-
Below are comments on the article, Common Everyday Sociopaths. You may add your comments at the end. Look to the sidebar for resources.
When you leave a comment, click the box that subscribes you to comments, so any further comments on this page will be sent to you via email. Ask questions, give advice, provide another resource, or tell your story.
The article, Common Everyday Sociopaths, has gotten so many comments that I created this page so comments can be added automatically.
Scroll to the end of the COMMENTS PAGE and leave your comment.
Please identify yourself in some way if you are leaving your message anonymously. This will give us a way to answer you (or respond to your comment) more easily.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Resources Below
If you're looking for resources of any kind related to dealing with a sociopath in your life, please scroll down the sidebar below. Any good resources we find we're going to put in this sidebar.
Featured Comment
"I have been married for twenty years to a man who lies, shows no emotion, had no interest in his children etc. I knew something was very wrong with him but could not put my finger on it, or knew there was a name for it. I found out he has been having sex with prostitutes and a lot of them for most if not all of our marriage. He is a Sociopath. He feels nothing for no one, is selfish, and could care less who he hurts.
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
"If you meet a man and he gives you clues that he might be a sociopath, run. Run like you have never run before; run like the wind and don't look back."
- April 9, 2011 2:52 AM
Recommended Books:
Help For People Who Have Survived a Sociopath:
A psychotherapist who works with people surviving sociopaths has groups and individual sessions available most of the time. If her schedule is full, she will put you on a waiting list.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
She was once married to a sociopath and, like so many others, had no idea until the bottom fell out of her life! She is now dedicated to supporting others who are going through this horrific experience. Email me if you have any questions for her. She would be happy to discuss anything regarding her practice or her experience.
She charges a fee, of course, but your insurance may cover it.
Support Groups:
Order of Protection Survivor:
A woman shares her story of living through the nightmare of having to file an Order of Protection against her husband while providing helpful resources for other women going through a similar scary situation: Order of Protection Survivor
Domestic Abuse Help:
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, find out what your options are.
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Use this to find a local shelter in your area: United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Interview with Martha Stout
" . . . understanding this problem [sociopathy] creates an entire paradigm shift in the way we view human nature." - Dr. Martha Stout
Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
On LivingHero.com is an interview with Dr. Martha Stout, clinical psychologist and bestselling, award-winning author on the subject of sociopathy.
For twenty-six years, she served as a Psychology Instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and also taught at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology, Wellesley College, The New School for Social Research, and the National Institute of Mental Health. Dr. Stout has worked at Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Psychiatric Hospital.
She is author of The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, a National Bestseller and winner of a Books for a Better Life Award.
You may download the mp3 file for free, which will play in iTunes, RealPlayer, Windows Media Player and other media players or you may listen to it right here by clicking on the purple media player below. (The interview is about 30 minutes long.)
You can contact Martha Stout here:Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
Psychopathy Awareness
An informative blog: Psychopathy Awareness.
Post Comments
I suggest you post a comment or ask a question on this comments page. Lots of people who have a lot of experience with sociopaths subscribe to these comments, so you're bound to get some good suggestions. Also, you should read the comments. They are illuminating.
And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
And make sure you subscribe to the comments so you know when someone answers you (you'll see a little box to click when you leave your comment).
| + | What is a Psychopath? | |
| | This link goes to an answer from a psychopath research organization. And the link below goes to a discussion forum by the same organization. | |
| + | Topics include: Psychopath in your life | |
| | Parents - Children | |
| + | Psychopath in the Family | |
| | Parents - Siblings |
Save the World
Martha Stout said if more people knew about sociopaths there would be less war in the world. I think she's right. Consider these facts:
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
1. According to the famous Milgram experiments, 65 percent of people will follow the orders of an authority.
2. Sociopaths want to win. They seek control. They are excellent manipulators. They don't care who gets hurt. They don't care who lives or dies.
3. They sometimes make it to positions of power. And they cause wars.
If more people knew the characteristics of a sociopath, more people would identify them for what they are before they gain too much authority and power. A sociopath would then be less likely to ever gain significantly powerful positions.
Result: Fewer wars.
There would be less horror in the world.
The truth is, even though it is a common belief that "man is a violent species," we are not. But when a sociopath gains a position of supreme authority and they start wars, 65 percent will obey authority, and most of the rest will be fooled and manipulated into believing in supporting the cause. The result is war. And many of those who fight in them feel terrible about the whole thing. They don't want to kill. They feel they have to.
The reason sociopaths are able to get away with as much as they do is because most people are so ignorant about the topic.
Now listen: You are in a unique position to save the world. Not very many people know about such a thing as "common, everyday sociopaths." They don't know their characteristics. They don't know how to spot them.
But you do.
Share your knowledge. Share it far and wide and in every way you can. And urge everyone you know to help you spread the knowledge. This could change the course of history. It could go a long way toward real peace on earth.
WikiHow on Sociopathy
WikiHow has several articles on sociopaths:
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
How to Deal With a Sociopath
How to Detect a Sociopath
How to Understand Sociopaths
Scientific American Mind
In the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind is an article entitled, Inside the Mind of a Psychopath. Among other things, the reseachers wrote, "Aided by EEGs and brain scans, scientists have discovered that psychopaths possess significant impairments that affect their ability to feel emotions, read other people's cues and learn from their mistakes.
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
These deficiencies my be apparent in children who are as young as five years old.
When you tally trials, prison stays and inflicted damage, psychopaths cost us $250 billion to $400 billion a year.
The reseachers wrote:
Charming as they may seem, psychopaths can also be tone-deaf because they lack access to their own feelings and those of others. Imagine what it would be like never to be depressed or anxious, never to have regrets or low self-esteem but also never to care deeply for anyone or anything. Psychopaths' emotions are shallow: they feel irritated when they don't get their way and turn to risky behaviors for the flimsiest of reasons. Bereft of loyalties and passions, they wander through life, often straying into criminality on a whim — forgeries, thefts, assaults, even murders may be committed out of some trivial impulse. As for complex emotions such as devotion, guilt, or joy, theirs remains a textbook understanding — it has been said that they "know the words but not the music."
Dozens of studies reveal that psychopaths experience the world differently from other people. They have trouble making appropriate moral value judgments and putting the brakes on their impulses. They are also hampered in how they respond to emotions, language and distractions — a disconnect that is sometimes seen as early as age five.
Psychopaths are notable for their fearlessness: when confronted with images such as a looming attacker or a weapon aimed their way, they literally don't blink.
Chances are, you have met a psychopath. People with the disorder make up 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. When you discount children, women (for reasons that remain a puzzle, few women are afflicted), and those who are already locked up, that translates to approximately 250,000 psychopaths living freely in the U.S.
Some researchers have estimated that as many as 500,000 psychopaths inhabit the U.S. prison system, and there may be another 250,000 more living freely — perhaps not committing serious crimes but still taking advantage of those around them.
Whatever the reasons, many psychiatrists are left with the false impression that psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder are the same. They are not. Antisocial personality disorder is a helpful diagnosis when the question is whether a person is likely to behave badly, but it does nothing to discriminate among criminals. Only one in five people with antisocial personality disorder is a psychopath.
The above was written by Kent A. Kiehl, a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico, and Joshua W. Buckholtz, a PhD candidate in neuroscience at Vanderbilt University.
Contact them here:
Kent A. Kiehl
kkiehl@unm.edu
Joshua W. Buckholtz
joshua.buckholtz@vanderbilt.edu
A Clarification on a Common Belief
"Man's inhumanity to man" should be changed to, "Sociopath's inhumanity to normal humans." It doesn't have the same poetic feeling, but it is more accurate.
Contact Me
Email me here: rising.up@gmail.com
2,335 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 2335 Newer› Newest»As i have read throughout most of this blog, i have found that the majority of the people reporting are people who have actually been abused. You say that you wish to help other people in a preventing way in order to ensure that other people like you don’t feel abused. Why? Aside from perhaps the author and the psedu-sociopathic people (eric, psb), everybody here seems to have gone into the same problem or has lived with the “problem” – a sociopath.
Firstly, is there any reason why you would feed your problems to random people across this blog instead of going to therapy?
Second, why are you sheep’s (yes it is a metaphor) wasting your time getting help from a guy which sounds so very similar to the personality who has recently or at presently ruining your life.
This seems like a very unwise decision.
Thirdly, and this is just my own experience. Every sociopathic personality has an urge to ‘appear’ normal – simply because this proves that their (and my) belief that the average man and woman are inclined to stupidity, foolishness and way too much sympathy.
Fourth, and most importantly; Sociopaths are not normal people, they do not ‘feel’ the same way as you do and therefore you cannot ‘translate’ either their motivations nor why they perform their devious actions. Sociopaths ‘adopt’ or similate your way of thinking so they can con their way into your life and slowly feed upon your self-esteem, finances etc. How about if you ever find one of these sociopaths, try to think the way they do. The only way to beat a sociopath if you are in a situation where you cannot run is to maintain superiority and to show that you are able to punish the person.
Regards Kia
PS. Spelling errors or not – hope I made a point
I believe that I have been attending school with a sociopath for the past 6 years. Until this year I had an on and off strong friendship with her. For a while I even stretched so far to call her my best friend. This summer I went away to camp and when I returned I realized that I was done with dealing with her manipulation and constant drama. I know for a fact that this girl is crazy, I am just not sure whether she can seriously be characterized as a sociopath. Whenever I try to explain someone why I have tried my hardest to keep her out of my life but seem to just not be able to do it I feel like I sound like a very catty and dramatic teenage girl. But I do know for a fact that something is wrong with this girl, I have spoken with different adults in my life and all have assured me that she is not just a typical bitchy teenage girl. Her home life is VERY messed up and she often uses her familial problems and issues with no girls liking her at school to gain sympathy from others. She has accused me of being mean to her, has made up numerous stories claiming I have harassed her and has made me seem like the bad guy. She constantly victimizes herself, going as far as to threaten suicide (something I do not take seriously because during one of her episodes when we were younger she pretended to try to commit suicide by taking a few vitamins pretending they were pills).
I do not know how to make people understand where I am coming from and that she is a dangerous person to be around and that my friends and I are not mean for eliminating her from our lives; we are protecting ourselves. She has recently had to make a completely new group of friends and has manipulated most of them into thinking she's normal. Although I have spoken to many of them about the numerous outrageous things that she does, they have not been brought to the edge of being driven crazy and therefore remain her friend. I have had numerous people approach me and tell me they can not talk to me for long because the girl is watching them, many of her friends have left rude facebook comments referencing my bitchiness, and most offensively she left a video on facebook where her and her mother can be heard talking about a humiliating secret of mine. But she strongly denies involvement in any of this, she deleted the video and denies it ever having been posted and pretends that I am the one who is ruining her life. I feel I have been manipulated to treat her meanly which is what she wants so that she can play the victim and I can be viewed as mean.
What should I do? I cannot escape this girl, she attends my school and is a part of the social circle I am in. I would love to be able to just ignore her, but my frustration is SO strong I can barely stand to be in a room with her without having to fight the urge to just jump her. I have tried to wait it out and let her friends see the true her, but unfortunately I think it may take them just as long as it took my friends and I to see her true insanity and stop believing her lies. Suggestions?
Eventually they will see her for what she really is, more likely, sooner than later. It sounds like her mother is not supportive in a positive way, and she does not know how to provide mature, sound guidance, and that's quite sad.
I suggest you don't push it. I wouldn't try convincing others. They need to experience it for themselves. The hardest thing (near impossible) to do, is to try and change someone's thinking or opinions, and the fact is, you don't need to. What for? What's the point? There is no gain.
Positive body language, positive thought patterns, positive thoughts, a real and genuine (not fake or acting) loving, non-judgmental attitude towards people who are worthy, combined with minimal talking are what people look up to. This is what makes us popular and powerful. People who talk talk talk are more likely to eventually be tuned-out or ignored, significantly reducing their own power.
Excessive talking/rambling, excessive body language, drama, gossip, lots of body movement, over-talking, overbearing, know-it-all attitude, monopolizing conversations, all serve no purpose and reduces your power. Sometimes silence is golden. Since she does "all of the above", eventually people will see her for what she is. You don't need to prove her wrong or bad.
Speak when it is appropriate, required and necessary, not for the heck of it. Comment/speak and respond when appropriate, to share positive information or requested information/knowledge, and talk to validate people, not to gossip or explain. Everyone wants some kind of validation at some point.
Know your audience. If you want to talk about something they do not want to hear, you have no audience. It's going in one ear and out the other and you might later be perceived as a big mouth.
When you've made a mistake or perhaps if you are late for a date or a meeting, or maybe you've done something wrong or stupid, then out of common courtesy, an explanation is certainly in order. Otherwise, explaining and/or proving your case is an exercise in futility and reduces your power. Don't bother explaining anything that really does not require an explanation, and, you don't need to dignify nasty comments with a response.
People must arrive at OR come to conclusions on their own. You can't change someone's thinking, and you can't change what is going on inside their head. Trying to do so will only create more issues and problems that you don't need.
Sometimes, it's ok to help/coax/guide someone
(not manipulate or lie) to come to the right conclusion, usually by asking them the right questions or turning a comment into a question, and therefore gently allowing them to arrive at the right conclusion.
I once asked my friend, who was about to do something stupid, in a very calm, nice, but concerned tone, "What do you think might happen if you do that"? She paused and thought about it for a moment and then said ... "yeah, your right, maybe it's not such a good idea".
She answered her own question. She came to the conclusion I wanted her to come to, but I did not force it. If I had instead said, "you better not do that" she would have probably made a mistake.
Saw your article on a post and believe it is excellent, well thought out advice for a lay person. As a Clinical Psychologist with many years experience, and a strong background in forensics and corrections, I have probably dealt with more antisocial personalities than most people see in ten lifetimes. You are right, don't even TRY therapy with these people. Even environmental manipulation helps only to suppress the problem. Take the changes away and the problem pops right back up.
(Zilla)
I am sociopath. I have recently eased boredom with the hunting of other sociopaths.
It is working for me.
Rest easy little ones. I am sated for now.
As someone with APD I have to say to the budding Hanibal Lecters out there, grow up. You have ZERO real life power that DOESN'T come from sneak attacks.
I spent my fair share of time thinking I was some reborn Babalonian God too, above it all, but you're not. You're just an outsider just like me, and mad about it.
"Boo Hoo, I don't feel feelings so I'm going to hurt people for fun and brag anonymously on a website." Poor baby.
So for all the little wannabe's out there who want to actually have a life with some meaning.
Step 1) STOP BEING AN ASS.
"I don't feel empathy." BAWWWWWWW. So? Pretend. It's not like you haven't done it to get laid. Just act like... well... you're trying to get something from somebody. Just do it to everybody, and don't actually take anything. Same game, just different intent.
Step 2) Stop Lying.
I actually feel for all you little idiots in this case. This is REALLY hard because lying is so freaking easy. People genuinely want to believe people are basically good. So here's what I do, and it WORKS.
Make it a game to get what you want without lying.
Think of it like playing a game on "Hard" mode. You like games don't you? Sure, all of us do, proves how smart we are! Soon you'll start manipulating people through positive actions instead of lies and negative stuff.
Sure, you'll still look at it as manipulation, but is there really any practical difference between being a good person and acting like one?
Step 3) Learn through pain.
Do something unpleasant, then do it again. Then do it again. Appologize. One at a time to people you've wronged, first, then to everyone you subsequently wronged.
Do it every time.
You won't feel it, you won't share their hurt or guilt, but sitting with them and patiently helping them through it is annoying. That's horrible to all the non APD's in the room but attaching "annoying" to "hurt person" is as good as a concience.
4) Improve Your Narcisism
Being a narcisist comes part and parcel with sociopathy. We understand how the world really works. We are more evolved. We are smarter then the chattel. OK, fair enough.
To what end?
What exactly are you DOING with it? How are you using your improved world outlook? If you're just using it to con people for kicks, why not up your game? Go for the long con and do it where it matters. Work phone banks for a candidate or issue you believe in, or think you should believe in. Get a job in sales so you can support yourself. Use your unfettered imagination and write something that's not a troll post on /b/.
Sure you're a God amoung ants. Prove it. Because frankly, being controlled by your sociopathy doesn't impress me. If you can't keep your mental illness at bay, then guess what? You're weaker than it.
Will R.
Sociopath
Not all Narcissists are also Sociopathic,
but ALL Sociopaths are also Narcissistic.
Since we can't know what didn't happen, or what we could have received but did not receive,
IMO, Narcissists and Sociopaths are the dumbest, stupidest, most idiotic people on the Planet.
Here is one example, out of hundreds I could give but won't;
My Cousin, who is the same age as my husband and I, lives about 3 miles away. She is a Sociopath, and, well, needless to say, also a Narcissist. She is very educated (Masters Degree) but also very stupid. Everyone knows it except for her. My husband and I both maintain our distance from her, for good reason.
Today, there was a huge family birthday celebration, overlooking the Ocean, with great food, plenty of booze and music that got everyone up and dancing. The atmosphere and view were spectacular. It was one heck of a party.
Ms. Sociopath/Narcissist called just before we left for the party to say she was lonely (as usual) and wanted to stop over for a awhile.
I told her (the usual) that we were on our way out and I'd call her back later in the week.
She had absolutely no knowledge of the party because no one wanted her there, so we didn't tell her (as usual).
As my husband and I were pulling out of our neighborhood onto the highway, I said to him ... "Isn't this a real shame? ... "she's lonely, divorced, all alone and has nothing to do and here we are driving right past her neighborhood and we can't stop by to pick her up and have her join in the fun because she will start trouble with someone or say something to cause drama and she'll surely anger at least one person with her winning, one-upping and getting over attitude". He agreed.
So, she spent the day home all alone with nothing to do while we were all having a blast, eating, drinking and dancing.
This is just one of many stories I could tell about how Sociopaths/Narcissists never know what they missed, including job interviews and job offers, not just parties, because we can't possibly know what we've prevented from coming our way.
So, how smart is that? So much for "winning".
I have a similar story.
We have a few relatives, a neighbor, and a few "friends" who are SP. They all believe we are too busy for them as we do work a lot of hours but the truth is, although we are busy, we are really avoiding them. There are sometimes we can spend with them, maybe not much time, but we do have time but we will not give it to them so we are experts at getting out of being with them or talking a long time on the phone.
Based on our communicatons via ((brief) phone conversations, emails, voice mails, texts and so on, they think we would like to spend time with them, but that we (sadly) can't b/c we're either busy, and sometimes one of us is "not feeling well" or very "sick" so we have to stay in, when actually we are with other friends, our real friends.
We are very careful not to let the few SP's that we know realize we're lying and really avoiding them b/c they are retaliatative and vindictive. They'll call a family member and start big trouble with lies and made up stories just to get even, so we are all very careful about turning them down and we make up excuses we know that they'll buy.
It's truly sad that we all have to do this and wish we didn't have to but we spend as little time with them as possible without causing trouble or a major drama episode b/c we can't stand them ... but they don't know that b/c we can't let them know. It's much safer and saner this way. I agree SP's think they are brilliant but in reality they are not really so smart.
The man I came to call my Dad.. (who I question/believe to be a sociopath) Has recently, committed suicide. He so clearly loved himself more than others and financially destitute my sister and mother.(embezzling 150,000+)He has constantly threw me under a bus, just to have me beg for his love, even if I had done nothing wrong to start his attacks on me, my children or husband. I just don't understand how someone with this disorder, (his Doctors called it "A dark side") could take his own life, is it possible for someone with this mental handicap to take their own life? Or are they so narcissistic that they couldn't fathom it? And am I contrary to all the books and articles I have read way off base? I'm confused even though 90% of the sociopathic tendencies seam to fit he still took his own life in the end.?.?
I am not a Therapist or a Psychologist but I do believe, yes, it is possible.
I know a few Sociopaths and Narcissists who would possibly take their own lives and others who would not. Deep down, behind closed doors, most of them have a miserable existence, especially as they age. The older they get, the more their "secret" is out and the more they are exposed to the real them. On some level, they know that they are screwed up and the older they are, the more that begins to sink in.
Many are self-destructive and kill themselves through self-destruction, so it's perceived by others as a very natural, but untimely death, when in reality it is actually suicide ... drugs, risky behavior, bad habits, excessive drinking, substance abuse and so on, are all self-destructive and IMO, are a slow "suicide".
My dad was a Narcissist AND a Sociopath and, although, he didn't actually commit suicide,
he drank excessively, smoked like a chimney, and died when he was only 64 years old. He had just retired with a good retirement package, and although he was not wealthy, he had a very comfortable retirement package and was financially stable. He died shortly after retiring, not because he retired but because he had a lot of nasty habits and he knew his 6 children despised him. Young Narcissists and Sociopaths handle the anger others have towards them and the avoidance and loneliness as they don't care, but as they age, that's gotta sting.
Now, with my mom it's quite the opposite.
My mom is also a Sociopath and a Narcissist and she would never think of killing herself, nor would she do anything self-destructive. She is "perfect" and enjoys judging others and letting them know how imperfect they are. She also enjoys informing people how they caused their own illnesses, ie., cancer, or whatever, since she is never sick. She takes excellent care of herself, has no addictions or substance abuse issues and belittles those that do. She doesn't have a compassionate bone in her body. She will survive us all. If there were a nuclear explosion ending the world as we know it, most of the cockroaches ... AND my mother would be the only survivors. She will probably outlive all 6 of her children, including me.
So, now you have both sides, both extremes.
The decision to commit suicide depends on factors other than if the person is a Sociopath and/or a Narcissist but this is just IMO.
hopefully eric is still reading this. I might make a long post but i could change my mind, here goes. test
12 years ago my younger brother committed suicide. He was positively a narcissist but he
was not a sociopath.
He was annoying and selfish at times, as well as unreliable and immature, but not a sociopath. He had some wonderful qualities and so I think his negative characteristics and behaviors were caused by the drugs he was on and not by a sociopathology. But he was a narcissist.
He started out with Pot and then later Cocaine while in high school and later "graduated" to Heroine in his mid 20's.
He dropped out of college without a thought to the fact that my mom and dad worked hard to put him through his first 2 yrs and then he just dropped out without a reason or a care or thought. He worked odd jobs, job hopped, never made more than minimum wage when he had great potential and so much more to offer.
He shot up Heroine and contracted AIDS through a dirty needle. When I asked him why he engaged in high risk behavior, he confided in me, his older sister, and he also said, "Well, we all have to die someday, someway, somehow".
Several years later he died of complications from AIDS. He was bedridden the last 6 months of his life. He was only 30 years old. It was well known at the time even 12 yrs ago that needle sharing was dangerous, so he knew what he was doing. He was not gay.
Everyone (except for me) thinks he died of a horrible disease, AIDS, but the truth is he committed suicide. He was suicidal and had everything very well planned out so he could commit suicide but made sure no one would remember him in that way as someone who took his own life. But that is what he did. He took his own life.
Ok here goes. This goes out to Eric at the risk of inflaming his ego even more. Though I know someone like him doesn't need shit from someone like me (someone he doesn't know). I usually don't post on things like these since I normally feel like its a waste of my time. I do however read things like these just to see what people are thinking and how they can be baited so easily. I, like yourself, like to find out how people think. In fact, i know how people think more than they do. I know what theyre going to do before they do. And most importantly, i know what theyre feeling and will feel with any twist of my finger. We have alot of similarities and i have some questions im going to ask you later but i just felt the need to respond for some fucking reason as we have chosen the same path in life it seems. So! with that.. I'm going to give you some of my background. Mind you, I'm not trying to waste your time or best you or do w/e it is we do. I find no pleasure in doing this to people I don't know, much less to someone like myself. Not because it is difficult, just because its a waste of time to do online.
