of you have childrem and if so, do you view your children as you view others or do you care, even slightly about them. Do you see yourself ever truly loving them or wanting to change to become a good father or role model to them?
Have you ever told a gurl who u were in a long relationship with that you're sick of living this way and want a family? The ex said this to me after crying for over an hour...is this something you think is just an act? do u actually make yourselves cry and say things like that to manipulate people?
I find it really really difficult...hard to swallow...that someone can be born emotionless. Despite all the abuse and crap I've taken for years, I want to believe there can be good. And I guess you sociopaths love this because people like me are those whom you love to manipulate. But do you think if you ever found real genuine love, someone who loved you unconditionally, you may change? do u think u can ever be taught to feel emotion of u chose to? or have u tried to feel emotion and have been unsuccessful?
I'm just a mother who has a hard time telling her daughter what her father is/has and it breaks my heart....u may all think u dont have a heart....but i will always believe u do....and something destroyed it along the way but if u faught really hard, perhaps u can get it back.
Confronting a Sociopath (or Narcissist) with their disorder is like looking a hostage-taker square in the eye after he yelled out and ordered "heads down".
No one has some special gift or rare talent that will help heal or cure a SP or a N, or that will curb their behavior. It's best to just completely avoid these people. They lack a conscience. They lack empathy. There is no cure.
Once they realize you know what they are all about, they'll probably be watching you b/c they'd be worried about whom you might tell.
SP's ruin and destroy relationships and lives. They care more about money than people. Actually, they do not even care about people. Aside from Psychopaths, Sociopaths are the worst parents, partners/spouses and business associates.
So i have a 14 year old daughter who was just diagnosed with being sociopathic. I see in these articles you are to just give up on these people and get yourself as far away from them as possible that is a little hard when it is your child. And what is going to happen to these children when they grow up and is out on there own. There has gotta be someway to help them or at least there family. If anybody has any suggestions for me i would appreciate. Thank you
To the poster that said ASPD goes into remission at 30: I don't know where you heard that. The SP I know is 50. He kicked into high gear and did the most damage when he was 44. This is a mental disorder and there is really no "remission." The SP's amount of damage depends upon the type of personalities he is around. A homeless SP will use his homeless friends for whatever he can get. If all they have is a bottle of cheap liquor and $5 then that's all he gets. If a SP surrounds himself with wealthy people, then he will take everything he can get from them. (Think Bernie Madoff) What a SP gets depends on who he is friends with.
To the mom of the 14 yr. old: I would think 14 yr. olds are very hard to diagnose. Teen-agers are in general pretty selfish. But things must have gotten pretty bad with her since you took her for an evaluation. I would research as much as you can. I would try behaviour modification and "teach" her how she should react to situations. If she gets caught doing inappropriate things, then let her face the consequences. Do not cover for her. Let her face the punishment for instance if she got caught shoplifting don't intervene and cover for her. Your are in a tough situation and I do sympathize. Please do not let her manipulate you. Perhaps if she cannot manipulate you, then she will "learn" that she cannot manipulate others. Do not let her control you. I believe a SP "practices" with the family first in order to "hone" their skills for when they go out into the world. I'm not sure one can "teach" another on how to sincerely "feel." If that part of the brain is missing than there is nothing to rehabilitate or fix.
There was this dude named charleston simms at a place of employment in the south. He's been characterized as a sociopath and has wrecked havoc for several women in the workplace at different companies at the workplace. His behavior is brushed off with some but very troubling for myself and several others. He appears to fit this profile to a T. Which was very confusing.
Question:
What can you do when the senior PASTOR of your church has all the characteristic (to the T) of a sociopath.
Change churches!
Good article. I have done quite a bit of work with "sociopaths". Mostly in custody cases where one of the parents is a sociopath, is doing harm to the children and is out to get the ex-spouse. The disturbing part is that the courts are not trained to recognize these individuals and they tend to ignore the warnings of clinicians like myself and return visitation to these monsters. I am writing an article on this subject and am trying to get the word out that many disciplines, including everyday people, need to be able to at least "think" they might be dealing with a person without conscience. These are dangerous people, not always physically, but emotionally dangerous. Most therapists won't "treat" them because they lie and manipulate the therapy sessions. Lets keep trying to figure out what is causing this disorder and try to find an effective way to treat it. Right now, there is nothing but a bleak prognosis. Dr Terry Wilson, PhD., Resident in Psychology
Dr Terry Wilson, please let us know when the article is published, and we'll link it from our sidebar here. Thank you.