Anyways i think im rambling... here goes. I, at a very young age had dreams like you. Every night, like clockwork would have dreams of the end of the world and demons and all that. At first they scared me but i learned to cope with them. In fact I not only coped, but I wanted more. I would close my eyes and see demons and picture myself fighting them and winning. I was also hit as a child. I didn't find it that unusual though, it wasnt that big of a deal at my age like it is nowadays.. Im 23 now. Either way I lived in a fairly violent household. My dad would go on these tantrums and push my mom into walls and things like that. When I was really young I was scared but I eventually found myself laughing the whole situation off. Probably at age 10 I thought to myself, wow a grown man is going on a temper tantrum? What a joke. He would run around the house breaking stuff etc. My mom would take it out on me sometimes, hell they both would. When I was around 10 I had enough of it. And when my mom would try to hit me I would fight back. And when I was around 16 I would fight back with my dad. I remember I was doing something one day and he calls me down to the basement. I said, what do you want( in an annoyed voice) he got so pissed that he threw a hammer at me lol. It hurt but it wasn't enough. At that point pain didnt bother me at all. I took the hammer and slammed it against my chest and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him. Around the same time I always had dreams of being in the military. I didnt know why, it just gave me this feeling. I needed to fight and be part of something bigger than me. But most of all I wanted to fight. I guess I was intelligent for my age and already thought to myself, oh thats normal that you want to fight. Kids my age have hormone issues so thats normal. Well I guess it only got worse. I'd provoke kids to fight me and I knew I would win most of the time. It was easy at that age too. In highschool it got harder to just make people fight due to words. Fortunately im very handsome and I used that to my advantage. I'd get girls to fall in love with me just so I could break their hearts. But that wasn't enough.. There's something inside people like you and me. It's a greater understanding of the world and how it works. However, we don't use our gifts the same way. While we both used to scheme to get what we want, and we still do im sure, there are some things that I question myself on. Its not a question of morality of course, but I think its a question of means. I ask myself, why am I doing this. Again, not a moral dilemma but a curiosity to know more about myself. After all, I think sp try to figure themselves out completely before they try to figure someone else out. To do so would be hypocritical, and there's nothing more disgusting.
Anyways, I finally answered my own question as I matured. Some of you may call me delusional but the truth is, you really don't know shit. I have this urge to amplify what is around me. While your main goal in life is to win at all costs, my main goal is to get the most out of something, anything. These goals are similar but not the same. Your goal is directed solely at you, while my goal carries people with me. That sounds a bit confusing, but hopefully I can clarify it. I'll use a girl as an example. There's a beautiful girl in a relationship with a loser. You may seduce the girl and try to break them apart because you want to hurt this loser and you dont think he deserves the girl. On the other hand I try to seduce and separate them in order to try and help the girl, to keep her from wasting her time. If the guy gets hurt in that time I really don't care. Pretty much the same thing in someone else eyes, but I dont think its the same in our eyes. Not that i'm claiming to know you at all, but thats what I picked up.
Anyways I wont go into every detail about my life but i'll continue. I kept doing things like these to people throughout school and until I went to college. My belief then, and now, was that I was helping people by doing these things to them. I really had no interest in some of these people. But when I see a girl that has something going for her, with a guy that doesn't, yes I will step in and do something. To continue, I found college extremely boring. I dropped out my freshmen year and did what I always wanted to. I joined the army. And I know the first question that will come to you head is ?!?! Infantry? Of course, there's no other job worth doing. Every other job sickens me. I find them a waste of everyone's time and money. But i'll stop right there, thats a whole nother story that i'm sure you already know about. Anyways I did the whole basic training thing and right off the bat I knew I was the best person there. I did the best on pt tests, I was the smartest, I was the best shooter etc. immediately I found discrepancies though. There were fat, undisciplined slobs in the same platoon as me. Its funny, I care about all the wrong things in some people's eyes. Perception is everything and nothing to me. I don't care what people think about me whatsoever because I know it will be positive. I can get away with murder. I can convince someone that i'm in the right even though its so obvious that im not.
Anyways on with the story. Anyways, it bothered me in basic, and it bothered me in my regular unit that I served with people that werent on the same level as me. For some reason I expected the best of the best but found my self with people that joined because they had no other alternative. I was disgusted with my situation. But nothing can put me down. I'm better than anything that can be thrown at me. I tried out for battalion recon plt and made it of course. I went to airborne air assault sniper school and rslc. All this reassured me that just because I worked with them, didnt mean they were as good as me. In fact, I didnt really do it to reassure myself, but to reassure them of their place beneath me. I was promoted to sgt with 2 years time in service with a waiver and I finally got to deploy. This was it, I was stoked to prove to myself that nothing could stop me, not even guys trying to shoot at me. I deployed to afghanistan in 08-09 as a sniper team leader. I deployed to the korengal valley, in the kunar province. I felt privileged and grateful that this was probably the worst place to be in Afghanistan. I was glad that this place was crawling with brainless scum to kill. Not because I like to kill ( I do but thats not the reason why, thats just a bonus) but because I would be taking the lives of people that don't deserve it. People that can't think for themselves. People that fight in the name of god and force it upon others. I completely sickens me. The more I can kill the better. If you can't think for yourself and I am allowed to take your life, rest assured I will. This persona i've created helps me wherever I go. Inadvertently people know about my war exploits. Msnbc did an hour long special about my unit. Vanity fair and the new york times have come to write about the large amounts of people we've killed. I find it hilarious how things always seem to go my way. I don't even have to try. We killed 18 people on good friday hahaha. It felt great. I don't like being in the army, I think the army has lost it's way. I do however, love war. I love the constant conflict, I love the fights, I love that my life can be taken in a heart beat and that I can do the same, I love the brotherhood. What seperates me from most sp's is I am completely willing to give me life for someone else. I can decide whether I am willing to do this within minutes of meeting them. I know their life is not as valuable as mine and I don't really care if they would do the same for me. I would do this for a lot of people, not just the men I went to war with. It's a strange thing I have. Sacrifice is it. It's what makes good people, great. I am great.
Another thing to note though is emotions. You say you're emotionless but I am more full of emotion than anyone, including love. Like you however, I can control any emotion I have. I have been hurt emotionally but I can accept it. I know how to cut my losses, its the most logical thing to do I think. There are times when I seek revenge, however when its someone I love I simply let it go. I know if I wanted to I could ruin their lives in more than one way.
Anyways man, here's some questions for you. Answer if you want.. how's afghanistan/war treating you? Not everyone has the privilege of fighting tooth and nail like I had to. Please don't take that as an insult, I didnt mean it as one. I know that sometimes we just don't have control over certain things in the army, like where you get to fight. Another question is, how do you deal with/feel about the people you work with? How do you feel about the rest of the army? What do you plan on doing when you get out? Anyways I don't know if i'll respond to anything you ask me, but I might who knows. Its good to know society isn't full of losers and there's still some warriors left out there. Even though people may try and give us labels, they don't know shit. I see this as an animal kingdom, We're the lions, every day people are they prey, and the people that some of you are confusing with us are the scavengers. People who steal/abuse. We don't steal, we have everything we need. We use, but don't abuse substances, we're always in control.
As I mentioned in a previous post, SP's do not gain anything. In fact, they lose more than they gain but they are too stupid to see that.
They can't know what they've prevented from coming their way and they didn't know what they didn't get b/c it's impossible to know what one could have received, but didn't receive b/c they are a SP, and because SP's are stupid.
As a mgmt exec, employees who are SP's and who create a lot of unnecessary drama which affects productivity, and that in turn, affects the bottom line, get fired. But since we know they are vindictive, the firings are always cleverly disguised as a "mini" lay-off.
Also, when the Director or Manager of one company calls another about a certain candidate/resume or if they are members of the same professional organization we share "back door" ... off-the-record type of references ... that aren't good.
SP's are experts at burning bridges and preventing some pretty cool stuff from coming their way. But they are too stupid to figure it out. I've never met a smart SP and I've come across my fair share of SP's.
Remember, there's a real fine line between clever and stupid.
When I was in high school I dated a boy in my junior year that I later figured out was a sociopath. I certainly did not confront him.
It took awhile but finally I picked up on it since my dad is a sociopath and I saw some similarities. I think he picked me, out of so many other girls, as I was abused, and at the time I had very low self-esteem.
There is no connection between self-esteem and success and there is no connection between self-esteem and intelligence, including street smarts. While my self-esteem was low, my confidence was sort of high.
Anyway, I also knew if I broke up with him he would seek revenge. I figured he would spread lies and gossip and make my life hell so I made him think he broke up with me. I was also afraid if I broke up with him he would start trouble by coming around my house and stalking me and I knew my dad would go nuts and scream at me and possibly blame me for the drama I thought he would cause.
So, I acted. I cried and acted so upset and hurt. I also acted shocked when he "dumped" me. I kept calling him and begging him. In the meantime, I was dating someone from another school. I acted like I was having a breakdown when I was actually having a great time. I even told him (as I pretended to be crying my eyes out) that I might kill myself and after I hung up the phone, I would LMAO with my girlfriends. I should have received an Oscar for that one. It was the only way I could safely get rid of him and it worked. I know a lot of high school girls who did this, and grown women as well who act crazy, or whatever they need to do, to get rid of a sociopath. Then they put on a performance, a great performance and the guy never knows. It's so funny I am starting to LOL about it again.
I found the comments from the admitted sociopath quite telling. No where in his comment did he express anything normal in terms of being normally attracted to another human being. He described "assessing" a person rather than normal attraction. Very much standing on the outside of the normal scenario of human attraction. No "my heart skipped a beat" or "I was attracted to her beautiful eyes" - none of that. In fact her attractiveness was pretty much secondary to the information he was gathering about her from observation. (Scary)
That right there was very telling and a sort of window into the way in which a sociopath operates in assessing a "victim". I found it also interesting that his commentary was one of correction to us - both writer and readers - on our interpretation of sociopaths - and rightly so if in fact he is one. Still there was an "I won" kinda thing going on with the presentation of that "correction".
Thank you for that gold nugget of a window into your world. I shall not forget it and will be aware if someone has assessed me or if there is truly attraction present. It was especially helpful to me as I have recently had a sociopath from my past re-enter my life so it was enlightening that the statement was made that a victim may be viewed as someone who needed to learn a lesson. It is possible that because I was succcessful in getting away in the past that this re-entry was the beginning of a lesson that I am happy to say I will not be enrolling in.
This site has been very identifying. Sociopaths wreck lives, without conscience. I am 54 years old, and have spent much of my professional life in confusion. Until recently when a psychotherapist came into my life nearly destroying me my search started in order to figure out how someone so brilliantly gifted as my psychotherapist friend could without regard do much emotional damage to a person. When we met I was in therapy and vulnerable. I believed with his background I could trust him. However this turned out not to be the situation, and in an effort to understand I began researching him, and researching his condition. He is a sociopath. The most concerning part of this is that he has many degrees, and probably is a genius. He seems sometimes to want help but I have asked him that if he lies to his therapist than how can he get well? He doesn't seem to understand the question, and often times he has gotten very outraged. He has cut me out of his life, which probably is as well, for me anyway. Now, in retrospect, I am partially grateful for the experience of him because I have learned how to identify sociopathy, and realize that during my entire business life at one point or another, and even right now, I have had to deal with a sociopath. However until now I didn't know how to identify the problem, and in the past have fallen victim to their predatory ways. This gal does everything to hurt me, for no apparent reason except to get over on me. She is highly competitive, and could be considered a great business woman. She has done everything to intimidate me, to remove me. Until finally she was caught, and she was removed from the office where the rest of us are and now has to work out of her home. She does well this way, but it is chilling the way she acts so nice to me when just at the sound of her voice I know that if I "let her in" she would make the most of the opportunity to try once again to annihilate me. A comment of particular interest I have read is that a sociopath either ends up in prison, or if they are highly intelligent than they end up running businesses. And this observation is true, and causes many problems for the rest of us who have conscience, and want to get alone. Now through the help of the internet, and having had the "enlightening" personal experience with the psychotherapist I now recognize that nearly every time in my past professional life when I have been "thrown under the bus" it has been for no reason except that a sociopath has gotten his/her way. And from these experiences I believe it is true that the sociopath does have more time to connive, because they don't bother with thinking about love. And I believe it is also true, just like my psychotherapist does, the sociopath learns to "act" well from others than comes to loath and hate their objects of desire for being "weak." Very sad. I know for my psychotherapist, when we were becoming close he became nearly hysterical while telling me I deserve better, and that he isn't good enough for me. His particular problem is deep rooted, and I would love to love him, and so I pray for him. As for my co-worker, fortunately, I work in a small office and my bosses are more intelligent about dealing with the sociopath than mangers in large corporations are. From my experience I believe it is also true that the numbers of people in our lives without anti social behaviors are quite high. I don't know the cause, but I do know my friends and I are always dealings with the consequences of these personalities. Thank you for giving me the space to express this, and also for the helpful information your site has provided.
This question is for (Eric), if he's still on this blog, or for any other sp who's willing to share their much appreciated insight..."Once an sp is not entertained anymore by abusing his latest victim, feels that he's "won," took back any fake feelings of true love the sp ever convinced the victim that he once had for her in the blink of an eye, and that the sp has completely killed the victim's appetite and hope for love forever, made sure the victim's worst fear of being abandoned by him has been accomplished, and showed no "feelings" of regret, empathy, or remorse as the sp dumped her and rid the victim from his life, will the sp ever try to contact, hurt in any way whatsoever, or hurt the victim physically? Or is the game finally over for the sp, and does the sp feel he has finished his victory lap? Does the ex-victim ever need to worry about the sp hurting the victim in any way, ever again?"
To the previous 2-28 Post ... typically when management requests that an employee work out of home (instead of the employee requesting) they are trying to replace him/her ... to fill his/her position and let him/her go when they find a suitable replacement.
Now, I am not sure if that is the case here, but I have worked in Human Resources for many years and this is quite often how it works.
Out of sight ... out of mind.
If the company culture/management is sociopathic, then most of the hired employees will also be. When this is the case and you are not a sociopath, you'll want to start looking for another job real fast.
Sociopathic companies tend to collapse at some point, usually sooner than later. Sociopaths eventually make really insane business mistakes and decisions, and they are known for not realizing when they burn bridges, and they do burn bridges ... big bridges. Just my 2 cents worth.
Let's see ...
lacks empathy
self-serving
need to win
selfish
poor decision-making skills
exercises poor judgment
tells lies
creates drama
This describes a typical teenager.
I believe many SP's inherited the gene, but I also think some people who were not born a SP (and were not abused in childhood), drank heavily and/or used drugs/smoked pot all throughout their teen years and early 20's,
the specific point in time in their life when the regions and center of the brain that controls these emotions and the ability to make sound decisions develops.
So, their brains never properly developed. Their emotional and social development is stunted. This explains why many SP and Narcissistic adults act as though they are 15 or 18 or 22, or whatever age. They are emotionally and socially frozen in time. They never matured.
SP's behave as though a part of their brain is missing while other areas malfunction.
Adults who have told me they were heavily into drugs and alcohol all throughout their teen years, (and not on a once in awhile or recreational basis, but on a regular basis)
are as screwed up as it gets.
If I am close to someone and spend significant time with them, I can tell if they used a lot of drugs and/or drank heavily all throughout their teens and early 20's when these parts of the brain, especially the frontal cortex, were developing.
Their reasoning is off and their Emotional Quotient (EQ) is consistently below average. They are immature. I think the drugs and alcohol stunted their emotional and social development.
I have yet to meet a SP with a high EQ. I've worked with brilliant, highly educated people who were SP's, but only their intellect, their IQ was high. Their EQ is always below average, or average, at best.
My mother and two of her sisters are SP and they never drank or used drugs. They all have low IQ's AND low EQ's.
So, I am not saying all SP's drank heavily and used drugs daily all throughout their teens.
I think the regular use of drugs and heavy drinking, specifically throughout the teen years, is a major contributing factor to becoming an adult SP and/or Narcissist.
It's interesting how the characteristics of a classic SP are the same as a typical teenager. Teens and adult SP's/Narcissists share the same qualities and characteristics.
Interesting ideas. But I can think of two things that may weaken your theory: Many sociopaths display cruelty and lack of empathy for people and animals even at a very young age (younger than teens).
Also, most healthy teens do not lack empathy.
Hello again. This time my reposted question is being asked of (Eric), other SP's, and Adam. I am very curious and would be incredibly appreciative is someone in this warm and helpful community could try to advise me on this one. It's eating me up alive not being able to understand exactly what occurred to me, and since I've last posted this question, I've done so much research on the sociopathic profile to try to gain as much insight as possible in order to figure out the answers to my questions, and although I am still horrified at the fact that any human-being has to go through life emotionally-stunted, removed from the world and the incredible feeling of being involved in healthy interpersonal relationships, and so badly want to help SP's, I know there is nothing I will ever be able to do except to accept the fact that SP's are blissfully ignorant of emotional pain and hope that their next choices of victims can run as far away from them as soon as possible with the least amount of physical and/or emotional damage. So, (Eric), other SP's, and Adam, here is my question for you:
..."Once an sp is not entertained anymore by abusing his latest victim, feels that he's "won," took back any fake feelings of true love the sp ever convinced the victim that he once had for her in the blink of an eye, and believes that the sp has completely killed the victim's appetite and hope for love forever, made sure the victim's worst fear of being abandoned by him has been accomplished, and showed no "feelings" of regret, empathy, or remorse as the sp dumped her and rid the victim from his life, will the sp ever try to contact, hurt her in any way whatsoever, or hurt the victim physically? Or is the game finally over for the sp, and does the sp feel he has finished his victory lap? Does the ex-victim ever need to worry about the sp hurting the victim in any way, ever again?" Thanks again in advance to anyone willing to offer advice. I really, really appreciate it.
Thank you, Adam ... and I agree with your statement, Many sociopaths do display cruelty and lack of empathy for people and animals even at a very young age.
I (sadly) know many SP's partly because I come from a sociopathic family and I also live in a sociopathic neighborhood and I've worked with a few, not many, but a few SP's. Also, my ex is a SP. However, I am not a psychologist or therapist and I am certainly not an expert on Sociopathology. I just see many similarities between SP's and teens.
Please do not take this the wrong way but I wonder if maybe you have not personally raised teens and spent a lot of time around people in this age group. I have two 20 something year-old daughters and I am close to several teens, including a few nieces and nephews. Every single one of these teens, including when my two daughters were teenagers, lack(ed) empathy, most of the time. I wouldn't say they always lack empathy. Sometimes they do display empathy but most of the time they did not and if they did it was not always genuine. None of them are SP's.
They are teenagers with underdeveloped brains and the ones who drink heavily and abuse drugs never seem to mature and the ones who do not engage in this destructive behavior do mature. This seems to be consistent.
When I ask the parents of adult children (over 21 yrs of age) if they had to make a choice between taking care of a teenager, especially a girl, for a weekend, OR an infant, everyone (including me) who has endured raising teens on a daily basis (Sunday fathers excluded) immediately, without pause, chose the infant.
People who do not have 21+ yr old adult children, and therefore have not raised/lived with teens, and also spent a lot of time with teens, including teen relatives and so on, usually say they would rather be responsible for the teenager for the weekend because, unlike a newborn, they sleep a lot.
Also, not one of the many SP's that I know abused animals, including my horrible ex who is a classic SP and my mother and sister as well. They have been abusive to people of all ages, but not animals.
I still believe teenagers and adult SP's share many of the same characteristics. I am in my mid 50's and have raised two (now wonderful) daughters as a single parent. I help my sisters and brother with my teenage nieces and nephews and I talk to my neighbors who are parenting teenagers. I have yet to meet or hear of a teenager who displays genuine empathy most of the time ... and who is not narcissistic. When teens do display empathy, it is usually because they want or need something in return.
(Bell)
I'm not a SP, but may be able to answer the question. It would be typical for a SP to return in a few years to see if he can do it again. It would give him satisfaction to win back his victim's trust, knowing that the victim is aware of him this time, and then crush the victim again. If he succeeds, he will return in another few years to try it again.
Not all Sociopaths are manipulative and Narcissistic and malicious as you described. It is true that we do not feel empathy and it is hard to form normal social connections. Many of our connections are objective and possessive in nature. HOWEVER!!!! We can be taught to be kind and considerate. It is a purely intellectual process of understanding acceptable behavior. Once the tenants of "right and wrong" along with a healthy fear and of understanding of punitive actions are ingrained a Sociopath is perfectly capable of being benign. I think this article is extremely bias and a little more research on Sociopaths would be advised.
I am a sociopath....
I have read many post from concerned parents and others. I am a sociopath. I was labeled at 4. I did not have a traumatic childhood nor was I abused. However, I did begin to torture small animals, had trouble with socially appropriate behavior. I am now 32 years old and I am not the malicious person depicted in movies or by the author of this blog page.
Let me say my "healthy" social acclimation has been a labor of love by my mother.
If you believe that you have a sociopath it is very important that the tenants of right and wrong as well as a firm understanding of consequences are understood.
We (sociopaths) my have a very limited emotional range and we are completely void of empathy, but we are capable of rationalization. Social interactions become a rational (as opposed to normal emotional) process. If we are taught to causation it can assist in having appropriate social behavior. I can not stress enough the importance of understanding the cause of ones actions. We (sociopath) are susceptible to fear. When we hurt someone we can not feel guilty for the pain we cause them, but if we understand or at bear minimum have a fear of Karma we will alter our behavior to maintain our interest.
I will always have trouble understanding people, because I do not share a common emotional component, however through fear, and intellect I am able to live a fruitful life with limited casualties. I am a mother and a wife, and I owe it to the HARD and probably painful work of a patient and devoted parent.
So for those of you that are parents please know that it is possible to help your child develop healthy behavior. But we will never be like "normal" people
---Yours truly
OK
Would an SP leave his victim alone under those circumstances? Possibly, but it's not a guarantee. An SP is easily bored.
To those who think they are Sociopath see a Neuro-psychologist.They will be able to diagnose you properly a simple questionnaire wont do it. I a diagnosed Sociopath since 7 have a constant need for stimuli, and a desire to cause pain (it is an unconscious attempt at obtaining emotion) But As I stated in a previous post, fear and proper behavior and out lets to control the need for stimuli must be taught at an early age. if these lessons are not learned early (before the onset of puberty) they are a lost cause.
We must accept the absence of an ability to satisfy a fundamental need, the need to belong and form connections.
And for all of you who have been hurt, make no mistake the is an emptiness that accompanies being a Sociopath. and exacting ones self and/or causing pain temporary fills the emptiness by allowing us to be part of a emotion (although inevitability as an observer)
You with the adult daughters: I have an adult son. He's 28 now. I understand what you are referring to. Teens often seem self-centered and selfish, especially with their parents. But that is not the same as lacking empathy. If a teen sees an animal being abused, if his best friend was hurt, even if his parent was hurt, he would feel empathy.
Firstly, thanks for responding to my post, Adam. Secondly, when you say, "leave his victim alone," do you mean at all or physically? I just am trying to figure out if the physical harm is ever going to be a problem now that I am more assured that this SP can't do anything to emotionally hurt me except maybe trying to contact me and/or convince me that he wants to and will work on his issues, which is obviously and unfortunately impossible and also would be an outright lie. This community has given me a lot of insight into the SP I was dealing with and his way of thinking, and I'm starting to feel more calm, especially since he's not in my life anymore except for the fact that his past actions still are fresh in my mind and hurt me pretty deeply, although I'm trying to get over him as soon as possible and in the healthiest way. Everything I posted about was very, very recent. I know nothing is a guarantee, especially with SP's, and that they're easily bored, so I'm guessing and hoping that once he finds his next victim to prey upon, he will be out of my life completely. But, again, my main concern and question now is, do you, (Eric), and any other SP's who are willing to advise on this topic, think that he has tired of trying to torture me, and if not, does anyone think that he will try to physically harm me for having too much confindence, self-confidence, and clarity regarding his sociapathy towards the end of the relationship?
"SP's are blissfully ignorant of emotional pain" No there are not. we feel pain anger obsession (often we call it love) and other emotion but they are all from a Narcissistic vantage point it is the ability to identify and empathize that we lack.
-
Thank you so much (Bell) for your insight. =-)
What you posted makes a lot of sense! He can try all he wants to gain back my trust, but I won't let him and am much more in control of my life and have a lot more self-confidence than he thinks. Do you (Bell) think it's wise to change my phone number or would he try to find me even if I did so?
(Bell)
The Internet is very good at finding people these days and, depending on the persistence of your particular SP, he may find a route to you thru family or by some other means. Hiding will not give him the message he needs to hear from you, which is, "stay the eff away from me forever, Charley!"
From your post, it seems you love this guy, and so he will count on your forgiveness with the passage of a few years' time. If you let him in, he will charm you just like a snake, perhaps with apologies, perhaps with ploys for sympathy, perhaps with lies about how he has changed. If & when he returns, he needs to hear you say loud & clear, "Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!"
Hi,
I'm someone who had an anoying person in the past and who still come back time to time in my social life. some of the symptoms that are described define her as a sociopath. i would like some further points of view before i classify her as a sociopath.
the story begins in the summer of 2004. I live in europe in the country side and since i have all the comfort and there is not much to do around, i normally stay at home where i used to have the daily visit of many friends.
Once two of my friends came by with a friend of them, this girl (woman) would come back all the time with them and than begin to to come alone and stay untill very late. we finally had an adventure short one (fine till now). she told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend and she was having some bad times. but one day the suposed ex came to my house and told me in front of her that they were still in a relatioshipand that their relationship begun with an adventure when she dated one of his friend. later when they were in a relationship this second boyfriend caught here with the first one having sex. they had a big argument split up and six months after she came back to him breaking a relation that he had established with someone else.
The romance we had was just a summer story because i was studing in a foreign country at the time and so i did go back to my studies and received a letter from her telling me that she was back with her boyfriend.
This was just the intro, the real deal begins now. When i came back for christmas i began to receive plenty of text messages from her asking me how i was doing, and if we could met at some point, that we deed.it was acasual encounter and nothing special came out of it. but one week later i received a long text message long text message telling me that i was the one and she wanted to meet me where i was studing. i agreed and we met in february. she stayed at my place for a week, but from the point she arrived she was different from what she seems to be till now and i had the feeling of being used, that i expressed to her, and she replied very violently (only verbally). she then began to invite some of her frineds to my place. i told her to met them at their place but she insisted that she wanted to be with me and that we could meet them together. this friend came by and she had sex with him in my bathroom in the same night. i put them out of my place and she text me a few hours later to tell that she wasn't happy with what happened. i didn't reply. four monts after i recived another text message telling me that she was alone and felt really down. i didn't reply.
For the next three years she "infiltrate" my social friends and invited me to social networks on the internet. she finally came forward in 2008 when i was a lecturer in a conference. just to tell me that she was in a relationship but maybe.... and she was going on a hollyday to be alone and think about.... with the guy that she had sex in my bathroom(???).. i didn't talk to her anymore and told her to leave me alone. but she continues to try to contact me (why?).
i am vegetarian and last month she opened a vegetarian restaurant near my place (we must be 20 vegetarians around here) but the worse is that all people i use to know judge me as if i was the bad one. fortunately i have plenty of friends around the world and i don't feel isolated at all. i also know that she used to drug her father with sleeping drops in the food when she was 15-16 years of age to go out, with the help of her sisters and mother. Is that a sociopath or just someone with some other disorder. she says she's not happy but i never heard her apologise to anyone and she does her best to destroy the social life of anyone that doesn't go along with her... i almost have no friends left around here and the harrasment goes on when i least expect it. but life goes on.
thanks for any comments.
I've been in a relationship the past 2 yrs & it's been a nighmare. The most torturous I have ever been in. I'm smart, beautiful, successful, & confident, active & never have a problem with men falling for me. I'm always the one to leave them and have no problem not looking back. I have one rule - don't lie. I/m an Army brat & honor is of utmost importantance. I'm a very open and vocal person. Once a man lies, I leave - no 2nd chance. However, with this relationship, I totally lost my mind & heart. It is on again, off again. I've never had this before. I caught him cheating a number of times (he even forgot my bday last year b/c he was away having an affair). Caught him constantly lying, yet can't leave. Each time he first he makes me feel like I"m going crazy and that I think, see & feel things that aren't there. I have always trusted my instincts till I met him. I totlaly lost my sense of self & questoined every thought & feeling I went through the past 2 yrs. I seriously thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't understand what was going on - couldn't quite put my finger on it. I seriously thought maybe I was subconsciencely causing all of this, as if it was my fault. Eventually almost a yr & half in, he starts to "admit" in a non-direct way and very apologetic and cries and begs, and promises changes and vows his love for me and swears to change,etc. I have repeatedly demanded him to leave me alone. I have successfully on many occasions to ignore his constant barrage of calls, tex & showing up at my house. ffd to last night..
After not seeing or speaking to him for over 6wks (it was not easy to do as he is like a leach and relentless), I agreed to see & talk to him but no promises on my part.
He comes in as if nothing is wrong and if we're all good now. He tries to get hug and kiss but not too pushy to piss me off. In the midst of the talk, I realized that I would never trust or believe him again (God knows how much I want to, even need to for self survial). I realize that I can't continue this anymore - so so painful to admit this to myself. You may ask, after all this how I can stay with him. I tell myself I should have listened to my friends and basic strangers who asked what I was doing with him. I regret so much having not listened to them and heed their warning. I lost countless days of work due to depression and lack of concentration. The amount of confusion and dizziness in my life this created. I phystically let myself go (my life I've been very active and fit). And not to mention the financial disaster this left me in. But how does anyone heed a warning like this when they are in love? I pride myself on not judging and giving everyone a chance in life. As I lay sleepless (again), I thought maybe I have a psychological condition & "sociopath" is the first thing that came to mind. So I started looking it up and as I read further, I realized that it was the man I'm with that is a sociopath. Prior to last night, I had no idea what it was or who or how, etc.. I have no idea how I even thought to look up sociopath - I just did.
I can't express enough in words how painful and devastating it was to read about it and still dodn't want to believe he will never change. It was an easy conclusion for me b/c everything I thought, felt, questioned, etc. all came to light. It was a relief on one hand but the other hand (and a big one) was dispare and pain like no other.
I continued my research today and came upon this site and here I am writing in desperation for someone out there to tell me that he isn't a sociopath. I can't live with this fact (if it is). I am so devasted, I just don't know where to go from here. More so, I feel so weak for not being able to get out of this and feel so stupid for not seeing this sooner, or believing in my instincts. So please, if anyone is listening out there, any advise on what I can do??
If he isn't a sociopath, he's the next worse thing. Solitude can probably straighten your head out. He's obviously not good for you, but he's good at manipulating your emotions, so you feel you "can't" get away. Bullshit. You can and you should. Start with a weekend by yourself. Make up some excuse if you have to, and get away so you can think straight.
Why do women keep going back to men who are so bad for them? Because we are so good at loving him for what we WANT him to be. That's why. When dealing with an SP, a women needs to think logically with her head and not her heart. Take all emotions out of the equation. Look at the reality of how he treats you. Look at the reality of his actions. Don't try to make something out of what is not there. Remember how miserable he makes you. Hopefully, this will enable you to stay away from him.
That's a great answer, Bee.
Yes, however much you love him or her, the day dawns when you know it is time to get the monster out of your life. They don't love you, that is the first thing you must come to realize. My sociopath was a crusading journalist who had done a lot of marijuana in her youth, drank a lot, seduced a lot of men, broke a lot of hearts, usual thing. People love her and hate her in unequal measures, mostly the latter. Eventually she drives most away, except her parents and our daughter. Not yet. I lost a good ten years plus the usual psychic crap. I only go thru her mother now. As for all the specualtion as to whether SPs can feel emotion like the rest of us, I understand that all of us have some SP tendencies. They may be monsters, but they are human monsters like the rest of us.
I was married to a sociopath. After he abandoned me I learned all kinds of things. He told people that I was crazy and having an affair. It was amazing the amount of people that I learned that he told the same lies to. And they were gullible enough to believe him!!!He was so good at manipulating that after he left, I called a job that he was moonlighting at and as soon as his boss learned who I was he started laughing at me based on what my husband told him about me. He flirted with my friends and made fun of me all the time. It seemed that whenever we were in public, he would embarrass me some type of way. He was very jealous and I was totally loyal to the moron. I learned later on that he actually left me for a married woman, but told everyone that he left me because I was cheating on him. the lies and the way he treated me after such a short time of marriage was so awful. I had never experience anyone so cruel and diabolical. after he left, I was so sure that I would see him on some news program saying that he was a murderer or rapist. He was so cruel and cold. I cant tell you the magnitude of his iciness and cruelty and lies.
I have been married to a SP for almost 8 years. I would say the most depressing degrading horrific time in my whole life. I'm finally away from him, well, not really. We are separated and we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. I almost find it hard to talk about. I never really shared any of my heartache with people. I guess i was just too embarrassed and humiliated. Well, thats how he made me feel at least. I thought the pain would at least get a little better when we moved apart, but its just as bad. I wish i could get him out of my life but he is trying to ruin me. i don't know why, i guess thats just the disease, but i feel hopeless and desperate for some understanding.
If you're looking for understanding, you've come to the right place. I suggest you begin at the beginning and read ALL the comments here. It is an eye-opener and you will find you are not alone.
Many people who have commented have subscribed to these comments, so if you have a question, you can ask a particular person. You're going to need support, and this community is a good place to start.
(Bell)
A good place indeed, Adam.
I have gained support here from day 1, from the day you created this site.
I'm still checking here daily. What does that tell you?
You done good, Adam.
Hello,
I am wondering if my flatmate is a P. We have been great friends at some points yet I have always been a little uneasy spending time with him. After an hour I start to feel drained and have an urgent need to escape.
My boyfriend is also a flatmate and we got together during my time at the flat. Just after we got together he climbed into bed with me, I told him to get out. Anyway he came back later and blamed the whole thing on me and said I shouldn't have allowed that to happen when I am in a relationship and that I am so naive. I felt like he was threatening me.
There was a time when I trusted his advice. Stupid as I had already noticed he was always trying to con money. One day I did it back to him. I wanted to see if it was that he didn't care about money. So I shortchanged him £3 and he went crazy and just verbally abused me (sending me messages and pictures in the night and even a picture of his butt) he went on until I had given it to him even though he has conned me out of much much more. When I mentioned this he said I was bringing other things into it and if we are going to do that then people will get hurt.
I took this to mean he is going to start causing trouble with bf and bring up the earlier incident.
He is making everyone miserable in the house because he is so dirty, when I confronted him about it he said it's my fault because I do not bring my bf into line and that makes him lose faith in the house. You should see our garden, he uses it like a trash can. He's constantly saying mean things about my bf and the thing is hes really loyal to him and thinks he is his friend and does not even seem to believe me when I warn him about him. This is despite the fact they went into business & bf wasted countless hours of time helping him & got nothing back. He offered my other flatmate a job at his company. I suggested to her that she keep her old job and do both jobs at once for a while (just in case she didn't like it, I said trying to be tactful.)And lucky I did, it was over in one week and he did not pay her.
He is constantly suggesting schemes like buying a car together. When I first moved in he suggested going on my car insurance. He keeps asking me if I have savings. It just gets really draining I feel like every conversation is a power struggle. He lies and I know he is lying but I do not confront him because I want an easy life.
I know ths seems like really small things. But when you're involved in it, the constant drip drip wears you down.
He hates to lose. He locked me out of the flat once (as a joke, haha) It was really cold so I rang the door bell repeatedly. His solution - rip the door bell off the wall!? It not like he's 16, he's 34.
The landlord has talked about kicking him out. How should I deal with this situation? Do you think if he was a fully fledged P he would have done worse by now? I really don't know what to make of his behaviour. I mean my housemate could be homeless because of him but the consequences and responsibility just don't seem to feature
Should I try and make him think I am still 'useful' as some protection? I have been suspicous of him for a while but have not let him know this. I have just gently rebuffed his schemes and thanked him for his flattery.
Now I have kind of let him know what I think of him(without actually accusing him of being a p). He knows I get on well with the landlord so that affords me protection as the landlord trusts me and wants me to stay as I pay my rent (unlike him who evades paying for as long as possible). Once this has gone, and the landlord chucks him out, what will happen? I haven't seen him be physically violent but I have heard some dubious phone conversations.
Should I just hang in there and see how it pans out or should I get out of there? I am not sure if I am overreacting. My bf thinks I am but when someone is like this it is difficult to know who they really are and therefore where they will stop??
Thanks!
Brilliant post, thanks and more please. I was brought up in a psychopathic family and it wrecked most of my life. I think there are more out there than most people realise, and actually its there in all of us to varying degrees. we all, at times lack a perfect conscience. eg meat eaters are psychopaths. and the text book response to what i just said? agressive denial. meat eaters are psychopaths. the truth is shocking. evolution made us all psychopaths. we wouldnt exist at all if we were not - other animals would have killed and eaten us. psychopathy is human nature. having said that, we are talking here about the most severe cases, and it should make us remember psychopathy is a spectrum disorder and we are all somewhere on the scale. just learn about and steer clear of the most severe ones.
Curious to know if a sociopath was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, how would it affect them? My guess is that he or she would be focus on mortality and become disappointed, frustrated and angry that he or she could die, but wouldn't be afraid. I also think that a sociopath would be very private about it and not let people who are considered "close" to know about it.
I have come to believe that my partner of three years is on the sociopathic spectrum. He seems aware of it, and actually mentioned it to me. However I don't think he is a full blown sociopath because he has sought help, though his seeking of help wavers.
Anyway, never mind him. Several months ago, in my quest to understand what I was dealing with, I came across an article about sociopathy or psychopathy describing how some indigenous culture had a name for such people, and whey they realized there was one among them, they would take them on a hunting trip and simply throw them off a cliff. They knew this kind of person was irredeemable and would wreak havoc on the tribe.
I cannot locate this article no matter what search terms I put in now, and I was wondering if anyone else had come across this in their searches.
Can someone tell me the difference between a Narcissist and a Sociopath? I know there is some overlap but would like to know the difference. I desperately need this information. Thank you.
I remember reading that somewhere too, about a culture that threw sociopaths off a cliff. I think it was Eskimo or Inuits. When you find out, please come back and let us know, okay?
Anon 10:34 Post & Adam's 12:50am Posts
Imagine what a wonderful world this would be if that were the usual practice everywhere.
I am suffering so much at this time, mostly due to a few sociopaths in my life, or I should say, were in my life.
I am still suffering the aftershocks. I even had to give up seeing my precious baby grandson because of a sociopath ... it really hurts badly. I love him so dearly. I waited years to become a grandmother and then after 2 yrs it was just ripped away ... all because of family sociopaths.
My grandson probably still asks for me although he's young enough to forget me. He might think I abandoned him. But I had to get out of a bad situation. It is very painful to suffer a loss like this.
If only getting rid of sociopaths was common practice where I live in the US. But it is not. In fact, they are protected, in a sense.
I wouldn't be heartbroken, suffering so badly and neither would so many others.
True, many sociopaths are in prison, but most are not.
I have been married for 14yrs to what I have come to believe is a Sociopath. I want out of this relationship so bad but for the moment (due to a lay off) I am stuck.
There have been a lot of things that have bothered me for a long time and it has taken me (obviously) a long time to figure out what I am dealing with.
I have 2 questions:
1.) Does a sociopath always tend to hurt animals too?
2.) I have 3 children from this man. I am so worried about what the impact on them may be. They are 11, 12, and 13. He has hurt all of us many times and I want to protect my children. He has never hurt any of us physically but does and has scared me for a long time.
He just hurts my kids with ridiculous remarks and with the continuous money problems and complete selfish behavior. We've had to live without electricity or water due to him getting "bored" with his job and just quitting.
Does anybody have any helpful advice for me? I want stability and security and if that means raising my wonderful children on my own then so be it. I just need advice on how to help them through all of this. Thank you!!
I think the main, basic differences between a narcissist and a sociopath are;
Narcissistic Personality Disorder manifests as a pathological craving for attention.
Sociopaths/psychopathy manifests as a pathological disregard for anything but self-gratification.
These two conditions most often (not always but usually) can co-exist in the same individual.
Both see people as objects.
Narcissists are indifferent, callous and careless and have a very intense need for attention.
THIS IS KEY: The narcissists abuse of others is absent-minded and scattered, it's not calculated, thought out and premeditated like the sociopath or psychopath.
Narcissists are all about image and ego. They will say anything (and are great lairs) to make themselves look good, even at the expense of others and even if only for the moment and, even if it contradicts what they just said the day before.
Narcissists take it a step further and criticize and nitpick other people until they feel devalued. Narcissists are lazy as hell. They are all talk and no action. They are users and takers. They use people to do their work and then think nothing of taking all the credit. They have no feelings or remorse about doing so. Don't bother reasoning with them about this, they are incapable of reasoning.
They will always have a scapegoat ready to blame. They prefer working in teams whenever possible so they can sit back and relax and bark out orders while everyone else is doing all the work. They do not pull their weight, nor do they care. Narcissists never work alone, because if they did, then they would actually have to work. A narcissist only exists in the present. They have gaps in their memory and don't know what they did yesterday, usually because it was a lie, and lies don't have real memories attached, so it makes it difficult for them to plan for the future.
Sociopaths have an intense need to hurt others and one-up. They are narcissists to the extreme but with a sadistic, secretive, jealous, vindictive, evil dark side.
They seek revenge and quickly rationalize and justify the revenge with ease. Talking out problems and communicating is not something sociopaths will do or ever even consider. They have a strong desire and need to believe others are devious and out to get them. This way they don't have to feel guilty when they get revenge.
Hope this helps a bit.
The MAIN difference is that Sociopaths do not have a conscience while Narcissists do.
Thank you so much for explaining the main differences between sociopaths and narcissists. I'm unfortunately living with a full-blown narcissist who also has sociopathic tendencies. I need help and at least have found others in my same situation here on this Website. I will share my story soon.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to explain.
May
For the Eskimo solution go to http://documentarycharmed.wordpress.com/category/sociopath/
And by the way I have just gotten rid of my SP after 6 yrs. She claimed to be Bi Polar Type II, Rapid Cycle but in 6 yrs never suffered a depression as she said she preferred to transform the depression into anger (against me of course!)but Bi Polar sufferers cannot control their depression except with medication (which she refused to take). I could not find any description of her behaviours in anything written about BPs but in telling my tale to a nurse friend I was told to look up Sociopath and Lo and Behold there she was in all her nasty glory!!! I have had a narrow escape it seems.
OK
A year ago my mother started acting weird. I thought it was just normal grieving, for my father has developed dementia and severe muscular dystrophy with out any known explanation. She started lying more often and trying to manipulate, she then started making more friends(she normally doesn't have a very social lifestyle) with the wrong crowd. I have caught her using drugs and cheating on my father, but she flat out denies it to my face. She fits the signs perfectly. The problem is that its my mom, she gave life to me and i want her back the way she was. I could leave though but it would just hurt my little sister(she has a functional autism). She still looks up to my mom. She doesn't see anything wrong. I am afraid that if I attempt to leave I will hurt her, but if I take her away she will be hurt. If I leave her she will still get hurt. I am not really sure what to do.
I was in a 16 year relationship with a man I adored and loved more than anything but we always had the same problems. He lied about everything even things he didn't need to lie about and for years I put up with it, fought with him over it and tried to change him make him understand by loving him and giving him everything I had to give to make him feel safe enough that he didn't have to lie. Nothing worked. Confronting him, ignoring him, calling him out on his lies nothing worked. He couldn't hold down a job so I bought an 18-wheeler and put him to work for me. That actually worked for three years but then he got mad or bored or whatever he got he quit working and went in to his normal 6 month feel sorry for himself hole where no one could reach him or reason with him. It was pure in sanity. I bailed him out of jail time and time again over stupid things choices he would make that were "none of my business" or writing bad checks. Dear God he was the king of bad check writing. He would say he had a job and act like he was going to work when in fact he had no job and was simply sitting at a gas station all day waiting for the proper time to come home then tell me all about his day. But by the time it was time to turn over a paycheck he had already lost his job. I nearly went crazy and on more than one occasion just wanted to end my life to get away from him because I loved him so much I just couldn't bear to be away from him even though we broke up many many times and I made him leave I always took him back.
Then I finally broke away from him and all I can say is I was running backwards always trying to get away from him and feel into the arms of another (not sure he is a sociopath or what the hell he was) but I was EXTREMELY cautious and careful with this guy. He seemed to be everything I ever wanted in a man. He painted the perfect image of normal for me. Loved his family, big in the church, had lots of friends unlike my former sociopath. We met in a group and got to know each other through the group. I was so scared of him and so careful it would be nearly a year from the time we met before i even considered dating him and five months after that before our first kiss. After a very careful examination and we got married. Partly I think to help me get completely away from the sociopath and as it would turn out my now husband had his own alterier motives. Eight months into our marriage he got some dramatic news about his health and I lost my perfect husband. Several surgeries and a year and a half later I find his extensive porn collection and a year later I realize he is as in to men as I was and in less than three years I am devestated and divorced and completely depleted of all that I ever was and as if that wasn't all bad enough.......
Here comes the sociopath again. I was divorced no more than two months and he starts calling and I'm to burned up and confused about my last marriage to even remember why I had dumped him. I was just glad to hear a familiar loving voice. It took him all of 4 months to worm his way in to my house after he lost his apartment. He was only supposed to be there three days and I finally got him out a year and a month later. It isn't until now that I finally learned and sadly know that he is a sociopath. It breaks my heart that he is because he can be so sweet and attentive. But to be honest he didn't give me himself like he did before. And his lies are bigger and more dangerous. I'm a lot smarter and stronger than I was when he first met me at 21 years old. But I wonder if I will ever really be able to get away from him really or will I die in the process of trying.
Vladashram,
My general policy is whenever I feel I am stuck between two choices, and I don't like either one, I strain my brain to think of a third alternative. I usually do it with paper and pen. I will sit down and write the numbers one through ten and will make myself sit there until I fill in all ten with alternative ideas.
The choice you're facing is important enough to devote some time to thinking about it, and the best way to think is on paper.
Make lists.
Take the time to think.
Go for a constitutional.
I believe ,with all due respect to the author, that everyone was born with an innate conscience and that some people have the ability to completely ignore this conscience until it no longer bothers them. It has been proven that if a person lies he will feel terrible about it, but if he continues to lie he will indeed not even be bothered by the fact that he broke one of God's commandments and will continue to do so until the very day he dies. With that being said. I wish everyone here the greatest of luck and also that they become more aware of each others feelings. I say some of your rude comments and many were uncalled for. Anyway God and Jesus bless you all.
I think this is one of the main reasons people are such easy prey for sociopaths, and I have to admit, I once believed that "deep down" everyone was a good person (meaning a person who cares about others, who would feel bad if they ever did anything harmful to another, who felt empathy for the suffering of others).
I believe that is the most important vulnerability normal people harbor. When you believe everyone is "good" deep down, you are dangerously vulnerable to sociopathic manipulation.
(Bell)
Noto Bene: That posting ending with "bless you all" is a fine example of the disbelief and dangerous naivety of the non-SP. Such innocence of the general public is what enables SP's to thrive.
I couldn't agree with you more Adam. I used to believe that everyone felt empathy, guilt and had a conscience. How wrong I was. For years I lived with the idea that my husband would change and feel some sort of remorse for his actions. How wrong I was. He continuatlly cheated, lied, treated me like a second class citizen, all with no guilt or remorse. He was also a very heavy drinker. I truly believed that oe day he would see how badly he hurt me and would try to make it up to me. I had to come to the realisation that it would never happen. H came from a very disfunctional family and grew up in a very disturbed household. I believe his upbringing has a lot to do with his current personality. His brothers have also turned out very disturbed with alcoholism and drug problems. I finally left after 32 years of marriage and am still trying to gain some sort of self esteem. I find it difficult to trust people and don't want to enter into any future relationships for fear of being hurt again. Unfortunately, there are people out there who are not nice people and will never change. It is a fact of life.
Good luck to all of you out there who are suffering due to someone else's actions and heartlessness.
LG
my ex-wife was a sociopath and she was a woman. A control freak, power hungry manipulator. A success person a supervisor at an atc center.She always had to dominate EVERYTHING. She was anti social . She was so smart and everybody else was stupid. Its funny i am back in school and the woman that teachers my math class has a PHD in statistics. She is an exceptionally intelligent woman but she chooses to give in stead of taking. My ex is a empty minded and a cold hearted woman. I have a very hard time because this is in no-way normal . When i express this to people they think im exaggerating . I have had a very hard time trying to heal myself and my life.The worst is my ex wife has my son even though i was the one that stayed at home. I get very worried for my son because of his mother.
Stouts writes in“The Sociopath Next Door"about what Intuits do to a male in their Village that never goes out to hunt, rather prefers to just sits around, never contributes and tries to have sex with the females while males are out doing their part to be part of the solution rather than a problem. They force him to go hunting then push him off the ice! I somehwat agree, for as Vegan myself, that animal eaters have sociopaths traits today after knowing these Animals are Sentient Beings we don't need to survive off of today thanks to Natural Science and Education on Nutrition and Environmentalism.
To the mother about posted Jan. 25, 2009,
My daughter and my ex husband are both sociopaths. I came to this conclusion about my daughter the hard way. She sent me to jail. I refused to leave her alone after she had surgery and was taking a narcotic so she called the police and told them I attacked her and beat her up. She was so convincing and I was so stunned and silent the police hauled me away to jail and I ended up with a DV record. I never touched her. I now finally have given myself permission to put her completely out of my life.
MY ex wife was a sociopath and i am a man. It was her way or no way. The power control the manipulation was HERS. I am kind of disheartened by the fact that there are a lot of women who have had this ordeal. As a man nobody cares and if you voice it to someone that could not have happened because the sociopath is a woman. My ex make a lot of money has a power job. The saddest fact of all is she has my son. She is a manipulator, control freak, and a woman with absolutely no feel in her heart. Yet my government will tell you that they care about children, no they don't. I am very upset that it seems people out there are just projecting men as the nut jobs, when in some cases there are women.