I read your article on Oxytocin with interest. I am interested in the
study of psychopaths and have noticed that they seem to frequent the
more underground world of dance music / clubs because of the drug
scene. I have come to the conclusion that it is because they find it
easier to fob people off easier / get away with their behaviour if
they are on drugs, but also what I wondered is what do psychopaths
themselves get out of taking drugs such as acid, methedrone, ecstasy etc? I have
known a psychopath into drugs quite well but obviously cannot ask him
this question - I have tried asking what he gets out of the drugs but
he skirts around the question, and so I assume he does not get what
most 'normal' people get out of them. Yet he constantly takes party
type club drugs and he rarely mixes with anyone outside of the scene,
ie in a normal environment, I assume for fear of being 'sprung'. The
odd times I have seen him outside of a drug atmosphere he has been
more on edge and does act more 'loved' up on drugs. In general I have
spotted quite a few suspected psychopaths on this scene and so am
intrigued as to what they get out of drugs - I wondered if it did give
them fake emotion / a more normal feeling for the time that they are
high on the drug or whether they get something else out of it.
I would be grateful if anyone here can shed any light on this, thanks
I think a guy I was recently dating has a sociopathic personality disorder. All the signs are there, the compulsive lying, the lack of remorse, and the tendency to blame everyone around him for his woes, when most were clearly of his own doing. Even in the face of the truth, he would never admit that he had done wrong!I caught him using an adult chat room to pick up women while he was working away, even though I had the evidence in front of me, he still claims he was only chatting to them.
I have now ended the relationship but I can't get rid of him! Every few days he is texting me telling me he loves me and what a bright future we have together (?) He isn't listening when I tell him its over! I've cut all contact but he doesn't seem to be getting the message .. can anyone suggest a way of getting rid of this freak! After being taken for an idiot by him I have no feelings for him beyond impatience and would like him gone from my life forever!
Clearly, he has shown contempt for you, and is just hoping that you'll drop your guard again.
Contact the police, show the texts and verbal harassment you're getting and request that they give him an initial verbal restraining order. Once this is done, change all your numbers and email addresses, this is the only way.
If you're still getting harassed, move address. BTW, do not tell him that you think he is a sociopath, play the pit play on him, make him you're having a nervous breakdown or something similar, something that might come back to him and expose him... Seriously, exposure is the thing that SP's really fear... utilise this fear in a subtle way.
Hope things work out for you, and at least you discovered his behaviours before really falling in love with the parasite.
Best wishes and take care,
Zem
(Dee) Thank you kindly for your advice Zem! .. this evening I have had another sickly sweet text from him saying he wants to see me this weekend! I admit I snapped this time and told him where to get off, but he turned it round on me and said 'there's no need to be abusive!' I actually laughed at this comment.
I feel like he's trying to wear me down, he has used every trick in the book to try and get me to meet him face to face for a chat about it all! From aggressive demeaning name calling to emotional blackmail! Where will it end?
Naturally I have refused point blank on every occasion and I have no intention of changing my mind but he just isn't getting the message at all! So frustrating!!
I knew from the beginning of the relationship that something wasn't right with him but I never suspected anything as serious as a personality disorder. I felt sorry for him because his wife died quite young (she was 35)and I initially attributed alot of his negative traits to the trauma of losing someone he professed to love, he was married to her for 17 years and her death was from a genuine terminal illness (I checked this out).
I was later to find out that he was cheating on her the whole time he was married to her and that she knew but never had the strength to leave him! When I confronted him with this he showed no genuine remorse for his actions, not even when his wife was on her death bed, he even denied it until I told him that he had infact told me himself in one of his many drunken bragging sessions about how smart and streetwise he was!
I started observing his behaviour and I admit that I was intrigued by it at first! At the same time he must have sensed the gradual emotional withdrawal because this is when the talk of getting engaged started! He was rushing to move me into his house even!! He stepped up on the 'I love you' 'we are soulmates' etc etc .. He kept asking me if I was getting bored of him! Like he was testing the emotional waters! I did my best to keep up the pretense, he wasn't aware that alarm bells had started ringing loudly inside my head!
He slipped up though with the adult dating site because he was stupid enough to think that I was oblivious to his sometimes odd behaviour, I actually said to him when I eventually confronted him 'give a man enough rope ....' He was so engrossed in the thrill of the deception that he wasn't aware that I was observing his behaviour, and so arrogant to think that he could get away with it!
Once confronted with his lies he twisted and turned the explanations and so told more lies to cover former ones! Even tried to say that I had taken him out of context and was making a big fuss about nothing because he was only chatting!
I did expose him in a way, plenty of people now know exactly what he is because I was smart enough to take screen shots of his conversations with various women on this dating site! He still denies to this day that he was only chatting about nothing in particular, even though the evidence is right in front of his face!