I would just like to say Thank you to Adam for putting up the website and to everyone that has posted comments. I would especially like to say thank you to (Bell) for his incredible advise and his rational explanations as it has helped me tremendously with a SP Brother in-law.
-Pete
My now 25 yo daughter has Sociopathics traits, i picked it up about at the age of 12, then when her 1st bf committed suicide, someone who had a full scholarship to play Football at UCBerkely, then she truly snapped but on me at the age of 16! We are not as close as i wanted us to be as a mom and daughter today but it is what it is, cant go into what she put me thru for about 8 years but i survived it and she is now unable to have children and i'm sorry but i'm so THANKFULL she will not be able to! I now work with children for The Library District for about 5 years, thats all the grandchildren i need, for she would simply put me back thru the madness by using her child, my grandchildren as a tool to make me jump up again 65lbs over weight agaion and laugh at me while i struggled to walk, work and simply stay alive while she ran around America at will as a teenager tell Authorities her mom was dead, etc... so she could simply party until she got tired of it. I have met many Spaths isnce then, I feel as thou i've become a Vampire Slayer after what i've been thru just for the sake of staying sane in this crazy world that allowed such beast to EVOLVE!! Now she is an adult, just spent 10 days n jail for attacking her bf while drunk, while going thru Anger Management Classes after beating up another ex. I married a Marielito from Cuba n the 80s (Scarface)and gave birth to "Say Hello To My Little Friend"!!
My father is a sociopath AND a narcissist, but the confusing thing is that he purports to believe in "god". I'm not 100% convinced that believing in god isn't nicely convenient for some of his manipulations. Or, is it really possible? Do you think an SP is capable of honestly believing in god or is he just putting on a good show of praying at church every Sunday? Really difficult to imagine that someone who acts like they ARE GOD would accept another being as more all powerful than themselves.
I just ended a 5 yr relationship with my sociopath boyfriend.He always says he is the smartest person I know.he has no respect for any authority.cant hold a job.His dad and i have supprted him for years-he has burned so many bridges and lies so much noone will hire him.
He cheated on me 2 years ago- it was my fault he said because i told him i was tired of bieng hurt.So i brought it on myself.
He is very physically and emotionally abusive.Because i asked him why he came home late i got thrown on the floor punched in the forhead ,kicked in the mouth and spit on. he said he was sorry and would never happen again-not true.
He called me to pick him up one night when he was out drinking.he said he was stabbed in the back,groin, and that he killed someone.When i picked him up he wouldnt let me see his"stab wounds". I took him home. The next day I asked about the wounds.He said they were dry and sore. When i seen him i looked and he didnt even have a scratch on him.He told his friends this story too.HE claims being in Desert Storm War and he killed women and children.After asking his dad-he was never in anything he wouldve been 16y/o.
He believes everyone owes him and everything that happens is someone elses fault.
I can understand dealing with a child Spath or maybe one that we've had a child with or a parent but if there isnt any other connection than that, then why come here and complain that we are just as crazy as the Spath that we've allowed to treat us worst than an enemy in combat for years or we would even take our child back to because he calls himself The Pope/Father, a man of Gawd?? Only a Spath would want Us to worship them and call then "GOD", as well! nuts!
Some people, including myself, were raised by SP's and came from extremely dysfunctional homes. It was a way of life, not a bad day here and there and now and then.
Our upbringings were so hellish and for the two decades we were growing up, and forced to live with SP's, we began thinking it is normal. If I could have escaped, I surely would have. But who is going to hire and rent an apartment to a 5 yr old, an 8 yr old, a 15 yr old, and so on.
So, in other words, an everyday freak show becomes the new normal. It takes years to pull one self out of this mindset. People who spent the first 20 yrs with crazy, and especially the first few yrs of their lives when most of the brain programming and development takes place, become programmed to be attracted to crazy until a ton of bricks falls on our head and we have a light bulb moment. It just doesn't happen in a snap. It's not as easy as one day deciding to diet and lose weight and then we lose the weight.
SP's twist your mind until you can't think straight. They do it in such a way that you often do not know why you are feeling so badly about yourself. They're devious and manipulative to the extreme.
They are even manipulating when they are being supportive and kind because when they are acting this way, it's only so they gain our trust so that they can go in for the kill later. It's quite hard to imagine unless you've lived through it and survived it.
As adults, we wind up attracted to what we could not control, change or fix as a child. It's very sad, but very true. It is very powerful.
We marry or get involved with friends, and people in general, who re-create the same theme we grew up with. So, for one example, if we grew up with alcoholism, while we may, or may not, actually become romantically involved with a true alcoholic, we will get involved with people who are alcoholic-like and/or a "dry drunk", if not alcoholic. It's the theme that we re-create. It is very powerful and very hard to break away from because humans tend to gravitate to the familiar.
Like attracts like.
Randy W
I am not a Psychologist but I have a lot of experience and in my opinion, almost half of all SP's are women. I strongly believe it's about 40/60 %.
For 25 years, I worked in Corporate America in a position (Mediator) that allowed me to see inside people's behavior. I worked for 4 different companies as well as companies that were bought out or merged and often changed management teams, and I was constantly meeting and working with (and working for) new people. So, I do have a good exposure. In Corporate America, for every male SP, there's a female SP.
As a woman, I can tell you that we do not receive the attention, support or comfort from people who have never been involved with or victimized by a SP that you might think. It is not just the men who are left in the dust.
There are several very recent Posts here that mention daughters who are SP's. My heart goes out to the parents of SP's. I would imagine severing ties to your own child might be like a relief and a death all rolled up into one ... an emotional rollercoaster.
But I do not believe that the overwhelming majority of SP's are men. I believe there are slightly more male SP's than females, and it's not really too far from 50/50. Most people do not agree with me, but this is my opinion.
I do agree that in a case of physical abuse, a woman is going to get attention and support from family and the local police that a man who was physically abused by a SP woman, probably will not receive.
To the Post about her dad and God ...
your dad uses his belief in God to manipulate others. His church-going activity is to deceive others and boost his credibility should something go awry or he gets caught or accused of some wrongdoing. Based on the information in your Post, he probably doesn't have a religious or spiritual bone in his body. SP's are detached. They are not connected to anyone ... including God.
Most of today's politicians and leaders are functional sociopaths. Some of today's corporate CEO's are functional sociopaths. That's why we live in a sociopathic world.
While we do not want to go about our daily business mistrusting everyone, we do need to be aware that the nicest person could really be a sociopath. Remember, Satan takes on many forms.
One of the main reasons sociopaths get custody of children in a divorce is because non-sociopaths have a hard time believing anyone could be so horrid, so typically the empath doesn't get the support they deserve, and as I said, since many leaders and politicians today are sociopaths, ditto for court judges.
A sociopath should never have custody of children. A sociopath should never be in a leadership position. But they are, because empaths let it happen. After all, power is in numbers. There are more empaths than sociopaths.
im in the US military, not a sociopath, but id love to come in contact with this "eric" dude.....he would definately not "win" against me.....
Anyone who cant feel feelings is pretty weak to me, a stronge man is a man who can cry and feel pain but get up and recover from it and be stronger.....
pain is weakness leaving the body!!
Hello,
I was describing to a Dr, the 'hell' a Dr in Toronto has put me through and she suggested that I was describing a sociopath.
It all started when I took my pregnant wife to the hospital to meet the Dr that would check for the health of baby and mother until birth. I should add, that my wife and I are black and the Dr, white. He was extremely feminine and hit it off with my wife.
Within months, they were always on the phone and one day, when I returned home early from work, I found out that the Dr had taken my wife out. When she returned, we had an argument about the Dr being brave enough to take my wife out. She complained and said I was jealous of her gay Dr friend. My father spoke to her and again, she said the Dr was gay.
After she had the baby, she gave him my name and my fathers' name and named the Dr as the godfather. She also called the police to remove me from the home because I was accusing her of always speaking to her gay Dr. She subsequently filed for divorce and years later, married the Doctor.
I always paid my support payments but she never gave me access to the children and the Dr always paid for them to leave the country every vacation. One year, the I received papers from their lawyer that the Dr wanted to adopt my 2 children and for me to give $400 a month. I declined but a year later, I had to leave my job with the Govt due to the stress or not seeing my children.
The Dr then wrote, without knowing the exact reason why I left my job,in court documents, all the medical problems that I had years before and was admitted at the hospital he works. He further added that I lied about ever winning the Provincial Heavyweight boxing title (which I did in 97 and 99 as well as the silver medal in the nationals in 97). Further to that, he added that he fears I would harm his wife (my ex wife). I should add, that there is nothing a woman can do to me that I would lay a finger on her in anger. All this Dr wanted to do was to destroy me. I signed for him to adopt the children but the ex wanted $100 a month for 15 months, even though I was now unemployed and they resided in a multi-million dollar house.
I then decided for an audit on my hospital file and found out that the Dr had logged into my file on 2 occasions. As he is now a Sr member in the hospital, his response was that he was helping me get a Dr for a heart condition. When I replied to the lady in charge of records, I was told not to contact her anymore. I know that Doctors are not allowed to log into someones record and use that info in a court document but this 'man' has all the staff on his side. I have lost over $500,000 in the process and don't trust anyone. I have left the Province and keep away from people. I have always been asking, Why me? This Doctor liked my life and decided to insert himself in my place and the things he could not take, he put down in the court papers. I know this is not the end as he would want me dead. I have never in my life seen or heard of anything like this. I used to say that this Dr is either very brave or very stupid but in reading articles on sociopaths, I am 100% convinced that he is one.
Wow! I'm definitely going to establish a 'no SP zone' from now on. I've just come off a 2 year ride with a nut bag who happens to be my cousin. Her husband's business was going under because of her lying and money stealing. Of course she blamed it on the bookkeeper, her sister and begged me to come help her with the books. I worked for 2 years to straighten it out and had the company running smoothly. Out of the blue, she and her husband fire me. What? I gave up a perfectly good job to help them and they fire me. I've known her since I was 5 years old and always considered her a little strange but only recently figured out the problem. Sociopath!!! What was really going on? She was so jealous of me that she couldn't stand it. My co workers liked me and we all got along because I'm not a PSYCHO! and they don't like her. Her behavior is bizarre to say the least but at least now I understand why.
Randy W. I totally agree with you about the sociopath not having a spiritual bone in their body. They are incapable of worshiping anyone but themselves so the existence of God would not compute to them.
ERIC.......will you email me? supermommy74@hotmail.com
Ok so first of all my msg is too long to fit in one so this is part 1 of ?? 2 or 3... lol (and its funny cuz I tried to make it as short as possible)... and
Ok so reading this article really helped with my situation, but I would still love any feedback, you people seem to know your stuff when it comes to sociopaths, I'll try to make it short but accurate (if possible)... okay so the following events all have occured since Jan 2010..
So a little backgroun info, I'm 22, have a place with my room mate, I'm a free spirit- very kind hearted individual always looking for a chance to give... OK.. so my good friend, we'll call her teresa brings over this guy jason who she had been seeing on and off in the summer and we all have some drinks and she passes out and he hits on me the whole night and i make it clear nothing will happen between us because of their history.. he starts to tell me his life story, how hes been so wronged- he has a criminal backgroun and will be sentanced in the near future- his life's a mess and all he needs is someoen to believe in him`.... believing in people is my thing- some say its a flaw or weakeness, i say its humanity and when im wrong im wrong- but anyways.. i enstill hope in him, tell him to turn his life around and ill help him, so over the next few weeks he ends up moving in with me (rent free) and I basically take care him- make him lunch dinner and make sure he goes to work- become his personal punching bag (not physically) to release all his stress in life... so obviously he meets some of my friends- and starts to really like one... i feel weird about it because all the stuff he was saying to me the first night hes pulling on her... so anyways he starts telling me all this bad stuff about teresa, who i must admit i have a love hate relationship with - like shes like a sister she acts a little selfish sometimes- and people notice, well he noticed, and starts telling me not to hang around her and he doesnt like her he doesnt want be around her, being around her stresses him out more, so me, trying to relieve him of all his "unjust" stress, I stop inviting her over all the time I start going out with her.. so a few weeks go by and I drop it because I realize he's trying to control me and I start inviting her over.... meanwhile he's starting to get closer with my other friends (who happen to live accross the hall from in my my building)... so one day they are all hanging out and they decide i can't come hang out which i thought was lame... but ya ever since that day he has treated me differently, I'm no idiot, so in my head I'm thinking maybe he tried to turn me and teresa against each other to gain some sort of control within our relationship... so maybe he's doing that now.... through the grapevine it was confirmed that he has been saying things that would deter people from talking to me, nothing major... and to be honest I can hear him pulling all the same stuff on them that they pulled on me....
PART 2/2 CONT..
so i decide i want him out of my apartment, and hopefully life... but trying to keep the peace at teh same time, since he's become sooo close with my friends/neighbours... so one night (saturday of last weekend to be exact) I am a little drunk and I call him to say hi and stuff (as we are room mates, through this whole thing I've been trying to be a better person and let this run its course)...I bluntly ask him why things between us have been so sour for the past month and why he's been so distant from me (as previously he had indicated i'm his best friend, and hes never felt such a connection with anyone, and really feels he can trust me and im the only one there for him...) so he tells me some crazy stuff like he had a feeling I was going through all his stuff.... and to be honest at this point i've already wanted him out for 4 or 5 weeks.. it was the last straw... so i kicked him out... it was via text... only because I felt in person I would be too niave and weak... and I kind of just wanted it done with... he proceeded to text me stupid things like "you're throwing me on the streets" and "you're crazy", he then proceeds to say bad things about my character and how im a back stabber, THEN tells me he feels like he's the scum of the earth and deserves to die and he's just so all over the place i stop replying because it just didn't seem worth my time, nothing he could say would change my mind... SO I get home from work his stuff is gone, and my keys are back.... I feel pretty good about it... so he's been contacting my roomate telling her that he left some shoes here... and they aren't here, so he tells her he thinks I threw them out....
My neighbour came over today (drunk) and said that he told her he saw me in the hall listening at the door to them hanging out... I am under the impression he's trying to turn everyone against me because I saw through his crap and am putting an end to it (in my life)... I'm unsure if this qualifies him as a sociopath but after reading the article, and stories I'm starting to think he is.. I answered yes to ALL of the questions...
A few things I might add to his rap sheet--- He's having a baby with some girl he go pregnant (part of his so call "unjust" stress), but yet he continues to party and piss his money away, i find when trying to help him for the weeks I did, he would justify all his wrong doings, nothing was he fault, and believe me has a smooth way of approaching things... he says things like "i feel bad for saying this, but I cant help it- I'm only human- and I just can't stand teresa, she makes my life so much for stressful I just dont know what to do about it" or "I try to reason with my babys mother, but I just can't all I do is express myself and she goes physco" ... mainly stuff liek that, where he comes off as if he's willing to admit he's in the wrong.. but sneaking in enough sorrow so you won't say it.... So ya thats whats going on and Ive had a sneaking suspicion that he is a sociopath.... I've cut all my losses with him and just want to move on but he keep trying to peg people (people I introduced him to) against me... I'd rather just not have these people in my life at this point - they've known me for 8 years, and him for 8 weeks- and it's that easy for them to turn on me? PLEASE any advice.. or even commentry would be helpful I just want to put this chapter in my life to rest. Thank you.
~~~M
To the Toronto guy: In order for you to consent to the Dr. adopting your kids, you would have to sign your parental rights away. This means you are no longer involved with your children emotionally or financially. So you would not have to give them any money. Since you have moved away, I would have filed a complaint with the Medical Bar Assoc. You have divorced your wife, given up your kids. The Dr. can do no more to you as he has taken it all. I am so sorry! You no longer have to be in contact with this man or your ex. You may have to wait until your kids turn 18 and then try and contact them. Maybe they will be old enough to understand. Hopefully this website will never go away and they can read it for themselves. I am willing to bet, the Dr. will cheat on your ex-wife and she may not be with him much longer. I'm sure he is unfaithful to her now, she just doesn't know it.
I was trying to figure out God’s reason for SP’s. I don't know why He wanted us to suffer the consequences of the behaviors and wrongdoings of sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths, and people with other mental disorders, but it is possible that it was to demonstrate His mercy to people who cannot tell right from wrong.
Maybe it was His way of teaching us to develop an instinct, to listen to our inner voice and to pay attention and therefore to enable us to learn from these people so we can more easily identify them and therefore avoid them. I do not think they were put here as a punishment for non-sociopaths, I see them as a lesson ... to teach us a lesson. I can't seem to arrive at any other logical explanation.
After all, He demonstrates that mercy to those of us who do know the difference and choose to disobey anyway. It also gives us a chance to practice not judging others.
Throughout my lifetime, I've been severely victimized by several sociopaths, a few narcissists and a psychopath. I now prefer not to think of myself as a victim, but as a survivor. If I don't see myself as a victim, then I am not a victim. And I am considerably wiser and stronger. I no longer judge.
I've developed a 6th sense for these people and I can intuitively spot them long before most others, almost immediately. I know their behavior is crazy, and since I do not think or act the way they do, it makes me feel more sane and stable. I validate myself.
I've noticed that many other people do not have this heightened sense of awareness, instinct and ability, so I am thankful and grateful that I now do.
Maybe they are here to teach us a lesson. Perhaps if they weren't here living amongst us, we wouldn't be able to appreciate good, honest, caring, kind, loving people and we would probably all take each other for granted.
Adam, do you agree?
I live in a cul de sac with a sociopath. She is like a sheep in wolves' clothing who has befriended and betrayed all of us who have now chosen not to tolerate the revolving door relationship. Since then, she is on a constant cycle of tormenting each of us. It has surpassed being a nuisance to the point we are now involving the judicial system with constant calls for law enforcement to intervene in her escapades. It seems she knows just how far to go before getting into serious trouble, she seems so perfectly detailed in her strategies to 'avenge' herself, never taking responsibility/accountability for any of the havoc being plagued on all of us. We try to ignore her, to no avail. It just seems to drive her more. How do we live in a neighborhood with this woman? Her husband, who was once believed to be approachable and somewhat rational, now has resided to join her insanity in harrassing and keeping the neighborhood held hostage. HELP! Please email whatever help or suggestions to me @ karenwri@msn.com.
I have questions;
1.How dos one control a sociopath? By which I mean use their nature to ones advantage.
2.Can two sociopaths form a bond with one another?
3.Can one become a sociopath by by choice?
To March 25, 2010 11:17 AM,
Thanks for the response. I signed the documents but he still wants to destroy my life.
(KANSAS)
To Eric and/or Adam:
I have been in a live in relationship with a man for 6 years. His ex wife fits all the symptoms to a T. The only thing different from other posts is that she does all these things to me. She has falsely accused me of sexual,mental,verbal,and physical abuse of their 2 daughters. She lies non stop to her kids about the smallest things. She lies to prospective employers about her qualifications. We have been in a custody battle since Oct. 08..She always seems to manipulate her way into getting whatever it is she is after. She is very paranoid, or so it seems, she says that she sees me driving in her neighborhood, that I write with my fingers on her vehicles. She also makes up horrible stories about me threatening her life, and tells them to the children. I have never done anything to her that would make her act this way to me! I guess I am just wondering what the best thing would be for my boyfriend and I to do...Are we fighting a lost battle? Is there any way that I can protect myself from her constant harassment?
(Kansas)
Hi! I am new to the site and could really use some advice on my current situation.
I met my Fiancé in ‘04. He had been married to a woman that shows all the signs of being a Socio. She constantly had extra marital affairs the 7 years that they were married. She lied to him all the time and never felt remorse. He did everything in his power to make her happy and to make her stay faithful to him. They had two daughters together, whom she abandoned when she moved out with another man. Then I came along and from the very beginning she has “hated” me. She is constantly falsely accusing me of abusing her daughters when they are here for visitation. She has even called Child Protective Services and admitted to doing so. She makes up stories about me that I have threatened her life on several different occasions. Each time telling her children, parents, lawyers, etc… We are currently in a Child Custody battle because my Fiancé and I believe that the children are being affected by their Mothers constant head games. We recently had a Home study done, and somehow she manipulated the evaluator into thinking we were horrible parents and that she was the best person for the girls. She constantly bad mouths their father and I. I don’t know what to do anymore??? And lately she has been falsely accusing my 8 year old son of sexually harassing her daughters, and stated that their Father does nothing to protect them.
PS. I have only had one altercation with her in 6 years and that is when she came to our home, drunk, with the children in tow, and she was bad mouthing, yelling obscenities about their father and I…she tried to FIGHT me on my front porch, I yelled at her that she needed to leave or I would call the cops, she ran to her vehicle and left…
PLEASE HELP ME !!! SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR THE WELL BEING OF THE CHILDREN INVOLVED!!!!
hi dudes my name is al i found the best way to deal with these sociopaths is humour i mean good wit and some jokes they dont know what to make of humour so they leave---they will always be jealous of most things as we know jealousy is not an emotion so it gets to them big time they constanly bleat on about how stupid you are and the things you are into are stupid or of little interest thats jealousy --now hit them with a bit of humour ,dont get angry or hurt---they win otherwise, turn the tables. ---fact---they can look into the normal room but can never cross the doorway---advice---learn and understand all psychopathic traits dont waste too much time doing it then evacuate the area----chop chop, move it soldier.
(Eric) To anyone believing they are dealing with a possible sociopath... Stop trying to label this possible SP in your life to give you confirmation and therefore "the will" to take action and leave this person. It does not matter whether or not they can be diagnosed as a sociopath if this person is abusive and you are unhappy with them why would you continue a relationship with them? You people need to have some backbone and realize that this path of destruction is not healthy. Do not go through your life depending on other people to solve your problems for it is this nature that draws sociopaths, the need for reassurance and approval will draw a sociopath or just an asshole into your life and give them control of it. If you are constantly in need of approval then you are handing your life choices into someone else's hands. Also, I find it very odd that you people would ask advice from me, considering I first joined this site for entertainment and have openly admitted to being a sociopath. I will come on this website every now and then to answer questions about the behaviour and thoughts of a sociopath but not to aid you, if you are in need of desperate aid why not call your family or friends or a psychologist, the worst possible idea would be to ask a sociopath...
(Kansas) I'm sorry you are going through this. Please do not take offense as I don't know all the steps you have taken, but this is what I tend to see in many victims of SP's. Perhaps it is because victims of SP's are usually such trusting people. (and that's not a bad thing, but it can get them in trouble) Victims of Sp's can tend to be a little lazy. (perhaps because they do trust) When dealing with a SP, you have to be VERY diligent. Keep a record of where you are at any given moment. Save receipts from where ever you go to prove where you were at any given time. Keep a journal of what all you did that day. (receipts can back you up) Take pics and video of the children doing activities at your house, at dinner time, etc anything to show the kids are taken care of. Save all text messages from the ex-wife. (Copy the texts on the copy machine if you have to or write them down along with the date and time they called or texted) Keep all phone records. Basically record your life. Take pics of kids before they go to their mom's and when they return. Make up an excuse to the girls why you are taking their pic. Just present it in a positive light like "you are growing up so fast, I just want to be able to look back and appreciate you all the more!" BE vigilant and present yourself as June Cleaver. Make sure you do things as a family. Eat together, go to the park together, spend time with each other as a family. The girls will grow closer to you and this will help them to let what bad things their mother says about you go in one ear and out the other. And most important, you will be setting a good example to the girls on how to care and love others.
Unfortunately, you are not the mother and really have no standing in these girls lives. You need to take a step back and let your fiance handle the ex. Try to keep a low profile in the custody battle. if not, it will only inflame the SP and make matters worse. A judge will not consider you in the matter. HIs sole responsibility is looking at the father and what his capabilities are and what is best for the children.
NEVER threaten a Sociopath. They don't respond to threats, as they see threats as hollow and it gives them a weird sense of empowerment. They see threats as a "great, I really am getting to them and have them scared." Just go ahead and call the police if she shows up drunk or to cause trouble. Documentation of a police report is like gold in a custody battle. If she accost you in public, walk away. While your walking away, turn your cell on video if you can. You don't necessarily need the video but the recording of what she's saying.
Good Luck to both you and your fiance. Please remember to write everything down! Be vigilant. All you have to do is prove one time that she lied about what you did and if you can prove your were somewhere else at the time, the judge will see thru her.
You say the best way to deal with a Sociopath is to get them out of your life, but what if they have taken or stolen money...a lot of money. Enough to financially ruin ruin you... It seems fine to "get them out of your life," but after you find a way to get reimbursement.
Any suggestions? Often these people have surrounded themselves with people who protect them - paid lawyers, family and others who hear one side of a story and really have no idea how their complacency and willingness to say good things about these people - giving them the benefit of the doubt - support their unseen painful behaviors.
How can one win support and spread understanding of what these "wolves" are really doing
Help
(BEE) Thank you for the advice. I have already made a deal with my Fiance that I am just going to stay as far out of it as I can. It is just so hard to hear such negative lies, and not do anything about it. (Kansas)
Neat article. Very useful to me. :)
I have read through some of your posts and feel for anyone it this position. My mother was the Queen Sociopath. I never knew what the name was when I was young but right away thought whatever Charlie Manson is that's what she is. I still say before that guy dies he will do an interview and say haha you all thought I was crazy because of the jibberish I spoke but it was all a scam, I'm just evil. I am out of this now. My mother is dead from an overdose. That is a story... I hadn't spoken to her in years. Yes the only answer is to walk away. I tried everything for 46 years. When she died no one had heard from her in a few days so I told my daughter to have the cops break in. They wouldn't do it so i went over there (thinking that's what she was going for) I saw an officer at the door, looked like he was talking to her so I ran an hid behind the car so she wouldn't think she had won and finally gotten me over there. Another officer pulled up about that time and here I am hiding behind the car. I stood up and went over to the car and he told me she was gone. I felt like an idiot and tried to explain why I was hiding and he said, "Don't even worry about it I knew your mother she called us so many times we all knew". It's strange I staged my exit in just the right way. I read somewhere after the fact that you set the standards for your relationship with a sociopath. You pretty much know they can not live up to it that way when they blow it they feel they decided to leave. You must get out there is no help. I know it would be hard to leave a child but it was hard to cut off a mother also. I always felt I would have to wait until she died to start my life. She told me she had breast cancer not. Then before she died she told me she had bladder cancer and was getting chemo. I spoke with her Dr. another lie. I can't understand to this day how someone tells lies like that but to a sociopath it's like breathing. Please get out. Thankful it's over
My daughter is 16 and I have been worried that she might be a sociopath for quite some time. She is very verbally abusive and has attacked me physically more than once. She never seems remorseful and tends to blame everything on me. She had shoulder surgery a year and a half ago and still try's to use her shoulder for drama and attention. If I bump into her shoulder she goes into a fit of rage, saying I am trying to go after her shoulder to hurt her. It's insane. She has always been a manipulator, even as a small child. I do feel that she is a user of people and she doesn't have any close friends and seems indifferent to family, she can take them or leave them. The only thing that makes me wonder if there is any hope, is that she is very affectionate, loving, and protective, of our three cats, however she doesn't take care of them, I do. Sometimes I feel like I am just grasping at anything to make my self believe that she isn't a sociopath, but I know that there is something wrong with her, I know that in my heart, and I have for a long time. She refuses to get help, and I have barely talked to her in weeks. I am going through that numb stage where I just don't care anymore. I'm done playing her games. But, I can tell that she is never going to give in and admidt she is wrong about anything. So, I guess we just live our seperate lives, it's very sad for me. I just wish we could have a normal relationship. I can't keep letting her abuse me and ruin my life though, so as of now, I just stay away from her and we don't do anything together or even talk to each other unless we have to. I'm sad to say that I will be glad when she goes away to college. Even now when she is at school for the day, I am so relieved, and when I hear her come in after school, a feeling of dread takes over me. I can't express how bad I feel saying this and feeling this way. It's not how a mother should feel about her child, but she is so difficult to be around. I don't know what to do. It's not like I can put my 16 year old out of my life or leave her, like someone in a marriage or friendship could do.
These soul suckers will suck your energy in 4 subtle ways-agressively or not.
The first is just outright intimidation, even a flicker in someones eyes might make you feel they are holding the posssibility of violence over your head so they can install fear and control you.
Others ask questions by playing the interrogator. Each question they ask will lead you into a situation that makes you look wrong and gain advantage mentally over you. Lawyers do this all time, asking you questions you dont want to answer, just to make you look bad and disable you, you can feel it. Each one opens up new areas for them to attack while they stand behind a wall of silence.
They also like to make you feel less than worthy of them by being remote, playing aloof, making you come to them, using bait if neccisary, even doing things subetly that will eventually make you dependant on them. Notice how once you dont respond to this behavior and dont get what they wanted, they will come to you and resort to another way of attemping to steal energy. Keep in mind not all people who are aloof are stealing your energy, some people just dont care about making friends or talking and thats perfectly ok.
The last one is all too famous poor-me. They play on your guilt and good will, making you feel sorry for them, and making you feel you have to help them. The hallmark of this is that even when you try to help them, they dont want to help themselves, they just want your energy.
You really want to know how to banish these people or transform them(it is possible). Be a mirror, dont fall into thier charm, dont let them pull the strings of your ego, dont become a piece of clay they can mold. Put a mirror to thier face, metaphorically, you throw everything they do right back into thier face. Don't let them see you-they will use it against you.
Remember the story about Medusa, the monstor who could turn a man into stone merely by looking at them. It was Pegasaus who was able to fashion his bronze sheild into a mirror so he could creep up on her without her seeing him, she could only see herself, once he was close, he cut her head off. Do the same. Stick thier head up thier own ass and make them see thier own shit. We cannot run from the truth, we can only put it off for some time. And so the same truth that makes you blissful will make them miserable. A sociopath-i call them psychic vampires, cannot use the truth, the truth is thier enemy, they can only use lies. In the world of truth, these psychic vampires have no place but to CHANGE! And they will learn, the hard way.
I highly reccomend everyone also purchase an obsidian stone and carry with it with you, especially when you are around these people. Be it a parent, boss, or sibling, or even a begger at your door. Just try it and see how it works.
I also reccomend everyone who sees this read ego the false center, psychic vampire and not, read it, it is of great help to both.
http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm
And if you ARE a psychic vampire/sociopath, TAKE HEED AND HOPE YOU NEVER MEET A MAN LIKE MYSELF, FOR HE WILL BE PREPARED AND STEADFAST TO DRIVE THE PROVERBIAL STAKE INTO YOUR HEART-AND AFTERWARDS REJOICE, LAUGHING WITH SARDONIC WRATH FOR RIDDING THE WORLD OF A PEST!
Much LOVE, RESPECT, AND GLORY to those WHO ARE COMMITTED TO OVERCOMMING NEGATIVITY. NAMASTE!
"A warrior is never under siege. To be under siege implies that one has personal possessions that could be blockaded. A warrior has nothing in the world except his impeccability, and impeccability cannot be threatened."
"I am already given to the power that rules my fate. And I cling to nothing, so I will have
nothing to defend.
I have no thoughts, so I will see.
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself."
I know exactly how you feel about your 16-yr old daughter. 16 yrs ago I could have written your Post. I've been there. Now, 16 yrs later my daughter is still the same. I'm thinking of writing her off, not disowning her, but writing her off. She won't care. She doesn't want me around anyway. It's very painful. I gave her a wonderful childhood, one I never had. I hear this often from mothers of daughters more so than mothers of sons and fathers and sons ... or fathers and daughters. It seems to be the mother-daughter relationship is complex. I do not know too many women with teen/adult daughters who do have a good relationship. It really isn't that common. A lot of people lie and say everything is great ... when it's not great.
When my daughter turned 18 around her high school graduation, she was accepted to an out-of-state University, I was soooooo happy she was going out-of-state and not local. I had the whole house to myself and that dreaded feeling you speak of, left me. At first I felt all alone and was concerned about adjusting. But by the end of the first week she was away, I was dancing and partying by myself. 6 months later I got a good job promotion and salary increase and from there my life changed for the better. I think she sucked the life out of me and as a result I could not live a happy life and fulfill my potential as she drained me during the years she lived with me. After she left, I was on Cloud 9.
I thought and hoped she would get better as she got older and maybe once every other week we could do things together, but she has no time for me and doesn't want me in her life. She got married 4 yrs ago and now has an 18 month old baby whom I love and adore. She recently told me to stay away. She said I "hover" over my grandson and she doesn't like it. I think she is nuts. She did not get any better as she got older. Things progressively got worse. I hope in your case it's just a case of the difficult teen years. I'm in a lot of emotional pain because she is now using with holding her son like a hammer over my head. It will take a lot for me to walk away from him as well, but I cannot deal with the abuse. I feel for you. I hope it gets better. You may want to try counseling and suggest it to her in a way she does not feel you are accusing her of being crazy or that you are right and she is wrong. We tried counseling but my daughter doesn't listen. So, it didn't work for us. I hope you have better luck. I ache to see my grandson and I know he misses me very much. I know the pain you are in. I know the pain that daughters bring to their mothers.
Well, I have known this guy for about six years now. I met him when I was just beginning college. In the beginning I said to him that I wanted to wait to get married because I thought it was important to finish up school first. I thought that at least if anything happens in the future I could at least have something to fall back on and earn a living. I thought that he was fine with this.
Well, anyhow, about a year into the relationship I started asking when he would come to meet my parents. And, he said to me “you cannot do everything.
you will not be able to manage all of the bills.” So, I said “I understand but I will be becoming a nurse and whatever you make we can put two and two together and I think we could make it.” He responded, “you have never had a real job before, you do not know what it is like out there. you cannot manage on your salary alone.” So, I said ok…he has experience I guess he is right.
This is when he brought in the fact that he had run into financial problems. And, at this time I really had no money to help him. I was still in school without a job. But, he said to me “look if you cannot help me it is ok…I just will have to move back to my country and see what I can do.” And, I thought if he goes back then I will never be able to see him again. He said,” well what else can I do.” So, I took out a small student loan to help him. Being in love with him I helped him out. I did not want to risk the chance of losing him.
As more time is going on…I am near now to finish school. He mentions that there is a business opportunity that he sees he stands a chance at. So, I said go for it if you believe in it. Well, he asks me to help to pay for the security deposit on an apartment. The apartment was to be close to a mall where the business was to be set up. And too, I helped him with what he said would be for the application fees of setting up the business. Anyhow, he told me “thank you so much for your patience with me….all your help…I am sending all the documents the business is asking for etc etc.” As time goes by I said, so how is the business going. And he said to me…”It was more work than I thought it would be so I could not go through with it. ”
So, anyhow I said ok. Things happen giving him benefit of the doubt. We continue to spend time together. And then, he said to me look regardless of what happened I am willing to move down here by you and work two or three jobs if I have to to make this work. He said I would listen to you if you have any suggestions. I said what about going back to school. I suggested the medical field but he felt as if that might be like starting all over again.
He said he had become aware of another business opportunity that he really wanted to pursue. And, when he gets it set up he would then be able to go back to school while running the business. So, I said go for it. I really helped him a lot getting this business started because he showed me the documents involved and because he sounded like he knew what he was doing. He said when we get married I would be the one who had the medical knowledge and he would teach me all about business. So, I ended up investing a lot into getting him started.
As time is going by he said to me he wanted to get back into school. So, I invested in a semester of school for him. When I would ask about how school was going he told me “school sucks” So, I said “well, how is it going are you at least passing” He said, its just difficult being by himself and having to work and the travel back and forth from where he lives and here.” He said to me after the term ended that he just could not continue with that right now. He said his focus was just getting things together for us.He asked me if I remembered about the business he was trying to set up. I said,”yeah of course.” He said well, I am still trying to work on that. And, he asked me for more assistance. So, I helped him some more.
Well, then comes August of this year. We meet.. eat together. Then we went walking in the mall. And, I wasn’t seeing him mentioning anything about coming to meet my parents. So, I said,” so whats your plans” Because for months I had been asking him the same thing and he would say to me “dont worry i have plans ; ). He responded at the mall” do not worry you have surprises coming soon.” So, in my mind I said finally ! Well, we are walking in the mall and he’s walking over to things and saying “doesnt that look like a nice family gift.” And, I felt awkward to be asking for anything from him. And that day he was treating me as if I was distrustful of him..yet if anything it was not that I was distrustful of him I was just feeling kind of let down that he had gone two months without really calling just texting me.
Well, that day ended. And, I thought ok soon something’s going to happen. He is dropping hints and maybe wants to make the proposal special and something he brings up on his own ? Well, then I went a period of 3 months exactly without hearing from him at all. And, during that time I was worried sick thinking omg what if hes sick or something happened to him since he is here by himself. I called him everyday maybe ten times a day. I even asked you guys online if you’ve heard from him. This was the only contact I had of anyone who knew him. It was in the midst of Ramadan and I was so worried about him that when I would come home I would break my fast not really eat anything for dinner pray and go straight to sleep.
Well…..finally I received a call from him. He apologized for not being able to get in contact saying “its because he was going through family issues. He brought his mom all the way here to meet my family. And, in the flight she got sick ending up in the hospital.” So, I thought because of the close relationship we shared that she was just like my mom even though I had not met her yet. Then I thought you know what maybe it is not a good idea because if I get into an accident on the way there since its a long drive and my parents not having met him yet. So, I said to him when his mom is stable and out of hospital why not come down and we could talk. He did question me of whether I had any doubts…and I have to say that once again I was disappointed that he had not included me in any of what was going on in his life…I would have been glad to have gotten a phone call to provide any comfort to him with whatever personal hardship he was going through..so not necessarily doubt just worry. I love him…is that not natural to want to be a a part ?
Well, when he comes down…I felt like it had been forever. I was so happy to see him and at the same time so anxious to know what our plans were. So, I said so when are you going to come meet my parents they have been begging me to invite you over. And, his face went blank. He said,” you always bring this up. we have gone over this a million times. i do not even feel like eating right now. i want to go home.” So, I said forget i mentioned it…let us go inside and get something to eat. I understood that yes he had been traveling and gone through a lot of stress and that I should not have maybe bombarded him with so much but I just wanted to know about things.
While we are eating I said to him “hows your mom” He said she was doing better. And then I said well how does she feel about us. He said well…”she is a little skeptical because you are of a different race than me.” And I asked him whether his feelings had changed. And, he said his feelings had not changed so I felt relieved to know that at least. I even mentioned you know if you asked me to marry you tomorrow I would put my masters aside bc thats not important to me as getting married and starting my life with you. And he responded ,”well thats not how it was when you wanted to do your bachelors.” Well, it was time to go. And, he asked if I could stay longer and I said I had to get back home but if he would like to come home with me I would be very happy to introduce him to my family. My little brother knows his name and he would be like a big brother figure to him.
He said , “you are serious aren’t you” I said, yes. He said “Well, I would love to but this is not the right time. I am not even dressed.”So I said ok. And he then asked me to see me the following day. I said I could not bc my dad would be home that day but I could see him the day after that. So, he stayed here in a hotel until I could see him. And, I did.
Well, on that day upon arriving to see him he looked very down and he was looking at his phone. I approached him and said what is wrong ? He said his mom was calling him on the phone asking him where he had been. And because, she was sick he felt bad for not going back and making sure she is ok rather than overnighting. So, I said “oh, but do you have to go back right away” He said, no.
Then he said,” you know …the only way i see out of this is to move to Orlando by you interact with family more. So, I said that would be great. He said , “well would you be willing to help me. I asked him what he meant. He told me he would need 8700 . So, that made my heart sink. And, I said, well you know I definitely could not give that to you at one time. Little by little maybe. He said to me think about it. And, he said try to get it to me as soon as you can because his mom is on him day and night wanting to go back home and he wants her here with him…she is sold on the idea of moving to Orlando.
Well, anyhow….we spend day together. I just could think to ask about things. And, he said ” i was making my time with him depressing. All I am doing is worrying now when he comes to see me.” He asked me “is it my personality to be a worrier and if all the questions I was asking are in my subconscious and if i was being coached to ask the questions I was.”
Anyhow, my dad got involved and asked me to put him on phone the following day after seeing him. He said…you know my daughter loves you very much talks about you all the time…when would you be interested in coming to meet us. And, he said he was going through a lot right now and did not know when. So, then they asked for a rough time frame. Anyhow, he said he is not sure exactly. My dad just said, well, ok hope your mom feels better and ended the conversation.
I felt bad I put him on the spot and tried to call him. He said to me “you deceived me you tricked me. Now I do not even know who is calling me, . on and on i could not get to talk to him..finally he said call.So, I said I am very sorry they just wanted to talk to you to invite you over nothing more. And he said next time I deceive him that I should not even think to talk to him anymore. Well, then he said you know if I considered helping him. He thought that was what our plan was. I began to help him.
He said to me, “If you cannot get it to me all in cash if I had any jewelry” “That material things can always be replaced and he doesn’t value material things. Well, I began to help him. (when i had seen him before those three months he had looked really happy really good and this time he looked like really depressed and stressed out ) After I started to help him then I thought back you know I am starting to feel drained emotionally bc I work so hard everything.
My parents actually got involved and said you know what you should not give him any more help. They didnt know of the recent money he asked for just that I had helped him in the past. And I said you know what “I cannot help you anymore. If my parents knew about this this would really make you look bad in front of their eyes” he responded, ” you never listen to what i tell you..you always do what your parents say. you are an adult you do not have to do what they tell you to do.”
Well, anyhow my parents left him a message saying that he took a lot of advantage on me and he texted me back saying, “that they left him so many insults..and that the accusations are unfair and offensive.” And so I responded feeling bad…I said they just never got to know you..and he said then its not fair to judge someone without knowing them first. “he just feels very hurt from the messages and is feeling sad.
Most recent conversation bc I felt so sad from everything unfolding…. He says..I want you to know that I do think about you..its just I am afraid to answer my phone bc i do not know who is calling me…he said he knows how i must be feeling…he said to me that I should just do what my parents want you to do and marry my own kind..and I responded it had nothing to do with the fact that he was of a different race…they just wanted to get to know him interact with him form a relationship with you..and he said there was a time when he wanted to do all of that and I refused saying I wanted to go to school..and he told me I didnt want be too close in public but he stood by you bc he wanted me…I told him that I was never embarassed of him I just did not want people to scandal our names not being at least engaged yet..and he said “well, when people are in love they do not care about what others think” and I said I was more conscious in the beginning about that being of the way I was raised but not anymore. I reiterated I was never embarassed of him.
He mentioned the fact that he never took my virginity away from me but could have if he truly didn’t care about me like most guys might have bc most guys are pigs but I had not had experience with a lot of other guys to know this……and he said he doesn’t know what those msgs my parents left purpose serve for me or for him…the msgs he said were just things that no one says not even how mad they are at someone…he said that the five minute conversation he had with my parents was a waste of time and he should have hung up and not taken any insults…and said “what do you think i should do, try and talk to your dad right now , are you willing to risk that an argument might happen and you might lose me forever?” he said tell my parents that I want to continue my masters before I think about getting married which I would be finishing in May 2010 and that would give him time to get himself together..he said “do you think you have pressure, he is dealing still with his mom who is sick and very disappointed at everything”
I called him recently…bc this whole thing has me feeling so down and confused.and he told me..”maybe its not your parents who have the problem maybe it is you” he blamed me for being selfish bc he said “i am not like your parents, do you think i would have said it is either school or me”"did you not tell me you wanted to go to school before getting married” stating that that was the root cause of the whole problem..he also mentioned that he does not want to be related to a family which is so abusive. then he said that he felt sick and had to go.
Wow! You've got to dump this guy. Send him back to his country! If you have any doubt, go back and re-read your posts. Pretend it was written by your sister, best friend, etc. And then decide what advice you would give them. I will repeat myself again....Women are great at loving a man for what we WANT him to be...we never look at how he ACTUALLY is. Forget all the money you have loaned him. He will never pay you back. You are an intelligent woman, think with your brain and not your heart. You know deep down this guy is a parasite.
At least ten people have asked me for a recommendation for a therapist for a child they worry is a sociopath. I don't have any recommendations about where to find a therapist who knows about sociopathy, but I think Martha Stout probably knows (author of The Sociopath Next Door). You can contact her here:
http://drmarthastout.gather.com/
or here:
Dr. Martha Stout
82 Marlborough Street
Boston, MA 02116 USA
If she gives you an answer that might help others, please come back here and post it on the comments page. Thank you.
Sociopath is a way that I might describe the lady that I was recently intimately involved with.
We were dear friends for 18 years but she fell in love with a high school sweetheart who is a lawyer and has a political consulting firm in Ca.
In the last summer of our relationship she became very critical of me.
She often yelled and judged me, made me feel small.
At the end of my marrige she chased me by giving me gifts and travelling to me.
I later moved in with her and her aged father to help her take care of him and be with her.
It was a difficult living situation but a nobel cause.
She introduced me to two of her former loves and we became friends.
She had had a number of men in her life and admitted that she had "control" issues.
We were very compatable, both enjoying many outdoor activities together and food/wine.
I became suspicious when she started circular reasoning and talking about the high school guy but I remained loyal.
I was waiting for her to make a mistake.
She admitted to being confused.
She kept finding things wrong with me and used the things I said to her in confidence as justification to have her way.
When I told her that I could not accept just being friends she made it all about her.
I got angry and acted out as any human would do and she told me to seek counseling and to move on.
She said to contact her when I was in a better frame of mind.
I know that she wants to keep me on some back burner but my sence of dignity is telling me to forget her.
I wrot her and told her how I feel and plan never to initiate contact with her again.
Is there a better way to handle this?
This is a response to the long post on March 31st, 2010:
I agree with Bee. You're never going to get your money back. Break up with him and find a good man.
These questions are for Adam. I was victimized by two sociopaths many years ago and basically left for dead. It took me many years to figure out what happened to me and many more years to come to the conclusion and accept that these sociopaths had meant to actually kill me.
Without getting into it, I was in a coma longer than most expert websites or other specialists say is possible, without dying. Ironically, for a while, I thought I was "fine" after I woke up, but I really wasn't awake in the common sense of the term. When I eventually really woke up from the coma, it was much different than feeling "fine."
Here are my questions:
I came across some information that led me to believe that the sociopaths whom had harmed me had murdered some people - murdered them for fun. They operate as a team and did this in another city. I also recently came across information about a missing woman in my area that worked in a neighbourhood I frequent and in a similar job I used to work at. She had been murdered and thrown in a river.
I have seen one of the two sociopaths over the past year about 3 times. I have informed the police about all this by the way, and my suspicions about the other people I have mentioned in this e-post being murdered by these two unspeakables, and they are looking into it via the homicide division. It is all hard to prove, however... This to me makes them even more chilling.
What can I do to protect myself and others? Do you think they will try again somehow? And if so, will they try to kill me if they think I am behind them getting investigated?
I am thinking of taking shooting lessons in case I need to kill them in self-defence one day. How do you warn others of such creeps? Sometimes, I think I see them in cars that they have no money to drive in and think, "who did they drug to get that?" The drugs apparently wear off after 12 or so hours and leave no residue so how would anyone know what killed people who were drugged by them - especially if they get thrown in the river like the one they killed (I can't prove it but my gut says them, same as the murders in the other city - they kill for fun and they take what they want).
Although the police say they are taking it seriously, they are still are around - free.
I remember the surprised look on their faces the next day after they tried to kill me. Of course, that only came back to me several years into coping with my own recovery. They meant to kill me. I think they kill people for fun, especially unsuspecting people with either possessions or vulnerable enough not to be found for at least a day or two.
As for me. I would kill them in a nano-second in self-defence if they gave me one iota of a reason and in some ways I am thinking of learning how to shoot a gun. I have bear spray right now and a cell phone with picture and video capacity. What do you think I should do?
If your website visitors have any practical advice, feel free to share it with me.
And finally, here is what I do not do: I do not give these sociopaths any more time or space in my head, heart or soul than I absolutely have to. I accept that what happened to me is entirely their responsibility and that because they tricked me by distraction, there was little hope of knowing what they were about to do. I knew them very casually and they had placed themselves at a time and location where they knew I was alone and that I would not really question their presence (gardening job)
They are responsible for their behaviour. I don't hate them - never will. That would mean I would be on my way to being like them. I don't pity them. I will however, kill them if they give me any reason to.
Thank you.
-
My 3 year old daughter's father is a sociopath. I was smart enough to realize this and we are not together anymore but I am paying for it dearly. Our daughter is of course used to get to me and manipulate me and to get even with me for fighting for child support. He has sucked every last bit of life out of me because it is never going to stop. I know he feeds of my emotions so I try to act as though nothing bothers me so I appear boring but it seems to make things worse and it is more of a challenge to him to hurt me to the point I breakdown. But when I reacted it got worse as well. My question is do sociopaths tend to hurt their kids physically to indirectly hurt the mother? I fear this is what it will lead to. I know the mental abuse that takes place and am figuring out a way to deal with that. With things getting worse and worse I pray my daughter comes home alive. And to any other parents out there how on earth do you deal with the drama and stress all the time? I have dealt with it for 3 years and mentally drained and see no light at the end of the tunnel and can not imagine 15 more years. If I had to imagine hell this would be it.
To the person who was in a coma:
You must assume they will try it again. You must, for your own safety, assume they will try to kill you if they think you've told the police. To assume otherwise seems dangerous.