I thought exposing him would make him go away and leave me alone, I thought the humiliation would force him to crawl back under his stone .. but it has infact had the opposite effect!
I can see him turning up on my doorstep this weekend, and maybe an ugly situation unfolding, I am not afraid of him but I find him abhorrent and would rather he just left me alone to get on with my life! I caught him out fair and square, you'd think he would put it down to experience and move on! .. I live in hope!
Thanks Again! x
Dee, the pattern sound so familiar and you are very lucky not to have fallen for him.
Unfortunately for me, due to my naivety I fell head long in love with my SP and as a compassionate trusting person, was manipulated to the full. At this point I was completely enchanted and memorised by her charming superficial character. This is the catch 22 scenario, you've committed your trust and being to a individual, whom you thought was a decent person. When you find out that it was all sham, a con, and that you've been used, you've nowhere to go. You've been changed as person for ever.
At the time I didn't know what an SP was, and kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. I was in complete denial, still thinking there was a reason for her terrible behaviours.
My story is so long, and in some-ways still incomplete as emotionally I'm not fully healed. This will come with time, when the bitterness and hatred for what she did has faded.
The thing to remember is that hating SP's is a pointless, self defeating and destructive activity. These are people, that have by their own admission exceeded all the known limits of human decency and require gratification on a grand scale, sensory or materially.
It is a pitiful existence, and one that remind myself I'm very lucky not to know or be in.
These people are serial liars, to escape him Dee, you will need to lie your heart out. Lower yourself into his caste. I had to do this, and it wasn't a very nice thing, but it was the only way to end it and make her to the right thing. Fight fire with fire etc..
Don't give him or his sophistry the time of day, ignore all correspondence, even the nasty ones. He wants you to respond, do not.
Best wishes
Zem
(Dee) Thanks again Zem ... it's fair to say that the experience has changed me forever also! I think you can be forgiven for your naivety though! .. when someone says sociopath, ted bundy et el instantly spring to mind, noone can be prepared for an encounter with one of these parasites in their everyday life! It's only when you read up on the subject that you realise how many of them are actually living amongst us!
I was more fortunate than you in that I got warning signs very early on that alerted my curiosity to his behaviour! Maybe I should have ran for the hills from the moment I suspected things were not right, but I can honestly say that I was intrigued! The more I unfolded the lies, the more of an idiot I thought he was, it was only a matter of time before the confrontation and I gathered as much information as I could, he never had a leg to stand on! (I've met garden vegetables with more guile! haha)
I don't feel angry or bitter .. if anything I pity his souless existence. Don't waste your emotions on people like this! Your ex would take pleasure from the fact that she inflicted so much harm on you ... you wouldn't want to give her that satisfaction surely? .. hasn't she done enough damage already?? ... My ex thought he was very smart, but he quite clearly underestimated me! He is a worthless nothing as far as I'm concerned .. not worthy of even my anger!
His constant pestering and declarations of love for me are hollow, he is seeking merely to even the score because I've made him look a fool and his over inflated ego will not allow him to let it go! He can't even see that he brought the whole situation on himself! However, he won't be getting any second chances from me!
I understand the denial you speak of .. it's quite a shock coming to terms with the fact that you are involved with a real live certifiable loon! I realised very quickly that I was dating someone with more than the 'usual' relationship baggage, and so I was lucky. I could quite easily have gone down the same road as you did and ended up having my head turned inside out!
I am glad to have escaped with no real damage done but definitely valuable lessons learned! I'm still getting the texts from him but now they have turned from nice to nasty again and I'm the worst person in the world .. he really doesn't know when to give up! :)
All The Best And Thanks Again!
I have a question. Been involved with a man for 18 mos who has suffered from depression for most of his life. Like many people with depression, he is currently untreated and unmedicated, although has been on wellbutrin in the past. 2 nights ago, he told me that he's not depressed, but is a sociopath and needs to be alone bc he can't stop hurting people. My question is - do sociopaths know they are sociopaths? I've spent hours laying with him, watching him cry about feeling depressed. I didn't think sociopaths are capable of that type of emotion. I think it's his depression. Thoughts?
Wondered what was wrong with my father and older sister for years, I could not believe how this article fits them perfectly. I really never knew what a sociopath was, decided to look it up today and this hit the nail on the head. Now I just wish my mother could get out of a mentally abusive marriage with him that has gone on for over 43 years. I am scared for my sister's kids that have to grow up with this, because I know first hand how it is living with someone like this. These kind of people do nothing but bring everyone around them down. Have tried to just stay away from my father as much as I can and as for my sis, that I have tried everything to help her with anything and everything now I know is just a user and it will never change.