I recommend you read the book, The Gift of Fear. And take a gun safety class and get a concealed weapons permit. Or change your name and move to another state. I recommend you get a dog. I recommend you do whatever you need to to keep yourself safe.
The police cannot protect you. It's not their job. Your safety is up to you.
Would a sociopath do these things? :
Cut his/her hands in front of you for his/hers own entertainment? Then make you look at the blood and the wound just to torture you?
When sober pretend that they are normal, sweet, thrust worthy, and willing to have a normal relationship with you. Even tell you that they care about you and that they wish you all the happiness. Talk to you so sweet to the point where you would think that it's not natural. ( only to fool you into their sick games)
But then later to stab you in the back with all the information it gathers about you. Anything that will hurt you is used against you. Even when everything that has been used against you and if seems not to work, that person will then attempt to threaten to kill themselves. Or to hurt other people in your family, or even to get you in court for something, anything works until it's against you or make you suffer in some way or get your attention. But there's never enough. You always have something to pay for.
Do sociopaths become even more violent, aggressive and suicidal when drunk?
Is it common for sociopaths to befriend other people who have mental illnesses just to use them as their accomplices to get them to do things for them?
there are too many sociopaths out there these days....and psychopaths....its nto really exaggerating by acting as if those who've been abused....and turn around and lash out on others....are sociopaths...or have that nature--way too many people in society do and i think its a little more than 1%...I have dealt with many psychopaths sociopaths and narcissists in my life....theya re horrid people and have done everything in their power to control and destroy me and have succeeded....currently dealing with a sociopath who is like a 'boyfriend' but dominates me in the cruellest ways...wont even be with me or around me and makes me beg grovel suffer get tortured just to be in his presence....and still wont be in my presence...but he controls my life mostly on a phone....and absues me in horrid extreme ways--everything with him is torture/abuse/control and it is very extreme and ther eis no way of getting away and he has me suffering just to want to see him so badly...he only lets m esee him maybe 1-3 hours or less and kicks me out but involved in it is horrid extreme abuse...and there are many other elements...to me he is a very extreme sociopath but they are all bad in different ways....they are scary people and u learn fast--that when you try to retaliate or attempt to beat them at their game or even attempt to try...you get defeated 10 fold and it is heinous....i wonder if anyone knows of any way of attempting to defeat a sociopath in their game....or even gaining some power or stopping them from being so extremely abusive...are they scared of anything or anyone....even the police... they seem to be fearless and capable of anything....
currently dealing with a sociopath who is like a 'boyfriend' but dominates me in the cruellest ways...wont even be with me or around me and makes me beg grovel suffer get tortured just to be in his presence....and still wont be in my presence...but he controls my life mostly on a phone....and absues me in horrid extreme ways--everything with him is torture/abuse/control and it is very extreme and ther eis no way of getting away and he has me suffering just to want to see him so badly...he only lets m esee him maybe 1-3 hours or less and kicks me out but involved in it is horrid extreme abuse...and there are many other elements...to me he is a very extreme sociopath but they are all bad in different ways....they are scary people and u learn fast--that when you try to retaliate or attempt to beat them at their game or even attempt to try...you get defeated 10 fold and it is heinous....i wonder if anyone knows of any way of attempting to defeat a sociopath in their game....or even gaining some power or stopping them from being so extremely abusive...are they scared of anything or anyone....even the police... they seem to be fearless and capable of anything....the sociopath im dealing with...is extreme and does some really sick stuff...he has me suffering for days just to see him...mentally torturing me mocking me draining me leading me on....makes me do things but its not enough... He uses me like a mouse to play with, but he won't even see me in person. He tortures me mentally and makes me want him just to reject me and have me do and say things to please him so he'll 'want' to see me. He does this week after week: terrorizing me, refusing to see me, saying I'm not saying the right things, then finally he'll "have me come over". It is not without horror. I can only go 'this day or by this time."
Usually he'll call in the morning and tell me if i want to come which is still rare, he calls and if i don’t answer, then that was my chance to see him. then there is not another chance. or the chances aer haphazard and random but very raerly once every two weeks maybe....a lot of it is him psych torturing me into going crazy and driving to his place which is an hour away which im terrified to do b/c of past experiences....but he still keep psych torturing me regardless...
when i go to see him I have to be dressed a certain way, with make up and high heels so i look like a 'prostitute' as he worships prostitutes and is that evil and sick...
The weeks he doesn't see me he calls me and makes me call myself a "piece of s* whore." he said i was the 'love of his life" but he is torturing me for fun sadistically. When i see him, he abuses me, degrades me, physically abuses me, treats me like a rag doll. He terrorizes me and destroys my property. He beats up my body and bites me...he refuses sex with me and in three years never had sex with me... It is hell and horror. He then kicks me out after a few hours -- or less -- and never lets me stay the night. If he does let me stay the night, there are rules. I can’t leave the apartment and if i need water or if I’m sick, I’m stuck. Or if i leave, I get locked out. After he kicks me out for no reason i can’t return and have to drive an hour back home. Then wait to see him again because he has mind tortured me into wanting to see him and made me love him so he can torment me in this cruel way.
there is a lot more and he keeps making me write more and more, and judges based on what I write and it is never 'good enough" and makes me write nice things but gives me nothing and keeps getting this supply. If I try to break contact or retaliate, he ups the abuse and does crazy things to punish or torment me more. He's given me virtually nothing...not a relatinship...and just tortured me...hasnt slept in a bed with me two nights in a row, no sex...except some foreplay...so he just used me and deprived me extremely...so it is a torture game i can't get out of and hard with tons of nightmares....he wont even see me or be in my presence unless he drains the crap out of me and even charges me money to see him...wont go anywhere with me...just uses me as a puppet to screw with....im nto sure how to get otu of it....and not sure as im so wrapped up in it in so many ways it's horrific and anything he does just makes me want him more....and if i protest he ignores me so i want him more...and more...and especialyl when im suffering to want to see him...and the game is always changing and it is crazy and horrid....if anyone has any advice on how to combat a sociopath or situation like this it would be helpful, as I have no clue....and anything I try just backfires....and im scared to try as they lash out in crueller abuse if you do....and its worse just thinking they have all this power or control over you....and you're not sure how...
someone talked about psychic vampire/sociopaths...they are vampires, and there are also those who really are psi vampiers and ive dealt with two of them now....they are even worse than the average sociopath because they have the metaphysical abilities to manipulate people in all different ways....i dont usually tell people about these experiences because they dont believe in them....but the current SP im dealing with is a real energy vampire, and he sucks from me extremely in various ways...worse he's a psychic who is stalking me as well and knows what im diong or 'astral projector' as he claims or witch of some form....but he manipulates and punishes me in all sorts of ways energetically....people dont understand that realm and generally just think it's bogus but there are those who are soul suckers and it's sad to get attached to those ones....the one ive dealt with 'watches me' and he knows what im doing at least 90% of the time or whe he's watching.....and he'll tell me...and no there's no way he can know those things by 'cameras, gps trackers, etc' he just knows a lot of really private weird things or things overall that are impossible to know....but beware of them...ive dealt with two now....ie those who deal with witchcraft or projection and it is scary because they really believe they 'own' their victims....the one i know claims he owns me....and is my master...and controls everything i do and manipulates how i feel...and 'sees everything i do'...well he claimed that from the beginning but it was true....and it never bothered me before, but it is statring to upset me now as i witness the level of power he has over me and how much i have to suffer as a result of it and even the fear that he's there' 'wtaching me' and its not mind games...as he's made solid efforts to prove it all true-- not intentionally but he has proven it to be all true....and as first i found it fascinating and interesting btu now im scared as he is getting more malicious and extreme and not sure what to do or how to protect myself...and scared to try tactics to attempt to protect myself....but psi vamps and sociopathy just goes hand in hand....
To the girl who has the SP that wants her to dress like a prostitute:
There's really no gently way to say this but You need to go see a therapist. You cannot see this guy no matter what he says or does. Obviously you are not strong enough to say no to him. GO SEE A THERAPIST! Get your power back and regain your life back. You have to seek help and figure out how to quit being a wimp. He is only as controlling as you let him be. Quit giving him permission to treat you like a whore slave. Stay away from him!
To the April 4th POST from the mother of the 3 yr old daughter with a SP husband. I was in your situation 32 yrs ago. Now, 35 yrs later, after doing everything in my power using all my might, energy, and brainpower to protect my daughter, I'm still dealing with the aftermath anyway. My ex-husband (a classic SP), my daughters father, did not physically abuse or sexually abuse our daughter and I was sure he would never do that. But now my daughter and I are still dealing with the aftermath from what he did do. He emotionally destroyed her to the point that her and I can hardly enjoy being around each other.
When she was a little girl, during his every other weekend visitation, he softly whispered negative, untrue suggestions in her ear, just as she was falling asleep and transitioning from being awake to asleep, that in-between stage, that little window of time when it's easiest to program someone, but that should be used for positive reinforcement, such as, "you will do well in school", "you will have lots of friends", "your mom loves you", "you are very loved because you are such a good girl", and so on. Instead he programmed her and said untrue things to slowly turn her against me such as, "Don't believe your mother", "Your mother didn't want you". None of that is or was true.
When she asked me one day, out of the clear blue, if my pregnancy was planned, without hesitation I replied, "Yes, planned right to the month". I also said, I timed it so you'd be born in the Spring". She looked doubtful so I looked her in the eye and said, "You were not an "accident" ... "And even if you were unplanned, unplanned does not always mean unwelcome". I also told her she could ask any family member (my age or older than me) on either side of the family, and they would all tell her I tried for over one yr to get pregnant and that it was well planned. To this very moment, I've never done anything to my daughter, now 35 yrs old, to give her reason to distrust me. Never once. But the relationship is one of mistrust and doubt even after all my hard work. Everyone ... peers, co-workers, family, friends, neighbors, all said I bent over backwards, literally gave her my last dime so she could complete her education and so on. I was ALWAYS there for her to support and validate her ... always. I gave her what I never had as a child, and more. In order to enjoy an open, healthy relationship with her now, she needs to be de-programmed but she refuses any type of therapy. We even have a therapist who is local and specializes in "alienation of affection" and brainwashing, that many SP's are skilled at carrying out.
Thanks to my love, support and guidance, my daughter is highly educated, successful, healthy, happily married, and now has a baby, my precious grandson, whom I hardly ever get to see even though she lives locally.
When a SP (such as her father) agrees to go to therapy, it's only to promote their devious agendas. So, dragging her SP father along would be the worst thing we could do. SP's also manipulate the therapist and present themselves in the best possible light so that you look like a liar. I am not trying to scare you, I am trying to make you aware of the consequences. I didn't know he was programming and brainwashing her. I thought that since he was not physically or sexually abusive, that my daughter was safe with him during childhood visitation ... but not so. I was young, in my 20's back then and didn't realize he could do so much damage. I thought he was emotionally abusing only me, but not our beautiful little girl. WRONG! We can't address or fix something we do not know about or are not aware of. I've learned the hard way.
CONT'D ... Part 2 of last POST to mother of 3 yr old with a SP father ...
The best way to wreck one's life and one of the biggest mistakes we can make is to have a child with a SP, either male or female SP, as BOTH are very dangerous and destructive. SP's really have NO interest in children whatsoever.
They pretend to, but they really do not. They want kids only to use them, to manipulate and to overpower the other parent ... to destroy the other parent. No other reason.
To the person who responded to my post(I am the mother of the 3 year)thank you for responding. I have already experienced him trying to convince her I am bad. She won't ask to call me anymore because he breaks her toys or makes her give them away to more deserving kids if she even mentions me. It takes me several days to even get her to open back up to me when I get her back. He leaves her locked in the bathroom or leaves her outside to play by herself because she annoys him while he plays video games. She is covered in flea bites and wears clothes that don't fit. She complains he does not feed her. DSS will not go out there. They say it is not enough to do anything. Well do they have children of their own? What would they do if it was their kid? I guarentee they would not sit back and watch. So frustrating. She used to be a happy loving baby before he fought for visitation. She screams bloody murder when he shows up and hides under her bed and I have to drag her out and I feel horrible because I have to let her go or I go to jail and potentially lose custody of her completely and she would have to be around him everyday. He calls the cops and makes false reports every few weeks about me not letting him have her even though he had not shown up and is not true so the cops think I am the bad person.I know the emotional abuse is very very real. He is so darn convincing to everyone telling them that I am just jealous that he will not be with me which is far from the truth. I would do almost anything to make him go away, which I know will not happen. In court he is so manipulative and conning that I look crazy and at times I have started to doubt myself but I am stronger than that I know I am not crazy and have more love for my child than anyone can imagine. The courts are so pro letting the dad see them and unless they are doing drugs or sexually abusing them it is almost impossible to stop visitation to protect her. I even have his family members that are willing to testify he should not have her and he makes it out to sound like I have turned them against him in court and I am the bad and crazy person. I will never stop fighting to protect my child....Never! The only other thing I can think to do is pick up and move but how on earth do you go undetected so you are not found?? Then I risk going to jail if found and she would have to suffer at the hands of her father more than she does now. It seems lawyers are not very fond of cases involving SP's. I even had one that was sucked into to his game and started to believe what a great guy he was. Please if anyone has ever successfully gotten visitation taken away from a SP please please please let me know what can be done.
I really feel for you. This all sounds so very familiar. My daughter is now in her early 30's and I am going through a grieving process myself. In order to maintain my sanity I have recently decided to say good-by to her and therefore my grandson, whom I love and adore and he adores me. I am in a grief state right now over this. She refuses to go to therapy with me. I believe she suffers PTSD from the emotional torment her father has put us through. I can't get through to her. She's nasty towards me, amongst other things, such as disloyal, and it's causing me health problems and heartache. So, I need to move on.
When she was your daughters age, my ex brought her home at midnight, 4 hrs after visitation was over. He brought her home all dirty so I had to bathe her while she was sound asleep. It was awful. The next morning she fell asleep at the breakfast table. As a result, I couldn't hold down a job, which is what he wanted. Unfortunately, I'm still dealing with the aftermath, the damage. She has no idea as she can't make the connection between her father's former abuse and the damage it's now caused.
Once you have a child by a SP, it becomes a life sentence. People who are married to SP's but who do not have children with them can get out of it, eventually. But when a child is involved, there's a connection.
I wish I had answers but my suggestion is going to have some risks attached to it. If you moved away and changed your identity your daughter would not be emotionally destroyed by him, but then if you got caught, as you said yourself, they would give him custody and you might serve a jail sentence simply for protecting your child. So, you'd be living in constant fear of these horrid consequences. It will change your personality and who you are. You'll become a different person, not for the better. The sad part is that the Courts and the legal system in general do not recognize this disorder and if they do, they do not take it seriously. When I went to court back in the 70's, the Judge thought I was being a controlling B****h. The Judge could not see that my intentions were to protect my baby daughter, not to control anyone.
Cont'd
CONT'D - PART 2 -
I will pray that you find both a Therapist and an Attorney who both specialize in "Alienation Of Affection" (assuming you live in a AOA State). Keep in mind, many Lawyers are SP's themselves - be careful here and also some Therapists are Narcissists - be careful who you involve. Do your research on SP's and Narcissists. Know how to recognize the signs of each, so you can detect if either are SP. Then, request your ex be psychologically evaluated.
SP disorder, as well as Narcissism/NPD, are not taken seriously by the courts. Most people who have not been victimized by a SP or Narcissist, just don't get it. So, I know what it's like to live in this Hell without the lack of much needed support and compassion. I've lived it for over 30 years and the end result after all my hard work, devotion and protecting her and giving up having a life, remarriage, to protect her and even taking her out of the State for 15 yrs, he still brainwashed her and I am still grieving the loss.
I wish I had an answer but there are major risks attached to leaving the state. I didn't get caught but don't count on it. So, I think maybe conduct an intensive internet search for lawyers who specialize in spouses/dads who are SP and they should know how to approach/present this. Check to see if you live an in an AOA State. Also, always take photos of your daughter when she comes home, both close-ups and from a distance so the Judge can see what's going on. Request a hearing so your daughter can tell them what happens when daddy comes over to get her ... she hides and so on. Have witnesses there when he arrives for visitation who are credible and can collaborate your story. Document everything in a notebook just for this. Take photos. The more proof you have, the stronger your case. Have the Therapist or Psychologist question your daughter. Request your daughter draw a picture in front of the Child Therapist using regular crayons ... title it ... "When daddy comes to pick me up" AND another picture of ... "Me at Daddy's house". Have them analyzed by anyone who is not a Psychiatrist or an SP Lawyer. MSW/LCSW Therapist or a Psychologist are better than a Psychiatrist. Google their names before meeting with them. Do your homework. Also, interview them first, before allowing them any of your time or meeting your daughter and before putting your child's evaluations in their hands. The wrong Therapist or Lawyer can cause even more trauma and distress. So, be careful. Advanced Degrees do not always = normal+intelligence.
I wish you all the best. I feel for you. Ask God to help you through this and then 100% trust that he will ... no doubting. It works.
Go on LoveFraud website ... they often have Specialists/professionals listed there who might be of assistance. Look for the articles related to your exact situation. It's a lot of info to weed through on that site, so it will be quite time consuming, but worth it.
I'm glad I found this site, but now am even more concerned for my 11-year-old step-daughter than ever. She meets all of the "criteria" I've read for a sociopath, with the exception of "cruelty to animals". But to be fair, we don't own a pet and all of her interaction with animals has been in a more-or-less supervised environment throughout her life; so she hasn't really had much an opportunity to do that.
Maybe the most disturbing thing to me now is that realization that she can't be helped; she doesn't believe there's anything wrong and has a lot of enablers in her life. A master of deception & manipulatoin, she's managed to convince a significant number of people (teachers, grandparents, etc) that she's "normal" and the rest of the world should kowtow to her to her.
After reading several of the posts here, I believe that there might be a genetic connection. From what my wife has told me about her daughter's father, he displays a lot of the same traits. "It's my way, or it's wrong." However, I also appreciate the insight about possible intrauterine trauma. I know my wife was abused (still kinda' is) by her ex, & so was the daughter.
None of this rambling is going to help any of us though. I just wanted to post a note to thank all of you (especially the SP's who are somewhat self-aware).
I found your article very interesting. I was married to a sociopath. We divorced a little over two years ago. I had no idea he was a sociopath when I met and married him.
He had an affair...while I was recovering from a 4th cancer surgery. We were married for almost 7 years. He worked off and on over those years at 3 different jobs. He had one full-time job that he was able to keep for close to a year. He quit that job just before Christmas one year and did nothing, literally, until April of the following year. His other jobs had been part-time or seasonal.
I have a very stable, full-time job which I have held for over 20 years. He almost bankrupted me with his spending habits. He left me with 2 mortgages (the 2nd one was obtained to pay off over $14,000 of his credit card debt). He ran up the credit cards a second time and even got his own card which he hid from me. I am left to pay off the debt.
At the end of the marriage, I realized that I had never heard him tell me the truth about anything. I found e-mails between he and his mistress and when confronted, he looked me straight in the face and told me that he wasn't having an affair. He lied about everything - even small, insignificant things like, "Did you buy this DVD?" He would answer, "No."
He showed absolutely no remorse for his behavior. His actions were a complete change from the person I had married. We had not had marital problems. He had never told me that he was unhappy. I was blind-sided. In fact, he and his mistress then turned around and blamed me for their behavior. He told me that in our home, he was comfortable. He said it like there was something wrong with being comfortable. I had no idea what he'd been saying to his mother, his mistress, and all of his friends - but they all thought that I had done something horrible when, in fact, something horrible was done to me.
I am still trying to climb out of the financial abyss in which he left me. I was a mental, emotional, and physical wreck. I searched for things that I could have done or said that would have caused his behavior. I was willing to accept the blame.
I finally filed for divorce after an incident that occurred while he was with his mistress in another state (he was just leaving me hanging in the wind while he fooled around). One of my cats became seriously ill. After $400 worth of tests, the vet told me that she was dying due to a rare blood disorder. I had to put her to sleep - and I was devastated by that loss. When I called him to tell him what had happened, he accused me of purposefully killing my pet in an attempt to get him to come home.
The sad thing about all of this is that the stories above are not even the tip of the iceberg. I didn't realize the power he had over me or to what extent he had deceived me. I'm still finding bills that he hid around the house.
Until you have actually dealt with a sociopath, you have no idea what they are like and how much damage they can cause. I have scoured every article, book, and mental health diagnoses that I can find to explain how a person could do this to another person. All of the other things finally led to numerous articles and books relating to sociopaths.
Thanks for the article!
I have had a lot of experience with sociopaths and so I would like to share some of my insights to help others to protect themselves. My father is a sociopath, I have also had the displeasure of meeting sociopaths in both my professional and personal life. I disagree that sociopaths are more likely to be a male or female. In my experience this has not been the case. I do think women are more vulnerable prey to sociopaths due to their lower status in society.
When you first meet a sociopath they will seem incredibly charming, they can seem compassionate and loving and can seem genuinely remorseful after they have hurt you. They feign interest in anything you find interesting in order to tie themselves to you. However, as soon as they have control over you they drop this act. Sociopaths all share the same basic qualities: they have no conscience, no sense of responsibility for their actions and no remorse. They take all the credit and none of the blame for everything that happens around them. As far as they are concerned, if they hurt you, it’s either your fault or you made them do it. They never deserve criticism and if you do criticise them it’s because you are either too stupid or too shallow to understand them. Sociopaths don’t care about anyone around them but they love the flattering reflection of themselves through our eyes and it is only for this reason we are of value to them. If you know or love a sociopath don’t waste your energy trying to rescue this person. You can’t appeal to a conscience that doesn’t exist. How are you going to inspire genuine remorse in someone who doesn’t believe anything bad is their fault? If there is a sociopath anywhere in your life then just leave. The only way they have power is by keeping you in their life and the last thing you want to do is give them any power over you. I feel very sad for those of you who have a child who is a sociopath. Try to take some comfort in the knowledge that it isn’t your fault you can’t turn evil into good anymore than you can turn good into evil.
In my experience not all sociopaths are intelligent (however much they would like to think they are). They come in all different forms, but certainly the most dangerous are the intelligent ones as they are able to manipulate people very easily and they are very skilled at doing so. All sociopaths have the same agenda to destroy you but they will go about it in different ways according to what is most important to you.
There is a logical reason for how spiritually hollow sociopaths are and ultimately they do pay a high price for choosing darkness instead of light.
I wouldn’t waste your time trying to understand them deeply as there is nothing deep about them. They are as shallow as a puddle. Conversing with them here and questioning their evil behaviour is only a form of flattery for them. Don’t give them your energy. They only draw power from others as alone they are powerless. Furthermore, you can’t trust anything they say to you. Lying is as natural as breathing to them. The most productive thing you can do is learn how to protect yourself from them.
In your mind’s eye place yourself inside a circle of mirrors, taller than you are and facing away from you. Sociopaths will be repelled by them and avoid you. Asking to be surrounded by the white light of the Holy Spirit will aid you too.
I hope this has been of some help. Move on and come away stronger and smarter.
Dear Adam,
I am the person who was in the coma. I wanted to let you know that I bought the book and am reading it.
Thank you for your kindness.
Excellent Post ... thank you.
I have a question for anyone who has an answer.
One of the worst issues people who are dealing with SP's are faced with is the lack of compassion and lack of support from others. People who do not have SP's in their lives or have never been victimized by them, have no clue and they don't care. This is just one of the many reasons why SP's get away with as much as they do. Power is always in numbers.
As most are aware, our seriously flawed legal system protects the "rights" of the criminal more so than the victim.
Anyway, I have a question for anyone who cares to respond ... Adam?
Do most SP's hang out with other SP's more often than not?
I've noticed that they seem drawn to one another. In my large family, which includes my extended family, for a total of about 50 people, 9 of them are SP's. They seem to hang out with each other and spend more time with each other than they do with us empaths.
Also, 2 SP co-workers, out of 15 people, are best buds. Why is that? I'm very curious about this. Like attracts like ... maybe? Anyone?
That's an interesting question. Do sociopaths like hanging out with sociopaths? I don't know the answer to that question.
On the one hand, it seems they would find it easier to understand the motives of a fellow sociopath. But on the other hand, I would think it would be harder for them to take advantage of another sociopath.
Adam,
I agree with what you are saying about it being harder for them to take advantage of another sociopath, however, my ex-husband's girlfriend (was mistress) is also an SP. They gravitated toward each other like magnets.
I think that they like the challenge of getting one over on the other. I'm not saying that all SPs hang out with other SPs. I'm just saying that this IS the case with my ex. At some point, the two of them are going to figure each other out - so to speak. My wish would be that they feel the heartache and pain that I once felt, but I know they won't. They'll simply move on to the next victim.
Lastly, any ideas on how to actually recoup a financial loss from an SP? I've tried everything - including forgiving close to $50,000 of the debt. He agreed to the "new" payment plan (which was more than $500 less than he was court-ordered to pay me) and then stopped paying again after 3 months. I suppose that I should just cut my losses. That's a really hard pill to swallow when one has been ripped off for close to $80,000.
Thanks!
Eighty grand. That sucks. Hard to walk away from something like that.
I don't have any ideas for you. A lawyer should know, but it sounds like you're already using a lawyer. Maybe a BETTER lawyer?
I wish you success!
A socipath that I worked with has wreaked havoc in my life. I made the mistake of confronting her in 2005 because she had started to get overly involved with critiquing her co-workers, including me. This was also about the time that she began manipulating our supervisor, who fell for it hook, line and sinker. As soon as I confronted her, she began a campaign against me that lasted for over 3-1/2 years. Eventually, she became my supervisor. Within a year, she fired me. This entire time, it was devastating because she went to almost every single person that I was friendly with at work and somehow managed to turn them all against me. There were only a couple of people who also had her number and she could not manipulate them. The thing is, I have no idea what she has told all of these people, but they now look at me as if I have the plague. I do know that in one instance, she began telling the director of another department "Oh, that Emme, she always make mistakes...blah, blah, blah" I did go to the director of that dept and mentioned to her that if she had any problem with my work, to please let my dept's supervisor know." I knew that my supervisor had no problem with my work, and if Krystal was going to lie about me, the quickest way would be to have the other department director go straight to my supervisor. This is a very small town, so it is hard to not see the people or even talk to them in business current situations. I have been severely depressed over this. She now has the new director of human resources in her web, and this is her M.O....she always manages to manipulate members of the management team and bring them into her lair. My message to anyone who suspects they may be dealing with a bonafide socipath at work is to never let them know you suspect them, or even be the least bit critical of them...even if it's only feedback...they will launch a truly remarkable campaign against you. She/he will cause you suffering beyond your wildest imagination. I know the solution for me is the let this go...but living in a small town, it's almost impossible to do. Krystal watched me and assessed my personality...then she knew exactly what to do. Even before she fired me, she was able to go to my newest friends at work, and managed to turn them against me right before I was fired. They already know "whatever" so that they weren't my friends anymore because Krystal told them some kind of horror story about me. I really wish I knew what these stories are. The couple of people who also know that she is a socipath are out of her line of fire because they are very well-liked, have certain management members behind them, and she knows better than to say anything about them...they would probably get her fired. But they need their jobs, so they stay out of it. Wow...I never imagined something like this could happen. All of these Krystal-lovers look at me like I am a monster...
I would like to hear from anyone who has been affected by a sociopath in the workplace. Were you able to get out of their clutches? Did anyone catch on and finally fire them? Did any of management catch onto what was actually happening and put a stop to it?
When I married my second husband I had 2 children of my own..9 and 7. He had one daughter 9 also. Her mother has been in and out of her life on drugs, re-married to a paster, divorced another child and now in prison.
Since his daughter has been 9 years old and I've been in her life she has:
MANIUPLATED everyone, lies, steals, poor hygyne, cruel to cat (she supposely loves), teachers love her they feel sorry for her. She has turned the grandparents against us using the Poor Me. She is very convencing of her lies. Her father finally saw that she needed more help than he could off and sent her off to boarding school. Now she has them convenced were the bad people. POOR ME again. The house is back to normal without her here. But she will be back for visits from boarding school. How do we handle her???
To the mothers (and dads) with young children who are married to a SP, I don't know of any specific websites, but maybe you can google search terms such as ... cover your tracks without changing your identity ... change your identity ... how to start a new life ... how to disappear from the face of the Earth ... and other similar phrases.
This will certainly take a lot of research and planning, but IMO it will be worth it if you can pull it off. This way if everyone thinks you were abducted, or there was foul play, they'll be looking for corpses so they won't be concentrated on live persons and therefore won't be looking for a mother (or dad) and child.
I wish I had done this when my daughter was very young, instead of escaping from my SP abusive ex-husband (finally) when she was 10, when most of the damage was already done. Now I have no relationship with a daughter whom I did everything I could do to make her the best she could be. I had natural childbirth (do not recommend it ever). I never even took an aspirin while I was pregnant. I exclusively breastfed her, she never had a bottle. She was never served junk foods, fast foods or processed foods. I raised her according to the the best expert advice available. I taught her to read when she was 3 years old. I spent quality time with her everyday. I was always a nurturing type of mother, not a mechanical mom, just going through the motions. I wanted to be a mother. If she didn't want to go to dance school she didn't have to. I never pressured her, just exposed to her and let her decide. I didn't know her father, my ex, was a SP until it was way too late. I sent her to good schools.
My face lit up when she walked into the room. I validated her everyday and told her how wonderful she is and how sorry I was for everything that happened. I allowed and encouraged her to talk out her feelings. I sent her to the best University in the Country. But it's too late. By the time she turned 10 she was already emotionally damaged by my ex. Don't let that happen to you.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have lived on the run and did whatever it took to keep her from his sick, twisted emotional and spiritual abuse. She would have forgotten about her (Narcissistic-SP) father by the time she was 3. I would now have a different life, a better life. Instead I have no life with her, an awful relationship, exactly what her father wanted to happen. It's heartbreaking. I put my heart and soul into making her a great human being with both a high IQ and a high EQ (emotional quotient) and fed her foods that would make her beautiful. She is stunning in outward appearance, but inside her head is all messed up.
Yes, there are certainly a number of dangers to changing your identity, at least your last names. The first year, I imagine, would be the most challenging. With the proper planning and limiting it to only one other extremely stable trustworthy person who can help you escape (the less that know the better) as you will need someone to help you through it. If you wait as long as I did, the chances of having a screwed up adult child are very high.
Best of luck whatever your decision.
Jana - Sociopaths tend to lash out at people who are kind, caring and strong. They typically do not lash out or try to attack nasty, arrogant, uncaring people ... (like themselves).
Rule # 1 with a Sociopath. Never let them know that you know. Telling a Sociopath that they are Sociopathic or that they have psychological problems (which they do have) or giving subtle hints or looking at them as if they are nuts (and they are nuts) is the same as looking a hostage-taker/bank robber straight in the eye, seconds after he yelled, "heads down, don't look up at us". Once you blow their cover they will be after you. Let it go, just move on.
Once a Sociopath realizes or assumes that you have their number, they lash out in the most cruel ways. If this has happened to you, think of it as a lesson, not a punishment. Move on. Something better than being around them awaits you.
You are now wiser and you know something most people don't know ... you are now on to them and you are more keenly aware than most others, and who knows, maybe the experience can prevent you from getting tangled up with another one. Bad experiences with Sociopaths are always an eye-opener ... and that's actually a real good thing.
I have a question I am hoping someone out there can answer, or at least provide some insights.
Does anyone know if Sociopathology is inherited, or is the jury still out on that one?
My 32 year old daughter is an SP.
Here's the history;
BOTH my mother and father are SP's and my former father-in-law as well as my ex-husband are also SP's. My former mother-in-law was not a SP but she did suffer deep depression, on and off, mostly on.
So, both of my daughter's maternal Grandparents, her paternal Grandfather and her biological father are all SP's.
My pregnancy was normal, my daughter was not abused as a child, raised with love by myself and my close circle of friends, and had little contact with her SP father. It would have been better if she had no contact with him at all, but due to the physical distance, he only saw her once a month.
I am her mother and I am not a SP and neither was my former mother-in-law. My daughter is an only child. I know how to handle her and the drama and issues that arise but I am trying to figure out how she turned out to be a SP. Can anyone help me?
Does anyone have an answer? I would really appreciate your thoughts.
I just received the following email. The subject line was, "I didn't even know what a sociopath was." Here's the message:
Title of a new book: Surviving a Sociopath.
Description: A wife and mistress secretly team up to bring a cheating husband to his demise in their lives. They view his lies and deceit through each other’s eyes. They plan accordingly. He loses everything. He remains clueless of their alliance. This novel is based on actual events.
CLICK THE FOLLOWING LINK TO GET YOUR COPY TODAY:
http://www.ebookstand.com/book_details/Surviving_A_Sociopath
A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS WILL GO TO SHELTERS FOR ABUSED/HOMELESS WOMEN AND CHILDREN.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
KENDIA PERKINS
Adam -
Unfortunately, court cannot help me. I live in a debtor friendly state. So, it doesn't matter how many times he's court-ordered to do anything. He has no "normal" responses. He doesn't even show up when he's summoned to court.
80 grand is a lot to lose and has been an extremely hard pill to swallow. I am very grateful, however, to be divorced from this person - and not to have had children with him.
I never imagined i would fall in love wirh someone like this.My fiancee has shown almost all of the symptoms shown here as well as other sights.I found myself questioning my sanity because of her behavior.i basically raise her children for her.She has resolved herself of major work that it takes to maintain a family.Verbally abusive,explosive behavior,never taking resposibilty for her negative actions blaming me and others.Obsessed with her dads business.And once again the cruelty and demoralizing verbal abuse towards me.The warning signs were there but i ignored them.Moving from one location to the other.Using and manipulating her parents.She was sleepin around with men who in one way or another gave her something she wanted.Use different people for different things.She's also a pathological liar.im in a bad situation.she has done more to hurt and bring down my self esteem than anybody evr.Dosent appreciate me even thought im basically taking care of her kids!.its like im by myself.or rather yet shekeeps me around because i take care of kids which frees her up to obsessabout other things.i need help and dont know what to do.
So...what is it about her that you love? Thank goodness you are not married or have kids. The sooner you get away from her, the quicker you will regain your self esteem. All you can do in a situation like this is save yourself. You cannot save her. She does what she does because people like you enable her and let her get away with it. Unfortunately you cannot "fix" her. Accept that. Say good-bye to the reality of how it is and stop fantasying on how you want it to be.
I am coming to believe my nephew, who is 25, is a sociopath. He has all of the signs, lying, stealing, cheating, controlling, sexual promiscuity and the rest. He has no remorse. He never admits to doing anything wrong and he says his behavior is not a problem or any one's business. Out of his promiscuity was born a beautiful little girl who I have come to adore.
My nephew's mother, my sister who was a narcissist, recently committed suicide. My brother in-law is about to kick his step-son out of the house because of his behavior and irresponsibility. Along with him will go my 7 year old grand niece.
Her mother was abusive and that is why she lives with her dad. He is not abusive to the point as leaving proof and his smooth lying charm would outsmart any one from social services. How can We help my niece? How can we save her from this monster?
Emily – I have had two experiences of sociopaths in the workplace. The first one was a woman in my team in a company I started work in. We had to work closely in a team of 5 and she made my life a living hell. She was overly critical of everything I did, she watched everything I did like a hawk and she went out of her way to ostracise me from our team. She was well liked in the team and so it wasn’t too difficult for her to cause trouble. However, it wasn’t until she realised that a member of another team she had a crush on was interested in me and not her that the real torture began. She was obviously very jealous and similarly to your situation she went round to everyone she was friendly with and told lies about me to turn everyone against me. I, like you, have no idea what she said, but our colleagues took her side and even joined in with her bullying. One day at work I fell down some steps and sprained my ankle (probably due to all the stress this was causing me). My doctor signed me off work for a week but when I returned I overheard her telling a co-worker I was lying about my injury to get a week off work. I was very angry and confronted her, she did not apologise or back down. Luckily after this incident she was promoted to a different team and I no longer had to work with her but she still tried her best to cause trouble for me until I left due to a promotion. Looking back now I wish I had spoken up to my supervisor as soon as the bad behaviour began. Others did catch on to her behaviour but instead of doing something about it they ignored it probably for fear she might turn on them. However, our manager was oblivious to this deviousness of this woman.
My second experience with a sociopath was with as boss I had. He would demean me, particularly, in front of other colleagues, he was constantly attempting to spar with me and bait me. He would ask me inappropriate questions and made rude comments about the fact that I earned less money than he did. After 3 months I was tired of all this and told the office manager of my concerns. I was informed they were well aware of his behaviour and he did this with every secretary he had but the company tolerated it because he made a lot of money for the company. When I was told they wouldn’t do anything I knew I had no choice but to leave. This was 3 years ago and I haven’t had a job since because I have been so scared to start a new job if this is the kind of people I have to put up with.
My advice to you is that you really need to try to move on. You have been put in an awful situation which wasn’t your fault but sometimes life isn’t fair. In my experience it has taken getting away from the person completely to free yourself of the torment. You can’t reason with them they are unwilling to take responsibility for any of their behaviour. If you find yourself in this situation again and you want to bring it to the attention of management then you need to collate evidence. Keep a diary of all the incidents you have with the sociopath. An isolated incident will likely seem trivial but all the incidents together will help your case. Furthermore, you should let management know of your concerns early on, as soon as the bad behaviour begins, have a quiet word with your manager and tell them you are finding it difficult working with this person and it is making you unhappy. At least if anything more serious happens later they will already be aware of your concerns. Beware though they often are suck ups to their management and they are very manipulative, as I’m sure you’re well aware of. Good luck to you :)
(Heck)
As an actual sociopath, (or psychopath, whatever name you prefer. But as William says, what's in a name? That which we call [someone like me or Eric] by any other name would smell as foul) I can discern the true character to many of the pitiful 'victims' on this site. Most of you seem like retarded fucks who fell for the bad boy. Not everyone who broke your fragile, little heart is a sociopath-- we're a rare breed. And nobody wants to hear your sob-inducing, sorrowful stories about how you were abused, but were too stupid to leave. I feel no sympathy for you poor creatures and before all of you tell me how bad of a person I am, think about how retarded you must have been to be able to fall for a guy like us.
This last allowed post shows that You, Adam is a fraud since you denied my post to help victims THINK outside the box they've been conditioned into that allows people like this last poster to hurt them!
Danita,
My intention is to allow any post that will strengthen the victims of sociopaths; any post that will help them deal more successfully with sociopaths, and to disallow those that would weaken the victims or make them more vulnerable.
I thought your post, Danita, was too personally insulting to particular people without being strengthening enough to justify it.
Heck's post is insulting, but to nobody in particular, but it is a bracing wake-up slap to those victims who don't yet get it; those who haven't yet confronted the true nature of what they're dealing with.
I'm sure I sometimes make mistakes, and I'm sorry if I disallowed your post unjustly.
Thank you for apologizing but i think it is most important to treat members here like they are at least Adult enough to make their own decisions as to what may be insulting to them when it comes to someone who thinks outside the box like i do so that they may see another way of dealing with evilness that truly exist rather than fragile victims that cant decide for themselves whats offensive after being offended in the most offensive manner by a Spath.
(Heck)
Based on what Danita said, I can infer she wanted to post something which would most likly castigate me. I'm not five anymore Adam, I don't care if someone criticizes me.(Or hits me, thanks dad) Let Danita post what she wants.
(Bell)
These shocking words written by Heck & the other SP's posting here give us some insight into their way of thinking and are valuable. Note well what they say -- If you trust them, you are stupid and therefore deserve what you get; if you are innocent or naive, you are stupid and therefore deserve what you get; if you are kind or sweet or anything good, you are stupid and therefore deserve what you get. On & on. Twisted logic. Sociopathic logic. Note the lack of empathy in Heck's post; note the tone of superiority, of being special and unique; note the feeling of victory and the indignation at those who see themselves as victims ... when they all deserved what they got ... How sickening, how scary -- Note it all very well, folks.
Well said, Bell. That's exactly why I wanted to post it. I think it's normal to have a hard time believing such people really exist.
Danita, I originally left comments unmoderated here but awhile back two people got into an ugly name-calling argument that wasn't helpful to anyone. I deleted most of those comments and started moderating. It's not that I don't think people can handle being insulted, it's that the conversation wasn't USEFUL to anyone, and it was taking up our readers' and subscribers' time for no purpose.
Danita, you actually had something useful to share. If you can share it without provoking a bitter or pointless argument, I invite you to try again.
Keep in mind there are quite a few people who subscribe to these comments and more than a hundred new visitors come here every day looking for help as they try to deal with very serious situations, involving children, danger, money, painful heartache, confusion, and their very sanity. Let's do what we can to help these people.
I normally save some post in Documents but i hadn't the one you denied that day but how i feel about those who so easily become victims of Spaths doesn't need saving in Doc since i've been studying Reptilian Minds (Limbics) for about 8 years now and also i'm an Evolutionist, not a Creationist. I know these minds evolved basically into what i call Crocodiles in Human suits, not were created from some lower or higher being that needs to be saved or exorcised by a man of some clothe. So i speak from observation being that i live n Vegas, a place where Spaths cluster to. And i speak from experience n dealing with such but not being a victim of one anymore because im not religious, own a weapon, have high self-esteem and decided to study their minds. They prey on the religious believers the easiest, the lambs being led as a flock of non critical thinkers. Anyway, sorry for calling you a "fraud" i was just angry that a Spath got posted and mine didn't, but u've since explained why.
thank you!
Heck) To Bell:
Are you really so shocked? Have my words paralyzed you-- rendered you uncapable of speaking, moving and living? No, I think not. After you read my 'despicable' post, I doubt you even flinched, you probably just rushed to comment posting box, to begin your 'expert' diagnosis of me. Is my logic so twisted-- evil, deformed and unutterable. Probably not, everyone one in this world is an individual. And some individuals are good, some are bad. I'm bad and I pray on other weaker individuals. Incidentaly, the weaker individuals, that I've come across, sound eerily familar to the 'tragic victims' on this site. You were weak, you were fooled and you were, unsurprisingly, hurt. But, what I fail to understand is: Why are there so many people suffering from Stockholm's Syndrome on this site. You've been abused, beaten, (emotionally or physically, but I only perform the former)and crushed. So why do you keep on coming back for more? My answer?
Weakness
I recently met a Spath n the sauna of my gym, he gave me the pity story as to why he just got out of Federal Prison due to his lifelong buddy being jealous of him, etc... I looked him up online and got the real story, there's more about his past online, as well. I think he's back n the Big House again, he should have never been out after this last crime. Had the charm, the eyes and more that caused me to pick up Stouts and Dr. Hare's book. He wasn't the 1st Spath i'd met n The Sauna and on Jobs but at least i can recognize them now before i get too close to them. These people come in all colors but deep inside they are the color of Alligator/Crocodile Slimy Prickly Green!
http://www.sptimes.com/2005/09/28/Tampabay/Lingerie_modeling_sho.shtml
(Bell)
Danita: In June of 2009, this site was corroded by a battle of 3 SP’s. (I won’t use their monikers for fear of inviting them back.) One SP began antagonizing Eric and another began spurring the two of them on. It became so degenerate that everybody else stopped commenting, giving those 3 free rein to spin out of control. (One thing I’ve noticed about SP’s is that they don’t seem to know when they’ve gone too far.) The nastiest and most heinous of the SP’s ridiculously bragged that they had “taken over” this web site. What they had actually accomplished was turning stomachs to a point where other people tuned out. Adam had no choice but to begin monitoring comments, thus assuring a much-needed measure of civility to this respectible web site. Please forgive and rephrase whatever it is you had to say because I, for one, would like to read it now that you have me intrigued.
Eric: You have been silent for too long, and your last post was very disappointing. Don’t just throw in the towel and proclaim yourself “just here for entertainment”. Your SP perspective on things, in your non-threatening way, was a highlight of this web site. I hope you will resume making lots of appreciated comments again.
Heck: Late last night, when I was trying to make myself sleepy enough to go to bed, I made a list of all the SP’s I have known in my lifetime. There have been 17 in all, 4 of whom were women. Which makes you not so unique, n’est pas? And don’t even bother to accuse me of not necessarily knowing one when I meet one, or of false labeling. I can spot SP’s easily because they are alike in so many ways. Individuals, yes, but only differing in their objectives, never in their methodology. I made up a word to describe the syndrome of behaviors, the whole constellation of shared characteristics, and that word is “sociotard”. You are, of course, right in what you said about me, but … SO WHAT?
Bell, what is it that you DIDN'T GET that needed to you jump into something that had ALREADY been resolved between Adan and Myself??? Please for now on, stay away from any disagreements i might have with him, ok?
I am NOT A SPATH and totally knew why Adam did what he thought he needed to do, he has since asked ME to repost my post and i have since apologized for calling him a fraud, so YOU were out of line by butting into something that had already been resolved by acting like you knew something i didn't already know, you did not!
please do NOT respond to ME since you didn't get it the 1st time it was dealt with, for i see you as an agitator, not someone that is trying to rectify whats really gojng on here, for SPATHS are also known for being agitators unlike the Spath that got thru yesterday. At least he got it!
thank you.
Its amazing how some are responding to the Spath that was actually giving those who fall prey to them a lesson or warning about how they think about their victims, for all i see is attacks against someone who LIVES/FEEDS off of the emotions of those who attack them?? Not recognizing they are only feeding these Modern Day Vampire their so needed blood by even responding back to them???
all i can do is sit back and read the responses and now at the sametime hope my post get in without them being seen as fire rather than actual SUNLIGHT for those who still use their 3rd eye/Pineal Gland to THINK with so to survive what really going on in an forever Evolving Universe.
So what about my post on how to help a seven year old girl who's trapped by a SP father?. Any comment on that, or do you guys want to continue arguing amongst yourselves???
I've been following this Blog and Posts for over a year now so I see the history. I do not usually post my comments and have only posted very few as I prefer to read rather than post. I read the posts here from time to time, as there are several SP's in my large family, both immediate family and my extended family as well, so this site is quite helpful to me.
IMO, Bell is a know-it-all.
(Heck)
I was hoping that this website would be more fun, but alas you have disapointed me. Eric seemed to grab all of your attention and became somewhat of a god-- in the way that all of you begged for his advice. I hoped that I could attain your mesmerization, but it's not happening. You are all pretentious idiots who think you vividly know everything about people like me, but in reality you know know nothing. My advice?
Move on with your life. Yes,you were hurt, but your constant abhorance and obsession with sociopaths are only preventing your recovery.
(Heck)
No child should ever be raised by a sociopath. I can't feel love for anyone--not even my parents--so I doubt I could love my child, even if I brought him (or her) into this world. If the seven year girl is exclusivly raised by your nephew, her childhood will be ruined and she'll have never had a loving parent to teach her empathy and altruism. Convince your brother in law to not kick his son (and granddaughter) out, for it will only be she who suffers. Maybe your brother in law can ask to raise (and consequently save) the child. If your nephew demands to keep her and there is no other option then you MUST call child protective services. For the sake of the child, an innoncent, pure girl who hopefully has not yet been corrupted by her father's malevolence.
There are many Posts regarding children of SP's, including how to handle your ex-spouse SP and visitation issues. You can scroll back and review Posts from the past few months. If you start to read a Post and it doesn't pertain to you, keep looking until you find the Posts about your issues. They are here. It is time consuming, but you just have to take the time to look. The people who Posted (including myself) took the time to Post and probably do not want to re-post.
I'm sure you wont like my comment but i wouldn't need to come to a blog to ask people i dont know what to do about the survival of my own child at the hands of a Spath. As a Parent, i'll die for the survival of my own child or even my own dog, i'll do what i have to do under The Law. If They cant or wont help, i'll let nature take its course when it comes to saving something i love from a killer, Not saying what that might be to anyone, ever!
take care,
The question of kids comes up so often and is such a difficult issue, I have created a separate post for it:
http://sociopathcomments.blogspot.com/2008/11/question-of-kids.html
Right now, it doesn't have much on there, but as I gain good answers, I'll add them to the post. One of the readers of these comments is working on a book dealing with the various aspects of children and sociopaths. It is a sorely-needed book.
I am escaping my Psycho and putting two oceans and 3 national boarders between us, count DOWN to LIBERATION. In the mean time i have no sleep patterns constantly nausic thinking they are about to destroy me. :) ahead though, something I will admit here and no where else, i have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like and 2, i have some of the traits of a Psychos i change my job yearly (by choice).
Regards
S
April 19th 3:58 cont'd ...
Thanks Adam ... I hope this helps her and others who are forced to co-parent/visitation with a SP. I lost my beautiful daughter to my SP ex-husband because the law didn't help me.
I left him when she was 2 yrs old in an effort to protect and to save her. It took an enormous amount of courage as I was young, I had no money, no family support system, and this was back in the mid 70's when single women were really treated like 2nd class citizens ... worse than today. She was (and still is) the love of my life and I still grieve to this moment. I was the best mother she could have had and I still lost her. By the time I got her out of the State when she was 12 yrs old and away from him, it was already too late. The damage was done. I long for the bond I once had with her before the damage took effect.
When she slept over his house once a week, he waited until she was asleep and he programmed her sweet, innocent little mind against me and many others. He read about hypnosis and programmed her, amongst other types of damaging acts that could not be proven.