(Nina) Adam, I just want to thank you so much for setting up this website. Everytime I'm sad and miss my socio friend I visit this site (pretty frequently) and read the postings. I relate to so many things people say here, things that have been said and done to them. Then I remember all over again the hell I went through for three years and count my blessings that my socio friend is out of my life. I rely on this site as a support and somewhat of anti depression med :)Thank you.
I have only discovered this site now but I'm not sure if my partner is a sociopath or not. Basiclaly we have gone out a few months and get on most of the time. We seemed to fall in love very fast and now we are buying a house together. He is providing 70% of the funds and the rest we are getting a joint mortgage so it's not like hei strying to get money of me. Basically this has all kicked off as his ex frim 2 years ago sent some cheeky e alils to him calling him a sociopath which he showed me. I din't know what it was so looked it up and some of the 'symptomss'' would fit him where he tells me he loves me yet doesn't get annoyed when I'm upset. I sometimes feel like he is slowly trying to domineer me but I've nothing concrete. He always says he loves me and my son I have from a previous relationship and says we are his future. We had a row th other night and I threw him out of my house but surprisingly I wasn't upset. He came back about 20 mins later and was crying saying we needed to sort things out which we have. The whole thing now just gives me an uneasy sick feeling in my tummy and I'm feeling a bit stressed. I'm pretty sure he's not cheating as he is always with me however he is quite secretive at times which I find annoying. When I confront him about this he says it's just the way he his. Is he possibly s sociopath or am I just reading too much into things?
This is really scary. My sister is a sociopath. I stay completly out of her life. I now work wth a sociopath,who has caused much division in our very small office. As time has gone by, my co-workers have seen the light about her. But as you so plainly say, 'there is no cure'. I just try and stay on task, and do my job, not giving her any power, or buying in to her issues, her 'moods'. it's quite a task, and sometimes overwhelming. At least now, my co-workers are aware, and see her manipulative and cunning ways. I just try and stay neutral, and not be swayed either way by her. I'm sure that this really pisses her off.
i am 100% certain that I have been with a sociopathic husband for over 20 years. I answered every question of the article with a "yes". I could never understand why I always felt like my husband was "out to get me". I used to tell close friends that I felt that he thought of our marriage as a game that he had to win. He was unfaithful many times over, and always with girls who would were plain looking and whom he could "impress". He is a very handsome man, and people are always easily swayed by his false charm as well as his good looks. Several times, and only after being caught, after an affair he would very easily cry the huge crocodile tears and blame some event in his life for his behavior(like the death of his father). He always sucked me right into his lies and I would feel so sorry for him. After too many years of tolerating this behavior (I could truly write my own book!) I am divorcing him and removing myself from his life. I already feel such a sense of peace with him out of the house. I have as little contact with him as possible, and so far it has seemed to work fairly well. He currently has someone else he is with, which makes it alot easier, because he is preoccupied with this and not hurting me. I have been separated from him twice before and he becomes extremely vindictive. It is very unsettling. After doing alot of research on the subject of Sociopathy (I just finished reading "The Sociopath Next Door"..and thought I was reading a biography of my life), I am finally getting my life back and looking forward to MY life without him controlling my every move. From Holding On
I'm so thankful for this website because it has really helped me get through some long painful nights, reading other people's stories show me that I'm not alone. Thank-You so much, I'm almost done with the healing process thanks to this website.
I have just gotten out of a relationship with what I'm sure was a sociopath. A few of his possessions are still in my home. I will have someone there with me when he comes to get them (if he ever does; he seems to be dragging his feet, likely only since it is a nuisance for him. Perhaps he thinks I'll cry and try to convince him to stay. That will not happen.)
I am devastated, not because of my undying love for him, but because I've been so used. Things are coming out now that I never even knew went on. I'm not talking exclusively about infidelity (though I'll NEVER know the full extent of that). Thank goodness that it hasn't touched my financial matters so far (I never shared any accounts or finances with him, so there's nothing he could legally deplete and I doubt he'd want to go to prison.) I'm humiliated that I let someone do that to me - I looked the other way, made excuses, and gave him the benefit of the doubt because I couldn't fathom doing to another person what he has done to me. His mother recently passed after a relatively short battle with cancer - do you believe he used that to his benefit as well?! It makes me sick.
So please, I hope someone out there can tell me that some day this will hurt far less and the shame will fade.
Watch the brilliant documentary I, PSYCHOPATH online
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/i-psychopath/
Another excellent documentary about psychopats that you can watch online is available at
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/psychopath/
Take care
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