Now all I am left with is a distant 34 yr old daughter who has every reason to love me and none to hate me, yet she will have nothing to do with me. Not one day goes by where I don't cry and grieve the loss of my daughter.
My sister posted about my step son and my grand daughter (step). I spent some time looking through a lot of the posts and find all of this very disturbing. I don't know if my step son is an SP or not. A lot of his behavior is suggestive of it.
It is so hard to say that someone you care about is incapable of loving or feeling remorse. I have been watching him this past week and wondering is he a SP. This past week he has been so pleasant to be around. But I know that more lies and poor behavior are around the corner. I guess we will see what happens when we have that talk about it being time he move out on his own. How he handles this should be telling.
My husband's ex wife fits the Sociopaths description to a "T"!!! I've read a lot of information about Sociopaths, but have not found a way to protect us from her rude comments, lies and slander. Since divorce is a big "NO-NO" in the church, she told and continues to tell, everyone that my ex is "narcissistic" and was "abusive" so she can justify why SHE divorced HIM! (He's never yelled at her or hit her!) She even went to abuse counseling (and continues counseling) so she can tell everyone that she is "getting stronger and not afraid of her ex anymore. GIVE ME A BREAK!! Everyone that has known my husband for the past 20+ years, knows that it's not true and that she is crazy!!! It really hurts his kids, as they are finding out that she is vindictive and full of lies. It's very sad. We talk a lot to the kids, and make sure that we never speak badly of their mom, we remain positive, and state the facts only. But how do we protect ourselves from her slander, rude behavior(then sweet??), and lies? It's been almost 3 years now, and ignoring this isn't making the situation any better. (She even tried to get close to me in hopes of breaking up our marriage) Interestingly, SHE actually had an affair several years ago, but knows that my husband won't tell anyone, so she even uses that to hurt him and says that she should have pursued it!! GOOD GRIEF!!
(I'm sure the fact that we have a strong marriage and that the kids love being here doesn't help the situation.)
Everything says that we should "ignore" sociopaths, but since that's not working, I'd like to have a short response (not too rude,or playing into her "game" of winning/losing, but something that will stop her behavior)
We'd like to have a short comment that we use every time she tries to hurt us by saying something rude or vindictive. Any suggestions? It's very stressful to try to battle such evil, especially when she puts on the "christian victim" persona to anyone that will listen. We still have 5 more years of this until our youngest is 18.
PLEASE HELP!! Any and all suggestions are appreciated!! Thank you!
I don't believe Sociopaths/Narcissists can't control themselves especially when we see them controlling and conducting themselves quite well (and with ease) whenever others are present, particularly those they do not want to reveal themselves to. So, what does all of this mean? - being behind closed doors makes them suddenly lose control of themselves? No way ... I don't believe it ... not for a minute.
It's actually significantly harder to spot a SP/N when they're a family member because our guard is down AND we don't really want to see it or believe it. This creates a block, a part of our intuition shuts down and we either don't hear or listen to our inner voice. When it's a stranger or co-worker, it's actually easier to spot a SP/N. SP/N's are much better at manipulating family members then strangers.
The problem with them really isn't about lack of self-control, it's about lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day.
To the April 21st poster who wanted a suggestion for a comment to use:
Just say "We choose to stay positive and move forward in our life" SP's hate when they are basically told they may be part of the past, but by moving forward they will not be part your present or future. She may want to hold on to the past, but you are not.
I can tell by some of the wording that the actual S/P is the poster looking for pity and saying the other party is bad, still trying to make the ex look bad, casting off blame and trying to manipulate us, some of us here have had to deal with a nasty S/P so long we can tell in the first few words...Read what signs a S/P has then re-read some of these comments!
When you really have been hit hard and lost everything because of a true S/P you have a different frame of mind, and they dont even deserve your hate so dont give them that much time of day....
Bee has it right, that will drive them crazy just move on lets them know they aint part of your fun now and they dont even count as being a part of your past. BE 110% DONE WITH THEM!
sistersociaopath i think my sis is a soc. i hate her. i couldn't figure out what her deal was for a long time. she fits right in here on this site. she is cold, manipulative, liar, grandiose, mean, fakes emotions, fools people into thinking she is someone she is not, etc. etc. needs to win all the time, has to be right, never admits fault, uses sex to control, goal in life is to be famous.. and finally after years of trying to deal with her i cut her off and i felt immediately better. but no one else in my family seems to be on to her. or maybe they are just in denial. this is hard from me. how to i get other people to see the true her? she hides it really well when she wants to.
How do you get others to see your sister is a sociopath? Have you tried something like this? "I think Sis might be a sociopath. I know it sounds crazy, but just check out this article and tell me if the description doesn't perfectly match Sis."
To Adam: I have been in a relationship for 10 yrs. with a man whom I am sure is a Sociopath.
He was dishonorably discharged from service,
however, he claims to be a hero (Greenberet).
He says he has no fear of anything, does not like
or trust anyone. Claims he loves me dearly, but
must have other female companionship. He comes
from a large family, however, he has no contact
with anyone except his youngest daughter, whom
he has taught to be just like him. Everything he
does, he must be the HERO or he will stay home.
His ego must be stroked constantly and he is very appreciative when I give him money. He is
always broke and all of his lady friends are widows who have done quiet well. He never takes
me anywhere, he always has excuses about the people or the place, and how he hates both. I am
ready to give up, even I love him. I don't need
this in my life. Does this sound like a Sociopath to you? Do you answer e-mails, or anyone out there? My e-mail address: Duprey123@aol.com I would like some feedback.
(I am a Senior Citizen and 10 yrs. older than he.
This sight is interesting, as it has shed light on my family. It seems from the list of symptoms, there maybe more than one socipath's in my family.
Just looking at my Mom and my sister, I want to stay away from them. Whats interesting is my sister is a psychologist- 20+ yrs, has bounced around in private practice for 16 yrs; to having a job the last 5 yrs in lets say a Typical office, but has switched from state, cities, over 4 times in 4 yrs ( same type of job). Gets in trouble at each job, and always says its them of course with the problem. When she was in college, she was always having to be the teachers pet, or doing some kind of extra work
to get the grade ( if you know what I mean). Then when it came time for her take her boards, she failed 8 times. She also has a taste for the rich, wanting to hang in those circles.
The problem I have had with her, started as young kids, she was jeolous of me ( me younger 5 yrs). What seemed to be just the how the cards fell, but I would always get in trouble for her mistakes, and she would never step up and say it was really her fault. As an adult she has hooked up( drinking/sex) with an X boyfriend of mine, and then given him vial information where I was living. When I had taken great lengths to get away from him. Then later on told my husband large details that almost caused a divorce. She has borrowed money
and never repaid it, over and over again, she claims to have herself in a jam, but appears to be still buying things without much difficultly. Have helped her on many situations, that required legal attention, to get her out of the jam - usually money related, not with the law enforcement.
She used the system to bankrupt mult times, max's out her credit cards
to the limit. Buys gifts for everyone in the world to impress them.
She does seem to need to fill up" all waking hours" with people, very little down time on her own, even though she has a few dogs to care for.
She has gone thru several marriages, lost all her friends, has no kids.
It does seem the only thing she was really upset about was a dog she had for 15 yrs, died and she seemed to grieve about that for some time. I want no contact with her, other than just by E mail. She even lived in the same town I do, moved away after 1 yr to the same kind of job in a city 2 hrs away, only to be unhappy there again, and wants to move back to where I live. I want to move so far away from her, but I am afraid she will follow me! I have got to cut her off, from what I have read here.
Woman with a ten year relationship: He might be a sociopath. Hard to tell without more information, and even then sometimes it's hard to tell. But I can tell you one thing: He's not good for you. Find a good man.
My brother is a sociopath - I am sure about that - he has manipulated - stolen - abused - is emotionally cold - believes he's a recovering drug addict (abuses on and off) - has had 3 wives - does not talk to his only son - assisted in the death of my father and mother - blames everyone else - justifies his actions with revenge - loves guns - and has ruined my life. Our mother left us a business and although I didn't want him as a partner I was forced to interact with him. Eventually I lost everything (including the business) and am almost homeless. My therapist kept telling me to just leave and get as far away as possible but at the time it was hard for me to believe that I wouldn't prevail with logic, legal action and love. I did everything possible that I could think of just to maintain boundaries, distance and a minimum of contact just for the business. If there is anyone out there who thinks they can make it work - guide the person - show them their faults - or even have a fringe relationship I am here to tell you it is not at all possible. If there is a sociopath in your life and you're not sure just look at their past relationships - even with their own family. My brother's three wives - all destroyed - my mother, destroyed, my father destroyed, his other girlfriends, destroyed! I learned the hard way - don't let it happen to you. They may not fit every diagnostic criteria but 9 out of 10 is good enough. My brother collects disability fraudulently but I know if I report him he'll kill me and face it what would be the point. The saddest part is that there are many people who know what he is and although they feel sorry for me they won't help because they are scared of him. That is the scariest thing about being RELATED to a sociopath - you could be the greatest person in the world but if there is any chance that they could be at the end of his wrath they wold rather just walk away. I can't blame them! I have great warmth and compassion for my friends but if my brother were in their lives (knowing what I know now) I don't think I would help either (although I have never turned anyone down who really needed help). It's hard to walk away, especially for parents, siblings and spouses but believe me - THERE IS NOTING YOU CAN DO OR SAY, EVER, THAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER.
To the woman who's daughter is a sociopath let me say this - my mother suffered for years and years with my brother. She was the most selfless, understanding and supportive person and mother ever. She had hundreds of friends ( she owned a restaurant) and she cared about and helped everyone she ever met. SHe fed the homeless, found housing for the elderly, was a district leader in her community and was loved by everyone.
At and early age in my brother's life she knew something was wrong with him, my father knew years before her and he was constantly telling her to walk to away but she never did.
She stood by him through theft, rehab's (2), marriages(3) and assault. She paid his child support for 15 years, paid for private psychiatric counseling when there was a family intervention. And when he broke into her home and shot his gun off, just barely missing her - hitting a valuable oil painting - she defended him.
In the last days of her life (82 years old) she confessed that she wished she had done it all differently. She realized that not only did she enable him but that her life could have been so much different and that in return maybe he would have had to finally face the reality of his actions. Be it jail or a life of loneliness - (and that is not possible for a sociopath - they always find someone) but her efforts would not have been wasted and maybe he would have been better served.
But as I said she only realized that just 9 weeks before she died - which I walked in on him pouring morphine down her throat.
All I did was take a bathroom break! I confronted him and he said she was moaning in pain - I reiterated that I had just given her her medicine just a minute or two before he walked in and that I told him that fact before I left the room to go to the bathroom. "Oh yeah, I forgot," was his response. The police said it would be my word against his! Is that what you want for yourself - because the story isn't much different for my father! And if you don't break away now - the end of your life will also be defined by your daughter's actions and your reactions!
I know all too well how hard it is to turn your back, walk away, say no and mean it or to draw and keep your own boundaries. But not only are you hurting yourself - but you will be gone someday and the hurt she inflicts on you will just be transferred somewhere else (on someone else). All your doing is teaching her is that love ALWAYS HURTS THE OTHER PERSON! If your true desire in your heart is to help HER - then walk away and don't look back.
You will be there to console - to emotionally love - to say yes I'm your mother and I do really love you - but anything more than that for a sociopath is only dangerous for you and unappreciated by them.
As a sibling of a sociopath I can tell that I really wish my mother had done it differently. I ended up being the person he transferred all his actions on. And because I didn't react or accept him like my mother did he went ballistic on. With 3 loving wives who took his abuse and my mother's constant bailing out and unconditional acceptance (not love) he has learned to expect that from everyone! And anything short of that kind of love is like declaring war!
That' what your leaving behind as your legacy - a raging, warring young woman who doesn't respect others. A young woman who will eventually really hurt someone because they didn't so what she wanted, when she wanted it, or didn't react in the correct manner.
Please - as a fellow human being who has dealt with this first hand - help your daughter in a way that will not leave her actions as a burden for the next person to suffer. Think about it!
I have a problem with co-workers who I believe are sociopaths. Actually, everything were good not until this new sweet girl whom I've trusted started to make up stories about me and I was blinded by what she was doing not until I realized that my co-workers who I thought were my friends started to avoid me. They would "backbite" about someone who fits my description or what I do at that time in facebook. They started winning the sympathy of the bosses. Luckily, I have a good record with my boss that they didnt win. I tried avoiding them, deleted them at facebook, stop going out and not saying anything about them (even if I want to explain my side and defend myself to the rest of my colleagues) But they still manage to do things that irritates me like one time a task was given to me even if it wasnt mine coz of a deliberate act. its totally hard to completely avoid them coz i work with them. Luckily i was moved in a different area wherein we dont see each other everyday but still we need to coexist coz of work. this has placed a great deal of stress on my part. im trying to move on. was glad i have a happy personal life but still it bothers me since i have to coexist with them at work. please help! thank you.
Here are three tools to help you deal with troublemakers at work:
The Trouble With Troublemakers
Hey,
I have a bit of a problem on my hands. Im 22 and living at home still as is most of my siblings. My brother is 15 and will be 16 at the end of the year. I have read and re read many different websites, trying to figure my brother out. He is cruel on a whole new level. I honestly don't know when it started, I recently moved back in and was gone for 2 years. I dont know where to start so. Our father died when he was an infant, our mother did an alright job with raising us. She did an awesome job compared to some other as a single parent with 4 children though. My brother was called many things growing up by doctors "special" and was test for autism but in the end it was ADHD, and for the most part that was fine. Until about 10 he would cheek the pills and hide them. At 13 he would take more then he was supposed to, and now at 15 he skips taking them and yet they go missing. He takes other medication and drinks any amount of alcohol he can find. He has very violent outbursts and doesnt listen to anything. He will choke my sister has thrown me through a door and breaks everything, without a second thought. He will then lie and blame these things on us. We just rescued a dog from the streets, a pit bull, she is very sweet and he thinks this is "his" dog. Well many days we will find the dog with patches of burned fur, her ears and pink and soar, he bites her and recently, he put a lighter in her nose and lit it. all what he calls "accidents". I have no idea what to do and what was this last button was he burned her nose her face and her rear end. He blames all these things on the dog oh haha she did it she got to close. Its scary and i know cant call it Sociopath til 18 but he has almost everything listen on these websites im seeing. I cant get my mom to listen PLEASE someone help me!
- Worried Daughter
I am in a relationship with someone who fits all the description mentioned in most of the articles about sociopaths. He was in prison for 10 years for organize crime. It all started when he decided to engage in fraudulent behavior and heinous activities when he was a teen ager. His sisters told me that he used to steal a lot since he was ver young. He would steal money and buy them candies and stuff. His mom would call him bastard and hit him for everything he did. he does not really know who his father really is considering that his mom had 8 children by 8 different men. Later he ran million dollar insurance fraud claiming that his mother was sick with cancer and he did not have no choice but to help her. He bought luxury houses, condos, corvette etc. Even now he does not take responsibility for he did. He said that he was set up and people snitched on him thats why he went to jail. Well, i met him 5 years ago. i was his landlord and did not think nothing of him as a bad person. He took a sudden liking in me and made his move. He scared some away and almost cost me my job. He would hit me, begining from the slapping and escaladed. Soon came the verbal abuse and the need to have sex constantly. I am a single mother who works full time and goes to school part time....it has been a drain on my life and i am sure on my children lives too. He has been cheating on me throughout our relationship. He was charged with rape in another state and eventually all charges was dropped because the victim was a runaway and did not pursue the allegations. Meanwhile i became pregnant and had a miscarriage. He would hit me because he saud that my doctors and i killed the baby. HE HIT SO HARD ON MY BUTT THAT I BLED ON the mattress and had to throw it away. The next day, he forced me to get dress and go shopping at the mall like it was nothing. Today, we have a baby who he claims is not his. he continuaosly lie and most of all verbally abuse me. HE said very mean things until i cry. After that he would stop and act like nothing is going on. he would touch me in public and display feeling of affection towards me in front of people but would scream , yell and talk down on me behind close doors. I am tired of living like that....he would call me names and said that i am a hoe and a bitch everyday. He even talks about my sick grandma and my mom. Please help...i am tired and hope that i can get out of this situation soon.
Worried Daughter,
I think you should go to Al Anon. It's for family members of alcoholics. I have often thought if a family member of a sociopath can't find a support group dealing with that, they could always go to Al Anon, because many of the issues and solutions are the same.
I don't know if your brother is a sociopath or an alcoholic. Maybe neither. Maybe both. But you can begin to find support and help right now for yourself. After going a few times, you can invite your mother.
Influence her gently, slowly, gradually. Coming to grips with the possibility that one of your own children might be a sociopath would be a hard thing for any parent to do.
I wish you the best of luck.
Marie Noelle,
Find a shelter for abused women in your local area and go there. They can protect you and help you get on your feet again.
Read more about that here.
I wish you better days ahead.
Worried Daughter (and anyone who is looking for a local support group and is interested in learning more about Al Anon), read this:
YOU DIDN’T CAUSE IT, YOU CAN’T CURE IT, AND YOU CAN’T CONTROL IT
Marie Noelle,
Use this to find a local shelter in your area:
United States DV Resources
Also, here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
(Lisa) Hello, I have been doing some research on sociopaths since March, and I think my roommate is a SP. I have known her for 7yrs. We met on the internet and was communicating on and off for 2 years before we actually met in person. She seemed "cool" off the back and we hit it off. However, my mom thought something was "off" but never told me, because it would of led me to defend her and argue with my mom at the time.
She told me stories about her family and her boyfriend at the time, (they treated her like crap) I felt sorry for her and took her under my wing. I have emails and voice conversations between her & her family, as well as her & her boyfriend. Things finally esculated with her family and I decided that it would be best to "save" her from them. We found an apt together! HUGE MISTAKE!! in 2007 she told me she had a crush on me, after I rejected her she told me that i musunderstood her she just admired how strong i am as a woman, she wished that she could be that way to. i pushed it out of my head and in 2009 we started sharing an apt. she began to display traits of a slightly jealous girlfriend and i began to distance myself from her a little. this is when she blew up and used a utility bill as a catalyst to start an argument with me. I no longer want anything to do with this person, and is currently waiting for my lease to be up in August, i plan on paying july's rent and moving on with my life. (both our names are on the lease). I do not think she is a sociopath, but she sure do display signs of being one. She told me that she loved her ex-boyfriend and currently loves the guy she is with now. She has cried in front of my grandmother about her family situation (my granny didn't buy into her tears, and she doesn't buy it now lol, she told me later that she didn't trust they girl when she first met her.) I now understand the reason why her family treats her the way that they do. her brother told her that he was going to kill her, i have all of this on voice recording. she would cry to me on the phone and tell me how she doesn't know why her family treats her the way they do and claims to be innocent...last night i heard her talking to a friend and telling them that i put her through hard times and she is innocent, these are her words... "she thinks i dont see what she does, i see everything, and she acts innocent like she didn't do anything." I AM HARDLY EVER THERE...I GOT A SECOND JOB TO GET AWAY FROM HER INSANITY!! i realize this is the same way she would talk to me about how her family would treat her. I do not think she is a sociopath but i do know she has some kind of personality disorder...i do ignore her but she pushes harder to make me loose my mind and i ignore her even more! she bangs pots and pans, slams doors and cabinets and makes all kinds of noise at night, she hasnt done anything that would warrent me calling the cops, she stays just beyond that reach!! for years people have been telling me she is crazy and to stay away but i just defend her, and i do not blame her, i blame myself for getting caught up with her. i have helped her in SO MANY WAYS, AND BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH THINGS WITH/FOR HER and i am now thinking that she used me to get away from her family...i bought clothes for her back and shoes for her feet, literally! but what is done is done! Patiently awaiting the arrival of July and ignoring her as much as possible.
WORRIED DAUGHTER - with the Pit Bull
Get the dog away from him IMMEDIATELY.
If necessary, tell him the dog ran away, or make up whatever excuse/lie you can safely get away with. If you do not help this helpless, abused animal, then you are just as guilty and as much a part of the abuse. The dog is terrified and suffering. What are you waiting for?
Get the dog to a safe Animal Shelter that has a good reputation ... immediately. You need to save this poor, defenseless animal from horrible animal abuse and cruelty ... NOW ... don't wait.
Give the Animal Shelter a donation (whatever you can afford without breaking the Bank) for taking the animal in.
Your good deed will come back to you in many ways. If you chose to do nothing, you'll pay the price in many other ways.
You need to act NOW.
I was engaged to a psychopath, and had to take out a restraining order to keep him away from me, and have found out that he is a murderer, and committed murder before i knew him and also killed his mother, who he used to beat up. he has a long string of charges against him, and they are trying to charge him with the murder. i did not know about this although had been living with a murderer and found out just recently, but finally thing make sense now.
I so agree!!! How can anyone allow an innocent Living Being to be harm more than one time without acting?
To the person who posted to "Worried Daughter" about protecting the dog..you are so right! My thoughts exactly! I hope "Worried Daughter" can save this dog immediately and get the help she needs to protect herself and her siblings! Don't let a 15 year old run your home. Please take Adam's advice and get the help you need and deserve. SAVE YOUR DOG!
(Lisa) Hello, I was wondering if anyone can give me a little insight as to if my roommate is slightly a sociopath or if I am just loosing my mind...she also has issues parting with her money, but has never stolen anything from me...she has a HUGE inheritance coming her way when her parents pass on but it seems like she wants her brother's part of the inheritance also. Is there such a thing as mild antisocial personality disorder?
I didn't see it coming.....I'm reading this info after the fact. And I think I may have been in a tug of war between SP's. My experience was with a sibling I am going to be brief because it took 2 years for me to get to this point. Mother passed away she had a Will prior to her illness however 5 days prior to her death my sibling had a new WIll written and Mother signed it with an X which left everything to my sibling.
Lisa, I don't know if there is such a thing as "slightly sociopathic." When I first read your post, I immediately thought your roommate sounds exactly like my Aunt. My Aunt was diagnosed with "Borderline Personality" by a psychiatrist. I have never looked up the criteria for this personality disorder so I do not know anything about it. This may help but no matter what label you put on someone, the bottom line is: If it is not a healthy relationship, get out of it.
(Bill) Adam I want to thank you for your article and your dedication to helping others with their problems in this endeavor. I only recently found this article and blog but it helped me considerably in relating to loved ones also under distress.
When I read “Sociopaths do not feel emotions the same way normal people do” and “For example , they do not experience fear as unpleasant.” combined with research with Oxytocin it hit me like a train that we are not dealing with our normal views of an human being.
In my example to loved ones I used the word unfavorable instead of unpleasant since I have a holistic world view. This allowed me to leave the mental health profession and it gave me an infinite number of permutations in dealing with others world views.
Then I could tell others that I still loved the person but I could not forgive them. I would always have to explain that the person is more like a machine or computer than a human and by definition one can love a find machine but they can not forgive it. This helps me relieve my guilt feelings from getting the person out of my life and I hope it helps them.
To back up let me explain that from my experience the bodies of the sociopath do experience all the normal reactions of fear but not in the mind. We all know the duality of mind and body has been debated by philosophers since almost the beginning of philosophy. The sweaty palms, the white knuckles and the stiffness of the entire body, it is all there if and when you can observe it. They just do not stop when they are in pursuit of their goals so to speak.
Another tidbit I found in my case in hindsight is that there were signs of the lack of desire of closeness and normal pleasure shortly after birth. It bothered me at the time but……..
Maybe, just maybe you can see from this apparent but not really a paradox that this is a physical problem with mental symptoms.
I hope this is at least interesting and maybe helpful to avenues of research.
Thank you Bee for your insight into this situation. I just wish that my eyes were open to this sooner, I am stuck in a leasing situation until July, and guess who paid the security deposit, YOURS TRULY! Someone should of knocked me over my damn head! I just thank God she isn't physically violent!
My ex is a sociopath, we have 3 children together which often hear what is said, etc, etc. Thankfully, my children seem to understand that 'he's not being fair', or 'nice' but I wish they didnt even have to deal with it!!!! My children are small - 6, and 5yr old twins, so I have a long road ahead of me with this man. I dont know what to do, what to say, how NOT to be afraid or worried... Im tired of the threats and the personal attacks, and this constant friction. Please any guidance is helpful.
May 13th 1:08PM
You're now more aware of sociopathic behavior. You are more tuned-in than before this experience. So, maybe consider it a blessing in disguise. Next time you'll recognize the signs ... sooner than later.
Maybe this awful, dreadful experience saved you from having to endure worse, or getting "stuck" with a sociopath, such as through marriage or a future business partnership, or the like.
There's a reason for everything. Usually it's a lesson, not a punishment. Jana
Post a Comment